Zero Darkness Posted October 11, 2011 Report Share Posted October 11, 2011 Ok so I`m doing a set and this card is part of him but I think that he need improvents in OCG and balance. So see how you can help me with it. [img]http://img33.imageshack.us/img33/724/443237.jpg[/img] Lore: When this card is Fliped: Each Player choose 1 Monster on his side of the Field and put Chess Counters equal to the Level of the Monster, if he has no Monsters this card effect suspend until he summon one. When a Monster card is sent to the Graveyard: The Owner of the Monster card Remove 1 Chess Counter from the choosen monster. When the Choosen Monster have only 1 Chess Counter on it: Bunish the Monster and the Player the Controll it lose 1000 Life Points. Ya this is a REALY long Lore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stan Alda Posted October 11, 2011 Report Share Posted October 11, 2011 [b][i][u]Corrected Lore ([/u][/i][/b][b][i][u]only corrects grammar, spelling, and capitalization errors, not the Official Card Grammar [OCG]) [/u][/i][/b] [i]When this card is Flipped: Each player chooses 1 Monster on his side of the Field and puts a number of Chess Counters equal to the Level of the Monster. If he has no monsters, this card's effect is suspended until he summons one. When a Monster card is sent to the Graveyard: The owner of the Monster card must remove 1 Chess Counter from the destroyed monster. When the destroyed monster has only 1 Chess Counter on it: Banish the monster and inflict 1000 damage to your opponent's Life Points.[/i] I'm not impressed with this card at all. The effect has no connection whatsoever to actual chess. A real chess card would involve field positioning and moving monsters around--this does neither. In fact, I can't make any sense of it whatsoever. Even if it did make sense, I can't think of any use for it. And the lore isn't really that long; I can read it just fine on the card itself, and I have personally made much longer effects. I'm not trying to be mean because you're a beginner--but I'm not pulling my punches. This really isn't a good card, and I can't foresee any change that would make it intelligible, yet keep whatever purpose you had in mind for this card intact. Only a totally different effect could fix this. I'd suggest seeing other cards and learning how things are [i]really[/i] done around here before making more cards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted October 12, 2011 Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 the burn may be good, but given that the counters have to match the level, this effect may take a little bit way too long you should have specified the counter # instead Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zero Darkness Posted October 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 [quote name='En Almhjbat Wahd' timestamp='1318367957' post='5574541'] I'm not impressed with this card at all. The effect has no connection whatsoever to actual chess. A real chess card would involve field positioning and moving monsters around--this does neither. In fact, I can't make any sense of it whatsoever. Even if it did make sense, I can't think of any use for it. And the lore isn't really that long; I can read it just fine on the card itself, and I have personally made much longer effects. I'm not trying to be mean because you're a beginner--but I'm not pulling my punches. This really isn't a good card, and I can't foresee any change that would make it intelligible, yet keep whatever purpose you had in mind for this card intact. Only a totally different effect could fix this. I'd suggest seeing other cards and learning how things are [i]really[/i] done around here before making more cards. [/quote] I see what you telling me but I might see things in other way then you. I think that this card can be better if the choosen monster can`t be attacked until all the counters on her removed, also the numbers of counters is going to be the same in all cases. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stan Alda Posted October 12, 2011 Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 [quote name='Neo The Fallen' timestamp='1318394803' post='5575132'] I see what you telling me but I might see things in other way then you. I think that this card can be better if the choosen monster can`t be attacked until all the counters on her removed, also the numbers of counters is going to be the same in all cases. [/quote] From what I've gathered, this basically adds "hit points" to a monster based on its level. "Man-Eating Plant" (LV 2) would [i]not[/i] have the same number of "Chess Counters" as "Blue-Eyes White Dragon" (LV . The only connection I can see with chess is promoting a pawn to a king, which [i]almost[/i] makes sense. Even then, a pawn promoted like that can still be removed with a single move--it doesn't have hit points, which your card does (presumably). The main problem I'm having is that I'm not quite sure what strategy this card is supposed to work with. If it's intended for burning (getting rid of your opponent's Life Points directly), then ragnarok has a point; there are other cards that do more damage, and inflict that damage more reliably. If it's intended for stalling--and that's what I think your card is trying to do--then you might have a point. Try this on for size: [i]Each player chooses 1 monster on his side of the field and puts a number of Chess Counters equal to the level of the monster. when the selected monster would be destroyed by battle/sent to the Graveyard: The owner of that monster must remove 1 Chess Counter from the monster. When the destroyed monster has only 1 Chess Counter on it: Banish the monster and inflict 1000 damage to your Life Points.[/i] Even then, I mangled the effect to something else entirely, and even my effect isn't very good. It will take a lot of work to fix this, and it would be better if you had a specific strategy with this card in mind. On a side note: I noticed English is your second language (I assume Hebrew is your first). I apologize if I offended you with those grammar corrections. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zero Darkness Posted October 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted October 12, 2011 You right hebrew does my first language. I think I will just leave this card for later, it`s to much to fix. It does`nt have realy connection to the set I made it with so I will not put it with it . BTW the set I was doing when I did this card is Legendary Warriors and Legendary Beasts so if you have time check it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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