My attempt at a dragon Archetype collection

[doboy0217]

This is my first ever collection of custom cards. Hope you like them and plz comment on corrections or anything.

[img]http://img827.imageshack.us/img827/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img266.imageshack.us/img266/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img40.imageshack.us/img40/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img401.imageshack.us/img401/8815/507214f.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img511.imageshack.us/img511/3392/507214w.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img69.imageshack.us/img69/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img850.imageshack.us/img850/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img850.imageshack.us/img850/9778/507214b.jpg[/img]



[img]http://img10.imageshack.us/img10/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img818.imageshack.us/img818/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img233.imageshack.us/img233/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

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[img]http://img257.imageshack.us/img257/8684/507214u.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img97.imageshack.us/img97/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img685.imageshack.us/img685/6310/507214.jpg[/img]

[UnmagicMushroom]

Alright, I'll give you my crit (a newbie to a fellow newbie), but not on the Synchro or the Tuners since I don't use them - so ya.

A few official card grammar errors that I pickup up:
atk ---> ATK
special summon ---> Special Summon
normal summon ---> Normal Summon
set ---> Set
grave ---> Graveyard
deck ---> Deck
tribute ---> Tribute
tribute summoned ---> Tribute Summoned
spell ---> Spell
trap ---> Trap
(Really, your actual use of the terms seems fine as far as I saw, but your use of capitalization with these terms needs correction.)

Anyway - onto the actual card content:


Darkness Descendant
I think the idea of the effect in itself is okay, but as it stands it seems a little bit overpowered to me. Firstly, I think that the Special Summon from the Deck is a bit too powerful - so just keep it from the hand. Secondly, may I suggest a condition for the monster that is destroyed in battle: "When this card destroys a monster in Defense Position as a result of battle..." or something as such. Thirdly, perhaps up the level of this guy to level 5 (but keep the ATK and DEF the same) because the Special Summoning effect is pretty decent and can easily be applied to another Darkness Descendant as is. Also, the monster will be Special Summoned in the Battle Phase with gives you another weapon in your arsenal. Also, perhaps leave out the part about it not being destroyed by a monster of the same ATK. (Also, what if Darkness Descendant is in Defense Position - does the effect still apply? Is damage calculation still applied normally? You need to state these things as obvious as they seem.)

Warrior Descendant Dragon
How about making this card a bit weaker in terms of ATK and DEF - dumbing it down to a level 4 monster because it is used in Summoning "Descendant Princess" (I hope Warrior Descendant Dragon is female lol) plus it has to be equipped with a "Descendant Sword". With the "Descendant Sword" addition it seems like a mission to Tribute a monster just to Summon it - otherwise I wouldn't have a problem with it. I like the effect though, Personally, I wouldn't go for it being able to destroy ANY card on the field (either a monster, Spell or Trap), but that can be put under review I guess - let's see what other thing if they choose to respond. Take a look at "Tribe Infecting Virus" and see what you think. The part about sending a banished "Descendant" monster to your hand can actually be left out of this on and perhaps transferred to your "Descendant Princess" because it's first effect is quite powerful in the first place even though it's conditioned.


Descendant Princess
Honestly, I think this is ridiculous. Removing from play a card from your opponent's hand or Deck or Graveyard?! Every turn?!
*takes out a big red pen and goes crazy*
....
....
If you were to consider my suggestion about transferring "Warrior Descendant Dragon's" second effect to this here "Princess", try something like this maybe:
"Once per turn, you can add 1 banished monster with "Descendant" in it's name to your hand. The selected monster cannot enter the field this turn."
It gives it a bit of continuity.


Dual Descendant Dragon
I...
...uhm
...I like it.
I'm not so sure whether its ATK and DEF stats still allow it to fit within the level 6 category though - but I think it's really pushing it. "Ryu Kokki" is level 6 with ATK/2400 and DEF/2000 ; but "Gaia The Fierce Knight" is level 7 with ATK/2300 and DEF/2100. Use those two as guidelines.


Descendant's Sword
How is a dragon going to wield a sword? Anyway lol...
I think the grammar in your opening sentence is awful THB --> "This card can only be equipped to a face-up monster with "Descendant" in its name that you control." I think that's a bit better.
I like the altering ATK and negating effect aspect; it gives it a bit of a twist. Awesome ATK, or use of effect? Awesome ATK, or use of effect? Makes one think. I'm so so sure about its leaving the field effect though (oh, there's another phrase to use - "...removed from the field..." ---> "...leaves the field..." - I think that's the new grammar rule, but whether it only applies to monsters or to Spell and Traps too ; I'm not sure).


Descendant's Shield
I don't think there's anything wrong with the effect at all, but it think this is a better wording:
"When your opponent activates a Spell or Trap card that designates a "Descendant" monster as a target, discard 1 card from your hand to negate the activation of the card and destroy it."


Descendant's Mountain
First effect, fair enough. Second effect, no. It's a Field Spell card so try and make the effect universal or just leave it IMO.


Okay, so that's a just a couple of your cards reviewed, but I'm not prepared to dive into the territory of Synchros and Tuners just yet. Plus those few cards too a while to write about, man.
Nah, but good ideas coming through there. Keep up the writing and keep practicing.