Just want some opinion

[jordan90]

Hey guys i wrote this short story piece for my school assignment... my brother read it and he think i should make a novel from it so i wanted some more opinion before i commit to that huge project. Thanks for reading it, if anything i can improve i will look into it

 

 

 

Man’s best friend but my worst Enemy

 

TAHMID ABIR RAHMAN

 

How can something so small have such eternal consequences? Lightning strikes and the sounds of the wind scream into my cell, as I’m lying on my bed, looking up into the dark crevasses of the bunk above mine. My mind is filled with the imposing thoughts that preoccupy my mind every single waking moment, arousing intense feelings of remorse and guilt that make my heart ache. As I have recounted countless times, it wasn’t my fault despite the tragedy that my actions caused. But that doesn’t matter now. I was responsible for what happened and I can’t change the past.

 

 

My mind often wanders back to my life before the tragedy. and I now recall a modest house and a lovely wife. My life was going high, me a young man having a great job and a beautiful wife were about to have a baby and all was going well. One day opening my front door to work a small dog appeared, I walked pass and continued walking to work. The next day the dog appeared again doing the same thing as I have done before and walked passed it to work. The dog continuously did this for a long time. The season changed and it was winter. Snow fell on my walk path and the dog appeared again, I felt guilt and was afraid if the dog died from the cold and get frostbite so which I took the dog into my house. After taking the dog to my home, the dog and I were very close, we usually go have walks together, every afternoon, just me and the dog.

 

 

Months later, weird emotions came inside my body, I couldn’t sleep or participate in much activities that I used to do anymore. Sometimes I became furious of the little mistakes that came to me. One day I applied for a higher paid job, I knew with all my heart that I would get the job and so did my wife and all my work collies, but in the end I did not get it. I was furious over it and went to sleep still furious by my boss’s actions. That night I had a vision in my dream of my boss murdered in my closet. I woke up screaming quickly woke up to see my closet clean, with nothing inside. I didn’t know what consumed me, what happened to my body and why these emotions were felt in my moral soul.

 

 

I thought that this was just a coincidence and that I should move on. One night arriving from work, my wife was out with her parents and I was at home with the dog. The dog was sitting on my coach, no emotion on his little puppy face. The dog opened his mouth and I expected him to bark but the most astonishing event had occurred to me and the dog told me to ‘sit down’.

 

 

I screamed as hard as my lungs would take me and was afraid of the dog and what devilish acts he has under his paws, I picked up one of my wife’s favourite vase’s trying to defend myself if this Satin inherited beast would try to eat my flesh of my agitated soul but I instantly stoped freaking out after the dog said “I can make your life better”. I don’t know how I stopped like that but maybe my desperation of life came over my sanity. But as the dog talked, I listened and seeking of what he meant when he said making my life better. He told me to kill my boss .How can any person or any specie in this case would want to see the manslaughter of another being but… , I cannot deny myself that a part of me wanted to see his neck break and to see him suffer the pain in which he gave me!

 

 

It was midnight, oh I remember that night, not like it happened yesterday, no but exactly like it was happening at this moment. The rain’s intense dropping resembled to the extraordinary speed of my heart pumping over my expeditious agony of killing my soon to be dead boss. I walked there in the peak of the full moon hearing the sounds of thunder strikes breaking through inside my body. His upstairs window was open, I climbed up and went through it and there he was, sleeping so quiet and looks so innocent over his monstrous deeds. The dog came inside and watched me with a grin, I was in the dark corner of my bosses bedroom and immediately ran to him but he woke up and was about to scream. My sense of humanity broke and I started piercing my long razer nails to his fat brainless neck! And took my knife out and stabbed his heart taking that blasted organ out of his body! The heart now still haunts me. But for sure that night was the beginning of my thirst of blood

 

 

The next day, my life had the change of the best, then having a better paid job I had the best paid job of my business as being the new boss. The dog then kept telling of what I should do, none of all was to kill someone but on life style choices too. The dog has given me everything I need and desired, but my heart was still cold and dead as it was before. The darkness of the night fell into my soul, talking to myself of how to stop this madness! And why do I feel this distress, the dog told me something, something in which would never have clicked into my mind, he said it was my wife. Why my innocent lovely wife would be doing this, the dog then replied that she was getting me poisoned. Why would I believe this dog and how would I suspect my wife who which I was married happy too...The word ‘happy’ was very vague to me, of what is to be happy and how do you be happy. But the cure of being happy from the dog was executing my wife. I didn’t know what was being happy then but I knew I need some sort of happiness to take me out of the darkness and into the light.

 

 

The more days I thought about it, the more miserable I become and my insanity grew by big amounts. If happiness was the cure for my demolished being then killing my wife would not be a choice anymore but would be something essential for me to survive. I poured poison into her drink, the dog watching me with his hypnotizing eyes to confirm if the deed is done. I poured the dark green poison into the tea, my mind was clear and no thought in my head was denying me that this was wrong. I stirred the poison into the tea like it was stirring in my emotions. The steps I took to give the tea took a century. The room was cold and the beats of my heart made my arms shiver, my wife changed her emotion into a curious state of mind. I told her to “drink your tea”, I left the room, and closed the door just enough for me to see her. Her suffering raised my blood level and soon her eyes blast out of her head. No emotion was on my face, was I supposed to be happy, is this happiness and is the suffering of others my HAPPINESS! Soon I heard Siren alarms near my house and police came from everyone, I was surrounded.

 

 

The police captured me and I was sentenced to court. The Judge thought I was mad over my extreme actions even when I explained the dog told me to do all those things, not doing anything to the dog who which followed me everywhere I went. But during the court they have found something that I have not seen in a long time, a time I didn’t remember, the police showed me my medical form and found that the pills I was supposed to receive was not taken since a year ago. The dog was at the right dark corner of the room, I took the pills and the dog was gone… everything I thought was right then was wrong.

 

 

And now I’m still thinking of the deeds that I’ve done, and how the suffering of others are not making me happy but making me more miserable. In some extent it wasn’t my fault as the dog told me the deeds but I listened where all the monstrous deeds was all because of me not taking the pills. The sun rise, mocking me with its happiness, for sure I am guilty for my actions but I am now a new man and have transformed from the monster I was to a person who which would not do anything bad again. The prison guard told me to go outside for our usual exercise like always in this prison I do as they tell me to. Hundreds of prisoner’s are exercising including me stretching my muscles for the exercise but all of a sudden my heart was breaking out of control, the dog appeared outside of my prison… No! No! It can’t be! I took the pills what! No! Uh uh no! I ran with a metal pole in my hand and ran to the prison gate as if I was running away from the prison but I couldn’t stand the grin of his devilish face! Uh! My mind was filled with the horror and misery he gave me and I ran to him with my face filled with emotions. How could I not kill the devil that made me kill my beloved wife! A prison guard stopped me and inserted me with a drug, in where I was about to pass out. The last sight I saw was the dog, grinning, staring at me with his hypnotizing eyes. But if I took the pills and the dog still appeared, what does this mean!?

 

 

[Guest Thar Ablaze]

Wrong section. This belongs in Creative Writing.

Reported so a mod can move it.