Blackened Unicorn of Impurity and Blackened Pegasus of Lost Wisdom Ratings?

[Oh My Anubis!]

[img]http://img13.imageshack.us/img13/2356/508433.jpg[/img]

[img]http://img442.imageshack.us/img442/1967/508433p.jpg[/img]

I have two questions:

1. Are they realistic and balanced?

2. Is it possible for me to put OCG in this? I couldn't find a place to add it in. Perhaps I didn't read the new OCG rules well enough.

[groniack]

For the first card you should say "Once per Duel; This card cannot be destroyed by battle and you take no Battle Damage from a battle involving this card". (Remove what you are saying about unicorn blackened...... just wright what i am saying.)
For the second card ...... I can't understand its effect.

Could you please explain it ?

[Oh My Anubis!]

Oops sorry for not responding quickly. I was watching some Yu-Gi-Oh! GX. Midnight Sky is a field spell I created, but I need to fix it before posting.

[groniack]

ok I am looking forward to seeing the field spell

[Oh My Anubis!]

I just need to fix the picture and then I will post the Field Spell.

Okay here it is:

[img]http://img440.imageshack.us/img440/2356/508433.jpg[/img]

Constellation monsters are monsters like the Blackened Pegasus of Impurity. Ever hear of the Pegasus constellation? That's why I dubbed them as "constellation" monsters. Unfortunately, there are 88 official constellations, so I won't do them all.

Oh and thank you for correcting my OCG. I need to work on that.

[groniack]

If i understand the field spell correctly you want to say something like this: When a "Constellation" monster on the field is destroyed; Place 1 ..... counter to this card. DARK monsters on the field gain 500 ATK for each ..... counter on this card.

Correct me if understood wrongly.

[Oh My Anubis!]

Absolutely correct. But what is the ... part?
I think I will call it a constellation counter because it doesn't fit in anything else.

Thank you groniack! If I learned one thing, it's that I need to learn OCG. It's much shorter.

[groniack]

You can name the counter however you like. That's why I left it with ......
Ok then. In order to be able to add counters to this field spell your monsters should include in their name the word "Constellation" otherwise the field spell wont get any counters.
Make the ATK gain lower per counter because it would be too much.

I still don't understand the effect of pegasus. Do you mean that when it is destroyed you can place a counter on the field spell?

[Oh My Anubis!]

Yes, that's what I meant.

Ok, I fixed it. Board closed and thanks!

[groniack]

Ok i will tell you how to word it.
"When this card is destroyed by battle; Place 1 ..... counter to a face-up "Midnight Sky".
If you correct your cards and post them here I will rate your cards.

[2Dual]

in yugioh cards you cannot have both effect text and flavor (description text) on the same monster. if you like description, narration and such you should make normal monsters (without effect, which have a yellow template), if you want to make an effect monster you have to use proper 'yugioh' grammar (OCG) in order to make the effect undestandable for others.
i'm not sure about the kind of effect you wanted for your cards, but i guess it should be something like this:

Blackened Unicorn Of Impurity:
Once per turn: This card cannot be destroyed by battle and you take no Battle Damage from a battle involving this card.

Blackened Pegasus Of Lost Wisdom:
When this card is destroyed by battle: You can put 1 Constellation Counter on a face-up "Midnight Sky" you control.

Midnight Sky:
When a "Constellation" monster you control is destroyed by battle: Increase ATK and DEF of all "Constellation" monsters you control by 500.

also, you cannot call "constellation" monster unicorn and pegasus just because you created them that way, you need to change their names so that the word 'constellation' appears in them, something like: "Constellation Unicorn Of Impurity", or "Constellation - Unicorn Of Impurity" (sorry if these names suck, it's just to get the idea through).
i suggest you start looking at real cards, maybe on yugioh wikia or such, and learn how effects should be worded.
hope it helped.

[ragnarok1945]

I'm just going to go with 2Dual's version of the OCG

so for Unicorn: that effect is meh for just not destroyed in battle, your opponent can easily send it off via card effects, nothing really too big

Pegasus is a bit better, but it's shame you didn't write in the lore what those counters do

You should have given it another effect for removing the counters and let it do something

[Oh My Anubis!]

I totally should have paid more attention to the card games in Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters.

Anyway, the unicorn is only supposed to not be able to be destroyed by battle and not let you take Battle Damage from a battle involving this card for one turn, not once per turn.

Thank you!

I have some heavy fixing to do.

Looking back, I don't think I ever paid enough attention to the card games. At all. I feel like a newbie! Oh wait, I am. XD

Anyway, I only used the term "counter" because that is what groniack suggested. In my wild little mind, (in this case) having constellation counters on the field while you have the field spell Midnight Constellation(s) on the field causes any DARK monsters on your field to gain 300 ATK and DEF points. However, I think I'm going to lower the whole 300 thing.

[groniack]

You can edit your first post and post all your cards there. That way you can have all your cards together and it will be easier for us to see them as a whole.