Yu-Gi-Oh! Heroic Potential

[SerenadeDSM]

Chapter List
Prologue

Arc One - The Tournament

Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chaper Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven

Arc Two - The Organization

Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

 

 

 

[spoiler=Prologue]

 

 

 

 

Heroic Potential

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prologue

 

Heavy weights lifted as he drearily opened his eyes. Nothing could be seen and his senses were jumbled; the sounds echoed around his ears but none of them were clear. His body felt as if it had been trampled, and he felt a sharp pain ripping through both of his arms. Something tugged down onto his arm, when he looked he saw some kind of contraption attached. Then he noticed he was holding something – a couple of cards in his left hand. He starred at them, unable to decipher the blurs beyond their green borders.

Noticing he was on his knees, he weakly rose to his feet as he examined the cards, slowly remembering where he was and why he was here. After stumbling a bit, he brought his left arm up to his chest, bringing the contraption with it. In a small slot there was a thin deck placed directly over his wrist. Lightly touching the top card, he took a deep breath to prevent himself from shaking. This would be his last draw. He yanked the card out and flames consumed him.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

~*~*~*~

 

Smoke shot out from the wood as the embers smoldered. Shadows covered the room, with only the light from a small antique lamp fending them off. A man sat alone in his longue chair reading a book carefully. He crossed his legs and repositioned himself in his longue chair as he turned the page. After skimming through another paragraph, he burst into obnoxious laughter.

“Oh Funny Bunny,” the man chuckled, moving his long pale-blue hair away from the pages, “you never disappoint me.” He closed the book, placing it on the nightstand next to him and watched the ashes fall from the charcoal. He enjoyed nights like this – a quiet evening in his den beside the fireplace. Staring up at the ceiling, he smiled to himself cherishing the stories he had just read.

A blaring ring snapped him out of his peaceful mood. His attention shot across the room at his desk. The phone was ringing. He jumped up adjusting his bathrobe has he stomped towards it.

When he arrived at his destination, he grasped the phone, shoving it into his right ear. “What is it! You know I don’t like to be bothered on my night off!” He turned back towards the fireplace listening to the mumbles on the other line, “Speak up! I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

He sat on top of his desk, moving the sign which read ‘Maximillion Pegasus – President of Industrial Illusions’ out of his way. The person on the phone was rambling pointlessly and Pegasus was losing his patience.

“I’m hanging up!” A shout could be heard followed by several pleas in quick succession. Pegasus stroked his hair as the person began to speak faster. Suddenly he thrust the phone away from his ear, immediately bringing it back to his mouth.

“What?! What do you mean someone’s hacked our databases?!” The voice on the other side scrambled again speaking even quicker. “I don’t care what you have to do! Find the culprit and have them arrested! Anyone who messes with my company is going to face my wrath!”

He slammed the phone onto its base, causing the sign to fall onto the patterned rug. Pegasus circled the desk, facing the window behind it. He rested his hands on the windowsill trembling from rage. “No one messes with my company…”[/spoiler]

 

 

 

 

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

First post on this site, is the start of your own fanfic. Brave. Well welcome to the forum and the section and all that, lord knows we need new people. So let's see how this new writer does.

*reads surprisingly short prologue*

Hmm, I suspect this falls short of the 2 page on Word minimum, but as a prologue rather than a chapter you might get away with it. I'll be quick in posting some thoughts just in case, and first of all be sure to acquaint yourself with the fanfic rules and some writing guides that are stickied at the top of the list of topics in this section.

The first part is nice and dark and gloomy, and I actually quite liked it. The way the duelists struggle was described, and the way it ended, was very good.

However the part with Pegasus wasn't as good. Again it started well, continuing the dark gloomy mood. But then the quality of the sentences just seemed to... die, rather suddenly. Things like this, which is where it dived for me:

"A blaring ring snapped him out of his peaceful mood. His attention shot across the room at his desk. The phone was ringing. He jumped up adjusting his bathrobe has he stomped towards it. When he arrived at his destination, he grasped the phone, shoving it into his right ear. “What is it! You know I don’t like to be bothered on my night off!” He turned back towards the fireplace listening to the mumbles on the other line, “Speak up! I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

Those first three short sentences would have been much better as one, or even better not included in some places. There is such a thing as over or unneccessary description, and some of that is clear here. If something suddenly starts making a noise, of course it grabs your attention. 'When he arrived at his destination', well where else was he going to be going? He was travelling across his room, not the city. People don't usually announce their intention to hang up, they just do it. Just sort of things like that just don't read well.

Some sentences also look/read better if you don't always start with 'he did this, he did that'. Try to avoid it looking like a list of actions in places. Just writing the same action, but starting a different way, it looks better.

Hope this helps and best of luck. There are raw good parts to this, but quite a bit to polish.

[SerenadeDSM]

[quote name='Majestic Star Bahamut' timestamp='1340908226' post='5963514']
First post on this site, is the start of your own fanfic. Brave. Well welcome to the forum and the section and all that, lord knows we need new people. So let's see how this new writer does.[/quote]

Thank you for the welcome. I'm not exactly a new writer, though not doesn't mean I don't make glaringly bad mistakes every so often. Feel free to rip my story apart as you see fit (nicely, of course. ).

[quote]*reads surprisingly short prologue*

Hmm, I suspect this falls short of the 2 page on Word minimum, but as a prologue rather than a chapter you might get away with it. I'll be quick in posting some thoughts just in case, and first of all be sure to acquaint yourself with the fanfic rules and some writing guides that are stickied at the top of the list of topics in this section.[/quote]

Yeah, this prologue hits about 1.5 pages on Word. I've already posted a little over a dozen chapters of this fic on other sites, and figured this would be a good place to expand my audience. Judging from the length of your review, it seems I've made a good choice. The average chapter length is about 12-15 pages, though some have hit the 20-page mark occasionally.

[quote]The first part is nice and dark and gloomy, and I actually quite liked it. The way the duelists struggle was described, and the way it ended, was very good.

However the part with Pegasus wasn't as good. Again it started well, continuing the dark gloomy mood. But then the quality of the sentences just seemed to... die, rather suddenly.[/quote]

Now that I've read it over again, I have to agree about the Pegasus part. I [i]did[/i] originally write/post this prologue a little over a year and a half ago, but that doesn't make much of a good excuse, does it? I'll try to rework that part a bit. The later chapters are better in quality than the earlier ones, naturally, but it's no reason for me not to revise the older ones.

[quote]Things like this, which is where it dived for me:

"A blaring ring snapped him out of his peaceful mood. His attention shot across the room at his desk. The phone was ringing. He jumped up adjusting his bathrobe has he stomped towards it. When he arrived at his destination, he grasped the phone, shoving it into his right ear. “What is it! You know I don’t like to be bothered on my night off!” He turned back towards the fireplace listening to the mumbles on the other line, “Speak up! I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

Those first three short sentences would have been much better as one, or even better not included in some places. There is such a thing as over or unneccessary description, and some of that is clear here. If something suddenly starts making a noise, of course it grabs your attention.[/quote]

I agree about the first few sentences, they do come across as choppy, especially "the phone was ringing" line, which I'll probably omit in my revision. I wouldn't exactly say the attention part is unnecessary, though. Different people can have several different reactions to the same scenario, so I stated one of the many ways Pegasus could've reacted. At first he came across as a fun-loving, childish man, but this paragraph breaks that mood. I know most people already know Pegasus's characterization, but I write as if people have no idea what anything looks or acts like, even when I know they do. Sometimes that leads to overdescribing, but I don't think that's the case here.

What I actually try to avoid is [i]under[/i]describing, which I've also been guilty of, and that seems to cause more damage than giving a few extra details. I know what you mean, though - I've seen other fics where the description gets to the point of saying things like " 'I don't know what you mean, Jack,' he said to Jack as he turned to him while turning off the TV," which is [i]definitely[/i] a severe case of overdescribing/detail cramming. But small tibits like Pegasus's discovery of the phone never seemed to fall under that category to me. I try to maintain a balance between too much and too little, since either we get walls of texts or, what I call, "dialogue drafts". Not saying that you're wrong, though, it's just my two cents on description.

[quote]'When he arrived at his destination', well where else was he going to be going? He was travelling across his room, not the city.[/quote]

Point taken. That was me trying to avoid saying "He walked over to the desk." Then agian, probably should've just said that.

[quote]People don't usually announce their intention to hang up, they just do it. Just sort of things like that just don't read well.[/quote]

Actually, I think you took that line too literally. When Pegasus said "I'm hanging up!" he was really telling his worker "Get to the point, you're wasting my time," without repeating himself. It was his way of getting his point across. I compare it to a parent who says "Alright, I'm gonna leave without you!" to a child that was running around the grocery store. Only more threatening.

[quote]Some sentences also look/read better if you don't always start with 'he did this, he did that'. Try to avoid it looking like a list of actions in places. Just writing the same action, but starting a different way, it looks better.[/quote]

I admit there are times where I've had some choppy or repetitive description - it's a habit I've been trying to break out of, yet somehow I always fall back into it, especially in Yugioh fics. Sometimes I'll get stuck on a word or a phrase and I'll have a hard time straying away from it. It isn't as evident here, but in some of the later chapters you could basically make a drinking game out of how many times I wrote "he drew". Like I said, the newer chapters [i]should[/i] be better; doesn't mean that they are, though. (To prove my point further: How many times have I said the word "though" in this response. XD)

[quote]Hope this helps and best of luck. There are raw good parts to this, but quite a bit to polish.
[/quote]

Thanks again. I've definitely made a good choice posting here. The quality of your review from such a small prologue is baffling, considering every other site I've been to either A.) gives mindless praise or B.) says "Need to see more before I can respond better". You are clearly a very experienced writer and I look forward to your future critique. (Also, I started reading your own fic shortly before I joined this site. I'm not really a fan of 24, but I'll give it a go. It'll probably be a while before I catch up - I'm a slow reader.)

The next two chapters are actually something of a tutorial. When I originally wrote this, I wanted to make it readable even to non-Yugioh fans (I know, I don't know what I was thinking). It's justified, though, so it's not there for no reason at all.

(Note: My connection to this site got cut mid-way through this response, and I only managed to retrieve a portion of it. I'm pretty sure I've re-mentioned everything I intended to, but if something seems off, that's probably why.)

[SerenadeDSM]

Gonna post Chapter One now since I realize the prologue isn't much to go on.

[spoiler=Chapter One]

[center][b][b]Chapter One[/b][/b][/center]


A large crowd gathered outside of a large dome-like building. Beside the entrance stood two statues of sky-blue dragons on pedestals that towered over the tiny people below. Over the doorway a banner that read ‘KaibaCorp’s 2[sup]nd[/sup] Grand Championship Tournament – Elimination Round Is Today!’, streamed above and fluttered with the breeze.

On the inside, groups of people dotted the floors, barely leaving any space for bypassers to walk through. People were drinking sodas, eating snacks and chatting while they waited. In the center of the building, a receptionist’s desk wrapped around a wide pillar took people one by one as they registered for the events that were about to take place.

“Josh, hurry up!” A boy in a camouflage jacket shouted, with his hands cupping his mouth. “Quick, before the line gets too long!” When he saw his friend approaching he brought his hands to his side, letting the device equipped onto his left arm hang freely.

“Sorry Dave,” the other replied. He started opening a bag of chips as he approached; the crumbs went flying all over his orangey-red sweatshirt. “I was just buying a snack. It looks like a long wait.”

“It’ll be even longer if we don’t get on line!” He said grabbing his friend’s wrist. He dragged him until they reached the end of the line. “See, look how long this line is,” he sighed, “we’re never gonna be able to register at this rate.”

“You mean [i][i]you’re[/i][/i] never gonna register,” Josh corrected him, “[i][i]I[/i][/i] can’t duel, remember?”

Dave shook his head, “No, you’re gonna duel.” He pointed to sign at the receptionist’s desk that hung on the pillar.


[center][i][i]Booster Pack Casual Tournament: New Duelists Welcome![/i][/i][/center]
[center][i][i](Participants will be provided with a free Card Analyzer upon entry)[/i][/i][/center]


Josh nearly dropped his chips when he read it. “Oohh no!” He took a step back slightly, “I’m not gonna duel, I barely understand how that big watch-thingy works.” He stated twirling his finger around the device on Dave’s arm.

“First of all it’s called a Duel Disk,” he said bringing it to eye level, “and second I can teach you the basics before you enter.”

He slid his hand along its two blue and gray platforms. The center was made up of a white circle that had an electronic meter which attached the two halves together. On the white circle there were also two slots, one of which held Dave’s deck of cards.

Josh groaned, Dave had already given him a quick tutorial on the way over so he wouldn’t be completely lost while Dave was dueling. But he wasn’t in the mood for another.

“Uhh, I think I’ll pas-“

“First I’ll teach you about the order of the turn,” he began, oblivious to Josh’s protests, “First there’s the Draw Phase. This is obviously when you draw a card from your deck. At the beginning of the duel both players draw five cards before either player starts their turn. Then every turn after that they draw one card,” He stated pulling the top card from his own deck.

“Next is the Standby Phase. This is when a lot of card effects take place but they’re easy to understand because all you have to do is follow the directions on the card.”

He held the brown-backed card to eye level before continuing, “Then you have Main Phase 1. This is when you actually play the cards onto the field.” He looked back to the Duel Disk and pointed to the blue squares on it. “There are three types of cards – Monster Cards, Spell Cards and Trap Cards. Monster Cards are vanilla- or orange-colored and are placed on these blue tiles. These can be ‘summoned,’ which means you place it on the field face-up, or ‘set,’ which means you place it on the field face-down. Normally you can only summon one monster per turn.”

[i][i]How exciting…[/i][/i] Josh thought, but obviously this wasn’t shown on his face because Dave continued his lecture. He took the card in his hand and placed it on the one of tiles, revealing it to be an orange-colored card that had a picture of black armored warrior on it.

“When you place the card vertically, it is in ‘Attack Position’ and when it’s place horizontally,” he said switching it to match his explanation, “it’s in ‘Defense Position.’ A monster can be placed in face-up Attack Position, face-up Defense Position or in face-down Defense Position. However, you can never play a Monster in face-down Attack Position.”

“Why’s that?” Josh asked in a dull tone as he blankly stared at the card on Dave’s Duel Disk. He figured he might as well listen to Dave’s tutorial to pass the time. Or at least pretend. Besides, he was a captive audience.

Dave shrugged, “I dunno. I didn’t make the rules.” He returned his attention to the card before continuing, “Now for Spell Cards-“

“Wait wait wait,” Josh carelessly waved his hand to interject, “What’s the difference between the white-colored monsters and the orange-colored ones?”

Dave brought his hand back to his deck, “The orange-colored ones are called Effect Monsters. Like the name says they are monsters with effects which vary from card to card.” He drew a second card, “The vanilla-colored monsters are called Normal Monsters. They’re just monsters that have no effect so they’re easy to work with for new players.

“Anyway back to Spell Cards,” he held the card so the front faced Josh, showing the picture of a sword that was surrounded by a green border. “Spell Cards are green-colored cards that are placed in these slots just below the monster cards.” He said placing it in a slot directly below the tile that was currently occupied with Dave’s Effect Monster. “Spell Cards are able to be played face-up and face-down. Most Spell Cards can only be activated during your turn and are usually sent to the Graveyard after being used.”

Beginning to zone out, Josh stared at the poster featuring the same blue dragons that were outside. They had an air of authority around them, and for some reason sent a pang of pain through his heart. Dave, snapping his fingers to get Josh’s attention again, quickly snapped him back to reality.

“The what?”

“The Graveyard, a.k.a. the discard pile,” Dave said pointing to the empty slot on the white circle. It was surrounded by a red plate that went down to the meter. “The Graveyard is where cards go when they are removed from the field or ‘destroyed.’ But I’ll get back to that later.”

He drew a third card from the deck and this time it was a purple-colored card that had a picture of a torso-piece of armor being shattered.

“The last kind of cards is Trap Cards. These cards can only be placed face-down during your turn and can’t be activated until your opponent’s turn starts. Trap Cards are usually used to stop your opponent from doing something or to ruin their strategies in some way.”

Dave placed the Trap Card into the slot next to the Spell Card.

“You can only have five Monster Cards on the field at a time, and you can only have a total of five Spell and Trap Cards on the field at a time. So be careful when deciding which ones to use.”

Noticing that the line had gone forward, Josh moved ahead, followed by Dave before resuming his lesson.

“Then we have the Battle Phase. This is where the action starts. During the Battle Phase no cards can be played from your hand so make sure you play them cards before entering it.”

Josh munched on his potato chips while he listened, nearly overshadowed Dave’s voice. [i] [i]How the hell does he expect me to remember all these rules?[/i][/i]

“Now in the Battle Phase, all Attack Position monsters you control are able to attack monsters on your opponent’s side of the field. Each monster can only attack once and if you can’t attack if your turn is starting the duel,” He stated stepping forward with the line. “When a monster attacks another monster, we look at the number value of both cards. The left value is the ATK, which is the value used for Attack Position, and the right value is the DEF, which is the value for Defense Position. If you attack a monster in Attack Position and your monster’s ATK is higher that your opponent’s, it’s destroyed and sent to the Graveyard. Then the difference between the two monster’s ATK is subtracted from your opponent’s Life Points.”

“Huh?” Josh asked as he tossed the empty bag into the nearest garbage bin. The word was more of a reaction then a question.

“Life Points are what keep you in the game. Both players start with 8000 Life Points and the point of the game is to reduce your opponent’s Life Points to zero. If you can do that you win.”

Dave took the cards off his Duel Disk and placed them back into the deck. He shuffled it as he talked, “If you attack a monster in Defense Position and your monster’s ATK is higher than the opposing monster’s DEF, your opponent’s monster is destroyed but no Life Point damage is inflicted.

“However,” he paused to put the deck back in its slot, “if you attack a monster whose DEF is greater than your monster’s ATK, you lose Life Points equal to the difference. Only in this case your monster isn’t destroyed. If your monster attacks while your opponent has no monsters, it’s called a Direct Attack and your monster’s ATK value is subtracted from your opponent’s Life Points. Trap Cards are your friends during the Battle Phase ‘cause they can be activated in case something goes wrong.

“After the Battle Phase we have Main Phase 2. It’s exactly the same as Main Phase 1 so there’s no reason to go over it. Finally there’s the End Phase, which is when you declare the end of your turn. Then it’s your opponents turn and the cycle starts over and over again until someone’s Life Points hit zero.”

Dave glanced forward to see that they were almost near the front of the line before turning to Josh. “You got it?”

Josh wiped some crumbs off his lips, “You lost me after Draw Phase…”

“Next!”

Dave patted Josh on the shoulder, “You’ll get used to it. Sometimes it’s easier to actually do something than to learn about it.”

[i][i]Or I can just sit and watch like I planned to…[/i][/i]

The two walked over to the counter where a woman dressed in a gray suit sat looking at the forms laid out in front of her. She handed Dave a pen and pointed to one of the sheets. “Sign here… and here… and here…” she said monotonously, then pushed another sheet in front of Josh. “Sign here-“

“Oh wait, my friend’s participating in the Booster Pack Tournament instead.”

The receptionist glared at him for a moment before spinning her chair to fumble with a box behind her. When she returned she held out her hand, expecting Josh to give her some money. Dave handed her a bill, then the receptionist gave Josh five booster-packs of cards and a small hand-held computer.

“These are your booster packs and your Card Analyzer,” she droned in an annoyed manner, “you are only permitted to use the cards from these packs during the promotional tournament. Your Card Analyzer acts as a PDA which allows you to access information on any card in circulation as well as other information on duels at will.” She ended by pointing to their left without looking away from the table, “The promotional tournament takes place in the cafeteria while the Elimination Tournament takes place in the Dueling Arena. Good luck.” The last two words were said with sarcastic emphasis.

Dave and Josh headed over to their assigned rooms while Josh struggled to open his booster packs. “That woman didn’t seem too happy.”

“She’s probably just tired of dealing with these people all day.” The two stopped in front of a poster that directed them to their respective areas. “Well, good luck Josh.”

“You too, Dave.” Josh answered watching Dave step into the Dueling Arena. He looked at the poster before heading to start his own tournament.

[i][i]So much for moral support…[/i][/i]


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


As Josh entered the cafeteria, he noticed how empty it was. Despite its size and many rows of long tables, only a small section of it was occupied by people. He walked around watching the others play the game. As he observed, he felt that he understood the rules Dave had thrown at him before. After two young teenage boys finished gathering their cards back together into their piles, one of them noticed him watching.

“You want to Duel next?” he asked as the other moved over to give Josh room to sit. He didn’t really want to, but didn’t feel obligated to reject his invitation.

“Sure,” he answered sheepishly. He assumed his position on the other side of the table and placed his newly-made deck to his right. He picked up five cards while his opponent did the same from his own deck.

[center][Josh LP: (8000)] [Opponent LP: (8000)][/center]

“You can go first,” the boy said with a wave of his hand.

“Uh, nah, you go first,” Josh insisted. He didn’t want to make a mistake on his first turn.

“Alright,” he agreed, drawing a card. Taking one from the batch in his left hand, he placed it horizontally on the table. “I play one monster in face-down Defense Position –” he took another two cards and placed them directly beneath it, “– and two face-down cards and I end my turn.” He brought his hand to his side, waiting patiently for Josh to make a move.

Josh pulled the top card from his deck as he examined his hand.

[i][i]Let’s see… Dave said that I should summon a monster to attack with… Monsters were the orange ones right?[/i][/i] He thought addressing this to the middle card. Its image depicted a blue ghoul-like monster that had several limbs and its head near the bottom of its body. He looked at the card more closely, considering it.

[i][i]Dark Jeriod… looks like a powerful monster to me[/i]. [/i]He slid it out of his left hand with his right. [i][i]Hey, it has an effect. [/i][/i]He brought it to eye level to read the description. [i][i]So I can lower the ATK of one monster on the field by 800? That might come in handy.[/i][/i] Josh, committed to this idea, placed it down vertically.

“I summon Dark Jeriod in Attack Position ([b][b]1200[/b][/b]/1500),” his opponent raised an eyebrow at this, “and when it’s summoned, he can decrease the ATK of one monster on the field by 800!” Josh grinned. This wasn’t as hard as he had originally thought.

“You know that Dark Jeriod’s effect only works on face-up monsters right?”

The question caught Josh off guard, “So what does that mean?”

The boy pointed to the horizontal card in front of him, “It means you can’t decrease the ATK of my card since it’s face-down. The only monster you can select is your own monster.”

Josh recovered from this set back, “Then I’ll lower Dark Jeriod’s ATK.” ([b][b]1200 --> 400[/b][/b]/1500) No big deal. He figured it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. Now he just had to remember what to do next.

[i][i]Oh right, the Battle Phase[/i][/i], Josh thought aiming his finger at his opponent’s monster card. “Now I use Dark Jeriod to attack your face-down monster!”

The boy flipped the card over to reveal an orange card that had a picture of a brick wall that was shaped to look like a person holding their hands up. “You attacked my Stone Statue of the Aztecs.” (300/[b][b]2000[/b][/b])

Josh saw the DEF value and knew he had made a mistake. “Wait, that monster has a higher DEF…”

“It’s about to get even higher.” The boy took a card from his hand and placed it above the Deck – where Dave had said is where the Graveyard is. “I discard Stronghold Guardian with its effect to increase Stone Statue of the Aztec’s DEF by 1500.” (300/[b][b]2000 --> 3500[/b][/b])

“Uh oh,” Josh said, realizing his Life Points were about to drop significantly.

“I’m not done yet,” he took one of his other face-down cards and flipped it over to reveal a purple-colored card, “I activate my Trap, Cross Counter.”

Josh peered over to see. “What does that do?”

His opponent held up a handheld computer which Josh recognized as the same one he had just received. “Check your Card Analyzer.” He obeyed, reaching into his pocket. He pressed a button and typed in the name.

“Card Analyzer activated…” it beeped, “Accessing Card Database… Searching for Card Data: ‘Cross Counter’ … … Data Found:


[center][b][b]Cross Counter[/b][/b][/center]

[center][Trap][/center]
[center]If the DEF of an attacked Defense Position monster is higher than the ATK of your opponent's attacking monster, the Battle Damage inflicted to your opponent is doubled. Destroy the attacking monster after damage calculation.”[/center]

Josh jerked his head back slightly when he finished reading. “What?! That’s ridiculous!”

“And on top of that,” the boy continued, “Stone Statue of the Aztec’s effect doubles the damage inflicted again. So that makes it…” he typed the numbers into his Card Analyzer, then faced the screen to Josh, “12400 damage.” [Josh LP: (8000 --> 0)]

“That was overkill…” Josh exhaled in disbelief. The boy held out his palm to him in sympathy.

“Good game.”

Josh hesitated, then accepted his defeat. Looks like there was more to this than he hoped there would. He stood up as the two boys whispered amongst themselves. An embarrassing loss like that probably doesn’t happen too often.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


Josh mingled around the cafeteria, watching others play. It seemed that this game wasn’t meant for him, he lost to nearly every person in the room. Not like it mattered – he didn’t want to be a part of it to begin with. He was about to sneak out to find Dave when something grasped onto his shoulder.

“I don’t think I’ve dueled you yet,” a feminine voice said. Josh spun around to see a red haired girl about his age holding a deck of cards. “Why don’t we before you leave?”

Josh couldn’t find his words so he nodded instead. They both sat at the table closest to the doors, one across from the other. The girl drew her cards and stated firmly, “Your turn.”

[center][Josh LP: (8000)] [Red-Head LP: (8000)][/center]

Josh grabbed the top card and added it to the collection in his hand. He glanced over the cards, this time being careful about which ones he played. While he did this, he noticed he held the cards Cross Counter and Stone Statue of the Aztecs – the same ones that started his lose streak. Then he looked to the rightmost card and saw it was Stronghold Guardian.

Determined to imitate his earlier opponent’s strategy, he placed Stone Statue of the Aztecs face-down horizontally and then Cross Counter below it before passing the baton to his new opponent.

The red-haired girl added a new card to her hand. She quickly picked a card from it and placed it down. “I summon Raging Flame Sprite in Attack Position. ([b][b]100[/b][/b]/200)”

Josh laughed in his mind. [i][i]Maybe I’m not the [/i]worst [i]duelist here after all.[/i][/i]

The girl took another card, placing this one down as well. The flaming serpent shown on it contrasted with its green borders. “Next I activate Salamandra. This increases my Sprite’s ATK by 700 points.” ([b][b]100 --> 800[/b][/b]/200)

This didn’t worry Josh too much. It still wasn’t strong enough to take down his wall. The girl continued taking one more card and adding it to the field.

“I activate Double Attack. By discarding a higher leveled monster, I can have my Raging Flame Sprite attack twice this turn.”

What the heck is a level? Either way, it didn’t matter. The monster would be destroyed after its first strike. Right?

“Now I’ll use its effect to attack you directly.”

[i][i]What![/i][/i] She had to be making this up. You can’t attack directly when a monster was on the opposite side of the field. That’s what Dave had said anyway. He used his Card Analyzer to check:

“Accessing Card Database… Data Found:


[center][b][b]Raging Flame Sprite[/b][/b][/center]

[center]***[/center]
[center][Fire][/center]
[center][Pyro/Effect][/center]
[center](100/200)[/center]
[center]This card can attack your opponent directly. Each time this card successfully attacks directly, it gains 1000 ATK.”[/center]

Josh put the small computer next to his Deck and looked to the red-haired girl. Turns out she wasn’t a newbie after all. [Josh LP: (8000 --> 7200)]

She took note of Josh’s surprise. “And thanks to Raging Flame Sprite’s other effect, it gains 1000 ATK,” ([b][b]800 --> 1800[/b][/b]/200) “Now I’ll have it attack directly once again –” [Josh LP: (7200 --> 5400)] “– which increases its ATK by 1000 more. ([b][b]1800 --> 2800[/b][/b]/200) Then I activate Hand Mimic,” she put the card next to Salamandra and proceeded to draw cards from her Deck. “This card allows me to draw cards until we both have an equal amount. Now I play two cards face-down and end my turn.”

That was a lot for Josh to take in. Not only did she out smart him several times over, but now he was unsure how to stop this monster whose power was growing by the second.

He drew a card before saying, “I summon one monster in face-down Defense Position and place one card face-down.”

He did so, then he placed down a final card face-up. It was a green Spell Card that showed three red fairies dressed in light blue floating around a background of flames. “I play Tremendous Fire,” he said reading its effect aloud, “this card inflicts 1000 damage to your Life Points and 500 to my own.” He knew this was a somewhat risky move but at this rate anything was better than his constant losses.

“Not quite.” She took the card she laid down earlier and showed a new Trap Card. This one had a picture of an ancient tomb setting. In the foreground, a golden gun which had a cobra-shaped back was aimed at the man who stood in the background. “I activate Barrel Behind the Door. This card takes the Effect Damage I would receive and sends it back to you.” Hearing this, Josh shoved his hands in his face and let out an exasperated cry. [Josh LP: (5400 --> 3900)]

[i][i]Can I go home already?[/i][/i] His hands dropped onto the table and with gloom in his voice he said, “It’s your turn.”

The girl followed the usual routine. After deciding what to do, she let her strategy unfold. “I attack directly with Raging Flame Sprite’s effect.” [Josh LP: (3900 --> 1100)]

“I activate my face-down card,” Josh said with his hand pressed against cheek, “Attack and Receive. You take 700 damage.” [Red-Head LP: (8000 --> 7300)]

“Now –”

“Yeah yeah, Raging Flame Sprite gains 1000 ATK.” ([b][b]2800 --> 3800[/b][/b]/200)

“Well… that too but that’s not what I was going to say.” She held out the card she had just drawn showing to be the same card Josh had just played, “I activate Tremendous Fire.”

Josh moved his arm off the table, sitting up straight when he heard the card’s name. Seems that, unlike him, other people are able to use these cards skillfully.

[center][Josh LP: (1100 --> 100)] [Red-Head LP: (7300 --> 6800)][/center]

“Now I activate my Trap Card, Spiritual Fire Art – Kurenai. Now I can tribute Fire monster I control and I can inflict damage to your Life Points equal to its original ATK.”

“So I take 100 damage and lose. What a surprise.” [Josh LP: (100 --> 0)]

The girl perked her head up. “Are you okay?”

Josh tossed his cards onto the table, letting them glide onto the floor. “I’m fine! I just hate this game.” He stood up before continuing, this time he shouted, although no one else appeared to notice, “I never even wanted to play anyway! I only came to cheer my friend on, that’s it! He tricked me into this stupid tournament.”

He turned his back and growled, “Thanks for the match.” Josh began to storm out of the cafeteria.

“Wait.”

This quiet word expressed all the sincerity needed to stop Josh in his tracks. He slowly turned his head back to the red-haired girl. She held out her arm, with his deck in hand. “Come with me, I’ll show you how to duel.”

[center]~*~*~*~[/center]

[center]Card Analyzer activated…[/center]

[center]Auto-Update Feature Engaged:[/center]


[center]New Card Information shall be downloaded frequently as it is released for easy access…[/center]
[/spoiler]

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

[quote name='SerenadeDSM' timestamp='1340920797' post='5963586']
Thank you for the welcome. I'm not exactly a new writer, though not doesn't mean I don't make glaringly bad mistakes every so often. Feel free to rip my story apart as you see fit (nicely, of course. ).

Yeah, this prologue hits about 1.5 pages on Word. I've already posted a little over a dozen chapters of this fic on other sites, and figured this would be a good place to expand my audience. Judging from the length of your review, it seems I've made a good choice. The average chapter length is about 12-15 pages, though some have hit the 20-page mark occasionally.[/quote]

Hi.

Er, that's really the impression I've given you of this site?

Oh gawd, sorry...

There are a large number of people here and with an interest in YGO, and they do drift in and out of this section, just usually most people seem to keep this length of review in reserve for utterly humiliating writers who haven't done so well with their pride and joy. But there are some who are alright.

[quote]
Now that I've read it over again, I have to agree about the Pegasus part. I [i]did[/i] originally write/post this prologue a little over a year and a half ago, but that doesn't make much of a good excuse, does it? I'll try to rework that part a bit. The later chapters are better in quality than the earlier ones, naturally, but it's no reason for me not to revise the older ones.[/quote]

*Remembers 18 months ago when I started writing my first fic and how bad it was looking back.* Good times.

Seeing development is part of the awesomeness, so that's cool.

[quote]
I agree about the first few sentences, they do come across as choppy, especially "the phone was ringing" line, which I'll probably omit in my revision. I wouldn't exactly say the attention part is unnecessary, though. Different people can have several different reactions to the same scenario, so I stated one of the many ways Pegasus could've reacted. At first he came across as a fun-loving, childish man, but this paragraph breaks that mood. I know most people already know Pegasus's characterization, but I write as if people have no idea what anything looks or acts like, even when I know they do. Sometimes that leads to overdescribing, but I don't think that's the case here.

What I actually try to avoid is [i]under[/i]describing, which I've also been guilty of, and that seems to cause more damage than giving a few extra details. I know what you mean, though - I've seen other fics where the description gets to the point of saying things like " 'I don't know what you mean, Jack,' he said to Jack as he turned to him while turning off the TV," which is [i]definitely[/i] a severe case of overdescribing/detail cramming. But small tibits like Pegasus's discovery of the phone never seemed to fall under that category to me. I try to maintain a balance between too much and too little, since either we get walls of texts or, what I call, "dialogue drafts". Not saying that you're wrong, though, it's just my two cents on description.

I admit there are times where I've had some choppy or repetitive description - it's a habit I've been trying to break out of, yet somehow I always fall back into it, especially in Yugioh fics. Sometimes I'll get stuck on a word or a phrase and I'll have a hard time straying away from it. It isn't as evident here, but in some of the later chapters you could basically make a drinking game out of how many times I wrote "he drew". Like I said, the newer chapters [i]should[/i] be better; doesn't mean that they are, though. (To prove my point further: How many times have I said the word "though" in this response. XD)[/quote]

Happens to everyone.

[quote]Thanks again. I've definitely made a good choice posting here. The quality of your review from such a small prologue is baffling, considering every other site I've been to either A.) gives mindless praise or B.) says "Need to see more before I can respond better". You are clearly a very experienced writer and I look forward to your future critique. (Also, I started reading your own fic shortly before I joined this site. I'm not really a fan of 24, but I'll give it a go. It'll probably be a while before I catch up - I'm a slow reader.)

The next two chapters are actually something of a tutorial. When I originally wrote this, I wanted to make it readable even to non-Yugioh fans (I know, I don't know what I was thinking). It's justified, though, so it's not there for no reason at all.

(Note: My connection to this site got cut mid-way through this response, and I only managed to retrieve a portion of it. I'm pretty sure I've re-mentioned everything I intended to, but if something seems off, that's probably why.)
[/quote]

Ugh, don't get me starting on the running of this site. Sorry to put you off. Please stay.

That's probably the best way to go about it early on, I've had to do the same at times (haven't had the bottle to link other friends to 24 yet though). That would be awesome, take your time and hope you like it and feel free to comment whenever.

No worries, thanks for messaging back. Will probably be a while til I get round to reading Chapter 1 due to work (where I'm writing this now) and other commitments with rugby and stuff. Will most probably post you something Sunday. Hopefully some other guys will post their feedback in meantime.

[SerenadeDSM]

[quote name='Majestic Star Bahamut' timestamp='1340943671' post='5963696']
Hi.

Er, that's really the impression I've given you of this site?

Oh gawd, sorry...[/quote]


XD It's fine.

[quote]There are a large number of people here and with an interest in YGO, and they do drift in and out of this section, just usually most people seem to keep this length of review in reserve for utterly humiliating writers who haven't done so well with their pride and joy. But there are some who are alright.[/quote]


Well, that's true of most sites. Fanfiction sections tend to be the most abandoned parts of forums, with some spikes in activity over the summer/winter breaks. In the writing world, any publicity is good publicity, so I won't have any problems with iffy reviews.


[quote]*Remembers 18 months ago when I started writing my first fic and how bad it was looking back.* Good times.

Seeing development is part of the awesomeness, so that's cool.[/quote]

Yeah I agree. I hope to actually get published someday, so practicing with fanfiction seemed to be a pretty good choice.


[quote]Ugh, don't get me starting on the running of this site. Sorry to put you off. Please stay. [/quote]

Don't worry, I'm not going anywhere.


[quote]That's probably the best way to go about it early on, I've had to do the same at times (haven't had the bottle to link other friends to 24 yet though). That would be awesome, take your time and hope you like it and feel free to comment whenever.[/quote]

I plan to read at a steady pace; hopefully real-life commitments and other fanfic stuff don't hold me back too much.

[quote]No worries, thanks for messaging back. Will probably be a while til I get round to reading Chapter 1 due to work (where I'm writing this now) and other commitments with rugby and stuff. Will most probably post you something Sunday. Hopefully some other guys will post their feedback in meantime.
[/quote]

Thanks again for posting. Since I have a couple chapters stored up, I'll probably post two a week until the plot really starts to kick off before slowing into weekly chapters.

[Synchronized]

Hm, not bad. It's nice to have another member in this section with writing skills. For some reason, the Fan Fiction section has such little activity, and it's disappointing because other writers can't get critique and feedback on their work with such small amounts of members.

Anyway, the Prologue was intriguing. Despite the fact that many people criticize it, I'm often a fan of prior series cameos, as long as they're done right. The way you implemented Pegasus here was quite good, and you stayed true to the character as well while not making him an extremely relevant plot point. (At least not yet.)

I try to do the same.

The first Chapter was well done, if not a bit too wordy, but that's probably just because I have a short attention span. Obviously, for someone who knows the rules of the game, reading through that part of it may not be the most exciting, but I can completely understand why it was included and I suppose it did enhance the story somewhat so no complaints here.

Both duels were good - when I saw you were going to put two Duels in one episode I thought it might be overkill, but you managed to do it quite well and build some intrigue for the upcoming chapters.

Good to see we've got someone new who can write well.

[SerenadeDSM]

[quote name='Neo Galaxy' timestamp='1340990601' post='5963851']
Hm, not bad. It's nice to have another member in this section with writing skills. For some reason, the Fan Fiction section has such little activity, and it's disappointing because other writers can't get critique and feedback on their work with such small amounts of members.[/quote]

Yeah, that seems to be the case with most fanfic sections. Save for fanfiction.net (which I do not reccomend for decent reviews) there aren't very many sites that support specific fandoms. Oh well, we'll live.

[quote]Anyway, the Prologue was intriguing. Despite the fact that many people criticize it, I'm often a fan of prior series cameos, as long as they're done right. The way you implemented Pegasus here was quite good, and you stayed true to the character as well while not making him an extremely relevant plot point. (At least not yet.)

I try to do the same.[/quote]

Thanks. I don't have any problem with series characters appearing in fics, so long as they aren't the main focus/disrupt the flow of the story. Which is usually what happens.

[quote]The first Chapter was well done, if not a bit too wordy, but that's probably just because I have a short attention span. Obviously, for someone who knows the rules of the game, reading through that part of it may not be the most exciting, but I can completely understand why it was included and I suppose it did enhance the story somewhat so no complaints here.[/quote]

That's the general reaction. At least it's consistant. XD

[quote]Both duels were good - when I saw you were going to put two Duels in one episode I thought it might be overkill, but you managed to do it quite well and build some intrigue for the upcoming chapters.[/quote]

I figured that if the duel ended that quickly that could throw another in, especially since I needed Josh to throw that small outburst.

[quote]Good to see we've got someone new who can write well.
[/quote]

Thanks again, I feel quite at home already.

[SerenadeDSM]

[spoiler=Chapter Two]
[center][b][b]Chapter Two[/b][/b][/center]



Josh stared at the red-haired girl, moving his gaze from her face, down her blue silk sleeve until they reached the deck, and reversed the motion until he made eye contact. She wasn’t going to move until he gave an answer.

“Listen,” he said slowly making his way back to the table, “I appreciate the offer but this game isn’t meant for me. I’ll just keep losing.”

“Everyone has to start somewhere,” she said extending her arm so Josh was within reach, “You won’t even have to duel this time. I’ll teach you as I play.”

Josh paused for a moment. He didn’t want to duel anymore after today, but then again Dave would probably make him in the near future. Besides, what harm could watching be?

He lifted his hand, gently taking the deck from her and the girl motioned for him to follow. “This way.”

They circled the table, heading down to the other end near the vending machines. Josh cautiously shadowed his escort’s steps; he wasn’t sure why they were going this far for a lesson. When she stopped walking he noticed the two boys he dueled first were sitting down eating a bag of cheese doodles. Great, now this was going to be even more embarrassing.

“Excuse me,” she asked politely, “my friend doesn’t know how to duel properly yet. Do you mind if I duel you so I can teach him.”

While the one boy – Josh’s original opponent – shook his head showing his fingers covered in cheese, the other one smiled in agreement. “Sure,” he said, “I’ll duel.”

The two duelists arranged their decks in their proper places, drawing five cards each. The red haired girl glimpsed at Josh, who immediately leaned in to see what she held. “Just ask questions as the duel progresses,” she said humbly, “We’ll answer anything you don’t understand.”

“Okay.” Josh’s voice faded. The girl drew a card from her deck starting the match.

[center][Red-Head LP: (8000)] [Opponent LP: (8000)][/center]

She took the card and shoved it in the middle of the others before lifting them up for Josh to see. He recognized most of the cards, such as Tremendous Fire, Salamandra, Cross Counter and Hand Mimic, but the other two he hadn’t seen before. One was a monster called Flame Manipulator which showed a person in a torn purple shirt gritting his teeth with his veins popping. He noticed that the card had an ATK value of 900, and after his experience with lower ATK monsters, he figured the girl wouldn’t play it.

The last card was another orange-colored monster named Shadow Ghoul. It featured a tall green ghoul-like creature with long sharp claws and several bright red eyes covering its torso. This monster had 1600 ATK and an effect which Josh figured the girl would explain later, since he assumed she would play this card first. His mouth opened slightly when she pulled Flame Manipulator instead.

“I summon Flame Manipulator in Attack Position.” ([b][b]900[/b][/b]/1000)

“Hang on,” Josh interrupted pointing at Shadow Ghoul, “why didn’t you summon that monster instead when it’s clearly stronger.”

She studied the card he was referring to and then said, “Because it’s a level five monster.” She brought it closer and touched her index finger near the top. “Do you see these stars?”

Josh leaned in closer, “Yeah? What about them?”

“Every monster has a certain number of stars on them. The number of stars represents the monster’s level. Depending on the level of the monster, you need to offer other monsters on the field and send them to the Graveyard to summon the new one,” she pointed to Flame Manipulator before continuing, “Monsters whose level’s one through four don’t need to be sacrificed, so you can summon them with no problem. But after that you need to sacrifice.

“Levels five and six need one tribute. So on my next turn, if Flame Manipulator is still on the field, I will be able to summon a level five or six monster. Levels seven and eight need two tributes and levels nine and up need three. Most players don’t keep too many higher leveled cards in their deck because of that.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” he stood back allowing the duel to resume.

The girl took another card from her hand and placed it on the table. “I activate Salamandra and equip it Flame Manipulator. Now since it’s a Fire monster it gains 700 ATK.” ([b][b]900 --> 1600[/b][/b]/1000)

“Hold on, what do mean equip? And what the heck is a ‘Fire’ monster?”

Taking Flame Manipulator off the table, she turned and held it up in front of Josh’s gaze. “You see how it says ‘Fire’ in the top right corner?”

Josh blinked, “Yeah but I don’t get what it means.”

She returned it to its original spot, “That means it’s a Fire monster. Every monster has an ‘attribute’ in the top right corner of the card. These attributes are Light, Dark, Water, Fire, Wind and Earth. Since Salamandra can only be equipped to Fire monsters, Flame Manipulator is able to use it.”

Josh nodded slightly. “Okay, but what does an equip mean? I thought Spell cards went to the Graveyard after being used,” he gestured towards the card, “but it’s still on the field. Why’s that?”

“There are some Spell and Trap cards that stay on the field even after they’re activated,” she began, “This is one of them – Equip Spell Cards. These cards select one monster on the field and are, in a sense, attached to them. They remain on the field until the equipped monster is destroyed or they themselves are destroyed by a card effect. Most Equip Spells require a certain kind of monster to be on the field in order to be activated and usually increase the equipped monster’s stats.”

Returning to the game, she laid down another Spell Card. “I activate Hand Mimic. Now I draw cards until I hold the same number of cards as you.” One by one she added three new cards to her hand, showing them to Josh before slotting them in between her fingers. As she flashed them he saw two Normal Monsters and Spell Card.

“Now I place two cards face-down and end my turn.” Josh noticed that one of them was the Spell Card she had just drawn. He was about to ask why, but refrained from it so he wouldn’t ruin a potential strategy of hers.

“My draw,” the boy said eagerly. He slipped the card off the top and immediately threw another down. “I summon Maruading Captain in Attack Position –” ([b]1200[/b]/400) “ – and thanks to his effect I can Special Summon one level four or lower monster from my hand. So now I summon Dark Jeriod in Attack Position as well.” ([b]1200[/b]/1500)

“Wait a second!” Josh broke in, “How are you able to summon two monsters in one turn? I was told the rules only allow one per turn!”

The boy patted the air, making Josh realize that he must have been shouting. Once he became less tense, the boy answered.

“It’s called a Special Summon. Special Summons are normally only done through a card’s effect and don’t count towards the one-summon-per-turn restriction. In fact, you can do it as many times as you want. Plus,” he waved his hand at the red haired girl while saying this, “you don’t need to sacrifice monsters for level five and higher monsters. At least not usually.”

Josh absorbed this, then a small smile spread across his face. “Sounds cool.”

“Anyway,” the boy continued, “thanks to Dark Jeriod’s effect, I can decrease the ATK of one monster on the field by 800. And I pick your Flame Manipulator.” ([b][b]1600 --> 800[/b][/b]/1000) “Now I activate the Field Spell, Sogen.” He took the Spell Card from his hand placed it beside his monsters’ left.

“What’s a Field Spell?” Josh asked politely.

“A Field Spell is a kind of Spell Card that affects every monster on the field. They’re placed next to the Monster Card Zones opposite of the Graveyard and don’t count towards your maximum five Spell and Trap cards. There can only be one on the field at a time though, if another is activated the first one gets destroyed.”

“So they affect every monster?”

“Well, not every monster,” the boy shrugged, “it depends on the card. This one specifically increases the ATK and DEF of all Warrior and Beast-Warrior type monsters by 200.”

Just as Josh opened his mouth, the red-haired girl chimed in, “Just like how every monster has an attribute, every monster also a type. There are about twenty different types so I’m not going to list them all.”

The boy grinned then added, “Yep, and since my Marauding Captain is a Warrior it gains 200 ATK and DEF.” ([b][b]1200 --> 1400[/b][/b]/400 --> 600) “Now I’ll have Marauding Captain attack Flame Manipulator.”

“I activate the Quickplay Spell Card, Rush Recklessly,” she said flipping over the green card she played earlier. It featured a red boar that appeared to be dashing towards something. “Now I can select one monster on the field and increase its ATK by 700. I pick Flame Manipulator.” ([b][b]800 --> 1500[/b][/b]/1000)

“So I guess Marauding Captain is destroyed instead huh…” the boy moped, taking the Monster Card and moving it to the Graveyard. [Opponent LP: (8000 --> 7900)] He took another card and laid it face-down below Dark Jeriod. “I end my turn.”

“Wait, how were you able to use that Spell Card on your opponent’s turn?” Josh asked eyeing the boar on the card.

“Quickplay Spell cards are special because during your turn you can activate them from your hand at any time, even during the Battle Phase,” Josh noted this because of the way she spoke about them, “And if you play them face-down, they act as Trap Cards in a sense. You can’t activate them until at least your opponent’s next turn, but after that you can.”

“Yeah,” the boy said, “But their effects usually only last for one turn so Flame Manipulator loses its ATK bonus.” ([b][b]1500 --> 800[/b][/b]/1000)

“It doesn’t matter too much. I don’t need it anymore.” She drew a card and pulled out Tremendous Fire. “Now we both take damage to our Life Points. I take 500 while you take 1000.”

[center][Red-Head LP: (8000 --> 7500)] [Opponent LP: 7900 --> 6900)][/center]

“Next I activate Polymerization,” she laid down a card that resembled a hypnotic spiral. Around the bottom edges of it were two orange shapes that resembled some kind of monsters. “Now I take Flame Manipulator from my field and Masaki the Legendary Swordsman from my hand and Fusion Summon my Flame Swordsman.”

She discarded a green-armored samurai and moved both Flame Manipulator and Salamandra from their spots to the Graveyard. Then she took a card that was placed off to the side prior to the match and placed it vertically on the field. It was a purple card, despite it having an ATK and DEF value. This confused Josh greatly.

“Whoawhoawhoawhoa… What the heck just happened?”

All three of them looked up to Josh as if he was growing a third arm. For a second it seemed they had forgotten he was there.

“Sorry, that must’ve been a lot to take in. It was a Fusion Summon,” she stated when repositioned herself in her seat, “Fusion Summons are a type of Special Summon that’s used to summon purple Monster Cards from the Extra Deck, which is located under the Field Spell Zone.”

She touched the referenced spot, “Fusion Monsters are never placed in the regular deck or in your hand. They’re only called out after using a card like Polymerization by sending the monsters listed on its text to the Graveyard. There [i][i]are[/i][/i] other methods to summon these monsters, but this one is most common.”

She turned back to her opponent before saying, “I summon Flame Swordsman in Attack Position and since it’s a Warrior monster it gains 200 ATK and DEF.” ([b][b]1800 --> 2000[/b][/b]/1600 --> 1800) “And since I still get my one summon, I play Blue-Winged Crown in Attack Position as well.” ([b]1600[/b]/1200) “Now I’ll have Flame Swordsman attack Dark Jeriod.”

“I activate my Trap, Spellbinding Circle,” he said flipping it, “Now I can select one monster on the field and that monster can’t attack or change its battle position anymore.”

With her plan foiled, she decided to improvise. “In that case I’ll attack with Blue-Winged Crown instead. Then I’ll end my turn.”

[center][Red-Head LP: (7500)] [Opponent LP: (6900 --> 6500)][/center]

“Okay,” he said drawing a card. “Now –”

“Why didn’t Spellbinding Circle go to the Graveyard?” Josh interrupted again. “I thought they did that after they were used.”

“It’s a Continuous Trap Card,” the boy replied readying his next card, “Both Spells and Traps have Continuous counterparts. Like the name implies they stay on the field until they’re destroyed by a card’s effect.”

“How do you guys remember all of these rules?”

Both players shrugged their shoulders. “You get used to it.”

The boy looked back to the red-haired girl, who was adjusting her sleeves. “I’ll play one monster in face-down Defense Position and end my turn.”

The girl drew a new card, which Josh saw was a monster. It showed a light blue bat-headed bird floating in the sky with its wings aimed at the left part of the image as if it were striking at something off screen. She took her Flame Swordsman and immediately replaced it with a new card.

“I sacrifice Flame Swordsman to summon Shadow Ghoul in Attack Position.” ([b][b]1600[/b][/b]/1300) “With its effect, it gains 100 ATK for every monster in my Graveyard and I count three –” ([b][b]1600 --> 1900[/b]/[/b]1300) “– Now I’ll use Shadow Ghoul to attack your face-down monster.”

The boy flipped the card over, revealing it to be the same card that the red-haired girl had just drawn, named Stealth Bird. (700/[b][b]1700[/b][/b]) Since it was destroyed by Shadow Ghoul, he lifted it up, only to be put back down into the discard pile.

“Since you have no monsters, I’ll have Blue-Winged Crown attack you directly.”

[center][Red-Head LP: (7500)] [Opponent LP: (6500 --> 4900)][/center]

With that the boy sprung for his deck. “My turn. First I’ll activate Soul Taker. This card destroys one monster you control but in exchange you gain 1000 Life Points. So I’ll use it to destroy Shadow Ghoul.” [Red-Head LP: (7500 --> 8500)]

He took another card and tossed it down in front of him. This one resembled a woman wearing Greek armor with a cape swooping down, covering most of the foreground. She held a staff that had several blades shooting out near both ends.

“Next I’ll summon Crimson Sentry, and since it’s a Warrior monster it gains 200 ATK and DEF –” ([b][b]1500 --> 1700[/b][/b]/1200 --> 1400) “– Now I’ll use it to attack your Blue-Winged Crown.”

With that the girl moved her card to the discard pile with no sign of worry in her actions. [Red-Head LP: (8500 --> 8400)] She drew a new card, and played it immediately.

“I activate my own Soul Taker. Now I’ll destroy your monster and you get 1000 Life Points.” [Opponent LP: (4900 --> 5900)] She moved her Stealth Bird card from her hand and laid it on the table face-down horizontally before calmly saying, “Your turn.”

The boy drew again and played a new monster on the table. It was a samurai with green armor – the same one the red haired girl used to Fusion Summon Flame Swordsman. “I summon Masaki the Legendary Warrior. Like the name says it’s a Warrior monster so it benefits from Sogen’s boost.” ([b][b]1100 -->1300[/b][/b]/1100 --> 1300) “Now I’ll have it attack your face-down monster.”

She flipped it over to reveal it to be Stealth Bird, then overturned the card directly below it as well. “I activate Cross Counter. Now your monster is destroyed and the damage inflicted is doubled.” The boy took a moment to think, then unwilling tossed his monster to the Graveyard.

“I end my turn.”

[center][Red-Head LP: (8400)] [Opponent LP: (5900 --> 5100)][/center]

Josh saw the card the girl had drawn next appeared to be a blue cross with its sides raised up slightly. A red gem was engraved in its center and ribbons spiraled down from them gracefully until they met at the cross’s base. This was the first time Josh felt pleased to see a card like this – maybe it’s just because he likes pretty pictures. The girl placed it down declaring its name.

“I activate the Spell Card, Monster Reborn. Now I can Special Summon one monster from either player’s Graveyard to my side of the field. And I choose Flame Swordsman.”

Josh intervened again, this time with excitement instead of confusion: “You can Special Summon monsters from the Graveyard?”

The girl turned to him with a cheerful smile. “Of course. The cards’ effects are half the game. With the right cards you can do anything really.” She dug through the pile of cards above her deck and returned the purple Monster Card to the field center of the field. “And since Sogen’s still on the field it gains 200 ATK and DEF –” ([b][b]1800 --> 2000[/b][/b]/1600 --> 1800) “– Now I’ll switch Stealth Bird to Attack Position and have both of my monster attack you directly.”

[center][Red-Head LP: (8400)] [Opponent LP: (5100 --> 3100 --> 2400)][/center]

“Next I activate Stealth Bird’s effect. I can flip it into face-down Defense Position once per turn.” She did so as she explained, “And I end my turn.”

Josh moved closer as the duel began to grow more heated. The boy drew a card silently and, after reading it over, placed it next to his deck. “I activate Swords of Revealing Light. Now all your face-down monsters are flipped face-up and you can’t attack for three turns.” He dragged his hand across the table until it came to his lap. “Your move.”

The girl repeated the pattern that Josh started to become too familiar with. She skimmed over the card, then: “I activate De-Spell which allows me to destroy one Spell Card on the field. So your swords are destroyed.” The boy reluctantly brushed the card over to the side. He was done. No eye contact was made while she turned her Stealth Bird so it was straight. “I’ll have both my monsters attack you directly.”

[center][Red-Head LP: (8400)] [Opponent LP: (2400 --> 1700 --> 0)][/center]

The boy scooped up his cards and formed them back into a single pile. He shook hands with his opponent, who thanked him for the help. He nodded, turned to Josh saying “Have fun dueling,” and left with his friend who was still chewing on snacks. The red-haired girl took her cards together and stood up in front of Josh.

“Thanks for teaching me how to duel, uh –”

“Elisa,” she stated quietly.

“Thanks Elisa. I think I’ll give dueling another shot.”

“No problem. I knew you would,” she started to walked away, stopped then added, “Catch ya ‘round.”

Josh watched her leave before looking to his own deck. He pulled the top card, bringing it to eye level as he brought the deck to his side. He smiled to himself when he saw it was Monster Reborn.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


For about twenty minutes Josh loitered near the sign where he and Dave had separated. He assumed they would meet there, since it was an unspoken rule between them to meet in the last spot they saw each other. To keep himself busy he fumbled with the cards in his left hand – by doing so he had taught himself how to shuffle one-handed – and played with his sweatshirt’s zipper with his right. He knew Dave should’ve been almost done by now, how long could an Elimination Tournament take?

The moment this question popped into Josh’s mind, Dave came running over.

“I made the top sixteen!” Dave shouted in excitement before Josh could ask how he did.

“That’s great,” Josh said sharing his enthusiasm. “Was it hard getting in?”

Dave took a moment to catch his breath. “Yeah. I had to win at least six duels. These guys are tough, but I won all eight matches so I’m not too worried.”

Eight matches? Josh knew the place was packed but could only imagine how crowded the arena must have been. Hopefully he would be able to get a decent seat.

“How’d your duels go?” Dave asked eyeing Josh’s new deck of cards.

Josh followed Dave’s stare and his shuffling immediately seized. “I lost every game,” He muttered. Then he looked up to Dave so he wouldn’t be concerned, “but this girl named Elisa showed me how to duel. I like it, I just suck.”

Dave smiled, “Well, we all start somewhere.”

“I guess so,” Josh agreed, and shoved the deck into his pocket. “So what should we do now?”

“I dunno.” Dave stared at his feet for a moment thinking. Josh did the same until when a kid a few years younger than them came over. He was short with a black mop for hair that spiked out at the sides until they met at a single point near his hips. His bangs fell over his forehead as he approached.

“Are you Dave Litenur?” the kid asked.

Dave lifted his head, “Yeah that’s me.”

“You ran away before I could give you this.”

The kid handed him a sheet of paper that listed the participants of the tournament as well the rules for the competition. On the top was the image of a blue dragon similar to the statues that stood outside of the building.

“Make sure you show up at 10:25 sharp tomorrow morning,” he stated as if he were reading off a script, “Bring friends and don’t be late.”

The boy ran in the opposite direction before Dave could thank him.

“Looks like people really take this game seriously,” Josh said, looking over the sheet.

“You have no idea.”


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


The boy rushed to the side of the building near an emergency exit door. His long black hair floated in the air as a single unit until he met with a brown haired man on a cell phone. The man’s white blazer had sharp shoulder pads and went all the way down to his feet, but when it reached his hips it stuck out in a dramatic fashion that made it resemble the sharp edges of a dragon’s wings.

“Seto, I finished handing out the information to th–” A hand halted the boy’s words as the man continued to talk into the phone.

“Yes, I understand. We’ll keep an eye out.” He ended the phone conversation by pressing a button and held it down before he spoke again, “That was Pegasus. Someone’s hacked into their databases last night.”

The boy’s pupils widened. “What do you think we should do?”

The man turned his back to the boy before answering, “There’s not much we can do until the tournament’s over. But until we should beef up security so that nothing happens to us.” He glanced over his shoulder, “Mokuba, I want you to go to all the security guards and inform them about this mishap.”

The boy nodded, “Right.”

The man heard Mokuba’s footsteps fade and then mumbled to himself, still holding the cell phone. He tighten his grip on it as if it was about to jump out of his hand.

[i][i]What the hell is going on…[/i][/i]


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]

[center]Card Analyzer activated…[/center]

[center]Accessing Card Database… Searching for Card Data …[/center]

[center]… Data Found:[/center]


[center][b][b]Hand Mimic[/b][/b][/center]
[center][Spell][/center]
[center]Activate only if you have less cards in your hand than your opponent. Draw cards from your Deck until the amount of cards in each player’s hand is equal.[/center]
[/spoiler]

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Right, read chapter one. At long last, I know, sorry. Been tied up a lot last few days.

Um... how old is this fic again?

Because the cards are very old, although that may be a misleading effect of the packs used for the starter duelist tourney. Also was Hand Mimic a anime/manga card, or a custom one? Don't recognise it. Not complaining, just curious.

The early set up of Kaiba Corp was nice, although Josh and Dave are possibly... the least heroic names since FF4's Dark Knight Sir Cecil. (I say that but cultural differences probably come into play here, Josh and Dave probably sound quite exotic and cool to people from Asian whereas Daiki and Natsumi are everyday and boring). Also the duels... are taking place on table top... with 8000 LP. Okay....

It's chapter one, but there's not much happening. There's no real hook of any kind, no real promise of a storyline that the prologue set up, which was disappointing. I don't want to be harsh, but there was nothing that screamed at me or made me shout "OMG WHAT THE HELL!? MUST READ ON!"

Ps: Tip; chapters can be put in spoilers (like in my sig for example) by using the following coding if you so desire (minus *'s)

[*spoiler=Chapter Title*] Chapter [*/spoiler*]

[SerenadeDSM]

[quote name='Majestic Star Bahamut' timestamp='1341259158' post='5965632']
Right, read chapter one. At long last, I know, sorry. Been tied up a lot last few days.

Um... how old is this fic again?

Because the cards are very old, although that may be a misleading effect of the packs used for the starter duelist tourney. Also was Hand Mimic a anime/manga card, or a custom one? Don't recognise it. Not complaining, just curious.[/quote]

No worries, happens to all of us.

Only about a year and a half. The cards were meant to be randomized, since it's just a booster pack casual. I figured seeing old cards would be a little refreshing since, I've noticed, most cards seem to have that "GO GO [i]GO[/i]!" feel to them. That, and this fic takes place in the DM universe, so most newer cards seem weird here (although I do sneak in a lot more than you'd expect).

Hand Mimic is indeed a custom card. The cards I made up are going to be analyzed chapterly (made up a word XD) during that ending sequence.

[quote]The early set up of Kaiba Corp was nice, although Josh and Dave are possibly... the least heroic names since FF4's Dark Knight Sir Cecil. (I say that but cultural differences probably come into play here, Josh and Dave probably sound quite exotic and cool to people from Asian whereas Daiki and Natsumi are everyday and boring). Also the duels... are taking place on table top... with 8000 LP. Okay....[/quote]

Eh, the names aren't so much an issue here, since the only real names that stand out are Kaiba, Mokuba and Pegasus. The rest use English names.

Tabletop duels are only for the first two chapters. After that, all main duels will be with holograms, and the quality will significantly improve.

[quote]It's chapter one, but there's not much happening. There's no real hook of any kind, no real promise of a storyline that the prologue set up, which was disappointing. I don't want to be harsh, but there was nothing that screamed at me or made me shout "OMG WHAT THE HELL!? MUST READ ON!"[/quote]

Can't disagree. That's the main reason I regret making the first two chapters a tutorial, so I've learned my lesson for the future. I apologize about that.

Not much else I can say on that subject. :/

Pacing will improve after the tutorial's over, I promise.

[quote]Ps: Tip; chapters can be put in spoilers (like in my sig for example) by using the following coding if you so desire (minus *'s)

[*spoiler=Chapter Title*] Chapter [*/spoiler*]
[/quote]

Other forums I've been on actually forbid doing that type of thing, and I couldn't find it anywhere in the rules, so I just posted normally. But I guess it wouldn't hurt to jump on the bandwagon. I'll do that now.

EDIT: Actually, I just tried to view the chapters again now and all I could see was the title, so I dropped the spoiler tags. I tried. XD

[SerenadeDSM]

Now that the actual plot has kicked off, I'll start posting chapters on a weekly basis

[spoiler=Chapter Three]

[center][b][b]Chapter Three[/b][/b][/center]



Darkness surrounded Josh as he headed down the city street. Only the inconsistent noises of cars and cats in the distance stood out to him. The rest seemed to be nonexistent, as if he were the only human being for miles.

Every so often he would look over his shoulder to see if anything was behind him and every time the result was the same. Nothing. Josh continued down his path, slowing his pace with each step. Not his steps, he thought. His anxiety told him that someone was after him, but over and over again he proved this to be wrong.

He passed under a streetlight, stopping to survey the area. Once again only the horns from afar could be heard. He grabbed his zipper, closing his sweatshirt while his eyes traveled. It wasn’t unusual to feel nervous while walking around at night. Right?

Still walking down the same road, he started to calm down. Nothing was going to happen. All he had to do was go home and go to sleep, then everything would be back to normal. A sharp crash from a garbage can broke this mindset and Josh’s head swirled around vigorously trying to find the source. His head sank down into his neck trying to suppress a yell.

In the alleyway nearby, a figure stood beside an overturned garbage can defiantly facing Josh’s direction; although its features were covered by shadows, its large spikey hair towered over the rest of its body, leaving Josh to believe it was some kind of monster. When the “monster” noticed it had been spotted, it dashed into the abyss of darkness in between the brick walls. Josh instinctively ran after it, shouting to wait for him.

The figure was fast; Josh had a hard time keeping it in sight before it faded into the night. Although he could no longer see where it was, he knew it had to be straight ahead – there was no other path to take.

He found himself at the bottom of a stone barrier that stopped him from moving any further. He looked up to check if there was a ladder or anything that the figure could have used to get around it but found nothing. Josh felt the cold air settle on his face as he gazed at the moonlit sky. Whatever that thing was, it had escaped.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


“Heeeeeeeello everybody! This is 9:00 talk-radio with your host Steven Belwix! Today we have an exciting interview with the president of Dayos Entertainment, Mr. Cain Dayos! But first our opening songs! …”

An unruly jingle played over the pleasant chirps from the window of Josh’s room. Either the ice cream man was working earlier today or the radio station was set to play circus music. He couldn’t tell.

Josh dragged himself out of bed, rubbing his head to pat down all his brown hair that stood up in random directions. While picking out what clothes to wear, he heard the radio return to the interview that was on before. They were talking something about rivers or streams. Josh was too tired to actually pay attention to it.

He opened the bathroom door, walking over to the sink to splash some water on his face. He figured that since he showered yesterday it wouldn’t be a big deal if he skipped taking one today. It’s not like anyone he knows, besides Dave, would be with them and since Dave was his roommate he knew that he wouldn’t care.

Just as he was about to leave his room, he noticed his Card Analyzer lying on his desk. Figuring that he wouldn’t understand anything that was going to happen today, he grabbed it and switched it on. He looked to his deck, which was held in a small compartment behind the device’s screen, and closed the seal so none of the cards would fall out. It’s not like he was planning to use it, but Dave would probably want to talk about his cards while they were waiting for his match to start.

Heading down the stairway he stepped over to the kitchen in search of his sweatshirt, finally finding it hanging over a chair by the counter. As he threw it on, he noticed Dave had forgotten his lucky hat. It was a simple baseball cap with a camouflage design, but he had hardly ever seen Dave leave the house without it even if he wasn’t wearing it. He figured Dave was probably too nervous to remember it, so he scooped it up as he made his way to the front door. In less than an hour Dave would be on stage.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


When Josh arrived at the dome-like building, he found Dave patiently waiting by one the dragon statues near the entrance, separating himself from the large crowd outside.

“Oh good, I thought I would have to leave without you,” he said opening the door leading inside.

Josh smiled.

“Yeah, you left in a hurry. You forgot this,” he said, waving the baseball cap in front of him. Dave’s hands reflexively jumped to his head before calmly reaching for the hat.

“I guess I’m a little too excited about this.”

The two laughed as Dave plopped the hat onto his dark brown hair, concealing it under the green cover.

“Hurry up,” Dave said as he opened the door leading inside, “I’m not sure how long the reservation on our seats will last.”

The two made their way through the wall of people, eventually reaching the sign where they had met at the day before. They took a right, heading for an arch-shaped hallway. There seemed to be less people in this area but that was probably because they were more spread out than they were in the vestibule.

After passing through the hallway they arrived in the arena. It was larger than Josh anticipated; he had a hard time believing they were standing in the same building they had entered. Dave tugged onto his sleeve, then the duo roamed around the bleachers until they found their seats.

“Third row, seats fourteen and fifteen. Yep these are ours.” Dave dropped his body into seat number fifteen, motioning to Josh to sit in the seat next to him.

“When do you play against the others?” Josh asked sitting calmly.

“I dunno,” Dave said staring at the stadium around them. He brought his attention to the platform in the center of the room. It was raised slightly off the ground, just high enough so the audience would be able to see the duelist standing on it without having to bend forward. Dave turned his head to Josh who was also glancing around. “As long as I get to duel I don’t really care.”

Dave and Josh chatted while they waited for the stadium to fill up. Apparently there was supposed to be some kind of an announcement before the tournament started. Maybe then Josh would be able to figure out whether or not these ‘duels’ are something worth getting involved in. Like Josh predicted, Dave was talking to him about his new deck.

“So what’s your favorite kind of cards so far?”

Josh slid the pile out of his Card Analyzer, sliding each one out individually. “I’m not sure. I kinda like cards that Special Summon monsters.”

“Oh there are plenty of decks like that,” he said leaning over the armrest to get a better view of Josh’s cards.

“Are there?” [i][i]He’s gonna make me build a deck later isn’t he?[/i][/i]

“Yeah. Let’s go over to the card shop tomorrow, maybe we can build you a deck!”

[i][i]I knew it…[/i][/i]

At that moment the lights dimmed, and a spotlight shone onto the center of the stadium. On stage a man wearing a tuxedo and dark sunglasses stood in the middle holding a microphone. Josh looked around to see that every seat had been filled, except one. The one right next to Dave.

[i][i]Looks like someone’s gonna miss the show,[/i][/i] he thought. The announcer tapped on the microphone with his finger before holding it up to his face.

“Welcome ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please! The Second Grand Championship Tournament is about to begin. But first we must go over the instructions for this event.

“All sixteen duelists will duel until they are eliminated either by losing all of their Life Points, surrendering or a Deck-Out –”

“When a player runs out of cards in their deck and can’t draw anymore,” Dave whispered to Josh.

“– and the winners will continue onto the next round. The top two finalists will be able to beta test a brand new line of cards that has recently been developed by Industrial Illusions. The winner of the final round will be able to duel none other than the owner of KaibaCorp and the host of this tournament, everyone please give a hand to the great, Seto Kaiba!”

Another spotlight shot onto the corner of the stadium’s platform. A man in a white blazer walked arrogantly towards the announcer. The somber expression on his face gave him a detached aura, since he acted indifferent to the cheering that took place.

[i][i]So that’s the host of this tournament[/i][/i]. Josh’s thoughts were interrupted by a man who bumped into him trying to squeeze his way through the aisle. When he stood up to allow him to pass he noticed the man’s leather jacket and his spikey hair that was overshadowed by the darkness around them. The man sunk into the seat next to Dave, leaving Josh to fall back to his.

[i][i]You could at least say ‘Excuse me’…[/i][/i]

The man, who the crowd knew as Seto Kaiba, shook hands with the announcer. He handed the microphone to Kaiba who held it to his mouth. The noise almost instantly died down.

“That’s right. The winner of this tournament will be able to duel me. However, don’t expect this to be easy. Even if you make it the final round and defeat your opponent, you still won’t hold the Championship title unless you manage to defeat me, which will never happen so long as I hold my Blue-Eyes White Dragon cards.

“In a few seconds the pairings for the first round will be downloaded wirelessly into your Card Analyzers. Take a moment to go over your decks and feel free to walk around the building during and in between duels. All of the duels will be shown on the screens overhead in all rooms in this facility. Participants must be present on the stage within five minutes of the start of their round. If they don’t show, then they’ll be disqualified.”

He paused dramatically, then shot his arm into the air, “Now let’s duel!” The crowd began to shout mindlessly, flailing their arms as if they were trying to swat something invisible to everyone but them.

Dave turned on his Card Analyzer with Josh over his shoulder watching the download meter race across the screen. Once it reached the other end, a new file opened automatically.



[center][u][u]Match Pairings (Round 1)[/u][/u][/center]

[center]Match 1: Katherine Jadon vs. Geremy Valdito[/center]
[center]Match 2: Hannah Werra vs. Paul Hillburg[/center]
[center]Match 3: Maria Aloma vs. Joseph Phillips[/center]
[center]Match 4: Adam Prince vs. Simon Phaze[/center]
[center]Match 5: Rachael Torap vs. Dave Litenur[/center]
[center]Match 6: Lucas Coffing vs. Jacob Front[/center]
[center]Match 7: Mike Well vs. Sam Blirr[/center]
[center]Match 8: Peter Grail vs. Chloe Grenshot[/center]


Commotion flowed throughout the area, each person discussing the duels in some way or another.

“Looks like you don’t go on for a while,” said Josh. Dave shoved the Card Analyzer back into his pocket.

“Yeah. You wanna go eat something while we wait? We got time.”

“Sure.”


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


Now that the tournament had begun the cafeteria’s kitchen started to cook meals for those watching the duels. Josh stumbled over to the end of one of the tables with a paper plate in each hand. Both plates held a slice of pepperoni pizza with their points hanging off the sides. He placed one plate down next to Dave, who was concentrating on his deck so intently that he didn’t notice Josh until the smell of pepperoni had reached his nose.

“So, how do ya feel?” Josh asked, taking a seat on the opposite side of the table.

“I’m fine,” Dave said, running the cards back and forward between his fingers. “I’m not nervous if that’s what you’re asking. I just can’t wait to use this deck. I’ve been building it for six years waiting for a day like this.”

Josh took a bite out of his slice. “Really? What’s so special about today?”

Dave put his deck back into his Card Analyzer and sealed the lid. He put it beside his plate and started eating as well. “Not so much the day, but the tournament. I’ll finally be able to duel a famous duelist like Seto Kaiba.

“Ever since I learned that Kaiba had been defeated by Yugi Muto I’ve gotten interested in dueling with that dream. With that in mind I’ve built my deck so that it would be able to stand up against the powerful monsters that famous duelists like them use. It took me all this time but I think I have a good chance.”

“So you think you can beat him?”

Dave nodded, he still had hardly touched his meal. “As soon as I found out about this tournament I’ve collected my best cards together. Just a few weeks ago I’ve gotten my hands on the card that will cripple Kaiba’s most powerful monsters – the Blue Eye White Dragons.”

Josh was about mid-bite when he stopped to speak. “Oh yeah he mentioned those things before. What’s so special about them?”

“They’re one of the most powerful Dragon-type monsters in the world. And he owns the only three copies in existence. It’s his signature card.”

“Signature card huh?” He said, chomping into his pizza.

“Yeah, most duelists have a card that they associate best with.” Dave finally began to eat at this point. His voice indicated that he was really driven to win this tournament.

“If that’s the case, what’s yours?”

Dave stopped eating (which annoyed Josh a little because he bought the pizza for a reason) and smiled to himself. “Mine’s called Black Luster Soldier,” he paused to bite then placed the slice back down. “It matches the Blue-Eyes White Dragon perfectly in strength and it’s easier to summon than most monsters that strong.”

“How’s that?”

Once again Dave smiled to himself, “You’ll see.”

Overhead on a wide television screen, the current duel in the arena was being displayed. It showed the two duelists wearing their Duel Disks, placing cards on them, and the monsters on the cards would appear before the crowd.

“Hey Dave,” Josh said watching the duel, “how are they able to bring out all these monsters. They’re not real right?”

Dave laughed, “Of course not. The Duel Disk is just a hologram projector. You play the cards on them and they project the image with Solid Vision technology. It just makes the duels more exciting.”

“Oh that makes sense.” At least he knew that he wouldn’t be bored watching people pick up cards and putting them back on a table. Now he understood why everyone was so into this game.

“And the winner is Maria Aloma!” The announcer shouted over the intercom, which echoed throughout the building. “Next up is Match Four: Adam Prince vs. Simon Phaze!”

Upon hearing this Dave turned to Josh, “We’d better hurry up. I don’t want to be late.”

Josh sat with an empty plate while he watched Dave devour his pizza in anticipation of his match.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


Dave hustled over to his seat while Josh dragged slowly behind. Josh noticed that the kid who bumped into him earlier wasn’t in his seat, and figured he would have to deal with that again later. He sat down and gazed at the two participants who took the show.

On the side closest to them was a skinny teenage duelist who appeared to have gotten up late this morning because his hair was standing straight up and curled unnaturally in the opposite direction of his head. Not only that but he yawned every four seconds, even while he spoke. In front of him was a gigantic version of a face-down card and a clown that wore red pajamas with a blue cape draping down its back. It also had a red double-pointed nightcap on top of its purple hair, which apparently obstructed its vision.

On the opposite side was a proud teenage duelist wearing a gray leather jacket. Unlike his opponent, his short, dark hair was gelled into perfect little spikes lined the top of his head. None of it appeared to go past his ears, except upon closer examination where Josh noticed a single thick piece of red hovered over the right side of his nose. He looked at the empty seat next to Dave, then back at this man and realized they must be the same person.

This duelist had a face-down card in front of him as well. Only instead of a clown, a purple dragon with yellow spikes on its wings stood readying to pouch on its enemy. Josh was about to check the score when he heard people talking behind him.

“This Adam kid is good.”

“Yeah, it’s only been three turns and he practically has the other guy in a corner.”

“What was that kind of monster he keeps summoning from the Graveyard?”

“Oh those Fallen Monsters? I heard those were really rare, most people only own two or three.”

“Yeah, I hear this guy has a whole deck full of ‘em. Must be rich or som’thing.”

Looks like Dave was going up against some tough competition. But certainly Dave knew more about his opponents than he did. Josh turned on his Card Analyzer to download the data from the current duel.

[center][Adam LP: (5600)] [Simon LP: (2200)][/center]

He brought his attention back up to the stage watching the match unfold.

“I activate Block Attack! With it I can switch an Attack Position monster to Defense Position, and I pick my Dream Clown.” The bed-headed boy, named Simon, took one of the cards he held and thrust it into his Duel Disk. A larger image of the card flashed to his side, then glowed extravagantly. In response to its glow, the clown knelt down, signifying a change in battle position.

“And since Dream Clown was changed from Attack to Defense Position, I can use its effect to destroy one monster on your side of the field. So say good-bye to your dragon!”

Clouds emitted from the clown’s nightcap, growing bigger and bigger as they drifted away. When they were about half way between the two creatures, they became dark storm clouds that darted in the dragon’s direction.

“I activate Fallen Koumori Dragon’s effect,” said Adam, pointing to the face-down card in front of him. “By destroying one face-down card I control I can negate your card’s effect and destroy it.”

The card ignited into a purple blaze which shot up into the air. It made contact with the storms clouds successfully reducing them to vapor as it traveled. When it reached Dream Clown, its nightcap caught on fire, causing it to dance around spastically. Eventually, the fire covered it entirely until ashes were left in its place.

“Whoa… he is good,” Josh mumbled to himself. In the corner of his eye he could see that Dave shared his amazement. He couldn’t tell exactly what he was thinking, but knew that this guy would be a major obstacle in accomplishing his goal.

Simon took a moment to absorb what happened in front of him. He flipped over a card on his Duel Disk then said, “Don’t think I’m defenseless just ‘cause you destroyed my Dream Clown. I activate Scapegoat.”

The face-down card rose up, revealing a picture of four spherical sheep, in varying colors, floating in a field of clouds. At moment later, the sheep depicted on the card floated out, landing gently onto the stadium’s floor. (0/[b][b]0[/b][/b]) [x4]

With a short yawn, Simon quickly switched to a grin. “Good luck getting past these guys. By the time you do I’ll have a new strategy ready to defeat you.”

“I don’t need luck,” Adam sternly stated as he pulled a card off of his wrist. “I sacrifice my Fallen Koumori Dragon in order to Special Summon Fallen Summoned Skull from my Graveyard.”

Suddenly, the dragon dematerialized, forming into an orb of bright blue light. It changed to a yellow-ish shade then sparked towards the ground. When the static ended, a zombie-like figure floated a few inches above it. On its head, two tremendous horns curled out and back facing its nose. It flexed its powerful chest, thrust out its demonic dark blue wings and roared aimlessly at the sky. ([b][b]2500[/b][/b]/1200)

“Fallen Summoned Skull, attack one of his sheep. Lightning Strike!”

The monster roared again, this time generating sparks from its horns, shooting them towards the sheep with an ear-piercing bang. It crashed onto the blue sheep, who had no time to react before it had been obliterated. Simon, trembling, managed to pull himself together.

“I-It’s not like it matters! My Sheep Token was in Defense Position so I don’t take any damage.”

“Not quite. When Fallen Summoned Skull destroys a Defense Position monster you take damage equal to the difference between its ATK and your monster’s DEF.”

Simon gasped, staring at the meter on his Duel Disk until only a single digit remained.

[center][Adam LP: (5600)] [Simon LP: (2200 --> 0)][/center]

“The winner the Adam Prince!”

Uproar from the crowd answered the announcer’s enthusiastic statement. It went on for several minutes, almost as long as when Kaiba had entered, as they watched Adam step off the ring.

“Next up is Match Five: Rachael Torap vs. Dave Litenur!”

Josh turned to Dave and stuck out his hand. “Go get’em man.”

Dave slapped his own hand on top before fighting his way through the audience. Obviously the duel had made him nervous for his match but he hid it well. Not like it mattered, this was a special occasion. Finally Josh would see him duel.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


[center]Card Analyzer activated…[/center]

[center]Accessing Card Database… Searching for Card Data …[/center]

[center]… Data Found:[/center]


[center][b][b]Fallen Summoned Skull[/b][/b][/center]
[center]******[/center]
[center][Dark][/center]
[center][Fiend/Effect][/center]
[center](2500/1200)[/center]
[center]This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can Special Summon itself from the Graveyard by offering 1 monster on your side of the field as a Tribute. You can only Special Summon 1 “Fallen” monster this way per turn. If a non-“Fallen” monster exists in your Graveyard, you may not Special Summon this card this way. This card’s name is also treated as “Summoned Skull”. When this card attacks with an ATK that is higher than the DEF of a Defense Position monster, inflict the difference as Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points.[/center]
[/spoiler]

[Frybread002]

Actually I would disagree with Bahamut about the first two chapters being tutorials; I have NEVER read a book where the first page is eye-catching and the fact that you took the time for a turtorial was actually a neat way to way introduce Josh's lack of experience. For me, I personally seen a lot of myself in Josh, as all of us went through that process of learning and to see all of the human interactions from all of the people is especially entertaining.

As for the grammer...I really didn't care much for it.
I have a huge english grammer problem in real life, so I have always enjoyed simple words that I can read. Not only that, but I also do love simple english names as well, as it is a change of pace for me from all of the role-plays and fan-fics that I read here. It's really easy for me to remember.

Before I end this post, I just wanna say that I haven't read the chapter yet, but when I have some more free time, you definately have me as an audience.

P.S. You really should put your stuff in spoilers. Like Bahamut said, it makes things look nice.

[SerenadeDSM]

[quote name='LowDog002' timestamp='1341608704' post='5968800']
Actually I would disagree with Bahamut about the first two chapters being tutorials; I have NEVER read a book where the first page is eye-catching and the fact that you took the time for a turtorial was actually a neat way to way introduce Josh's lack of experience. For me, I personally seen a lot of myself in Josh, as all of us went through that process of learning and to see all of the human interactions from all of the people is especially entertaining.[/quote]


Glad you enjoyed it. I've always received mixed reactions to the tutorial, so it's good to see some people like it.

[quote]As for the grammer...I really didn't care much for it.
I have a huge english grammer problem in real life, so I have always enjoyed simple words that I can read. Not only that, but I also do love simple english names as well, as it is a change of pace for me from all of the role-plays and fan-fics that I read here. It's really easy for me to remember.[/quote]

This part confused me a bit - the first sentence implies you didn't like the grammar, but the rest of the paragraph implies you did. XD For now I'll assume it's the latter and say thanks.

[quote]Before I end this post, I just wanna say that I haven't read the chapter yet, but when I have some more free time, you definately have me as an audience.[/quote]

Thanks LowDog002! I look forward your future responses. Take your time though; everyone reads at their own pace.

[quote]P.S. You really should put your stuff in spoilers. Like Bahamut said, it makes things look nice.
[/quote]

I wasn't totally against the idea at first, but when I actually formed the spoiler tags it only showed the first line. I did it again now and it works fine, so I guess it was just some weird glitch. Needless to say, chapters will be spoiler'd from here on. (And I agree, it does look nicer. I wonder why other forums are so opposed to it?)

[SerenadeDSM]

[spoiler=Chapter Four]
[center][b][center][b]Chapter Four[/b][/center][/b][/center]


The crowd cheered as both duelists walked onto the stage. Dave took his position on the side opposite from his seat, so Josh had a direct view of him. His opponent was a girl dressed in a red and yellow plaid top and worn jeans. Both participants prepared their decks waiting for the announcer to signal the start of the duel.

During this pause, Josh noticed that the previous victor, Adam, was approaching. Unlike last time he did not cross Josh to get to his seat but went the other way around, to his relief. He didn’t want anything interrupting his first live duel.

“Begin!”

With the announcer’s word both duelist stuck their left arms out, showing off the design of the Duel Disks. The two platforms on each side swung over their hand and slammed together, receding along the left side of the device. The panels illuminated once it clicked into place, and both players immediately pulled five cards from the top of their wrists.

[center][Dave LP: (8000)] [Rachael LP: (8000)][/center]

“I’ll start this duel,” Rachael said in a south southern accent. She drew a card, then slapped a couple of them onto her Duel Disk. “I place one monster in face-down Defense Position and two face-down cards. That’s all for now.”

Three holograms of the brown-backed cards appeared, two directly in front of her, the other slightly ahead of them. The only difference between this card from the others was that it was turned horizontally as opposed to vertically.

Dave drew a card from his deck before saying, “This shouldn’t be too hard.” He threw a card of his own the slot closest to his hand. “I summon Obnoxious Celtic Guard in Attack Position.”

A larger image of the card shone onto Dave’s side and a green-armored warrior dashed out, its purple cape trailing behind. It unsheathed its sword, gripping it tightly with both hands, readying for battle. ([b][b]1400[/b][/b]/1200)

“Obnoxious Celtic Guard, attack her face-down monster!”

The warrior charged forward with its sword poised. As it approached the face-down card, the hologram faded and was replaced by a pterosaur that held its wings close to its green, flame-covered body. (800/[b][b]1500[/b][/b]) Obnoxious Celtic Guard swiped its blade into the fire but the pterosaur blocked, causing sparks to fly out from the stalemate. After a moment, the pterosaur pushed the warrior away, knocking it back into the card image it had originally appeared from. [Dave LP: (8000 --> 7900)]

“What just happened?” Dave asked, confused by his monster’s disappearance.

“You attacked my Jurrac Ptera. When it’s attacked your monster is returned to your hand and it gains 100 DEF times your monster’s level.”

Dave took the card off his Duel Disk, glancing at the number of stars on it. Four stars. (800/[b][b]1500 --> 1900[/b][/b]) He felt his confidence drop but tried unsuccessfully to hide it from the audience. Placing two cards into two empty slots, he signaled the end of his turn.

Rachael pulled another card smirking to herself over her early lead. “I summon Black Veloci in Attack Position.” A snarling velociraptor raced next to Jurrac Ptera, flexing to show off its spiked spine as well the feathers that streamed along its arms. She began to speak again but was cut off by her opponent.

“I activate my Counter Trap, Forced Back. This negates your monster’s summoning and returns it to your hand.”

One of his two face-down cards rose up and a surge of air shoved the dinosaur violently, eventually causing it to be knocked off its feet. It tumbled until the hologram dematerialized, and Rachael added the card back to her hand.

“Not bad.”

In the sidelines, Josh had already stared typing in the words ‘Counter Trap’ into the Card Analyzer’s search engine. He learned there were three types of Trap Cards, so this had to be the third one.

“Card Analyzer activated… Accessing Rule Database… Searching for: ‘Counter Trap’ … …. Data Found:

[center][b][center][b]Counter Trap Cards[/b][/b][/center]

[center]Counter Trap Cards are Trap Cards that usually are used to negate the activation of your opponent’s card effects. It is recommended to have at least one of these in a Deck, as it is necessary to guarantee that your opponent’s cards will be shut down, despite their one-time use. Most have a cost or a downside to using them because of the powerful effects they carry. Counter Traps are the fastest Trap Cards available, as they can only be countered by other Counter Traps.”[/center]

Josh took this into consideration – he didn’t think he could actually stop his opponent’s move without any chance of failure.

“So you’re a new duelist, huh?”

Taken aback from this comment, Josh searched the seats adjacent to his own. All of the other spectators were entranced by the duel, except for one. The duelist named Adam. He seemed far more mysterious close up; a feeling of absolute certainty exuded from his shoulders that made Josh suddenly feel three feet shorter.

“How’d you know that?”

Adam brushed the single strand of red hair off his nose mixing it into his black thorn bush, only to let it fall back into place. “Your Card Analyzer still says ‘Input Name’ in the top corner.”

Without hesitation Josh’s eyes darted to the top of the screen and saw the same words Adam had just mentioned. His face turned beet-red while his fingers scrambled to type in his name, then dropped the small computer onto his lap. Not only was this guy a good duelist, he was observant.

“Uh, yea, I started dueling yesterday while my friend was doing the Elimination Round.”

“Don’t worry about it, we all start somewhere.” He slid a card out of his pocket, handing it to Josh. “Here, take this card. Even new duelists are able to use this card effectively.”

Josh paused for a moment. Not out of fear or confusion – although it did seem weird that a top-rank duelist would randomly give a newbie a card for no reason. It wouldn’t hurt to take it though, he seemed nice enough.

Quietly accepting the offer, he took a moment to let the card’s details sink in. It depicted four hands, two on either side. Two of the hands held three cards while the others were outstretched and only held one each.

He looked back to Adam and asked, “What does this card do?”

“It’s called Exchange. When it’s activated both players pick one card in the other’s hand and they trade it until the end of the duel.” Adam crossed his legs. “If you have no other options this card can help you out of a bind. But don’t use it if you don’t want your opponent taking away a key card from you.”

“Thanks.” Josh slipped the card into his deck and put his Card Analyzer into his sweatshirt pocket.

“I’m guessing the guy up there is your friend?”

They turned back to the stage to see Dave waiting for his opponent to make her next move. Josh nodded.

“Yeah, this is the first time I’ve seen him duel, or anyone besides you really.”

Adam stared at Dave, pondering. “He… has potential…”

[i][i]What the heck does that mean?...[/i][/i] Josh wasn’t sure how to answer. Feeling uneasy again, he sunk back into his seat trying to focus on the game in front of him.

Rachael shrugged. “Oh well, I’ll still be able to do some damage.” She selected a card from her hand, showing it to those across from her. “I activate Meteor of Destruction! Now you lose 1000 points!”

A bright star shined near the ceiling of the arena. Seconds later a flaming meteorite streaked across the room hurtling towards the ground. Caught in its path, Dave braced himself. The meteorite crashed into him at full force, causing a wall of fire to splash from its impact. Once the dust cleared, Dave, now covered in it, grit his teeth and winced from pain. [Dave LP: (7900 --> 6900)]

Recovering from the blast, he grasped onto his deck. “I’m not gonna go down if you keep hitting me with cards like that!” He threw a vanilla-colored card onto the contraption on his arm. “I summon Dark Blade in Attack mode.”

Shadows encircled the center of the battle field, intertwining into a single shape. Once they finished forming, a figure in black armor slowly floated until its entire body could be seen. Several sharp spikes protruded from every other inch of its armor, with two smaller horned spikes on the top of its helmet. It reached behind its red cape, pulling out two blades that glistened in the light. ([b][b]1800[/b][/b]/1500)

“Now I activate After the Struggle. When my turn ends all monsters that’ve been involved in a battle are destroyed automatically. So I’ll end my turn.”

Jurrac Ptera growled from agony. On its wings a cut caused from the battle with Obnoxious Celtic Guard had been unveiled. Unable to handle pain it keeled over, smashing into tiny pieces as if it were made of glass.

“Not like I needed it anyway,” Rachael said unflinchingly. “I discard Destroyersaurus from my hand to add Jurassic World from my deck to my hand.”

She tossed it into the red slot above the Life Point meter, then pulled out her deck to search for the card mentioned. Once she found it, she shoved her deck back into her Duel Disk in order to continue.

“First I’ll summon Black Veloci again in Attack Position.” The velociraptor appeared before the audience once again, this time it roared from pleasure knowing that it would be here to stay. ([b][b]1800[/b][/b]/300) “Then I’ll activate my face-down card Fossil Excavation. By discarding a card from my hand I can revive my Destroyersaurus from the Graveyard.” She did so and the projection of the mentioned card flew in view.

Cracks began to form in the ground which spread at an incredible rate. As they became bigger the building started to shake uncontrollably, more violently as time passed. Once it came to the point where Josh was forced to hug the chair’s armrests, a tyrannosaurus rex emerged from the floor. Rubble fell off the axe-shaped blade that lived on its head, onto its red-striped black skin, and gathered in a pile at its feet. ([b][b]1800[/b][/b]/1100)

[i][i]So she has two monsters that have the same ATK as mine,[/i][/i] Dave thought. [i][i]What is she planning?[/i][/i]

“Finally I’ll activate Jurassic World.” A small compartment opened on the right side of the Duel Disk’s blue platform. She put the card into the slot presented to her, and it closed once she moved her hand away.

For the second time the building shook, this time trees sprouted beside the stadium’s platform soaring towards the ceiling. As they rapidly grew higher, dirt drifted along the floor until the stage became a prehistoric jungle. A volcano loomed behind Rachael with puffs of smoke hovering over its peak.

Dave looked around the room to see the audience bewildered by the scenery change. Even he was impressed, but he wouldn’t allow this to overtake his judgment. “What did you do?”

“I decided to make things feel more like home.”

He raised an eyebrow, “You live in a volcano?”

Rachael scowled at him, “Not for me! For my dinosaurs! When they’re living in this jungle they each gain 300 ATK and DEF.”

Dave brought his Duel Disk to his chest and pressed a button on the screen in between the Life Point meter and his deck. Apparently this device had another compartment where you could connect your Card Analyzer. On the screen he watched the number values of Rachael’s monsters rise, just as she said they would.

[center][Black Voleci ([b][b]1800 --> 2100[/b][/b]/300 --> 600)][/center]

[center][Destroyersaurus ([b][b]1800 --> 2100[/b][/b]/1100 --> 1400)][/center]

“This isn’t good,” Josh whispered to himself, looking at the same information on his own Card Analyzer. When he looked at Dave again, he saw that he seemed indifferent. Was he prepared for this?

“Now Black Veloci, attack his Dark Blade!”

The velociraptor snarled before it dashed at its target. Dark Blade took a step back, poising its swords for a counterattack.

“And,” Rachael continued as her monster charged, “When Black Veloci attacks a monster it gains 400 more ATK.” ([b][b]2100 --> 2500[/b][/b]/600)

Dave stretched his arm out. “I activate A Hero Emerges. Now you have to select one card in my hand. If it’s a monster I can Special Summon it to the field.” He held up his left hand, showing three cards evenly separated so each one could be easily distinguished.

Rachael examined the cards carefully. Not like it made a difference; she couldn’t tell which card was which. “I pick the middle one.”

“Good choice,” he flipped it with his two fingers confirming that it was a monster. But not just any monster. “Welcome back, Obnoxious Celtic Guard!”

The warrior jumped out from where the Trap Card once was, landing at Dark Blade’s side. ([b][b]1400[/b][/b]/1200)

Rachael snickered. “So you waste your trap to summon a weaker monster? Fine with me. Change of plans, Black Veloci! Attack his Celtic Guard!”

The dinosaur redirected its stride with an excited growl. Obnoxious Celtic Guard parried its sword as the dinosaur opened its mouth to bite. Chomping into the warrior’s blade it groaned, seemingly dissatisfied with the taste. With a single swing the warrior fended off its predator, which took its place back at its master’s side. Rachael’s chin dropped seeing her opponent’s monster survive.

“Wh-what?! Why isn’t your monster destroyed!”

“Because of its ability,” Dave said. “If it’s attacked by a monster with 1900 ATK or more it can’t be destroyed. But I still take damage from the attack.”

[center][Dave LP: (6900 --> 5800)] [Rachael LP: (8000)][/center]

An expression of avidity passed over Rachael’s face and her lips formed into a wicked smile. “So, your monster can’t be destroyed but you still take battle damage…” She straightened her back and laughed. “You’ve just dug yourself an early grave – Destroyersaurus, attack Obnoxious Celtic Guard!”

The T-Rex stormed towards Dave and his warriors, whipping its tail left and right as it trudged forward. When it came face to face with Obnoxious Celtic Guard, it tossed its head back, then thrust it down sending the axe attached with it. Obnoxious Celtic Guard managed to block with its sword in the nick of time, keeping the dinosaur’s blade steadily in place. It pushed upward, successfully propelling Destroyersaurus in the other direction, but the recoil of this blow sent the warrior to its knees. [Dave LP: (5800 --> 5100)]

“Looks like your monster’s getting a little tired,” said Rachael in a cocky manner.

Dave brushed this off. “I wouldn’t worry about that.” He showed her his most recent card. “I activate Black Luster Ritual. By offering Dark Blade and Obnoxious Celtic Guard, I can Ritual Summon Black Luster Soldier!”

“Ritual Summon?” Josh turned to Adam puzzled, “What’s a Ritual Summon?”

Adam cupped his hands and placed them on his crossed leg. He never took his eyes off the duel as he spoke. “It’s hard to explain quickly, look it up.”

Somewhat hurt by this rejection Josh pulled out his Card Analyzer and typed in the subject of interest.

“Card Analyzer activated… Accessing Rule Database… Searching for Rule Data: ‘Ritual Summon’ … … Data Found:

[center][b][center][b]Ritual Summon[/b][/b][/center]

[center]A Ritual Summon is a type of Special Summon that is used to summon blue Monster Cards known as Ritual Monsters. To summon a Ritual Monster, a player must activate an appropriate Ritual Spell Card and send monsters from the hand or field whose levels are equal to or higher than the Ritual Monster’s level. All Ritual Monsters have their own specific Ritual Spell Card that are used to summon them, but there are some Ritual Spell Cards that can be used in their place.”[/center]

After reading this paragraph, Josh scratched his head and said, “There are way too many rules to this game…”

“You get used to it.”

Back on the field, two torches appeared on either side of Dave’s monsters. A blue symbol formed on the surface beneath them before shaping into something that resembled a shield with two blades crossed in front of it. Both of them took their blades, holding them parallel to their bodies with the tip of each near the noses. Flames from each torch engulfed them, leaving two pillars of blue fire slowly spreading until it covered the entire symbol’s area. A swift gust blew over the flame, extinguishing it instantly.

Miraculously a warrior dressed in dark blue and golden armor stood in its place. Each hand held a weapon – in its left, a dark blue shield with a pattern that matched the symbol from the ceremony. In its right, a blade that curved forward, then back closer to its point. Three dark blue horns protruded from its helmet, one on each side and a third on the top. They branched up and out, hovering over the space behind its head. Its dark red ponytail also protruded from the back of its helmet, hanging just below the horns. The warrior brought the shield to its chest, sliced the air with its sword, aimlessly pointing it to the audience. ([b][b]3000[/b][/b]/2500)

At that moment Josh’s ears perked up. This was the card Dave had said was most important to him. His signature card.

“Black Luster Soldier, attack Black Veloci.” Dave shouted. The soldier followed its instructions, quickly running to the dinosaur planning to use the momentum to strike. “And,” Dave said while the crowd watched his monster race across the jungle, “When I checked the data on your cards I found out that when Black Veloci’s attacked, it loses 400 ATK.”

Realizing that her plan had been foiled, she grunted from anger. ([b][b]2100 --> 1700[/b][/b]/600) When it came close to its target, Black Luster Soldier slashed with graceful accurate, causing the velociraptor’s body to split in two. A streak of rainbow colors burst out from inside, before it disintegrated into holographic data. Rachael nearly tripped over her heels thinking that the warrior would charge into her, only to find that it stopped moving just a few steps before a collision would have occurred. Either way, she felt as if she had been stabbed herself. [Rachael LP: (8000 --> 6700)]

Dave was showered with applause as Black Luster Solider hopped back to its spot on the field. Josh joined the others – he knew Dave had something up his sleeve, and now finally things were going in his favor. The image of a face-down card appeared behind his soldier as the clapping died down.

Rachael touched her hand to her heart, before putting the same hand onto her deck. “Good move but don’t think I’m done yet.” She took one card, holding it up so the crowd could see. “By sacrificing Destroyersaurus, I can Tribute Summon my Super-Ancient Dinobeast with only one tribute.”

Destroyersaurus slowly disintegrated into dust, starting from its feet working its way up to its axe. When it disappeared completely, the outline of a new dinosaur shone. It smashed into place abruptly, causing a shockwave to boom throughout the building. No one could help but notice that its entire body was stone-gray with jagged edges at each corner. Its pasty yellow eyes glared at Black Luster Soldier as it lowered its triangle-shaped head, showing the tiny wings that barely reached past its back, and let out a fierce scream. ([b][b]2700[/b][/b]/1400)

“And since we’re in Jurassic World, it gains 300 ATK and DEF.” ([b][b]2700 --> 3000[/b][/b]/1400 --> 1700)

[i][i]They’re evenly matched now,[/i][/i] Josh thought. But since Dave didn’t react to this he assumed that he had a plan to destroy it. After all, he said the Blue Eyes White Dragon was also evenly matched against his soldier, so he must have a backup plan.

“I’ll play one card face-down and end my turn.”

He drew a card, playing another into the Spell/Trap Card slot without any hesitation. “I activate Black Luster Sword and equip it to Black Luster Soldier.”

The green card appeared and from it a sword floated out to Black Luster Soldier. It grasped onto it tightly, abandoning its own sword, and climbed its hand up to the top of the black handle. Swiping it once, the silver blade sparkled as it cut through the air.

“When my sword’s activated, five Black Luster Counters are placed on it, and for every counter attached Black Luster Soldier gains 200 ATK.”

A purple-ish blue glow emitted from several gems encrusted in the sword’s handle. Its owner looked down to it, accepting the power it had been given. ([b][b]3000 --> 4000[/b][/b]/2500)

“Black Luster Soldier cut her Dinobeast to shreds.”

With blade in hand, the warrior dashed at the stiff dinosaur. It fought back by shooting a beam of energy at its opponent, but Black Luster Soldier blocked with its sword. With a strong thrust, the beam reflected back to the Dinobeast, piercing straight through its hardened skin. Being momentarily paralyzed from shock, it uttered a weak cry then collapsed into the rocks it was made out of. [Rachael LP: (6700 --> 5700)]

Rachael, refusing to accept defeat, flipped one of the cards she had out on the field. “I activate my face-down card, Seismic Shockwave!”

Tremors rattled the stage floor, knocking Dave onto one knee. He planted his hands against the fabricated dirt in an attempt to stand. But any time he tried, he was immediately lurched forward. Meanwhile Rachael, seemingly impervious to the earthquake, entered some data into her Card Analyzer’s touch screen as the tremors became more violent.

Soon Dave found himself rocking from side to side, nearly being thrown by the intensity. Thunderclaps were heard and the vibrations abruptly ceased. Dave staggered back to his feet, nodding his head to rid himself of any dizziness that the tremors had caused. He looked to his monster, who was unaffected by them. But something was wrong. To the left of his face-down card, three rectangular craters had appeared that were probably the result of the earthquake.

“What… what did you do?”

“It’s because of the effect of Seismic Shockwave,” Rachael pointed to her Trap Card, noting its presence. “For three turns three of your Spell and Trap Card Zones can’t be used, and since you already have two other cards out you’re restricted only to your Sword and your face-down card.”

Dave examined the craters, then at his face-down card before returning his gaze to monster.

[i][i]They’re all I need…[/i][/i]

“And after those three turns are up I can take one Dinosaur monster in my Graveyard and add it to my hand.”

This reminded Dave of his own hand. It was nonexistent. He had used all of his resources to summon his Black Luster Soldier. If anything went wrong now he would have a hard time recovering. He took his bare hands, eyed their filth and clutched them into fists.

“Your move,” he said. From the silence he could tell that the audience realized his problem as well.

“Alright.” She drew, now holding two cards. For a second this relived Dave because even though he had no cards in his hand, he still had advantage over the field. This thought vanished with the activation of Rachael’s other face-down card.

“I activate the Trap Card, Sixth Sense. Now you roll a die and I select two numbers. If the result is either of the selected numbers then I draw that many draws. But if it’s a different number then I have to send that many cards to the Graveyard from the top of my deck.”

This wasn’t good – there was a one out of three chance that she would get hand advantage over him. And if that happened she would surely find a way to overpower his soldier. But thankfully the odds were in his favor.

“I pick five and six.” On cue a blue cube dropped from the ceiling. It rolled down the middle of the arena, passing the two players as it went. It stopped near the edge of the stage landing with a thud. On its surface were five even spaced dots.

Dave quietly cursed at himself. Rachael fanned the cards in front of her face to taunt him.

“Now let’s see. What to pick what to pick…” Pretending to look over her hand, she cocked her wrist. Gently slipping a card out with her fingers Rachael made her choice. “I Special Summon Gilasaurus in Defense Position with its effect.”

A brown dinosaur flashed into view, bringing its long arms to the floor. It dug its claws into the ground in anticipation of a future battle. (1400 --> 1700/[b][b]400 --> 700[/b][/b])

“And since it was Special Summon by its own effect, you can Special Summon a monster from your Graveyard.”

This perplexed Dave. Why would she allow him to have another monster that could easily take down her dinosaur? Something wasn’t right. He punched in the command into his Card Analyzer and an orange card ejected from the Duel Disk’s red container. “I summon Obnoxious Celtic Guard.”

The warrior leaped out from the crater closest to Dave. Both it and Black Luster Soldier readied themselves for what everyone knew was about to happen. ([b][b]1400[/b][/b]/1200)

“That thing again? Well it doesn’t matter.” She took another card throwing it into place. “I activate the Spell Card, Big Evolution Pill. By sacrificing Gilasaurus I’m able to Normal Summon Dinosaur-type monsters without needing to offer any tributes!”

A pill materialized at Gilasaurus’s feet, who promptly slurped it into its mouth. It choked comedically, then started to glow until it was consumed by the dark green light. The aura grew, spreading across Rachael’s entire side of the stadium. Eager to make her next move, Rachael shouted.

“Now that the stage is set I can summon Ultimate Tyranno, and because of Jurassic World it gets even stronger!”

The tremors began again, this time cracks encircled the center of the field until a new, larger crater was formed. A dragonic dinosaur rose up with a fierce, beastly howl that sent boulders zooming across the room (which passed through the audience since they were only projections). It remained in its crater until the dust faded, then stepped out with a boastful stride. ([b][b]3000 --> 3300[/b][/b]/2200 --> 2500)

“Isn’t he beautiful?” Rachael said, admiring the dinosaur’s height. Its head nearly hit the roof and, because of the shape of the building, only had enough room to keep it in that one spot. “And it gets even better. Because of its effect, it can and must attack all your monsters whenever I enter my Battle Phase.”

[i][i]But my Black Luster Soldier is stronger than it. It’ll just destroy itself.[/i][/i] He glanced at his monsters, then his face-down card, then the craters on the field. [i][i]It doesn’t make sense…[/i][/i]

“I think it’s Battle Phase time. Attack his Obnoxious Celtic Guard!”

The dinosaur, unable to walk anywhere else without banging its head, lunged its torso at Obnoxious Celtic Guard. It opened its mouth, ready to devour the warrior in one gulp.

Obnoxious Celtic Guard felt the tremendous dinosaur’s disgusting breath on its face as it drew close. With expert timing it lodged its sword in between the T-Rex’s teeth, leaving it immobilized. Seeing this was getting it nowhere, Ultimate Tyranno gave up and let go.

“Oh that’s right, your Obnoxious Guard can’t be destroyed ‘cause my monster’s too strong, at least you still take damage.”

Dave looked to his Life Points meter, watching the numbers drop significantly. [Dave LP: (5100 --> 3200)] This didn’t bother him because in the next attack he knew it would be destroyed.

The dinosaur brought its head back upright, roared again, then aimed its gaze at Black Luster Soldier.

“Don’t think I forgot about your sword card,” she said, showing a green bordered card. “I plan to get rid of it with the Quickplay Spell Card, Dino Stomp. When my Ultimate Tyranno starts to attack, this card allows me to destroy one Spell or Trap Card on your field.”

Ultimate Tyranno slammed its foot into the ground, sending a shockwave throughout the building. The blast caused Black Luster Soldier to release its grip from the Black Luster Sword, which hit the ground shattering into thousands of tiny fragments. ([b][b]4000 --> 3000[/b][/b]/2500) Without its weapon, the warrior was defenseless against the dinosaur’s assault. The unarmed soldier stared into Ultimate Tyranno’s throat awaiting its fate.

Just as Black Luster Soldier was about to become the dinosaur’s next meal, Obnoxious Celtic Guard came to its aid. Stopping Ultimate Tyranno’s attack with the same method it had used before, the massive creature snorted from surprise. When the warrior knew it was in a stable position, it glanced over its shoulder back at its partner and gave an assuring nod.

“What?!” Rachael shook her in disbelief. “I ordered you to attack Black Luster Soldier not Obnoxious Celtic Guard! What gives!”

“It’s because I activated my Trap Card,” Dave said. It had gone unnoticed by most because of the dinosaur’s volume. “When I have two monsters on my side of the field and one of them is attacked, I can use Covering Fire to combine their ATK power until the end of the battle.”

Black Luster Soldier took this opportunity to unsheathe its original blade, and pounced high into the air over the dinosaur’s head. It struggled to escape its death, but since Celtic Guard’s sword was stuck in its teeth, it was unable to move in time. Black Luster Soldier used the speed from its fall to increase the lethality of its strike. With their combined efforts, Ultimate Tyranno was powerless. ([b][b]3000 --> 4400[/b][/b]/2500)

Piercing straight through its head, Black Luster Soldier landed on top of its partner’s sword, dislodging it from the monster’s jaw. The two dashed away from Ultimate Tyranno as it collapsed onto the ground, turning into dust upon crashing. With their task completed the two shook hands and took their stance waiting for their next command.

[center][Dave LP: (3200)] [Rachael LP: (5700 --> 4600)][/center]

“I don’t believe it.” Rachael stared at the ground where her king dinosaur once stood. Her eyes trailed back until they reached her feet. She brought her hand into view but dissatisfaction set in. She threw her arm to her side then said, “Your turn.”

All the tension that had built up during this duel disappeared with Dave’s final draw. He took the single card in his hand, flipped it with his thumb and at that moment Rachael knew it was over.

“I activate The Warrior Returning Alive, this allows me to take one Warrior monster in my Graveyard and add it to my hand.” He tossed the card into the Graveyard slot and in exchange it spat out his Dark Blade card. “Return to my side, Dark Blade!”

Like Obnoxious Celtic Guard, it leaped out from the crater in front of its master, landing in between the two comrades it had left behind. They brought their swords together that shone against the lights overhead.

“Obnoxious Celtic Guard, Dark Blade, Black Luster Soldier, attack her directly!”

The three warriors withdrew their swords from the others and charged side-by-side at their target. Then, in unison, they swiped theirs swords at Rachael, leaving a mark that formed a perfect triangle. She fell backwards and slammed her hindquarters against a tree, which dematerialized along with the rest of the illusions created for the game. Dave had won.

[center][Dave LP: (3200)] [Rachael LP: (4600 --> --> --> 0)][/center]

Cheers from the crowd started up again and commenced until Dave had left the stage. Josh joined in, enthusiastically clapping along with the rest of them. He laughed from joy, and went to express his happiness to Adam. But he was unable to do so. When turned around Adam was gone.


[center]~*~*~*~[/center]


[center]Card Analyzer activated…[/center]
[center]Accessing Card Database… Searching for Card Data …[/center]
[center]… Data Found:[/center]

[center][b][b]Black Luster Sword[/b][/b][/center]
[center][Spell/Equip][/center]
[center]This card can only be equipped to a monster with “Black Luster” in its name. When this card is activated, place 5 Black Luster Counters on this card (max. 10). For every Black Luster Counter on this card, increase the equipped monster’s ATK by 200 points. If the monster equipped is targeted by a monster’s attack, remove 1 Black Luster Counter from this card to negate it. If there are no more Black Luster Counters on this card, destroy it.[/center]
[center][/spoiler][/center]

[Firebat DZ]

Yay you are here too! Glad to see a familiar face in this forum Good luck with fic, I see you got a good start already! (Btw gave you a little rep for the OP, I assume that helps people here or something XDDD)

[Frybread002]

Ahhh...just got done reading Chapter 3...
If anything, I am pretty hyped up about the fourth chapter right now, but unfortunately I don't have enough time to finish reading it.
On a side note, I liked the 3rd chapter, but I think the 2nd chapter is the strongest one so far, as it has a lot of human interactions within it.

[Aerion Brightflame]

Some else who uses ancient cards in a fic. That's nice to know.

This is an intresting fic. Firstly i say well done on the quality of duels. You haven't stretched them out to much, and you have a nice talent for the virtual duels. Your descriptions of the attacks, and the impacts is detailed, but not overhwhelming.

Interactions between characters is good as well, particularly in the tutorial. Even for people with a decent understanding of how the game works it isn't tedious to read which i have seen happen before.

My favourite chapter so far would be chapter 4, as i found it an awesome duel. I am mostly looking forwards to how you will work Pegasus's cameo into the wider story. Since, even though its early days, it seems kind of out of place.

Anywho. I'm looking forwards to reading more.

[Bahamut - Envoy of the End]

Just caught up and have read Chapter 2-4.

Well, I say read, to be honest I found myself skimming a lot of it. Chapter 2 I skipped the duel and read the bits at the end.

There's... nothing going on. Other than that one scene at the start of Chapter 3 where Josh is scared something's watching him, realises there is, then... chases after it? (Because that's normal behaviour in that situation and keeping in character shown ten seconds before hand. "Hey mister dark and sinister, come back.") From then on its just... a duel tournament.

The duels are not drawing me in either, because of the old-skoolness and the long 8000 LP thing, but what really threw me in that last one was the Jurrac. That made no sense at all that there'd be a single Jurrac in an otherwise old dino deck, and a Jurrac that isn't Guiaba or Velo. It just was a dinosaur with an effect that went off in that situation, but it being there in the first place was just really weird and inconsistent to have a new card pop up in a load of really old cards.

[Frybread002]

Bah! Bahamut doesn't know what he's saying. I just got done reading the fourth chapter and I REALLY ENJOYED IT! To be honest, when I read through it, I didn't notice anything about the Jurrac monsters being misplaced. Like, since I am more geared to the Six Samurai and Ninja themed decks, I wouldn't be know anything about the dino themed decks. However, the exact opposite would be true as well; if you used a warrior themed deck, I would probably be like Bahamut and say that the deck was inconsistent.

ANYWAYS!!!
I really enjoyed the chapter and now I am a true believer that this story has true potential.
(I;m currently waiting for chapter 5, so you better hurry up man)

[Randomflyingobjects]

I started reading this fanfic just to see if it was worth my time. The first chapter was slow, but I took a chance and read the whole thing. There were a bunch of odd parts in the first chapter, but it started getting better by the chapter. Anyway, I critiqued your story, though there are some editing glitches.

Actually, besides chapter 1, there aren't enough problems to to a thorough critique for the other 3 chapters.
[spoiler='Critique- Ch1']

[b][size=6]A large crowd gathered outside of a large dome-like building. Beside the entrance stood two statues of sky-blue dragons on pedestals that towered over the tiny people below. Over the doorway a banner that read ‘KaibaCorp’s 2n[/size][size=4]d[/size] [/b]Grand Championship Tournament – Elimination Round Is Today!’, streamed above and fluttered with the breeze. [b][b]I dunno, it seemed like quite a lot of random description. Maybe you could shorten it a bit?[/b][/b]

On the inside, groups of people dotted the floors, barely leaving any space for bypassers to walk through. People were drinking sodas, eating snacks and chatting while they waited. In the center of the building, a receptionist’s desk wrapped around a wide pillar took people one by one as they registered for the events that were about to take place. [b]You could really shorten the last bit of this sentence, like just saying 'the upcoming events'.[/b]

Josh, hurry up!” A boy in a camouflage jacket shouted, with his hands cupping his mouth. [b]That's a bit of under-description right there. The type of jacket isn't as important as the height, hair, or other characteristics.[/b] “Quick, before the line gets too long!” When he saw his friend approaching he brought his hands to his side, letting the device equipped onto his left arm hang freely. Alright, we all know what a Duel Disk is. Why not just say it?

Sorry Dave,” the other replied. He started opening a bag of chips as he approached; the crumbs went flying all over his orangey-red sweatshirt. “I was just buying a snack. It looks like a long wait.”[b] Like I said before, what about the rest of his body?[/b]

It’ll be even longer if we don’t get on line!” He said grabbing his friend’s wrist. He dragged him until they reached the end of the line. “See, look how long this line is,” he sighed, “we’re never gonna be able to register at this rate.”

You mean [i]you’re[/i] never gonna register,” Josh corrected him, “[i]I[/i] can’t duel, remember?”

Dave shook his head, “No, you’re gonna duel.” He pointed to sign at the receptionist’s desk that hung on the pillar.

[i]Booster Pack Casual Tournament: New Duelists Welcome![/i]
[i](Participants will be provided with a free Card Analyzer upon entry)[/i]


[b][size=6][font=tahoma,geneva,sans-serif]Josh nearly dropped his chips when he read it. “Oohh no!” He took a step back slightly, “I’m not gonna duel, I barely understand how that big watch-thingy works.” He stated twirling his finger around the device on Dave’s arm. [/font][/size][b]Alright, I now get why you didn't mention what the Duel Disk was called earlier... so you could introduce it here. I personally think it would be better just to admit it was a Duel Disk at the beginning, and this part would still be just as good.[/b][/b]

First of all, it’s called a Duel Disk,” he said bringing it to eye level, “and second I can teach you the basics before you enter.”

He slid his hand along its two blue and gray platforms.[b] [b]Hold it. The moment I read this, I had to figure out what the heck he was talking about, only to discover you meant the Duel Disk. [/b][/b]The center was made up of a white circle that had an electronic meter which attached the two halves together. On the white circle there were also two slots, one of which held Dave’s deck of cards.

Josh groaned, Dave had already given him a quick tutorial on the way over so he wouldn’t be completely lost while Dave was dueling. But he wasn’t in the mood for another.

"Uhh, I think I’ll pas-“

"First I’ll teach you about the order of the turn,” he began, oblivious to Josh’s protests, “First there’s the Draw Phase. This is obviously when you draw a card from your deck. At the beginning of the duel both players draw five cards before either player starts their turn. Then every turn after that they draw one card,” He stated pulling the top card from his own deck.[b] I thought this tutorial was long and dull, especially since the next chapter did a much better tutorial. My advice: Just have Josh sitting there bored, thinking about how stupid the game sounds, etc., while putting snippets of the talking in here and there.[/b]

"Next is the Standby Phase. This is when a lot of card effects take place but they’re easy to understand because all you have to do is follow the directions on the card.”

He held the brown-backed card to eye level before continuing, “Then you have Main Phase 1. This is when you actually play the cards onto the field.” He looked back to the Duel Disk and pointed to the blue squares on it. “There are three types of cards – Monster Cards, Spell Cards and Trap Cards. Monster Cards are vanilla- or orange-colored and are placed on these blue tiles. These can be ‘summoned,’ which means you place it on the field face-up, or ‘set,’ which means you place it on the field face-down. Normally you can only summon one monster per turn.”

[i]How exciting…[/i] Josh thought, but obviously this wasn’t shown on his face because Dave continued his lecture. I can't really tell if he's actually starting to like the game here, or if he's just being mentally sarcastic. He took the card in his hand and placed it on the one of tiles, revealing it to be an orange-colored card that had a picture of black armored warrior on it.

"When you place the card vertically, it is in ‘Attack Position’ and when it’s place horizontally,” he said switching it to match his explanation, “it’s in ‘Defense Position.’ A monster can be placed in face-up Attack Position, face-up Defense Position or in face-down Defense Position. However, you can never play a Monster in face-down Attack Position.”

Why’s that?” Josh asked in a dull tone as he blankly stared at the card on Dave’s Duel Disk. He figured he might as well listen to Dave’s tutorial to pass the time. Or at least pretend. Besides, he was a captive audience.

Dave shrugged, “I dunno. I didn’t make the rules.” He returned his attention to the card before continuing, “Now for Spell Cards-“

"Wait wait wait,” Josh carelessly waved his hand to interject, “What’s the difference between the white-colored monsters and the orange-colored ones?”

Dave brought his hand back to his deck, “The orange-colored ones are called Effect Monsters. Like the name says they are monsters with effects which vary from card to card.” He drew a second card, “The vanilla-colored monsters are called Normal Monsters. They’re just monsters that have no effect so they’re easy to work with for new players.

"Anyway back to Spell Cards,” he held the card so the front faced Josh, showing the picture of a sword that was surrounded by a green border. “Spell Cards are green-colored cards that are placed in these slots just below the monster cards.” He said placing it in a slot directly below the tile that was currently occupied with Dave’s Effect Monster. “Spell Cards are able to be played face-up and face-down. Most Spell Cards can only be activated during your turn and are usually sent to the Graveyard after being used.”

Beginning to zone out, Josh stared at the poster featuring the same blue dragons that were outside. They had an air of authority around them, and for some reason sent a pang of pain through his heart. Dave, snapping his fingers to get Josh’s attention again, quickly snapped him back to reality.

"The what?”

"The Graveyard, a.k.a. the discard pile,” Dave said pointing to the empty slot on the white circle. It was surrounded by a red plate that went down to the meter. “The Graveyard is where cards go when they are removed from the field or ‘destroyed.’ But I’ll get back to that later.”

He drew a third card from the deck and this time it was a purple-colored card that had a picture of a torso-piece of armor being shattered.

"The last kind of cards is Trap Cards. These cards can only be placed face-down during your turn and can’t be activated until your opponent’s turn starts. Trap Cards are usually used to stop your opponent from doing something or to ruin their strategies in some way.”

Dave placed the Trap Card into the slot next to the Spell Card.

"You can only have five Monster Cards on the field at a time, and you can only have a total of five Spell and Trap Cards on the field at a time. So be careful when deciding which ones to use.”

Noticing that the line had gone forward, Josh moved ahead, followed by Dave before resuming his lesson.

"Then we have the Battle Phase. This is where the action starts. During the Battle Phase no cards can be played from your hand so make sure you play them cards before entering it.”

Josh munched on his potato chips while he listened, nearly overshadowed Dave’s voice. [i]How the hell does he expect me to remember all these rules?[/i]

"Now in the Battle Phase, all Attack Position monsters you control are able to attack monsters on your opponent’s side of the field. Each monster can only attack once and if you can’t attack if your turn is starting the duel,” He stated stepping forward with the line. “When a monster attacks another monster, we look at the number value of both cards. The left value is the ATK, which is the value used for Attack Position, and the right value is the DEF, which is the value for Defense Position. If you attack a monster in Attack Position and your monster’s ATK is higher that your opponent’s, it’s destroyed and sent to the Graveyard. Then the difference between the two monster’s ATK is subtracted from your opponent’s Life Points.”

"Huh?” Josh asked as he tossed the empty bag into the nearest garbage bin. The word was more of a reaction then a question.

"Life Points are what keep you in the game. Both players start with 8000 Life Points and the point of the game is to reduce your opponent’s Life Points to zero. If you can do that you win.” Even in most fanfics, the duels usually start with 4000 Life Points each, so you don't have to sit through boring stretches of time where the duelists are just hammering at each other's LP.

Dave took the cards off his Duel Disk and placed them back into the deck. He shuffled it as he talked, “If you attack a monster in Defense Position and your monster’s ATK is higher than the opposing monster’s DEF, your opponent’s monster is destroyed but no Life Point damage is inflicted.

"However,” he paused to put the deck back in its slot, “if you attack a monster whose DEF is greater than your monster’s ATK, you lose Life Points equal to the difference. Only in this case your monster isn’t destroyed. If your monster attacks while your opponent has no monsters, it’s called a Direct Attack and your monster’s ATK value is subtracted from your opponent’s Life Points. Trap Cards are your friends during the Battle Phase ‘cause they can be activated in case something goes wrong.

"After the Battle Phase we have Main Phase 2. It’s exactly the same as Main Phase 1 so there’s no reason to go over it. Finally there’s the End Phase, which is when you declare the end of your turn. Then it’s your opponents turn and the cycle starts over and over again until someone’s Life Points hit zero.”

Dave glanced forward to see that they were almost near the front of the line before turning to Josh. “You got it?”

Josh wiped some crumbs off his lips, “You lost me after Draw Phase…”

"Next!”

Dave patted Josh on the shoulder, “You’ll get used to it. Sometimes it’s easier to actually do something than to learn about it.”

[i]Or I can just sit and watch like I planned to…[/i]

The two walked over to the counter where a woman dressed in a gray suit sat looking at the forms laid out in front of her. She handed Dave a pen and pointed to one of the sheets. “Sign here… and here… and here…” she said monotonously, then pushed another sheet in front of Josh. “Sign here-“

"Oh wait, my friend’s participating in the Booster Pack Tournament instead.”

The receptionist glared at him for a moment before spinning her chair to fumble with a box behind her. When she returned she held out her hand, expecting Josh to give her some money. Dave handed her a bill, then the receptionist gave Josh five booster-packs of cards and a small hand-held computer.

These are your booster packs and your Card Analyzer,” she droned in an annoyed manner, “you are only permitted to use the cards from these packs during the promotional tournament. Your Card Analyzer acts as a PDA which allows you to access information on any card in circulation as well as other information on duels at will.” She ended by pointing to their left without looking away from the table, “The promotional tournament takes place in the cafeteria while the Elimination Tournament takes place in the Dueling Arena. Good luck.” The last two words were said with sarcastic emphasis. Nice touch on the Card Analyzer, even though you could have gone into a bit more detail.

ave and Josh headed over to their assigned rooms while Josh struggled to open his booster packs. “That woman didn’t seem too happy.”

She’s probably just tired of dealing with these people all day.” The two stopped in front of a poster that directed them to their respective areas. “Well, good luck Josh.”

You too, Dave.” Josh answered watching Dave step into the Dueling Arena. He looked at the poster before heading to start his own tournament.

[i]So much for moral support…[/i]

~*~*~*~


As Josh entered the cafeteria, he noticed how empty it was. Despite its size and many rows of long tables, only a small section of it was occupied by people. He walked around watching the others play the game. As he observed, he felt that he understood the rules Dave had thrown at him before. After two young teenage boys finished gathering their cards back together into their piles, one of them noticed him watching.

You want to Duel next?” he asked as the other moved over to give Josh room to sit. He didn’t really want to, but didn’t feel obligated to reject his invitation.

Sure,” he answered sheepishly. He assumed his position on the other side of the table and placed his newly-made deck to his right. He picked up five cards while his opponent did the same from his own deck.
[Josh LP: (8000)] [Opponent LP: (8000)]

[size=4]You can go first,” the boy said with a wave of his hand.

Uh, nah, you go first,” Josh insisted. He didn’t want to make a mistake on his first turn.

Alright,” he agreed, drawing a card. Taking one from the batch in his left hand, he placed it horizontally on the table. “I play one monster in face-down Defense Position –” he took another two cards and placed them directly beneath it, “– and two face-down cards and I end my turn.” He brought his hand to his side, waiting patiently for Josh to make a move.

osh pulled the top card from his deck as he examined his hand.[/size]

[b][i]Let’s see… Dave said that I should summon a monster to attack with… Monsters were the orange ones right?[/i] He thought addressing this to the middle card. Its image depicted a blue ghoul-like monster that had several limbs and its head near the bottom of its body. He looked at the card more closely, considering it.

[i]Dark Jeriod… looks like a powerful monster to me. [/i]He slid it out of his left hand with his right. [i]Hey, it has an effect. [/i]He brought it to eye level to read the description. [i]So I can lower the ATK of one monster on the field by 800? That might come in handy.[/i] Josh, committed to this idea, placed it down vertically.

I summon Dark Jeriod in Attack Position ([b]1200[/b]/1500),” his opponent raised an eyebrow at this, “and when it’s summoned, he can decrease the ATK of one monster on the field by 800!” Josh grinned. This wasn’t as hard as he had originally thought.

You know that Dark Jeriod’s effect only works on face-up monsters right?”

he question caught Josh off guard, “So what does that mean?”

he boy pointed to the horizontal card in front of him, “It means you can’t decrease the ATK of my card since it’s face-down. The only monster you can select is your own monster.” [b]I like how his newness shows in his mistakes, as opposed to him winning like heck, or just not playing advanced combos.[/b]

osh recovered from this set back, “Then I’ll lower Dark Jeriod’s ATK.” ([b]1200 --> 400[/b]/1500) No big deal. He figured it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen. Now he just had to remember what to do next.

[i]Oh right, the Battle Phase[/i], Josh thought aiming his finger at his opponent’s monster card. “Now I use Dark Jeriod to attack your face-down monster!”

he boy flipped the card over to reveal an orange card that had a picture of a brick wall that was shaped to look like a person holding their hands up. “You attacked my Stone Statue of the Aztecs.” (300/[b]2000[/b])

osh saw the DEF value and knew he had made a mistake. “Wait, that monster has a higher DEF…”

It’s about to get even higher.” The boy took a card from his hand and placed it above the Deck – where Dave had said is where the Graveyard is. “I discard Stronghold Guardian with its effect to increase Stone Statue of the Aztec’s DEF by 1500.” (300/[b]2000 --> 3500[/b])

Uh oh,” Josh said, realizing his Life Points were about to drop significantly.

I’m not done yet,” he took one of his other face-down cards and flipped it over to reveal a purple-colored card, “I activate my Trap, Cross Counter.”

osh peered over to see. “What does that do?”

is opponent held up a handheld computer which Josh recognized as the same one he had just received. “Check your Card Analyzer.” He obeyed, reaching into his pocket. He pressed a button and typed in the name.

Card Analyzer activated…” it beeped, “Accessing Card Database… Searching for Card Data: ‘Cross Counter’ … … Data Found:[/b]

[b][b]Cross Counter[/b][/b]

[b][Trap][/b]
[b]If the DEF of an attacked Defense Position monster is higher than the ATK of your opponent's attacking monster, the Battle Damage inflicted to your opponent is doubled. Destroy the attacking monster after damage calculation.”[/b]

[b]Josh jerked his head back slightly when he finished reading. “What?! That’s ridiculous!” [b]I like how you use mostly real cards, but then a couple made up. Until I saw later on, I assumed it was real.[/b][/b]

And on top of that,” the boy continued, “Stone Statue of the Aztec’s effect doubles the damage inflicted again. So that makes it…” he typed the numbers into his Card Analyzer, then faced the screen to Josh, “12400 damage.” [Josh LP: (8000 --> 0)]

That was overkill…” Josh exhaled in disbelief. The boy held out his palm to him in sympathy.

Good game.”

osh hesitated, then accepted his defeat. Looks like there was more to this than he hoped there would. He stood up as the two boys whispered amongst themselves. An embarrassing loss like that probably doesn’t happen too often.

~*~*~*~


Josh mingled around the cafeteria, watching others play. It seemed that this game wasn’t meant for him, he lost to nearly every person in the room. Not like it mattered – he didn’t want to be a part of it to begin with. He was about to sneak out to find Dave when something grasped onto his shoulder.

I don’t think I’ve dueled you yet,” a feminine voice said. Josh spun around to see a red haired girl about his age holding a deck of cards. “Why don’t we before you leave?”

osh couldn’t find his words so he nodded instead. They both sat at the table closest to the doors, one across from the other. The girl drew her cards and stated firmly, “Your turn.” This person's obviously important, why don't you mention her name early on?
[Josh LP: (8000)] [Red-Head LP: (8000)]

[b]Josh grabbed the top card and added it to the collection in his hand. He glanced over the cards, this time being careful about which ones he played. While he did this, he noticed he held the cards Cross Counter and Stone Statue of the Aztecs – the same ones that started his lose streak. Then he looked to the rightmost card and saw it was Stronghold Guardian.

etermined to imitate his earlier opponent’s strategy, he placed Stone Statue of the Aztecs face-down horizontally and then Cross Counter below it before passing the baton to his new opponent. [b]I find it great that this new guy does the basic thing- imitate somebody else's strategy.[/b]

he red-haired girl added a new card to her hand. She quickly picked a card from it and placed it down. “I summon Raging Flame Sprite in Attack Position. ([b]100[/b]/200)”

osh laughed in his mind. [i]Maybe I’m not the worst duelist here after all.[/i]

he girl took another card, placing this one down as well. The flaming serpent shown on it contrasted with its green borders. “Next I activate Salamandra. This increases my Sprite’s ATK by 700 points.” ([b]100 --> 800[/b]/200)

his didn’t worry Josh too much. It still wasn’t strong enough to take down his wall. The girl continued taking one more card and adding it to the field.

I activate Double Attack. By discarding a higher leveled monster, I can have my Raging Flame Sprite attack twice this turn.”

hat the heck is a level? Either way, it didn’t matter. The monster would be destroyed after its first strike. Right?

Now I’ll use its effect to attack you directly.”

[i]What![/i] She had to be making this up. You can’t attack directly when a monster was on the opposite side of the field. That’s what Dave had said anyway. He used his Card Analyzer to check:

Accessing Card Database… Data Found:[/b]

[b][b]Raging Flame Sprite[/b][/b]

[b]***[/b]
[b][Fire][/b]
[b][Pyro/Effect][/b]
[b](100/200)[/b]
[b]This card can attack your opponent directly. Each time this card successfully attacks directly, it gains 1000 ATK.”[/b]

[b][b]Annoying how it has to mention that it's searching for data... [/b]Josh put the small computer next to his Deck and looked to the red-haired girl. Turns out she wasn’t a newbie after all. [Josh LP: (8000 --> 7200)][/b]

he took note of Josh’s surprise. “And thanks to Raging Flame Sprite’s other effect, it gains 1000 ATK,” (800 --> 1800/200) “Now I’ll have it attack directly once again –” [Josh LP: (7200 --> 5400)] “– which increases its ATK by 1000 more. (1800 --> 2800/200) Then I activate Hand Mimic,” she put the card next to Salamandra and proceeded to draw cards from her Deck. “This card allows me to draw cards until we both have an equal amount. Now I play two cards face-down and end my turn.”

hat was a lot for Josh to take in. Not only did she out smart him several times over, but now he was unsure how to stop this monster whose power was growing by the second.

e drew a card before saying, “I summon one monster in face-down Defense Position and place one card face-down.”

e did so, then he placed down a final card face-up. It was a green Spell Card that showed three red fairies dressed in light blue floating around a background of flames. “I play Tremendous Fire,” he said reading its effect aloud, “this card inflicts 1000 damage to your Life Points and 500 to my own.” He knew this was a somewhat risky move but at this rate anything was better than his constant losses[b]. I like how he tries to go down fighting, even if it does backfire on him.[/b]

Not quite.” She took the card she laid down earlier and showed a new Trap Card. This one had a picture of an ancient tomb setting. In the foreground, a golden gun which had a cobra-shaped back was aimed at the man who stood in the background. “I activate Barrel Behind the Door. This card takes the Effect Damage I would receive and sends it back to you.” Hearing this, Josh shoved his hands in his face and let out an exasperated cry. [Josh LP: (5400 --> 3900)]

[i]Can I go home already?[/i] His hands dropped onto the table and with gloom in his voice he said, “It’s your turn.”

he girl followed the usual routine. After deciding what to do, she let her strategy unfold. “I attack directly with Raging Flame Sprite’s effect.” [Josh LP: (3900 --> 1100)]

I activate my face-down card,” Josh said with his hand pressed against cheek, “Attack and Receive. You take 700 damage.” [Red-Head LP: (8000 --> 7300)]

Now –”

Yeah yeah, Raging Flame Sprite gains 1000 ATK.” (2800 --> 3800/200)

Well… that too but that’s not what I was going to say.” She held out the card she had just drawn showing to be the same card Josh had just played, “I activate Tremendous Fire.”

osh moved his arm off the table, sitting up straight when he heard the card’s name. Seems that, unlike him, other people are able to use these cards skillfully.
[Josh LP: (1100 --> 100)] [Red-Head LP: (7300 --> 6800)]

Now I activate my Trap Card, Spiritual Fire Art – Kurenai. Now I can tribute Fire monster I control and I can inflict damage to your Life Points equal to its original ATK.”

So I take 100 damage and lose. What a surprise.” [Josh LP: (100 --> 0)]

he girl perked her head up. “Are you okay?”

osh tossed his cards onto the table, letting them glide onto the floor. “I’m fine! I just hate this game.” He stood up before continuing, this time he shouted, although no one else appeared to notice, “I never even wanted to play anyway! I only came to cheer my friend on, that’s it! He tricked me into this stupid tournament.”

e turned his back and growled, “Thanks for the match.” Josh began to storm out of the cafeteria.

Wait.”

his quiet word expressed all the sincerity needed to stop Josh in his tracks. He slowly turned his head back to the red-haired girl. She held out her arm, with his deck in hand. “Come with me, I’ll show you how to duel.”

[b][b]Note: It's annoying how the Analyzer takes a second to mention stuff. However, I do like the limited amount of cards played, with people playing the same few cards, remembering that this is a sealed pack tournament.[/b][/b]
[b]~*~*~*~[/b]

[b]Card Analyzer activated…[/b]

[b]Auto-Update Feature Engaged:[/b]

[b]New Card Information shall be downloaded frequently as it is released for easy access…[/b]
[/spoiler]
Anyway, it is a bit slow, especially with the 8000 point thing, but I like how there's an expert duelist, along with a new player, both starring. Just do a bit of fixing the first chapter, and we're good.

[PirateQueen28]

[color=#ff33cc][size=4]I really liked your story it amazing! Your story also helped me undersatnd the rules more better so that way I know how to play better. [/size][/color]
[color=#ff33cc][size=4] I'll tell you this , when ever I need to look up the rule I'm going to come here and look through your story for help!!!!!! Every good job on you writting skills; keep it up. [/size][/color]

[Synchronized]

[font=courier new,courier,monospace]Just finished Chapter 2.[/font]

I can definitely say that you don't have any issues when it comes to detail and describing things well. In fact, you have a really nice flow that I wish I had when it came to writing duels, because I feel like that's where I end up struggling most. You manage to briefly describe most of the cards with what appears to be relative ease, and from there, you just let the duel write itself.

The complaints that I have up to this point is how boring it is, for the most part. I'm sure it's something you've addressed, but it's just difficult to get into the story (at least so far) when the entire chapter is just a recap of something I learned how to do eight years ago. Aside from that couple of seconds at the end of the chapter, it doesn't appear there's much in the way of plot development at all.

Now I'm not sure if you're doing something similar to my own Fic, where you sort of set up a bunch of details and proceed to unravel the plot with one big answer session, and if so, I guess I'll find out as I continue to read.

As is though, I'd say you have [i]heroic[/i] potential, and it can really only get better from here, so I'll keep reading.

[Brinolovania]

First off, I'd like to say that your writing is really good, and I'm gonna continue reading this because of that. But there are some things about it that I don't like...

The first two chapters were boring, but they were supposed to be so it's OK I guess. Problem is, the duel in the later chapter was boring too. In Dave vs Rachael, I never felt any sense of drama. I never really felt like Dave was in serious danger of losing. Even if Tyranno had destroyed BLS, Dave still would've had substantial life points left. And his last turn was just a bunch of direct attacks...Id say one big problem is that with 8000 LP, and people winning like Dave, the duels seem more like IRL duels than fan fic/anime duels. And like Bahamut said, there's no plot going on...if I didn't want another Yugioh fic to read, and this one's well written, I would've stopped reading this because it's honestly kind of boring at this point.

I suppose in later chapters, stuff will happen, so let's see what goes on then.

[Synchronized]

^ Now that you mention this, I want to mention it too.

As "realistic" as the 8000 Life Point duels are, I've never been a fan of using them, because it makes the duels far too dragged out and boring to the point where the reader just gets bored, especially because some people dislike reading duels in the first place. I'd suggest trying the 4000 point format as it allows you a bit more creativity coming up with effects and the sort, while not making it feel as though you're reading a novel.