R3mixKillah Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 This is definately gonna be fail, maybe. but i've heard about these "Archetypes" and is wondering if i can ever do one. This will be the card that starts it all so give me your feedback, but seriously its all about having fun and so while criticing my card just tell me if you liked it over all and Enjoy. [img]http://img205.imageshack.us/img205/8517/535184.jpg[/img] This card can not be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by its own effect. Tribute 3 level three or higher monsters to Special Summon this card. Only one "Mother Phoenix" can be on the field. This card is not affected by the opponents monster effects and cannot be banished. Once per turn you can activate one of these effects: -pay 500 life points to Special Summon 1 level four or below FIRE monster from the graveyard. -Select 1 FIRE monster and increase its attack by 400. If im going to have a new archetype i should think of a name .... maybe "Phoenix"....thats so plain but i like it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 5, 2012 Report Share Posted January 5, 2012 overused pic, but I'll overlook that change fire to FIRE (remember that's an attribute) for the 2nd effect by the atk boosting effect, you should have said except for Mother Phoenix well, I guess that'll depend on your other monsters in the set later on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 [quote name='ragnarok1945' timestamp='1325747244' post='5749254'] overused pic, but I'll overlook that change fire to FIRE (remember that's an attribute) for the 2nd effect by the atk boosting effect, you should have said except for Mother Phoenix well, I guess that'll depend on your other monsters in the set later on [/quote] Its an overused pic?? this was my desktop background 2 years ago, and ive only just wanted to make a card out of it. Sorry ill fix it right away. i might think about changing it to "Except Mother Phoenix" for 2nd effect but i doubt that'll really help. Why do you talk like this?? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101100111000 Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 The one thing that really irks ME about this card is the way it sets itself up, as it requires "3 Level three or higher" monsters for its Special Summon. It also allows you to bring back those same monsters to summon ANOTHER "Mother Phoenix", so you essentially have the chance to bring out all of them. Plus, in your very effect, you cancel out your opponent's chance of possibly breaking that chain by stating it "this card cannot be targeted by monster effects and cannot be banished", so, unless your opponent gets lucky, you're pretty much gonna kill him with one card. Remember, if you're gonna make a very powerful card like this one, marking them as "Limited Edition" helps ease some of that, since then you can only use one. Grammatically, aside from ragnarok's corrections: ~ The 2nd effect should state ATK, not attack (ATK denotes the stat, attack denotes the action) ~ 4th sentence, fix "opponents" so that it's "opponent's" (Possessive) ~ Since you are listing effects, use a colon (e.g. "activate one of the following effects: ") ~ The word "monster" is never capitalized, unless it's the name of a specific card ~ This last one is probably just me, but I feel it's best if you put a comma after "Once per turn" (e.g. "Once per turn, blahblah") I'm really sorry if it seems like I just bombed your card, but I just wanted to tell you what I felt needed some work, ALTHOUGH, the concept you have is really cool (especially since it seems to be a FIRE-based Archetype) and could set itself up to be a good one. Keep working on it and this card, along with the rest of them, should turn out just fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
R3mixKillah Posted January 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 [quote name='101100111000' timestamp='1325810997' post='5750181'] The one thing that really irks ME about this card is the way it sets itself up, as it requires "3 Level three or higher" monsters for its Special Summon. It also allows you to bring back those same monsters to summon ANOTHER "Mother Phoenix", so you essentially have the chance to bring out all of them. Plus, in your very effect, you cancel out your opponent's chance of possibly breaking that chain by stating it "this card cannot be targeted by monster effects and cannot be banished", so, unless your opponent gets lucky, you're pretty much gonna kill him with one card. Remember, if you're gonna make a very powerful card like this one, marking them as "Limited Edition" helps ease some of that, since then you can only use one. Grammatically, aside from ragnarok's corrections: ~ The 2nd effect should state ATK, not attack (ATK denotes the stat, attack denotes the action) ~ 4th sentence, fix "opponents" so that it's "opponent's" (Possessive) ~ Since you are listing effects, use a colon (e.g. "activate one of the following effects: ") ~ The word "monster" is never capitalized, unless it's the name of a specific card ~ This last one is probably just me, but I feel it's best if you put a comma after "Once per turn" (e.g. "Once per turn, blahblah") I'm really sorry if it seems like I just bombed your card, but I just wanted to tell you what I felt needed some work, ALTHOUGH, the concept you have is really cool (especially since it seems to be a FIRE-based Archetype) and could set itself up to be a good one. Keep working on it and this card, along with the rest of them, should turn out just fine. [/quote] Sorry if that bothers you. to be honest i understand what you mean. but i highly doubt that paying 1500 lifepoints is worth trying to bring out another Mother Phoenix (and its only if a "Mother Phoenix" card is in your hand, otherwise its useless to bring back those same monsters. BUT i see where your getting that and thank you for pointing that out. so to be fair is it okay if i put "There can only be one "Mother Phoenix" on the field" just to make it seem fairer. Ill try and fix those errors soon. Thxx for commenting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101100111000 Posted January 6, 2012 Report Share Posted January 6, 2012 [quote name='R3mixKillah' timestamp='1325882173' post='5751352'] Sorry if that bothers you. to be honest i understand what you mean. but i highly doubt that paying 1500 lifepoints is worth trying to bring out another Mother Phoenix (and its only if a "Mother Phoenix" card is in your hand, otherwise its useless to bring back those same monsters).[/quote] Haha, I hardly doubt some wouldn't pay 1500 Life Points to win. But in any case, it would definitely help to limit the number of "Mother Phoenix" cards you can have on the field, at the very least, so adding that effect would help it balance out. Glad I could help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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