Vengeance [Chapter 3]

[The White Wolf]

My editor is Dwarven King.
[spoiler="Prologue"]
[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]No words were spoken as I walked. The man standing before me in armor black as night watched me as I stopped. The silence spoke for us as we unsheathed our blades, I couldn't see his eyes through that black helmet, but I know they were full of hate and a want to see that field painted in my blood. Ten years I have been waiting for that moment. I clenched my left hand into a fist as a red mist enveloped it, the mist climbed up my arm. My white armor slowly being enveloped little by little. Just moments after my head was covered in red mist, my whole body ignited in white-hot flames. I didn't care for the price I was paying for using magic, that man had to pay for his crimes. The flames all concentrated themselves into the palm of my left hand as I pointed it towards him, then momentarily I launched the ball of flame towards him. It exploded in a large raging inferno as I ran up to him. Finally, I was going end him for his crimes. The battle we had lasted hours. Or was it moments? Time just seemed to stand still. We were matching each other move for move, neither one of us tiring. Neither one of us letting up. Neither one of us managing to lay a hit on the other. Just as I was about to bring my sword to his heart, I look down to see his blade—a bleach-white blade, the true color of death—found its way through my gut. I felt my life slowly ebbing away as the blood covered my armor. He pulled the blood-stained blade free and I fell to the ground. The inferno slowly dissipating as I watched him walk away. “This will not end it. You may kill me here, but there will be others who will come to stop your crimes against The Empire.” I told him, but he took no notice.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I had failed. I had failed once again.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]Only I didn’t know that I would be given a second chance.[/spoiler][/background][/size][/font]
[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)][spoiler="Chapter 1: A Look into the Past"][/background][/size][/font]
[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I remember seeing myself as a young child, ten years ago. It was the darkest night I can remember. The moon wasn't even out. I walked into the house—I was late getting home, you see—and I saw the house painted in blood. The hand prints, the streaks, the splatters; all of it was blood. I ran into my parents’ bedroom, screaming for them. It was the most terrifying moment of my life. When I ran into their room, I was too shocked to speak—no, that’s an understatement. What I saw was that man—that very same man—holding onto my father’s head by the hair. My parents’ bodies were lying in pieces, [/background][/size][/font][i]literal [/i][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]pieces. I ran, I ran and I ran and I ran, that man’s laugh torturing me until I couldn’t run further. I fell unconscious right there on the ground in the woods. I didn’t realize until the morning that I held my father’s sword in my hand.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I sat up, gasping and sweating with a pain in my gut. I was in a hospital. My gut bandaged, I had no idea where I was, but soon I would find out I was in the capital of The Empire. A woman entered the room “Oh, you’re awake.” she told me, almost as if reassuring herself of it.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Where am I? How did I get here? How am I still alive?” I asked her.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“I should be asking you the same; you’re in the capital of The Empire of course. You were dropped here by a man wearing the strangest clothes. You were barely breathing. Even after we bandaged the stab wound we were sure you would be dead by the morning.” she explained.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“That sure as hell makes me feel better.” I replied, and I started coughing up blood.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]She rushed to my aid “Don’t push yourself too far.” she said as she supported my weight until I laid back down.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Could you tell me more about the man that left me here?” I asked her.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Well, he was wearing the strangest clothing and only said ‘He deserves a second chance’ before he left.” She explained.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“No name?”[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“No name.”[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Well, gives me something to do when I’m out of here.” I joked “Could you help me get outside? I need fresh air.”[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Sure.” she replied as she helped me get into a robe. As we walked out the door, I saw it for the first time in years. The gleaming capital that houses The Empire. The Empire was forged three centuries ago and I was lucky to see it in its prime. I looked up to the palace, the tallest tower where the Emperor’s throne sits. I turned my attention to the people in the streets, enjoying their day and going about their normal business. “I shouldn’t be here right now. I should be either six feet under or going after the man that’s done this to me.” I say.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Vengeance only drives a man to his end.” she replied “Besides, he only stabbed you once. There is no need for vengeance.”[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I looked back up to the palace “Ten years ago I saw that man, he murdered my family in cold blood. I trained for five years and spent the next five searching for him.”[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]She gasped at what I had to say “How do you know it was the same man?” she asked.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I shook my head “Two ways, the first being his sword. The blade is a bleach-white, the color of bones. The true color of death. The second being the white dragon he bears on his armor.” I explained.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Dragon? Like the one that symbolizes The Empire?” she asked with a hint of curiosity in her voice.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“No, one much more menacing, one the same color as his blade, one that is so simple yet so terrifying when you see it. The true symbol of fear, of terror.”[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“Oh well, we’d better get you inside.” the conversation ended there as she led me back to the bed. I had to get out of this hospital, to go and find the man. Once she left the room I got out of bed once more and began looking for my armor, it was nowhere to be found. I took a surgical knife out of a drawer on the far side of the room, but the pain from the wound was too great, so I placed the knife back into the drawer and returned to the bed and fell into a deep sleep.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I awoke in the middle of the night to find something knew by the bedside table, real clothes along with the fact that I once again had full movement and was no longer suffering any pain. I pulled on the clothes and returned to the other side of the room to get the knife, only it was now replaced with a dagger and a note. I opened the note to find that it said ‘You know what to do.’[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I was running on the rooftops, it was almost too easy. I suspect it was all magic that gave me that extra strength, but I have not ever encountered a person with enough skill in magic to create a long-lasting effect that lasts until even today. As I was running, I saw a dark figure inside the tallest tower in the palace. It was too dark, but I am sure it was him, the man in black armor. I was filled with a rage so powerful, so intent, that I ran beyond my limits to get to the palace. Only I didn’t know that the worst was yet to come.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]When I arrived at the palace doors, I could no longer see the figure. When I arrived at the palace, I saw the worst sight imaginable; the guards dead and the door left ominously open. I checked the bodies, absolutely no sign of physical damage. Whoever killed them did it with magic, but not just any magic. A magic capable of killing without any physical effects, I had never seen anything like it before. A magic that instantly takes a life. I returned my sight to the door and entered.[/background][/size][/font]
[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]As I walked, everyone was dead. Everyone in the path, that is. All guards, all killed the exact same way. If this is the work of the man in black armor, why didn’t he kill me like that? That question was in my head the whole time as I walked. I finally arrived at the staircase which lead to the Emperor’s throne room. My heart was racing, hoping that I was wrong. I began walking up the stairs, along the way I saw guards slumped against the wall or lying face-down on the stairs. Each one of them killed the same way.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I found at the end of the stairs two large, grand doors. When I opened them I was greeted by the most terrible sight my eyes have ever met: The Emperor, killed; a dagger’s handle sticking out of his chest, his eyes open and an expression of pure terror fixed upon his face. I walked up to him with a single tear in my eye. That was the worst fate possible for all of The Empire. I closed his eyes and pulled the dagger from his chest and was about to leave when it happened. Two more guards burst through the doors, they both had expressions of pure disbelief, grief and terror in their eyes “You… w-what have you done?” the first of the two asked.[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“No, wait, it’s not what you th-“[/background][/size][/font]

[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]“SILENCE! Guards! Apprehend him!” about ten more guards burst through the doors. Before I could make a move, they grabbed my arms and pinned them behind my back. The first guard walked up to me with tears in his eyes “I will enjoy being the one to end your miserable life with the Headsman’s Axe.”[/spoiler][/background][/size][/font]
[spoiler="Chapter 2: The Beginning"]
Here I am, chained to the wall in the palace dungeon, the man across from me staring in disbelief to what I had to say. I do not believe he believes me, but then again, who would? He has been down here for a long enough time. “A chilling tale, my friend. Now would you mind telling me your name? Oh mind my manors, my name is Edward Zulch.”

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“Of course, my name is-“ I begin, only to see Edward’s head roll off his shoulders.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“My my, now look at what you’ve gotten yourself into.” I see a figure beside the corpse.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“Why did you-“[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“He was to be beheaded the coming week, I merely saved them some time. I also needed to speak to you privately. We both know what has happened here, only you refuse to believe it.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“N-no, don’t say it.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“The Empire is corrupted, it has been for the last century and a half. All the ‘justice’ you see is simply The Empire killing the true heroes of this land. That is why you’re to be beheaded tomorrow. They think you’re one of the few that realize it, that you’re trying to save this land. A shame they’re only half right. Now it’s up to you to do the impossible. Only you can save this land, work in the dark to save the light. Or do you want your life to end at the sound of idiots cheering as your head hits the ground?”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]I sigh “You’re right.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“That’s step one. The next step is to get you out of here. We both know you can handle that yourself. I’ll see you tomorrow.” with that he disappears into the shadows without a sound. Everything I never wanted to believe is true. I have nothing to do now but wait until the morning to be beheaded. I can almost feel death’s embrace as I drift into a light sleep.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]I awake with the sound of a key in a lock. I look up to see two guards arguing in a whisper that I can barely hear, but I manage to hear the last bit “…but he’s chained to the wall, he couldn’t have done it.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“Shut up, he could have used magic.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“But wouldn’t using magic like that kill a man?”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“He’s no ordinary man, did you see what he did to the guards inside the palace? They were killed with magic. He didn’t touch them physically. That must have been child[/size][/font][/color]'s play[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3], killing that prisoner. Now shut up, he’s waking.” then he entered and spoke to me directly “How did you do it?”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“I didn’t.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“Sure you didn’t. That’s two counts of murder as of now.” he responded as he released me from the chains then chained my wrists together behind my back. “Now get moving.”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]As we walk through the dungeon, I hear the whispers of the other prisoners “Did you hear…”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“He killed him…”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“He killed twenty guards…”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“All of you shut up!” the guard behind me yelled as the one leading me gave a chuckle. My heart is racing as we climb the stairs that lead to the main pavilion, where my public execution will be taking place. As the doors open I hear cheering. Did the entire city come to watch my execution? Among the crowd I spot her, the woman who cared for me in the hospital. When she notices that she’s caught my eye, she turns her head away. Not a single announcement is made as I drop to my knees in front of the crowd. I feel the foot of a guard push me down. That was his mistake.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]I need to time this right. Just as the headsman is about to bring the axe down on my head, I manage to move my head out of the way and use the chain that’s binding my hands to drag the guard’s foot into the path of the axe. The guard screams in pain as his foot is cut off and the headsman is dumbfounded as he lets go of the axe in shock. The guards supervising the execution unsheathe their weapons as I jump to my feet.[/size][/font][/color][color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]I manage to block one of their swords as a guard swings it at me by catching it on the chain. With some force I manage to break the rusted chain on the sword, freeing my hands and causing the sword to fly into the air, impaling the owner in the top of the head. I’m outnumbered one hundred to one as they come at me. I manage to dodge one of their spears, causing the owner to stab another guard through the gut as I snap his neck. The crowd is in an uproar, yelling for the guards to kill me, but their hopes are in vain. [/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]I’m killing the guards one by one until near exhaustion. I have to flee. I’ve already killed over thirty of the guards with each other’s weapons. When I start running, the crowd screams as I run past them.[/size][/font][/color][color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]I keep running through the streets, the guards behind me. As I round a corner I am pulled into an alleyway. “You took care of yourself quite nicely out there.” a familiar voice speaks.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“You…could…have…helped me…” I pant.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“That would have ruined the fun of it, would it not? I believe you will need these. The armor will allow you to use magic without a cost, only you cannot do any damage to other people. If you try, it will have absolutely no effect. The bow is linked to the mask and the arrows will take the form of whatever you wish. Consider them a gift. I would explain more, but as you can tell, we are hard pressed for time. Good bye!”[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]“Wait!” I yell, but he has already disappeared into the shadows. I look around to see the armor he was talking about. It surpasses the current technology by far. Then I realize who the man truly was. The truth hits me as if I’ve been stabbed. The odd clothes, the armor. He healed me, he gave me the knife, he set me up. It was the only way. He is a conduit for a message about the future, he gave me the message and now he’s relying on me to save it. I will save this land and no one will stand in my way. As I pull on the armor, I look at the mask, it’s shaped like a skull. I put it on and walk out into the open where the guards are still searching for me. “Looking for me?” I ask, the guards are dumbfounded and most of them flee. The remainder die.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]During the night I look up at the moon from the top of the highest tower of the palace. My midnight black armor reflecting the moonlight. I take the bow from my belt and unfold it. I still don’t know how to work this. I push a button on the side and a beam of light connects the opposite sides. I find that I’m capable of physically touching this beam of light, this is unlike anything I have ever seen. When I touch it I think the word ‘arrow’ and the beam produces a notched arrow. I grab the arrow by the shaft, shock showing on my face when I feel that it’s physical too. I push the button once again and both the beam and the arrow disappear. I fold the bow once again and place it back on the belt. I return my attention to the moon as I allow gravity to begin a plummet to the ground.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]This is the beginning.[/size][/font][/color]

[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]The beginning of a new era.[/size][/font][/color][/spoiler]
[spoiler="Chapter 3: The Truth"]

It’s been one week. The things I’ve seen, the people I’ve killed, honestly I’m surprised I haven’t been killed yet. I’ve been hunted down throughout The Empire, and yet I’m still nowhere close to returning The Empire to the prideful utopia it once was a century and a half ago. I take another sip of mead and look around the tavern. It’s quite satisfying knowing that magic is keeping me disguised so I can forget my troubles in a barrel of mead. My eyes come across a wanted poster of myself, two surprisingly accurate sketches of me with and without my mask. Then I notice the bounty. I chuckle “That’s surprisingly low.”

“Excuse me?” the bartender asks me.

“The bounty for that man,” I point at the poster “he’s killed the Emperor, many guards and officials, and yet the bounty is only one million gold coins. I’m surprised it’s not ten.”

“Now that you mention it, you may have a point.” He responds “Oh well, it’s not my decision.”

“Who’s might it be?”

The man gives me a suspicious look “How don’t you know?”

“I’m a traveler.”

“Of course, one of those who step over the line and think it may be amusing to have a wee adventure, eh?” he spat “You travelers make me sick. The Emperor’s steward of course.”

“Hmm? Ah yes, I forgot about him.” I mutter.

“Pardon me?” he asks, and I show him a quick glimpse of my real face, he shivers in terror and starts yelling “It’s him! It’s him! He killed the Emperor!” he pointed at me as he ran. I give a good chuckle, as do the other men.

One man walks up to me and asks “Now wousn’t zat be shumthin’? Ye? The killer?” he gave a drunken laugh “Ye don look anythin’ like him.” he took the seat next to me, his drunken tone gone “A shame, too. I think I may be the only man in this tavern that supports him.” he whispered.

“Why are you telling me this?”

“Aye, a good question. Maybe I’ve had one drink too many, but I have a feeling you support him as well.”

“Well, you’re right. Come with me. There’s something you may want to see.”

The man seemed overjoyed that someone actually shared the same point of view as him, so he followed me without question. I opened the back door to the storage room and motion him in as I look around to make sure we’re not being watched. Once the coast is clear, we enter.

My body flashes, the man is awe-struck as slowly, my entire body changes form. I grow taller and my armor and mask return to normal form. “A wolf in sheep’s clothing…” the man mutters, completely dumbfounded “You are him…”

At that exact moment the bartender barged in “What are you two-“ he begins, only to see me and he begins to shake with fear once more “THE KILLER, THE KILLER!” he yelled as he ran out, I quickly changed forms again before I step out of the room, the men in the tavern all give a long, hard and drunken laugh.

The man and I sit ourselves down back at my table, the man overjoyed to meet me in person “Why are you doing it?”

“Why do you think I am?”

The man gives a sigh “The Empire is corrupt, I’ve done what no one else has bothered to do and looked into The Empire’s history—I was a scholar back in the day, you see—when I noticed something odd that happened a century and a half ago. Most would say it was simply a change in The Empire’s ways under the rule of Marissa Cryptic V, but I continued to look into it. Through unknown means, she was assassinated. Very few knew about it because anyone who knew about it was killed. Only one man managed to survive with this information, but he could not tell anyone. I haven’t a clue why he couldn’t, but he wrote the truth in an invisible ink in the history book he wrote of The Empire. No one found it until I did, he wrote of magic killing guards in an instant, a dagger in her heart and the body suddenly disappearing. The following morning, she was still alive. A disguise, a magic changing their entire form and voice, much like yours. After that crimes spread all across The Empire, the heroes of the time cleverly framed and executed, then The Empire secretly bought off the black markets of neighboring kingdoms, while many more crimes occurred under the public’s nose.”

I give a small smile “You’ve solved the mystery for me…”

“What? You never knew this?”

“The Empire being corrupted has always been a sixth sense to me… Ever since I was a young boy, though back then I was young and stupid and shrugged it off like a snake sheds its skin. Though what you speak of is exactly what happened to me, the only difference is I got in the killer’s way, made some noise so the rest of the guard would figure out the killing, I ruined their plans just as The Empire was beginning to turn around back to the golden age it was a century and a half ago. Now all I have to do is—“
“—Kill every corrupted official, but it won’t be as simple as that, will it?”

“No, I believe the killer will stop at nothing to kill me to stop me from returning this place to the utopia it once was. Though there is one more thing…”

“And that is?”

“I believe we’re dealing with the same person that killed Marissa Cryptic V.”

“How is that possible? It’s impossible for anyone to live that long!”

“Anything is possible when you have Unlimited Magic…”

“They have- wait, how do you know?”

“Piece it together, old man. Magic that can kill most of the guard to no physical effect? By what you said this having happened twice along with the ability to change their form and voice. It’s almost impossible that it’s not the same person. Unlimited Magic is an ability that allows the user to use magic to any extent without any costs. It hasn’t been seen in millennia that most have forgotten it or call it a myth, fake, unreal. It would be child’s play for them to prolong their life.”

“How do you know all this?”

“I-I… I don’t know… It matters not, thank you, old man. You’ve helped me solve this century old mystery.”

“No, thank you. You’ve finally given this old man some hope in life. Allow me to repay you.”

“No, it’s not necessary.”

“Nonsense, follow me. We have a long walk ahead of us.”[/spoiler]
[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]Enjoy ^^[/background][/size][/font]
[font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)]I'll try to add at least one chapter a week.[/background][/size][/font]
[background=rgb(251, 253, 254)][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3]Please only constructive criticism, most of you are mature enough, right? [color=#ffffff]Oh hell, I don't think I'd be saying this if that were true XD[/color][/size][/font][/background]

[Dwarven King]

So...I just realized I didn't edit the Prologue.

[The White Wolf]

You still have a chance .-.

[Dwarven King]

Meh. A comma needs to be changed to a period in one spot. You also started a new sentence without putting a period on the previous one. But other than those two things, it's fine.

[The White Wolf]

That periodless sentence is just one I forgot to finish .-.

[The White Wolf]

Okay, I see you people viewing, comments? Reviews? Etc?

[Dwarven King]

It's a good start! I look forward to more additions to the story!

[Altαir]

In all honesty, I've no clue what to say, because it's a prologue and your definition of "prologue" seems to be initiating a plotline only (maybe, perhaps I am jumping to conclusions). I was expecting a bit of description scenario-wise, but again, it's the prologue, and I can't berate you on your definition of such.

However I would actually like to read more, so I presume it's a successful prologue. I do hope you give us lots of background in the first chapter.

I love the way you tell the story in first person. That's something I wish I could do.

[Dwarven King]

[quote name='Altαir' timestamp='1336093988' post='5932117']
In all honesty, I've no clue what to say, because it's a prologue and your definition of "prologue" seems to be initiating a plotline only (maybe, perhaps I am jumping to conclusions). I was expecting a bit of description scenario-wise, but again, it's the prologue, and I can't berate you on your definition of such.

However I would actually like to read more, so I presume it's a successful prologue. I do hope you give us lots of background in the first chapter.

I love the way you tell the story in first person. That's something I wish I could do.
[/quote]

Chapter 1 is in the spoiler under the Prologue. :3

[Altαir]

Oh, really? I couldn't see it inside the spoiler, so I thought he was just putting it there in preparation.

Could you possibly repost chapter 1?

[Dwarven King]

Hmm...there should be TWO spoilers. One titled - "Prologue" And the other titled - "Chapter 1: A Look into the Past"

If you don't see that, screenshot the first post so I can see please.[color=#666666][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][b][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)] [/background][/b][/size][/font][/color]

[The White Wolf]

I swear I followed this *re-follows*

It's there, man. I don't understand how you couldn't see it .-. try again ^^

[Altαir]

[img]http://i47.tinypic.com/35lc75h.png[/img]

Yeah, I can't see the first chapter, even though I opened the spoiler. Refreshing doesn't work, either.

[The White Wolf]

Odd, I'll just PM you the contents, I don't feel the need to repost it .-.

[Dwarven King]

Silly forum is silly. Post here after you read the contents he PMs you. ^^

[bury the year]

Fixed the spoiler tag issue. You need to put quotation marks around the names - [spoiler="Chapter 1"], not [spoiler=Chapter 1]. Now that that's out of the way, please refrain from anything that doesn't directly comment on the story. Technical errors can be discussed over PM.

[The White Wolf]

Thanks Rinne, I'll be sure to do that next time.

Chapter 2 will be up as soon as MY EDITOR DOES HIS GODDAMN MOTHERF*CKING JOB!

[Altαir]

Sorry for the late reply, wasn't able to post for a while.

Wonderful story, I enjoy how you keep me interested and all. I feel like it's a bit quick, though. He sort of just got hurt badly, got up, and presumably got arrested, all to quickly. You can fill it more with maybe how he felt, or some things he saw, or something. Pound into the readers head some of his important characteristics, which end up altering the plot. Continuously remind the reader of things like pain and hatred. Tell us what the main character thinks about. [s]Maybe even a symbolic dream.[/s]

Anything you can think of along those lines, add in. And if there's too much, take some things out. But try not make useless add-ins.

EDIT: You did add a vision, in the beginning. A flashback to explain hatred, which works.

[The White Wolf]

Thanks or the review.

Oh the healing thing will be revealed more in Chapter 2 (I'll need to remember to edit something about that when DK is done editing it), he will go completely upside down, too.

The whole thing was him telling his story, Chapter 2 will also begin in the present. I'll edit some stuff like that in when I have the time.

[The White Wolf]

Posted chapter 2, I'll fix the font and spacing next time I'm on a computer

[The White Wolf]

Don't tell me this is just one of those threads that gets a lot of views but barely any posts? D:

[The White Wolf]

Three days, working on chapter 3 [s]if anyone cares...[/s]

[Dwarven King]

I care buddy. :3

[The White Wolf]

The word needs to be spread...

[The White Wolf]

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DSMF!