Aesirson Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 As I mentioned in the Fantasy thread in this section I am working on a fantasy world where my new story will take place, and I decided that it was time for me to post it here to see if people had suggestions or opinions about what I have so far. [spoiler=World]The current world is made up of one continent parted into four human kingdoms, based on five different real life cultures (Medieval European, Egyptian/Arabian, Asian and Norse) Even if the peace is sometimes unstable, there have been no major conflicts between the four kingdoms for almost a century. There are rumours about another great landmass to the east, but no ship who have sailed into the Eastern Mists have ever returned to tell the tale of whatever hides within it. There is also another plane of existence, known as the spirit world, where, brace yourselves for the reveal, the spirits live. The spirirts are generally peaceful and keep to themselves within their own world, but there are some greater spirirts who are active within the human world. Luckily, most of the greater spirits are benevolent, but there are some exceptions. Humans are usually unable to enter the spirit world without the help of greater spirits or the use of complicated rituals, but spirits of decent strength are able to travel freely between the two planes.[/spoiler][spoiler=Plot Device(s)]The first plot device is the concept of five souls. On rare occasions, a human is born with five souls, their own and the souls of four spirits who represents the four elements. Humans with five souls are able to utilize the powers of the elements in their daily lives and in combat, if they are taught how to control their inner spirits. While signs of the elemental powers can be seen at an early age, they do not start to fully develop until the teenage years, and most humans do not learn how to fully control them until they are young adults. These humans do often hold high statuses within society, such as political leaders and generals, but they are mostly used as peacekeepers. That said, there are some who use their unique powers for evil and their own winning. The other plot device is the order of mercenaries called the Scarecrows. The Scarecrows are not an accepted part of society, and members have to keep their membership in the order a secret to not face trial. The Scarecrow were originally an order of assassins founded during the war a century ago, and their main purpose was to silence political opponents of the eastern emperor and to a lesser extent hunt down malevolent spirits. Now they are mostly vigilantes and bodyguards who, while criminals, are loved by many throughout the four kingdoms. There are, however, a renegade group of the Scarecrows who have made it their lifves' goals to separate the human world from the spirit world, and to do this they are convinced that they will have to kill every spirirt they come across, including those who live within humans with five souls.[/spoiler][spoiler=Characters (so far)]So far I have come up with two main characters who, at the start of the story, are at two completely different places and follow two different plots which will eventually weave together. The first character, who I have yet to come up with a name for, is an older teenage girl born with five souls who originates from the Asian-inspired kingdom. Since she is the only person in her small village who is born with five souls there is no one around who can teach her how to control her powers, and thus she is forced to meditate in an attempt to communicate with her elemental souls. She gets contact with the elemental beings, but her conversations with them do not lead her any closer to full control and she leaves for the capital city to find a teacher. During her departure, the village is attacked by raiders who are looking for "a girl with inhuman powers", and she watches as both her friends and family are killed to protect her. She flees, and her quest for control is turned into a quest for vengeance, but she can get none unless she finds a teacher... The other main character is a man in his late twenties/early thirties named Kodiak (for now) who originates from the northern lands (the Norse-based kingdom) He is a member of the Scarecrows, and his current contract has him working as a bodyguard for a spoiled teenage girl from the western kingdom. Kodiak has been an orphan for as long as he can remember and was "adopted" by members of the Scarecrows at the age of ten. Since then, he has been trained to not grow close to his employers, or to anyone, really, as he might be forced to kill them in the future. However, even if her personality is not the best, he is starting to grow fond of the girl who he has sworn to protect, and when an escort mission goes terribly wrong his entire life is turned upside down...[/spoiler] What I need right now is: 1. Opinions 2. Suggestions 3. Names for characters and places NOTE: This was written at 2 AM, so it might just be a giant wall of text that is impossible to read, but I'm to tired to fix it right now. If the post is unreadable I will fix it tomorrow. NOTE 2: Also, if there's something that needs further explanation just ask. In my current state I might have forgotten to mention something important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Sounds interesting. Am aware you are a fairly reputable writer and glad to see you are still active. Main pros: Scarecrows sound freaking cool, shared protagonists with solid backgrounds. Main cons: All five or one seems odd (no-one is specialised in just water/fire/etc. Dunno whether I find that bad that everyone is going to have virtually the same skill set, or whether having masters of each element is overdone), the world seems actually kinda bland, evil spirits feels overdone (I'm assuming you intend this as a original fantasy). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aesirson Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 I am aware about the problem of having every character with five souls have the same powers, but if they were only able to use one element it would look like a The Last Airbender knockoff, and I don't want that. Also, another advantage with a character with five soul (for me as a writer, at least) is that I can write conversations using only one character without making that character look psycho by talking to himself/herself. There are not many evil spirits left in the human world after the war, due to the Scarecrows, but the few who are left are usually just pranksters who set farms ablaze and stuff. No big bads with plans of world domination, although I might bring some greater evil spirits into the fray later. I agree that the world is bland as it is now, but it will naturally be filled with small stories as the main story goes on. For example, I already have some in universe fairy tales planned, including the story of the world's creation, and there are some minor characters who I myself think is interesting that I have yet to mention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunKistRebelution Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Firstly, I would just like to say that I am a huge fan of the entire Game of Thrones universe and the fantasy genre, so I am ecstatic that this is even a thing at all. Now, as for suggestions, SKR's 10 points of awesomeness are as follows: 1. Norse kingdom-either Valhall (from Valhalla) or Norgard (derived from North and the suffix of terms from Norse mythology, e.g. Midgard-meaning Earth-and Asgard-meaning the divine realm) 2. Asian kingdom-either some sort of ___ Empire or something along the lines of Rikukage or Rikukokyuu (riku meaning land, kage meaning shadow-for something vague and/or mysterious-and kokyuu meaning breath-if you want it to reference one of the elements) 3. Medieval kingdom-The Noblelands (or the like) 4. Egyptian/Arabian-Muhraq'Ard (literally means 'burnt earth' in phonetic Arabic) 5. If you wanted to add some variety to the whole inter-plane interaction, you could introduce some sort of conjurer's cult whose intent to bring spirits to their realm of existence is inspired by the fact that they envy the five-soul bearers, who I think should be called individually a [i]quintaether [/i]and plurally [i]quintaetherium [/i](called "quints" for short).********also possession for this group, seeing as they are jealous powermongerers********** 6. Love Kodiak's backstory so far. So much love. Think [village girl]'s is all right, but common enough that it doesn't necessarily appeal to me. It might also have something to do with the fact that Kodiak is an anti-hero with an internal struggle...... 7. As far as the five-souls concept goes, I see no problem with it being an all-or-nothing trait. This is due to the fact that not everyone is equal in strength. It stands to reason, then, that not all spirits would be equal in strength, so one person might be far more proficient in one area of elemental magic than in others. 8. An interesting companion for Kodiak would be an orphan child (just like him) who is a recent addition to the Scarecrow order and figures out that he actually is gifted with [i]quintaether [/i]abilities (see how beautiful that word is?). 9. Of course the world is bland now, but that's because it is late at night for Aesirson and also because the topography, systems of hierarchy and government, territorial disputes, etc. have not been elaborated upon/revealed yet. 10. Creation myth would be a good opening IMO. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Some more info on the world itself would be nice, but I guess that's coming further down the line. Rulers, important families, and so forth. As for the characters and their skillsets, you could make it so that certain characters are more proficient with some elements than others. For example, you could have someone that has mastered the fire spirits, but have very little skill with the other elements. Overall cool concept, though. As others have said above, the characters are interesting and definitely have a story to tell. I'll be looking forward to reading this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bahamut - Envoy of the End Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 [quote name='Aesirson' timestamp='1351996779' post='6060677'] I am aware about the problem of having every character with five souls have the same powers, but if they were only able to use one element it would look like a The Last Airbender knockoff, and I don't want that. Also, another advantage with a character with five soul (for me as a writer, at least) is that I can write conversations using only one character without making that character look psycho by talking to himself/herself. There are not many evil spirits left in the human world after the war, due to the Scarecrows, but the few who are left are usually just pranksters who set farms ablaze and stuff. No big bads with plans of world domination, although I might bring some greater evil spirits into the fray later. I agree that the world is bland as it is now, but it will naturally be filled with small stories as the main story goes on. For example, I already have some in universe fairy tales planned, including the story of the world's creation, and there are some minor characters who I myself think is interesting that I have yet to mention. [/quote] Hmmm, I see your point, because Airbender was actually my first reaction. During fight scenes you'll just have to be creative as to what individuals can do with their powers. Yeah, think more information is needed. [quote name='SunKistRebelution' timestamp='1351997951' post='6060683'] Firstly, I would just like to say that I am a huge fan of the entire Game of Thrones universe and the fantasy genre, so I am ecstatic that this is even a thing at all. Now, as for suggestions, SKR's 10 points of awesomeness are as follows: 1. Norse kingdom-either Valhall (from Valhalla) or Norgard (derived from North and the suffix of terms from Norse mythology, e.g. Midgard-meaning Earth-and Asgard-meaning the divine realm) 2. Asian kingdom-either some sort of ___ Empire or something along the lines of Rikukage or Rikukokyuu (riku meaning land, kage meaning shadow-for something vague and/or mysterious-and kokyuu meaning breath-if you want it to reference one of the elements) 3. Medieval kingdom-The Noblelands (or the like) 4. Egyptian/Arabian-Muhraq'Ard (literally means 'burnt earth' in phonetic Arabic) [/quote] I am impressed by the knowledge and research you have displayed with those names fine sir. I quite like them (prefer Norgard to Valhal) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aesirson Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 @SunKistRebelution: I've never seen you around and I have no idea who you are, but you're a *bleep*ing genius. I think I'm going to use at least three of the names/terms you suggested, and I'm definitely going to think about your idea with the cult. You deserve a medal, but since I am in no position to give medals a +1 will do! @Umbra: A quint's elemental powers are based on how well they can co-operate with their elemental souls, and since the souls are four different characters it's only natural that the quint will be more efficient in one element than the other three. Most of the quint characters I have in my mind so far only specialize in one element and use the others as utility or as last resorts. I'll start writing the Prologue/Creation Myth once I get some other stuff out of the way. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunKistRebelution Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 [quote name='Aesirson' timestamp='1352033796' post='6060846'] @SunKistRebelution: I've never seen you around and I have no idea who you are, but [b]you're a *bleep*ing genius[/b]. I think I'm going to use at least three of the names/terms you suggested, and I'm definitely going to think about your idea with the cult. You deserve a medal, but since I am in no position to give medals a +1 will do! [b]Thank you. You flatter me. *blushes (in the manliest way possible)*[/b] @Umbra: A [b]quint's [/b]elemental powers are based on how well they can co-operate with their elemental souls, and since the souls are four different characters it's only natural that the [b]quint [/b]will be more efficient in one element than the other three. Most of the [b]quint [/b]characters I have in my mind so far only specialize in one element and use the others as utility or as last resorts. [b]Copyright pending....[/b] [/quote] @Aesirson: I told you I am just excited that this is under any sort of development. Now, the fact that I can possibly contribute to a story based on a model that I am, let's face it, slightly obsessed with is just a dream come true. I have a few more ideas if you're interested, but I don't wanna write anything here you may use later on in the actual story. Don't want to ruin the tale for anyone. You can PM me if you'd really like some further input as far as plot devices go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aesirson Posted November 4, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 Thanks SKR, I'll definitely turn to you in case I get writer's block. Anyway, I need one or two beta readers, and I'm having trouble writing the prologue. The initial plan was to have the creation myth told to ten-y.o Kodiak, but I also want to include the girl (who I still do not have a name for >_>) which doesn't really work unless I do giant mid-chapter time skip, since Kodiak is at least ten years older than the girl. Any suggestions on how to do it? Another plan I had is to post two prologues, one for Kodiak and one for the girl, where I explain the creation myth and the concept of the Scarecrows in Kodiak's prologue and the concept of the quintaetherium in the girl's prologue. Does anyone have any suggestions on what the girl could be called? Preferbably a name with an Asian feel to it, yet not so complicated. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunKistRebelution Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 As far as the girl goes, Yi is a Chinese name meaning gift, and it isn't too complicated. I like the dual prologue idea. I've read books before where they have chapters with alternating perspectives/storylines and liked them because I could literally see the progression of the storylines as they merged. I'd love to read, but I'm not sure exactly how much help I would be. While my opinions and such might be useful source material, I am normally not that much of a detail-oriented person. Normally. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted November 4, 2012 Report Share Posted November 4, 2012 To me, a prologue is there to introduce the setting more than anything else, just to give some information as to what the story will be about. It's more worldbuilding than straight-up storytelling, so you don't need to introduce the main characters just yet. Make the girl's chapter after the prologue the first one, to give a solid introduction to her, and you should be set. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted November 5, 2012 Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 Yo, Aesir; I be liking this very much! Nice job SKR, you seem to at least know what you're talking about with the things. If you need a beta-reader, I'm open man. I beta read for my mate, and apparently give good advice, and if you ever need any world building assistance, it's one of my fortes, so I've been told. But yeah, seems great for the moment. Out of the names, I presume Noblelands is the one that you might not use? It does seem sort of bland, and doesn't fit into the theme as much. Eleutheria means freedom/liberty, in latin, a good language choice for Medieval naming. Or Libertas Terra(Land of liberty); probably not, but similar maybe. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted November 5, 2012 Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 For the Asiatic country/kingdom, I can make some suggestions that have some veneer of authenticity. Generally speaking, a name should project a positive meaning, or one that in the native language defines aspects of the landscape. (Shadows, therefore, are out.) Japanese names could be Tōbara (遠原, [i]distant plains[/i]) or Toyohara (豊原, [i]bountiful plains[/i]), while a Chinese style one would benefit from a single syllable like Rang (穰, [i]abundance[/i]) or Yu (裕, [i]plenty[/i]). As you can see, I feel like the Asian one could have a very fertile, agrarian society within. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted November 5, 2012 Report Share Posted November 5, 2012 Depending on its location, you could have a number of names. Nakahara, for a centralised kingdom, as Nakahara literally means middle Plain. Minami (south) for a southern state, Mizushima for an island based civilisation (meaning water Island). Wakahisa means forever young, for a perhaps ancient but unchanged civilisation. Ueno means upper field, for a highlands based area. Lots of names are possible. City names are probably easier, but if you can give me a feel for the landscape, I could find a good name and I could help with descriptions and specifics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aesirson Posted November 6, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2012 Thanks for the shown interest and many name ideas, guys! [spoiler=How the world looks]The world as it is now is made of one continent which is divided into the four kingdoms, Norgard (northern, Norse) Muhraq'Ard (southern, Egyptian/Arabian) the Honorlands (still taking suggestions regarding name, western, European) and the Yu-Rang Empire (eastern, Asian), with the Honorlands and Yu-Rang Empires being equal in size to eachother and covering about 70% of the continent, Muhraq'Ard covers about 20% of the world while Norgard is the smallest with only about 10%. The Honorlands are your casual land with plains, a few mountains and a giant forest to the north. In the east it borders the Yu-Rang Empire at a mountain range. Yu-Rang does also have some great fields, but a large part of the country is made out of jungles and swamps. To the east coast of Yu-Rang lies the Iyako Archipelago. Norgard is mostly just temperate forests and snowy mountains. There aren't many settlements in Norgard as most of its people live in small clans spread across the land (and some Norgardians have also settled in the northern parts of the Yu-Rang Empire and the Honorlands) but the largest settlement is Oath's Hall, which is a city built within a mountain, but since its foundation at the end of the war it has grown outside the mountain too. Muhraq'Ard has some jungle-landscape to the north-east where it borders Yu-Rang, and some savannah to the north-west where it borders the Honorlands. The rest of the kingdom is mostly desert, with a few bigger oases. There is also a streak of fertile land that runs along a river straight through the kingdom, which is where most of its people live. Most of the desert is unexplored and there are many legends about what can be found in the sands.[/spoiler] In case you have a better name for the Yu-Rang Empire or the Honorlands I am open for suggestions! EDIT: Forgot to thank Rinne for the idea of the name for the Yu-Rang Empire. Also @DWG: I'll remember to send you a PM with the prologue once it's finished! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunKistRebelution Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 I'd also love to look at your prologue should you want me to do so. Additionally, I have ideas for the name of the western-based civilization: -Enliege (due to the fact that the medieval feudal systems had liege lords as powerful and influential persons) OR -Konigsraum (which means King's space in German) OR -Magnacarta (after the 'great charter' that established the Lord's foothold in the beginnings of democracy and the spreading of power) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ListenToLife Posted November 7, 2012 Report Share Posted November 7, 2012 I still vote for my Latin based argument. Considering that almost all western culture derives itself in some form from the Romans, and our western languages are different variations of Latin, I say a Latin name. Or, if you dont like that, you could go for a Gaelic/Celtic feel; even steal some of Tolkein's words if you like. Use Tolkein's elven language if you're stuck, or just search of Gaelic translations of things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aesirson Posted November 8, 2012 Author Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 I think I'm actually going to go with Konigsraum, just because I think that the German name fits well into a future plot I had planned, in case this is actually succesful. I think Latin is a too "clean" of a language to fit the current ideas I have planned for the medieval kingdom, but I may use it in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 [quote name='Aesirson' timestamp='1352409047' post='6064020'] I think I'm actually going to go with Konigsraum, just because I think that the German name fits well into a future plot I had planned, in case this is actually succesful. I think Latin is a too "clean" of a language to fit the current ideas I have planned for the medieval kingdom, but I may use it in the future. [/quote] If you're going to go full-on with the German name, you might as well do Königsraum, which would be the proper spelling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunKistRebelution Posted November 8, 2012 Report Share Posted November 8, 2012 My apologies, Umbra, I was too lazy to deal with the, what I think is a tedious, task of putting in the special character. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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