KDog03 Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 My first cards. Anything I should add/change? [img]http://i.imgur.com/VLzzV.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/3gE6v.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/DqDgp.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/CoBvT.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/dJfJM.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/dHZRL.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/fmerv.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/L8q3f.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/bWA4O.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/XYwnZ.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/DuV20.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/TSzCl.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/VrfsM.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/YMAzl.jpg[/img] This card can only be Ritual Summoned by the effects of Corruption. While this card is on the field no other monster can be chosen as the target of an attack. No monster with crusader in its name can be destroyed by a spell or trap card. By paying 500 Life Points (usable once per turn) special summon 1 Dark Crusader token ATK 1500 DEF 1500. Kyrn the Dark Crusader gains 500 ATK and DEF for every Dark Crusader Token on the field. [img]http://i.imgur.com/x2K0Z.jpg[/img] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nu-Mou Knight Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Ooh, a medieval set that might actually be interesting. [quote name='KDog03' timestamp='1342398511' post='5979406'] [img]http://i.imgur.com/VLzzV.jpg[/img] Ah, a generic strike-and-switch monster. The wording a kinda screwy, but you can go to yugioh.wikia.com and look up similar cards, like Goblin Attack Force. Use what you learn from those official cards to make sure that you're writing your own right. [img]http://i.imgur.com/3gE6v.jpg[/img] Same as above, but with virtually any Ritual Spell. [img]http://i.imgur.com/DqDgp.jpg[/img] Ah, useful effect. Unfortunately, with only 1600 ATK, this guy's not going to be sticking around for too long. The only problems I can see here are that you have a typo in activate, and that you started it very oddly. It should be more like "Your opponent". [img]http://i.imgur.com/CoBvT.jpg[/img] You have a weird i at the beginning, there. This guy's effect is very much like Diffusion-Wave Motion , so look that up so you can get a better idea of what it should say, [img]http://i.imgur.com/dJfJM.jpg[/img] Okay, that's actually quite a cool effect. Let me try to help you make it more official-sounding: "When this card inflicts Battle Damage to your opponent's Life Points, you can reduce the Battle Damage to 0 to gain Life Points equal to the Battle Damage inflicted." [img]http://i.imgur.com/dHZRL.jpg[/img] The term is "card name", not "name". Any part of a monster name that's mentioned in an effect must be in "quotes." However, you could just as easily make Crusader an Archetype by making it ""Crusader" monsters". I think what you're looking for in the first effect is something like "require 1 less Tribute to Summon and inflict Piercing Battle Damage." The second looks okay, provided you capitalize and spell check it. Counter should be capitalized. The last effect should have a Phase activation time, as well as a limit per turn. It should also end like so: "from your hand by removing a number of Counters equal to the monster's Level." [img]http://i.imgur.com/fmerv.jpg[/img] Rather boring effect, don't you think? It should probably start with "The", and "equipped monster" doesn't need to be capitalized. [img]http://i.imgur.com/L8q3f.jpg[/img] Same as above. [img]http://i.imgur.com/bWA4O.jpg[/img] Again, it's card name. It should be "each", not "every". You also need to say if it's both players' Graveyards or just the controller's Graveyard. [img]http://i.imgur.com/XYwnZ.jpg[/img] That seems like a bit much. O_o Deck needs to be capitalized. Types need to be written as Warrior-Type. The Levels are written as "Level 4 or lower". Any effect that causes you to get into your Deck implies that the Deck is shuffled. No need to add it to the end of effects. [img]http://i.imgur.com/DuV20.jpg[/img] Again, it's each, not every. You also have the ordering off: "each face-up "Crusader" monster on the field." [img]http://i.imgur.com/TSzCl.jpg[/img] Opponent is misspelled, and all you need to write is "they must discard 1 card." All numbers are written as the numeral. "Whenever" shouldn't be used, just use "When". [img]http://i.imgur.com/VrfsM.jpg[/img] ...Let me just fix the whole thing for you: "While this card is [b]face-up [/b]on the field, [b]your opponent cannot target another monster you control for an attack.[/b] When this card is destroyed[b],[/b] [b]S[/b]pecial [b]S[/b]ummon up to 3 "Crusader Tokens[b]".[/b] You need to add in the standard Token information. Look up Scapegoat on the wikia to see it. [img]http://i.imgur.com/YMAzl.jpg[/img] This card can only be Ritual Summoned by the effects of Corruption. While this card is on the field no other monster can be chosen as the target of an attack. No monster with crusader in its name can be destroyed by a spell or trap card. By paying 500 Life Points (usable once per turn) special summon 1 Dark Crusader token ATK 1500 DEF 1500. Kyrn the Dark Crusader gains 500 ATK and DEF for every Dark Crusader Token on the field. "effect of "Corruption." Look back at Kyrn for the problems with the second and fourth effects. Don't use parentheses for once per turn effects, just write "Once per turn,..." The third effect needs to be something like "[b]Monsters[/b] with "Crusader" in their card name cannot be destroyed by [b]Spell and Trap Card effects.[/b]" Fifth effect: If a card references itself, you only need to write "This card", not the card's name. [img]http://i.imgur.com/x2K0Z.jpg[/img] That last effect makes no sense to me. You're already destroying the monster, what does halving the [b]ATK *hint hint*[/b] have to do with that? [/quote] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KDog03 Posted July 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 Thanks for the feedback, I will apply plenty of changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 Nu-Mou already fixed your OCG and such so I'll just point out stuff about your images. It's generally frowned upon to have words or empty black/white spaces that don't match with the rest of the image on your card images, you can usually remove them with just a few seconds in an image editor, even Paint I'm pretty sure you can find better images then that for Crusader armor and sword Corruption depicts what seems to be a man growing tree limbs, Dark Kyrn is clearly not a tree so I don't feel it really fits Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KDog03 Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 I made the changes and added some as well. Tenshi I'm afraid I couldn't find anything better for corruption. Though i think they look like dark tendrils. [img]http://i.imgur.com/YeGYu.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/X9ht8.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/LWzTs.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/ATChm.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/Qogl0.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/wHfeG.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/aJMVe.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/5F2KI.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/qdqAE.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/3KLe4.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/XDG50.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/8ZXCw.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/IpopF.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/4Wwtr.jpg[/img] [img]http://i.imgur.com/g8H37.jpg[/img] Im having trouble with the Dark Crusader Sword so I'll add that as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KDog03 Posted December 31, 2012 Author Report Share Posted December 31, 2012 Ignore this post :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KDog03 Posted January 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted January 4, 2013 Could use some ideas for some Dark Crusaders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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