Travie Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 [center]It's taking place in Bristol and I thought I'd just post it here for some fun. The material is explicit in some senses, but all the words are censored out anyway so I don't see why it should be a problem. If it is a problem for you and you are under 13 please don't read it.[/center] [center][Spoiler=The material][/center] [center]So, any of you men ever pissed on a toilet seat? A lot of women find it disgusting which to be honest I think is the entire point of pissing on a toilet seat.[/center] [center][PAUSE][/center] [center]If the men don’t really engage call them “f***ing liars”[/center] [center]You know, one time when my girlfriend came home and she needed the loo as you do. She drops all her shopping, all the meantime you’re wondering where your sandwich is. They waddle on into the bathroom and sit down.[/center] [center]“OH f***ing HELL, WHAT HAVE YOU f***ing DONE?”[/center] [center]Now this is a genuine conversation between me and my girlfriend. So she says, “f***ing hell, what have you done?” I say “What!?” “She comes out of the bathroom and I have to admit she did look rather uncomfortable as she was doing a bit of an awkward walk.[/center] [center]She said “You’ve pissed on the toilet seat” I said “It’s that time of the month is it again is it?” Now, this bit I was not expecting. She pulled down her trousers and her knickers and screamed “YEAH!?” at me, as if to prove some kind of point.[/center] [center]So she was fuming and she said “Why can’t you just learn to clean up after yourself!?” and at this point I was having a fit, you know, my girlfriend, trousers and knickers down, probably a wet bum and screaming at me. Something possessed me to say this:[/center] [center]“I was marking … my territory.” There are other ways of marking your territory that are much more effective and much more cunning. Have any of you ever heard of facials?[/center] [center]Yeah, does wonders for the skin. A woman gave me a facial once. It was my girlfriend’s idea though. Fruit was involved too.[/center] [center]Beauty spas are amazing things you know.[/center] [center]What did you think I was talking about!? Dirty buggers.[/center] [center]So it was actually me and my girlfriend’s 4 year anniversary last week. She undressed, and she looked at me. She said “When you first saw me naked what did you think?” I then said “All I wanted to do was f*** your brains out and suck your tits dry.” She then went on to say “Now that you see me what do you think?” then I said…[/center] [center]“It looks as if I did a pretty good job.”[/center] [center]Thank you Bristol, you have been an amazing audience! Good night.[/center] [center][/Spoiler][/center] [center]Feedback? :Dreads it.[/center] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
John A. Zoidberg Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 How long are you on for? I take it not very long, given the fact that there's not a ton there. Pretty good though. I feel like it could use some cleaning up, but otherwise, good luck. (Note: not leaning up as in take away the language, I mean just wording things differently to make them a bit more laughable/sensible). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Rai Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 I mean, this is basically how a lot of British comedians do their humour these days, but I can't help but think you're talking it to a really strange extreme. But I love the set anyway. How big's the gig? Comedy club, or big stage, or what? Would be nice to know Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travie Posted December 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 [quote name='Ryūku' timestamp='1324613767' post='5724715'] How long are you on for? I take it not very long, given the fact that there's not a ton there. Pretty good though. I feel like it could use some cleaning up, but otherwise, good luck. (Note: not leaning up as in take away the language, I mean just wording things differently to make them a bit more laughable/sensible). [/quote] I have about 10 minutes? I reckon the piece will take a lot less time, like you said. Yeah, I get what you're saying bro. Thanks. ;D EDIT: Sorry Rai, I didn't see your comment bro. Haha, I think that's a good thing, right? It's at a comedy club although there is some jazz type musicians playing there also. ^.^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Rai Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 [quote name='Travie' timestamp='1324614719' post='5724741']Sorry Rai, I didn't see your comment bro. Haha, I think that's a good thing, right? It's at a comedy club although there is some jazz type musicians playing there also. ^.^ [/quote] Of course it's a good thing. Original, and hilariously funny. Sounds like a great place. Hope you do the gig well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TTR~ Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 Pretty standard IMO. Covers toilet humor and sex soooo you'll do great. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desu the Blue Nerd Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 [color=#0000cd]There's actually some pretty funny stuff here. Love the mark your territory part and the end there with the job well done. The rest was still really good too. Good luck at the gig. Unless you already did it. *Shrugs.*[/color] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travie Posted December 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 Thanks guys, it's really appreciated. <3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 I am 50/50 on the toilet seat joke. It was okay but not that funny when it comes to what humors me. However the anniversary one was f*cking GOLD! LOL OMG I LOVED IT! I was laughing so hard. All in all its not that bad. I hope the audience reacts well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Travie Posted December 23, 2011 Author Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 [quote name='Izaya Orihara' timestamp='1324621074' post='5724892'] I am 50/50 on the toilet seat joke. It was okay but not that funny when it comes to what humors me. However the anniversary one was f*cking GOLD! LOL OMG I LOVED IT! I was laughing so hard. All in all its not that bad. I hope the audience reacts well [/quote] Thanks bro, it is still a little rough around the edges so it does need some cleaning up and adding/subtracting. ;D Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darth Revan of the Sith Posted December 23, 2011 Report Share Posted December 23, 2011 [quote name='Travie' timestamp='1324647205' post='5725087'] Thanks bro, it is still a little rough around the edges so it does need some cleaning up and adding/subtracting. ;D Thanks. [/quote] BTW Cracks on America seem to resonate with British Audiences for some reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.