Kirun Wolf Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Hey everyone here are the cards I have created for the set. I am hoping for some feedback on: 1) Balance issues 2) OCG 3) "Feel," which includes playability, fun factor, etc. I just want everyone to know that this is my first time posting. I am sorry if I failed to follow a certain regulation. These characters are based off a book I am writing. These first 2 cards are the base. The bread and butter. The tuners. [spoiler=Alliance Soldier] [img]http://img528.imageshack.us/img528/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Dark Legionnaire][img]http://img195.imageshack.us/img195/6092/537995.jpg[/img][/spoiler] The primary effect of the Alliance Tuner is to create flexibility within the deck. The Dark tuner combos with some other cards in the deck for some moderate Life Point gain, but nothing too ridiculous. These next cards are the flavor cards. These cards add synergy and connect the tuners with the syncros in a pretty fun way. It's nothing too complex; it's pretty basic. [spoiler=Elin Kaira] [img]http://img803.imageshack.us/img803/6596/537995f.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler=General Fey'd] [img]http://img26.imageshack.us/img26/6092/537995.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler=Iksar, King of Armetra] [img]http://img844.imageshack.us/img844/3317/537995c.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Laos, Fang of Alexandros] [img]http://img269.imageshack.us/img269/6092/537995.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler=Raix] [img]http://img443.imageshack.us/img443/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Rak'shi] [img]http://img811.imageshack.us/img811/4057/537995t.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Reyn, Enigmatic Assassin] [img]http://img714.imageshack.us/img714/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] Quickly, before the Syncros... the field card: [spoiler=Fields of Armetra] [img]http://img202.imageshack.us/img202/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] Ok, finally... the big guns... the Syncros [spoiler=Seryx][img]http://img171.imageshack.us/img171/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Draka] [img]http://img404.imageshack.us/img404/6092/537995.jpg[/img][/spoiler] [spoiler=The Dark Lord] [img]http://img690.imageshack.us/img690/5514/537995d.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Kurai] [img]http://img406.imageshack.us/img406/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] And finally... the leader of the deck: [spoiler=Kirun Wolf, Knight of Chaos] [img]http://img607.imageshack.us/img607/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] *New* Deck specific Spell and Trap: [spoiler=Path of the Righteous] [img]http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] [spoiler=Consuming Darkness] [img]http://img854.imageshack.us/img854/6092/537995.jpg[/img] [/spoiler] Thank you for taking the time to look at my cards. Any feedback would be great. [b]Changelog:[/b] Alliance Soldier now has correct spelling and OCG. Elin Kaira effect changed. Both players now draw 1 card. General Fey'd now has correct OCG. Iksar effect changed to not be so ridiculous. Raix slight grammatical change. Seryx effect changed to include a cost. Fields of Armetra OCG fixed. Effect slightly changed. Draka OCG fixed; type changed to Warrior. The Dark Lord OCG fixed; effect balanced. Kirun Wolf effect normalized. Added pictures! QOL changes. Added Path of the Righteous and Consuming Darkness. Fixed an OCG error pertaining to attribute capitalization. Slight enhancement of Dark Legionnaire effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
101100111000 Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 Jesus, big posts, lotsa cards. This is definitely my kinda thing to review/criticize. Alliance Soldier - The effect, eloquence dropped, is whack. There is a much more OCG-appropriate way to state this: "Once per turn, during your Main Phase: You can make this card Level 2, until the End Phase." (Probably made an error by using a colon) Effect in mind, pretty smart effect, albeit it's common in some Tuners. Dark Legionnaire - Closer to OCG, but still off. "When this card is sent to the Graveyard, you gain 200 Life Points." This effect is very odd. I recommend you make the conditions more specifc (e.g. destroyed by battle), and make tha life point gain a tad higher, say, 400 Life Points? Elin Kaira - hmmm.... "When this card is destroyed by battle: Draw 1 card; end the Battle Phase." There needs to be a cost to ending the Battle Phase. I recommend "Discard 1 card" instead of Draw. But a dandy little effect. Slight reminiscence of Battle Fader. General Fey'd - Fix: "When this card is Normal Summoned, you can Special Summon 1 "Legend: Alliance Soldier" from your hand." Aside from OCG, this is a nifty effect. Iksar - Too OP. You made a card that cannot be destroyed in battle, and can destroy any monster it wants, simply by attacking. This effect needs some definite fixing on YOUR part. I can't really say much, but the OCG is also downright messed up. Laos - Cannot see picture, I'll get back to you on it later. Raix - Omg, a vanilla! That's so cute! And you made a grammatical error. In English. I suggest you take those double dots, and replace them with a comma. Rak'shi - Omg, another vanilla! And you made another error. "Hell hath no fury like a Wolven's scorn." There, fix'd. Reyn - I wanna say this effect is broken, merely because I've never actually seen an attack target tribute itself to destroy its attacker... Paraphrase that whole effect completely, then, we'll talk about OCG. Armetra - There are ALOT of unneeded words here, and terrible OCG. " "Legend" monsters you control gain 200 ATK and DEF. When a DARK monster is destroyed: The owner gains 200 Life Points." Remember, as a Field Spell, this card applies to your opponent as well. I DO recommend the ATK/DEF boost, again, be 400. It's much more significant. Seryx - The effect is too unbalanced. How do you get to Special Summon to negate an effect? I recommend you find a cost to negate the effect, not a bonus. Draka - Meh, the effect's alright, nothing really special here. OCG is bad, though. Fix: "1 "Legend" Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner "Legend" monsters While this card is face-up on the field, its Attribute is also treated as FIRE. This card gains 100 ATK for every "Legend" in your Graveyard. Once per turn, you can banish 1 "Legend" in your Graveyard: Destroy 1 face-up card on the field. This card cannot attack the turn this effect is activated. The Dark Lord - Ewww, slightly OP'ed effect. I recommend you get rid of the second effect, unless you can make it a seperate one. The effect, as I see it, should be "Once per turn, during your Main Phase, target 1 random card in your opponent's Graveyard: Pay 500 Life Points; banish the target. You can pay 200 Life Points; this card gains 200 ATK and DEF, until the End Phase." You can edit the costs as you see fit, even change them entirely, so long as the card effect is reasonably balanced. Kurai - This card's effect is simply terrible. I don't even see why half of the effect is there. Aside from that, it gets banished by its own effect the NEXT TURN. You need to revamp this card. Kirun Wolf - Idk about this card. The Summoning effect is okay, the effect stating it cannot be destroyed by card effects is borderline admissable, but the last effect goes off the deep-end and gives this card stats as high as 5000 ATK. If half your Life Points means 1000 Life Points, then that's just way too unbalanced. The OCG itself isn't that good, and I don't want to fix it until the effects have been modified, to a considerable extent. Overall, this set's effects are unbalanced and frequently OP'ed, while the OCG, generally, requires alot of work. I recommend you look at some new cards, check out a couple of realistic cards from more experienced members, and practice. I can't really consider this playable either, as it's an entire Archetype without any specific Magic/Trap Card support. With the various Types and Attributes, it would collapse easily. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demon Loki Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 You know, there is also a Written Cards section. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 8, 2012 Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 shame there's no pics yet what sites you looking at for pictures right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted January 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 8, 2012 @101100111000 Thank you so much for your input. I'll have a changelog that states all of the relevant changes to the post. Excluding syncros, there are only 2 types of monsters in the deck, warriors and beast-warriors. However, I am considering changing Draka and The Dark Lord to Warrior types, adding synergy. Also, the Rak'shi card is grammatically correct. It's a saying, "Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned..." I also don't really see a problem with Reyn, as it's only card effects that proc the effect. Being destroyed in battle doesn't proc it, and he's not particularly strong for a level 5. In other words, it basically allows you to get him back if he is destroyed by Dark Hole, TT, Icarus attack, etc. For a Syncro summon with a mediocre attack value and a one time use effect (one time for the entire duel), I don't see a huge problem. However, I will add a Life Point cost. As for Iksar, he is limited to 1 per deck. He is not searchable by really any means is he? If he is, the effect needs changing but if he isn't, I feel as though it's a double edged sword. His presence on the field is a stall, as he cannot do anything but clog the field until you find a syncro summon. I think though I will change his effect though to simply negate attacks; he shouldn't be able to destroy. As for the Kurai card: it is meant to be a highly situational summon. I guess I was thinking of like a Dark Hole/TT type of card, but as a monster. It's meant to reset the field. Thoughts? @Loki the Lion: Sorry. I thought that was for... well nevermind. I will be adding pictures as soon as I have the OCG and effects correct and normalized. @Ragnarok1945: They're coming I swear XD OCG and grammar fixes incoming! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Ok, well I'm finished with this for now. I'm going to give it one bump to see if anyone would like to comment on it; I won't re-bump it though I promise. Thanks to anyone who looked at these; I hope you enjoyed them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 all right, now that you got pics, I'll rate them (save the vanillas) Dark Legionaire is weak. 200 LP gain is virtually nothing, you should have made it 1000 or higher for Iskar, change "Dark attribute" in the text to DARK same with Fields of Armetra. Light and Dark should be LIGHT and DARK (since they're attributes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Ok will change the OCG fails on my part. But... don't you think that 1000 life gain for a level 2 tuner is silly? It combos with the Consuming Darkness trap and the Fields of Armetra card as well and provides "fodder" in a way for the Path of the Righteous quick play. I could double it to 400 but anything beyone that seems silly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 9, 2012 Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 all right, then I'll leave it to you to make what changes you feel is right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kirun Wolf Posted January 9, 2012 Author Report Share Posted January 9, 2012 Shadow, do you have any comments on the balance/playability of the cards? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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