Guest Spellcaster2000 Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Yukelum just lay in bed, thinking about the week before. Atri-Knight Lord had defeated Demister... But how did that field spell card, Dark Universe, have such an effect on the way Yukelum duelled? For the most part of that duel, Yukelum had felt like he was going to collapse. Yukelum heared a knocking on the door. "Come in!" Yukelum called. Amelia walked through Yukelum's door. "Are you OK?" Amelia had bright green eyes and hair to match, which was long and not very straight, her hair was quite curly on the end. "Hi Amelia." Yukelum said. "Oh, hi Amelia..." David sighed. David had short, dark hair and was quite thin, he had dark brown eyes and wasn't very fond of Amelia. "What's the matter Yukelum?" Amelia asked in a polite voice."Oh. Nothing... I'm just thinking about last week...""Well don't dwell on it, that won't make anything better, hey, how about we have a duel...""HEY NO FAIR!!!" David shouted. "I wanna duel Yukelum and there's nothing you can do to stop me because everybody knows I'm the better duelist! Yukelum deserves to duel the best!!!" Amelia and Yukelum sighed. Why was david so... I don't know... David-ish?"How about you two just have a duel?" Yukelum suggested."Good idea!" The other two chorused. "DUEL!" Amelia and David, duel disks at the ready, waited for Yukelum to toss the coin."OK. If it's heads David goes first and if it's tails Amelia goes first. Right?"Right!" Amelia and David were ready to duel. The coin flipped up in the air and landed in Yukelum's hand."TAILS!" Amelia took the first move.""I draw! I summon the Mystical Enchantress in Attack Position!" Yukelum could see the fire in Amelia's eyes. She was determined to win. Yukelum then turned his eyes to David, who was carefully scanning the monster, and using his DuelF-Ect to see it's attack, defense and effect. The monster had 1600 attack points to use against David. "I'll also place two cards face down! And end my turn!""I draw!" Now David's eyes where the ones burning with excitment. Both duelists where ready for anything, and anything, is what could happen in this duel. "I summon ICU in defense position!" ICU was a giant eyeball that simply glared at Amelia's feeble looking monster. ICU was twice the size of ANY of Amelia's monsters that Yukelum had ever seen. "Now I use ICU's effect to deal 500 damage to you for each of your monsters!" Amelia's Life Points where now down to 7500, but it was now her turn. "I activate my enchantress' effect to gain 500 Life Points for each of your monsters!""But that's like the opposite effect to my monsters effect!""Yep!" Now Amelia was back to 8000 Life Points, she was back to square one. This would be an exciting battle, as Amelia and David had two totally opposite decks. David's deck had monsters with very high defense, and relied on burn damage, whilst Amelia's deck had lots of healing effects, so her monsters had high attack so that her deck had some sort of way to inflict damage! I now mmon another Mystical Enchantress! And I activate her effect to gain another 500 Life Points and go up to 8500! Now I can sacrifice my two level 4 monsters to Xyz summon! The Enchantress of Neverending Light! Destroy ICU!!!!" David was now out in the open for an attack, but unfortunately, Amelia had no monsters that could still attack this turn. That's part 1 of this episode, I'll post part 2 on this same topic. Feedback please. And hopefully my feedback will be a little better than it was in episode 1... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianGuy1137 Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Posting different chapters of the same story might be the norm on pojo, but it's prohibited on here. See - STRUCTUREAll fics must be kept on one thread. Don't go posting a new thread for a new chapter. It is up to you how to distribute said chapters within the thread, though. You might want to check out the rest of the Creative Writing Forum Rules while you're at it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Spellcaster2000 Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Oh Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AsianGuy1137 Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Your 'chapters' are quite short and abruptly structured. You might want to look into more proper punctuation before showcasing them. Right now, just by looking at the unorganized cluster of words, I don't feel inclined to read any of it. Again, like other people have suggested, you should take the time to check out the other fan fics and see how they're set up. It'll help you develop your writing skills tremendously. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Spellcaster2000 Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 OK I'll try to get better. But if you have read it do you like what I did with ICU? He's a giant Eyeball monster Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted December 27, 2011 Report Share Posted December 27, 2011 Please read the section rules regarding length - each installment needs to be two pages at minimum. LOCKED. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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