TenshiNoTeze Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 I can't wait for Heart of the Swarm, so in my boredness I made some Starcraft cards Constructive criticism is always welcome **Update: Cards edited and added Hatchery** **Update: Cards edited again and added Mutalisk** **Update: Added Corruptor, Brood Lord, Lair and Hive** ***Major Update: Added Terran ground forces and some heroes*** **Update: Added Terran air forces, a hero, and a hero spell** **Update: Added Raven and Medivac** ***Major Update: Added Protoss ground forces and a hero*** [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)][spoiler=Zerg][spoiler=Ground][/background][/size][/font][/color][img]http://i.imgur.com/cFJ5y.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]When this card is Summoned, the controller of this card draws 1 card.[/spoiler] [img]http://i.imgur.com/Wxeqc.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]When this card is Summoned, Special Summon 1 "Zerg Zergling Token" (Insect-Type/DARK/Level 3/ATK 1000/DEF 700) "Zerg Zergling Token" gains 200 ATK for each "Zerg" monster you control. This card gains 200 ATK for every "Zerg" monster you control.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/c36dT.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can be Special Summoned by Tributing 1 "Zerg Zergling" you control. If this card declares an attack destroy it during the End Phase of this turn. Once per turn, during your Main Phase, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Tribute this card to destroy all face-down monsters your opponent controls and all face-up monsters your opponent controls whose DEF is lower than this card's ATK. -This card can attack your Opponent directly this turn. [/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/1KiuV.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing 1 "Zerg" monster you control. Once per turn, You can flip this card to face-down Defense Position. When this card is Flip Summoned: Destroy 1 card on your opponent's side of the field.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/qHoz8.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can send a card with "Creep" in it's name that you control to the Graveyard, if you do: You can place one Spine Counter on this card (max. 3): You can remove one Spine Counter from this card to give this card an additional attack this turn.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/oIfNk.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Put 4 Larva Counters on a "Zerg Hatchery" you control. -Gain 1250 Life Points. You cannot activate the effect of "Zerg Queen" next turn. -Special Summon 1 "Creep Tumor Token" (Insect-Type/DARK/ATK 0/DEF 1900) in Defense position.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/9kuuH.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Monsters on your opponent's side of the field cannot change their Battle Position until the end of your opponent's next turn. -Target 1 monster your opponent controls; you control it until the End Phase. You cannot activate the effect of "Zerg Infestor" during your next turn. -Special Summon one "Zerg Infested Terran Token" (Insect-type/DARK/ATK 1800/DEF 1600)[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/S7XVy.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing 3 "Zerg" monsters from your side of the field. This card cannot be Special Summoned. Once per turn, during your Main Phase you can destroy one card your opponent controls. If you do, this card cannot attack this turn.[/spoiler][/spoiler][spoiler=Air][img]http://i.imgur.com/P6uoC.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can return this card to its owner's hand during the End Phase. Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -This card can attack twice during this turn. -Increase this card's ATK by 800 until the End Phase.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/eUDDr.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing one "Zerg" monster you control. Once per turn, you can select 1 face-up monster on the field. The original ATK of that monster is halved until the end of this turn.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/yYHQ2.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing one "Zerg Corruptor" you control.This card cannot be Special Summoned. This card cannot declare an attack.Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Special Summon 1 "Zerg Broodling Token" (Insect-Type/DARK/ATK 1000/DEF 600). -Tribute 1 token you control. Inflict damage to your opponent equal to it's original ATK. -Tribute 1 token you control. This card can declare an attack this turn. [/spoiler] [/spoiler][spoiler=Spells and Traps][img]http://i.imgur.com/E1Vfa.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be activated by Tributing one "Zerg Drone" you control. This card cannot be destroyed while you control a "Zerg" monster. Once per turn, during your Main Phase if there are less than 3 Larva Counters on this card, place one Larva Counter on this card (max. 15). You can remove 1 Larva Counter from this card to add 1 "Zerg" card from your Deck to your hand.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/3ELVl.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can only activate this card if you control "Zerg Hatchery".This card cannot be destroyed while you control a "Zerg" monster. You can remove 1 Larva Counter from "Zerg Hatchery" to Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower "Zerg" monster from your hand.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/0Cp3L.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can only activate this card if you control "Zerg Lair". This card cannot be destroyed while you control a "Zerg" monster. You can remove 1 Larva counter from "Zerg Hatchery" to Special Summon 1 Level 6 or lower "Zerg" monster from your hand.[/spoiler][/spoiler] I hope you enjoyed the cards. Like if you do. I'll probably be making more, and once again, constructive criticism is always welcome. [color=#5A5A5A][font=tahoma, helvetica, arial, sans-serif][size=3][background=rgb(251, 253, 254)][/spoiler][/background][/size][/font][/color] [spoiler=Terran][spoiler=Ground][img]http://i.imgur.com/LpG4x.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]When this card is Summoned, the controller of this card draws 1 card.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/a5ve2.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can pay 1000 life points, if you do, this card can attack twice this Battle Phase.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/0zndA.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can pay 2000 life points, if you do, this card can attack twice during this turn. If this card inflicts damage to your opponent's life points, select one monster on the field. That monster cannot attack until the end of your opponent's next turn.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/In2H9.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can Special Summon this card from your hand by discarding 1 "Terran Marine" or "Terran Marauder". This card can attack your opponent directly. If there are no face-up monsters on your opponent's side of the field, increase this card's ATK by 2000.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/EylIL.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Select 1 monster on the field, and destroy it. If you activate this effect, this card cannot attack during this turn. -Place 1 Nuke counter on this card (max. 2). -Remove 2 Nuke counters from this card. Pay 1000 life points. Destroy all cards your opponent controls. [/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/Ctc6L.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card inflicts Piercing Damage. Increase this card's ATK by 500 when it battles a Level 4 or lower monster.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/jtTpL.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can Tribute Summon this card in face-up Attack Position by Tributing 1 Machine-type "Terran" monster. Once per turn, if this card is in face-up Defense Position: Destroy 1 card your opponent controls.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/QudKe.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]2 Level 6 "Terran" monsters This card can only be Xyz Summoned and cannot be Summoned in other ways. You can detach 1 Xyz material from this card: Destroy 1 card your opponent controls.[/spoiler][/spoiler] [spoiler=Air][img]http://i.imgur.com/Vzezb.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, if this card is in face-up Defense Position: Select 1 Spell or Trap card on the field, Destroy it.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/yLRCH.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn you can place 1 Heal Counter on a monster. If a monster would be destroyed, you can discard 1 Heal Counter from it instead.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/6DhBR.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card cannot be destroyed in battle if there is another "Terran" monster you control. If your opponent controls only face-down monsters this card can attack twice.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/rl9Jn.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Special Summon 1 "Auto-Turret Token" (Machine-Type/EARTH/ATK 2500/DEF 0) destroy it during the End Phase. -Special Summon 1 "Point-Defense Drone Token" (Machine-Type/EARTH/ATK 0/DEF 0) while you control "Point-Defense Drone Token" you take no battle damage. -Destroy 1 monster on the field[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/50s70.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing 2 Machine-type "Terran" monsters you control. Once per turn, you can select and activate 1 of the following effects: -Place 1 Yamato Counter on this card (max. 1) -Remove 1 Yamato Counter from this card, select 1 card your opponent controls: Remove it from play.[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler] [spoiler=Protoss][spoiler=Ground][img]http://i.imgur.com/3iylk.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]When this card is Summoned, the controller of this card draws 1 card.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/3g5EB.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]If you control less monsters than your opponent, this card can attack twice during the Battle Phase.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/rbJOu.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, if this card would be removed from the field: It isn't.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/dq7fJ.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can select and activate one of the following effects: -Increase the ATK and DEF of all "Protoss" monsters by 200. -Special Summon 1 "Force Field Token" (Thunder-Type/LIGHT/ATK 0/DEF 3000) in Defense Position. Destroy it during your opponent's next End Phase.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/r5mux.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]If this card is attacked, decrease the attacking monster's ATK by 1000 until the Damage Step.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/kcElX.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]Once per turn, you can select and activate 1 of the following effects: -Remove all Counters from a card. Destroy the card and deal damage to your opponent equal to the amount of Counters x500 -Destroy 3 cards on the field. You cannot activate the effect of "Protoss High Templar" next turn.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/qcsBb.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card cannot be destroyed in battle if there is another "Protoss" monster you control. When this card declares an attack increase it's ATK by 600 until the Damage Step.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/KJWwk.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]1 "Templar" monster + 1 "Templar" monster This card can only be Special Summoned from your Extra Deck by removing from play the above cards you control. This card cannot be Special Summoned from the Graveyard. When this card is Fusion Summoned: Target 1 monster on the field; destroy that target.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/yFBDf.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing 3 Machine-Type "Protoss" monsters except "Protoss Probe". This card cannot be Special Summoned. This card can attack twice during the Battle Phase.[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler] [spoiler=Heroes][img]http://i.imgur.com/xIsPN.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card can only be Normal Summoned by Tributing 1 "Terran" or "Zerg" monster you control. If you Normal Summoned this card by Tributing a "Zerg" monster this card's name is also treated as "Zerg Sarah Kerrigan". Once per turn, you can discard 1 card to target 1 monster on the field; remove it from play.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/McPXZ.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]3 Level 6 "Zerg" monsters, including at least one "Zerg Sarah Kerrigan" Must be Xyz Summoned, and cannot be Summoned in other ways. If this card is removed from the field Special Summon 1 "Zerg Sarah Kerrigan" from your Graveyard. This card cannot be destroyed in battle. You can detach 3 Xyz Materials from this card: Tribute 1 token you control to Special Summon 1 "Zerg" monster from your hand, ignoring it's Summon conditions.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/8YEqs.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]3 Level 5 "Terran" monsters Increase the ATK of all face-up "Terran" monsters by 200. Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to target 1 face-up monster your opponent controls; pay 1000 life points and gain control of it.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/ckbd6.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]This card cannot be Normal Summoned or Set. This card can only be Special Summoned by the effect of "The Xel'Naga Artifact". Increase this card's ATK and DEF by 500 for every "Zerg" monster in your Graveyard and on the field.When Spell/Trap Card or monster effect is activated: You can pay 2000 Life Points; negate the activation, and if you do, destroy that card.[/spoiler][img]http://i.imgur.com/7frfC.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]3 Level 10 "Protoss" monsters Once per turn: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to select and activate one of the following effects: ● Select 1 card your opponent controls: Banish it. ● Pay 3000 Life Points. Return all other cards on the field to their owners' hands.[/spoiler][spoiler=Spells and Traps][img]http://i.imgur.com/Gu7W8.jpg[/img][spoiler=Lore]You can only activate this card if there is a "Zerg Infested Kerrigan, "The Queen of Blades"" on the field. Destroy all "Zerg" monsters on the field. The owner of "Zerg Infested Kerrigan, The Queen of Blades"" can Special Summon one "Zerg De-Infested Kerrigan" from their hand or Deck.[/spoiler][/spoiler][/spoiler] Had to use Yugico, no Xyz's on this site Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nu-Mou Knight Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Ooh, Starcraft. Been a bit since I've seen a set on this. Your OCG looks pretty good. Only a handful of complaints, like "on your side of the field" being long for "that you control". That's actually quite impressive for a newbie. Wish we had more people like that. Drone: Since it's just a basic drone, couldn't you give it some sort of SSing or adding effect, since they'd usually travel in swarms? Ya know, to make it actually useful. Zergling: That's a cool effect, but I can't really see where it would help a player. It's two monsters at 1000 ATK, which don't do much on their own. You could give it some sort of effect based off the Token, like Tributing the Token to blow up a L4 or lower monster or a face-down, or add its 1000 to the actual Zergling card. Baneling: Why do cardmakers line-break bullet effects? The self-destruction makes this a real waste of a card, especially since it's only 2000 ATK. The bullet effects are pretty fair, and I could see the self-destruction working with the second effect. It's waste outside that, though. Roach: Pretty nice. It could have higher DEF, since, you know, roach? Oh, small OCG correction: If you're turning it face-up or face-down, the word is flip, not change, no matter what. If it's not being flipped face-up or face-down, just changing Battle Position, the word is switch, as in "switch 1 monster your opponent controls to Defense Position." Hydralisk: I KNOW you can come up with a good effect for this guy. If the description says anything, it's that it shouldn't be a vanilla. Queen: I'll have to reserve judgement on the first effect until Hatchery comes up. 1250 LP is a rather odd number. Does it have something to do with the in-game enemy? The last seems like a waste of an effect. I'm hoping you're going to have some sort of Token-related card. Infestor: Here, on the first effect, you did use "change" right. However, Battle Position should be capitalized. The second effect should read "; you control it until the End Phase. You cannot activate the effect of "Zerg Infestor" during your next turn." Apostrophes look really weird with quotes right before them, and you shouldn't use commas like you did there. Again, odd Token. Really hoping they'll have a use somewhere along the line. Ultralisk: 3 monsters for 5000 ATK? No, just no. At least require them to be stronger monsters, or lower Ultralisk's ATK. At least you didn't give it immunities. FGD requires 5 semi-specific monsters and Poly. You're just Tributing any three monsters, which any good Swarming Deck can pull off fairly easily. The individual cards could use some work, but you have some serious potential. I'll give you a 6/10 for what you have so far. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 [quote name='Nu-Mou Knight' timestamp='1342468691' post='5980126'] Ooh, Starcraft. Been a bit since I've seen a set on this. Your OCG looks pretty good. Only a handful of complaints, like "on your side of the field" being long for "that you control". That's actually quite impressive for a newbie. Wish we had more people like that. Drone: Since it's just a basic drone, couldn't you give it some sort of SSing or adding effect, since they'd usually travel in swarms? Ya know, to make it actually useful. Zergling: That's a cool effect, but I can't really see where it would help a player. It's two monsters at 1000 ATK, which don't do much on their own. You could give it some sort of effect based off the Token, like Tributing the Token to blow up a L4 or lower monster or a face-down, or add its 1000 to the actual Zergling card. Baneling: Why do cardmakers line-break bullet effects? The self-destruction makes this a real waste of a card, especially since it's only 2000 ATK. The bullet effects are pretty fair, and I could see the self-destruction working with the second effect. It's waste outside that, though. Roach: Pretty nice. It could have higher DEF, since, you know, roach? Oh, small OCG correction: If you're turning it face-up or face-down, the word is flip, not change, no matter what. If it's not being flipped face-up or face-down, just changing Battle Position, the word is switch, as in "switch 1 monster your opponent controls to Defense Position." Hydralisk: I KNOW you can come up with a good effect for this guy. If the description says anything, it's that it shouldn't be a vanilla. Queen: I'll have to reserve judgement on the first effect until Hatchery comes up. 1250 LP is a rather odd number. Does it have something to do with the in-game enemy? The last seems like a waste of an effect. I'm hoping you're going to have some sort of Token-related card. Infestor: Here, on the first effect, you did use "change" right. However, Battle Position should be capitalized. The second effect should read "; you control it until the End Phase. You cannot activate the effect of "Zerg Infestor" during your next turn." Apostrophes look really weird with quotes right before them, and you shouldn't use commas like you did there. Again, odd Token. Really hoping they'll have a use somewhere along the line. Ultralisk: 3 monsters for 5000 ATK? No, just no. At least require them to be stronger monsters, or lower Ultralisk's ATK. At least you didn't give it immunities. FGD requires 5 semi-specific monsters and Poly. You're just Tributing any three monsters, which any good Swarming Deck can pull off fairly easily. The individual cards could use some work, but you have some serious potential. I'll give you a 6/10 for what you have so far. [/quote] Thanks for commenting I appreciate all the advice, I've edited all the cards, some more then others, and I added the Hatchery. Drone: A little draw effect and is required for Hatchery Zergling: Gave it another effect, kinda unsure on the OCG, the point of it's effect is, it's simply like summoning two monsters for the price of one. You could immediately Special Summon a Rank 3 XYZ and it's difficult for your opponent to kill off two monsters in one turn in the beginning, granting you a more likely chance to have a tribute for something. Baneling: It's just plain out meant only for it's bullet effects. I also buffed it's first effect a little to include face down monsters. Roach: Doubled it's DEF and in turn gave a little more to it's summoning requirements Hydralisk: Gave it an effect, which also gives some purpose to Creep Tumor Queen: Buffed Creep Tumor and fixed wording (I think) 1250 heal is because in the actual game it's transfusion effect heals for 125 Infestor: Fixed wording and added Zerg to Infested Terran's name Ultralisk: Nerfed his attack by 1000, increased his summoning requirements and gave him a "real" effect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nu-Mou Knight Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 [quote name='TenshiNoTeze' timestamp='1342537328' post='5980964'] Drone: A little draw effect and is required for Hatchery[/quote] That's better. It's good to remember that the cards should be useful in a duel setting, but not so much that it breaks the game. [quote]Zergling: Gave it another effect, kinda unsure on the OCG, the point of it's effect is, it's simply like summoning two monsters for the price of one. You could immediately Special Summon a Rank 3 XYZ and it's difficult for your opponent to kill off two monsters in one turn in the beginning, granting you a more likely chance to have a tribute for something.[/quote] Except [url='http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Token_Monster#Token_Mechanics']you can't use Tokens in Xyz Summoning.(look at the last bullet)[/url] Official rulings cancelled that out a while ago. That's why Scapegoat isn't banned. Planning around giving someone a free, powerful Summon like that isn't really good either. Ever heard of [url='http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Tour_Guide_From_the_Underworld']Tour Guide from the Underworld[/url]? It's very useful, but it can also be rather game-breaking because it does just what you planned for Zergling to do: hand you an Xyz Summon just by Summoning it. Where you used "every" in the new Zergling effects, you should've used "each". It's just proper wording. When addressing a specific Token with the effect of the token's "creator", you can't say "this token", because the card whose effect it is isn't what you're trying to address. You have to treat the Token as its own Monster, and say "The "Zerg Zergling Token"". Yes, this even applies if they have a similar name, because the Token's name must always include "Token". [quote]Baneling: It's just plain out meant only for it's bullet effects. I also buffed it's first effect a little to include face down monsters.[/quote] So it's basically a one-off "bomb" of sorts, like Black Rose Dragon. I can see that. Remember, you can shorten up "side of the field" with "controls", with consideration for sense, of course. Also, you made the first effect a bit longer than necessary. I's usually better to have the broader targets first, then the ones that have to be "defined", like monsters than have to have a lower DEF than Baneling's ATK. Therefore, the first bullet effect can be turned into "Tribute this card to destroy all face-down monsters your opponent controls and all face-up monsters your opponent controls whose DEF is lower than this card's ATK." [quote]Roach: Doubled it's DEF and in turn gave a little more to it's summoning requirements[/quote] Good, you have balancing in mind. Never lose that. Remember, never spell out numbers, just use the numberal, i.e.: 1, 2, 3. [quote]Hydralisk: Gave it an effect, which also gives some purpose to Creep Tumor[/quote] Ah, nice thinking. However, giving the 2400 ATK powerhouse an additional attack just due to having the Token on the field is a bit too little of a cost. If you had to Tribute the Token, or if the Creep Tumor Token had to be destroyed by battle to place the counter, that would be better. Make sure to use "during" when talking about Phases and turns, and not just say "this turn", because that makes it sound a bit choppy. Also, remember, numerals, not words. [quote]Queen: Buffed Creep Tumor and fixed wording (I think) 1250 heal is because in the actual game it's transfusion effect heals for 125[/quote] I seem to have missed a thing or two last time I went through this one: Effects that can only be used once in a turn, which is what you have there, are better started with "Once per turn," since it's nice and short. First effect: Try to not use "a" or "an" so much as "1". Numbers always get the point across better. 2nd: Try to use commas as little as possible. Try a period to separate the LP gain and the cost (negation during the following turn). Also, remember to use "during", which would make the end of the effect "during your next turn." Not all things get to be shortened. 3rd: Again, numerals. I'm pretty sure that Token names have to include the "Token" part, similar to how "Sheep Token" isn't just "Sheep". Position is lowercase, needs to be capitalized. Creep Tumor looks better there. Since it's a small wall now, I think Tribbing it for Hydra's effect would be fitting. [quote]Infestor: Fixed wording and added Zerg to Infested Terran's name[/quote] Again, "Once per turn". 1st: You don't need to have "All" there, it's implied if you don't have a number. 2nd: You remembered during here, great! Now make sure to use it like that more often. 3rd: Again, I'm pretty sure you need to include Token in the name. [quote]Ultralisk: Nerfed his attack by 1000, increased his summoning requirements and gave him a "real" effect[/quote] Okay, that's much better, and the effect gives him a bit of versatility, so that's good. Ace cards are fine (I'm a fan of the "big win" style, myself), but the ace can't be hilariously OP either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 [quote name='Nu-Mou Knight' timestamp='1342541966' post='5981033'] That's better. It's good to remember that the cards should be useful in a duel setting, but not so much that it breaks the game. Except [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Token_Monster#Token_Mechanics"]you can't use Tokens in Xyz Summoning.(look at the last bullet)[/url] Official rulings cancelled that out a while ago. That's why Scapegoat isn't banned. Planning around giving someone a free, powerful Summon like that isn't really good either. Ever heard of [url="http://yugioh.wikia.com/wiki/Tour_Guide_From_the_Underworld"]Tour Guide from the Underworld[/url]? It's very useful, but it can also be rather game-breaking because it does just what you planned for Zergling to do: hand you an Xyz Summon just by Summoning it. Where you used "every" in the new Zergling effects, you should've used "each". It's just proper wording. When addressing a specific Token with the effect of the token's "creator", you can't say "this token", because the card whose effect it is isn't what you're trying to address. You have to treat the Token as its own Monster, and say "The "Zerg Zergling Token"". Yes, this even applies if they have a similar name, because the Token's name must always include "Token". So it's basically a one-off "bomb" of sorts, like Black Rose Dragon. I can see that. Remember, you can shorten up "side of the field" with "controls", with consideration for sense, of course. Also, you made the first effect a bit longer than necessary. I's usually better to have the broader targets first, then the ones that have to be "defined", like monsters than have to have a lower DEF than Baneling's ATK. Therefore, the first bullet effect can be turned into "Tribute this card to destroy all face-down monsters your opponent controls and all face-up monsters your opponent controls whose DEF is lower than this card's ATK." Good, you have balancing in mind. Never lose that. Remember, never spell out numbers, just use the numberal, i.e.: 1, 2, 3. Ah, nice thinking. However, giving the 2400 ATK powerhouse an additional attack just due to having the Token on the field is a bit too little of a cost. If you had to Tribute the Token, or if the Creep Tumor Token had to be destroyed by battle to place the counter, that would be better. Make sure to use "during" when talking about Phases and turns, and not just say "this turn", because that makes it sound a bit choppy. Also, remember, numerals, not words. I seem to have missed a thing or two last time I went through this one: Effects that can only be used once in a turn, which is what you have there, are better started with "Once per turn," since it's nice and short. First effect: Try to not use "a" or "an" so much as "1". Numbers always get the point across better. 2nd: Try to use commas as little as possible. Try a period to separate the LP gain and the cost (negation during the following turn). Also, remember to use "during", which would make the end of the effect "during your next turn." Not all things get to be shortened. 3rd: Again, numerals. I'm pretty sure that Token names have to include the "Token" part, similar to how "Sheep Token" isn't just "Sheep". Position is lowercase, needs to be capitalized. Creep Tumor looks better there. Since it's a small wall now, I think Tribbing it for Hydra's effect would be fitting. Again, "Once per turn". 1st: You don't need to have "All" there, it's implied if you don't have a number. 2nd: You remembered during here, great! Now make sure to use it like that more often. 3rd: Again, I'm pretty sure you need to include Token in the name. Okay, that's much better, and the effect gives him a bit of versatility, so that's good. Ace cards are fine (I'm a fan of the "big win" style, myself), but the ace can't be hilariously OP either. [/quote] Fixed the things you pointed out, or so I think anyway Buffed Zergling ATK gain effect. Added Mutalisk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 18, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2012 *Bump for update* Added Corruptor, Brood Lord, Lair, and Hive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 *Bump for update* Added some terran and heroes Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 BUMP cmon people comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 19, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 Bump for update Added Terran Air, another hero, and a Spell Card tht goes with it Cmon people, comment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 20, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 20, 2012 Bump 4 Upd8 Cmon.. I know your there.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 So I was thinking, maybe if I made more "mainstream" sets people would actually respond. Then I thought screw it, I'll do what I want. Bump for update. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TenshiNoTeze Posted July 26, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 26, 2012 BAMP QUICK, IF YOU DONT RESPOND, JIMMY WILL DIIIIIIIEEEE!!!!! Knife> =|==> (^-^)<Jimmy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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