New Death PG-13 (Language & Sexual References)

[Darth Revan of the Sith]

[url="http://www.BannerFans.com"][img]http://img838.imageshack.us/img838/9927/58572102d4d6bccm3.png[/img][/url]
(Credit to Artist is in the Top Left Corner)
[spoiler=Prologue]
The feeling around the room is that of suspense. An old man of young ambitions paces around a room with many of his kin sitting in wait. The man is restless as his lover shall give life; life to a newborn baby. As life is born in this world, it must also be taken eventually. Life is a debt, and every being must pay the price somehow. This price is paid to Death.

Death is a curious being. It is one that has no name but Death, for Death is the concept incarnate. Death lives to take other’s souls, but even Death dies. It is apparent that when Death must pay his heavy debt that he elects another to take his place. Once one is chosen, he must be trained in the art of Death, as precarious of an art as it is. Here we see the tidings of a young boy, whose vigor shall put him on the pinnacle of Life and Death.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 1]
The fiery pits of hell are foreboding, a place where sinners gather to suffer God’s mighty wrath. The fires burn hotter than the sun and the abode reeks of fire and brimstone. At the helm lies the Council of Seven:

Satan, whose wrath is his only logic.

Mammon, a man whose coin has taken place of his heart.

Beezlebub, to which food finds its job tedious and toiling.

Belphegor, to where need takes no precedence over his laziness.

Asmodeus, the dreams of all mankind’s sins, for she collects their lust.

Leviathan, as jealous of her cohorts as she may be.

Lucifer, the pride of the council, or at least his own pride.

The council decides the fate of the human based on his sin. Death, however, brings them to the court to be judged. It has been five thousand years since this incarnation of Death swore his oath against life, now he must suffer at the hands of his employer. Fortunately, Death has already chosen his successor to the shock of the council. Death had chosen a seventeen year old boy to lead the fight in his stead.

“Surely thou hast us deceived? For thou shalt surely not declare a young heart such as this to the task!” Belphegor snorted at what he believed to be a poorly made joke.

“Nigh Glutton, for this boy certainly may take the job from me. I hast seen it, graceful council.” Death stared into the eyes of Beezlebub, whose eyes widened at the realization that this was not a joke.

The boy stood there staring at the council as the debate raged throughout the courts. He began to investigate his future employers. He saw Beezlebub, whose physique was that of a malnourished slave, but whose appetite was fierce as the trash leftovers are thrown in. Beezlebub stared into the eyes of the boy. His eyes were red, for he had no pupils. As the red color glared into the boy, the boy only stared with a motionless expression. Beezlebub huffed as he spoke against the boy.

“A travesty! Thine has picked the expressionless to do his job! See this boy! For he hast not an expression upon his face! Thee hast picked one with no respect to our judgment.” Death spoke to Beezlebub with anger in his voice. It had been Beezlebub who was against Death’s election to the position five thousand years before. Now Beezlebub wishes to once again undermine Death’s judgment.

“The boy hast respect Glutton, but his respect hath lay below his waist than in it.”
Asmodeus chuckled at Death’s words. She looked at Beezlebub’s embarrassed face. She then looked at the boy. Beauty was the definition of Asmodeus, her body was that of the desire of all men. She was the queen of Lust and commanded men upon her slightest whim. Even Asmodeus, however, suffers from her own chief sin.

“Well, the youngling hast respect for me is not for Beezlebub. Shalt the boy respond to my words then?” The boy’s face immediately changed and the boy spoke to Asmodeus with clarity.

“Surely the Queen of the Lustful shalt disdain to hear my loathsome voice.” Asmodeus chuckled as the boy answered her. Satan stood up and asked Death with curiosity. “What is thine delegate’s sin to bring him to the land of fire?” Death had been prepared to respond when Asmodeus interrupted him. “You imbecile, his crime was lust.” She had her fingers lightly touch her lips as she smiled to the boy. The boy smiled back, but the smile was more or less flirtatious than it was graceful.

“I doth not trust this boy. His eyes are weary of suffering. I see only confusion and lust in his eyes.” Belphegor looked at the boy with the same look given to him by Beezlebub.

“Aye Beezlebub, I agree; who objects to our decision?” Beezlebub and Belphegor scanned the room to which the other members began to speak.

Satan was the first to speak. “I object, this boy has the anger in him to commit our acts.”

“I agree with Satan the boy doth look well enough. He has been trained by Death himself.” Leviathan nudged over to Asmodeus who then spoke as if irritated.

“If it already wasn’t obvious to any of you that I support then I regret having to speak council among you all for these many years. Lucifer?”

Lucifer was the most peculiar of the other members of the council. Although many of the members wore demon garb that came standard to a demon of such high authority, Lucifer did not. Instead, Lucifer wore the standard shining armor of an Archangel. His armor was a steel that lit up the entire room with its gleam and had gold lines stretched across his breastplate. His white wings extended as he stood up to announce his decision.

“It is my decision, to support the boy’s endeavors upon the art of Death. I hath spoken.” Lucifer’s decision didn’t shock the members. It appeared they were used to the way he acted.

“Well, since it is obvious how this will end out I support the boy.” Mammon fidgeted in his chair so as to avoid an uncomforting position.

In the end, the boy was chosen in a vote. Beezlebub was furious of the decision but calmed down after Lucifer raised a hand against him. Lucifer was one that the demons did not cross with. He was a former angel under God and was considered to be his best fighter, until he grew prideful and started a war with God so as to secure the throne. He lost a long battle with God and was damned to the underworld for his betrayal. Lucifer swore his revenge, but never acted upon it. Now he stands upon the council and is referred to as “The Fallen Angel”. As Death Lead the boy to the exit of the Council room, Death began to speak.

“Flirting with a council member is so like you.” Death connected his boney hand with his skull in embarrassment, but the boy shrugged it off.

“Relax you old coot I can handle this. I know what Asmodeus is capable of.” The boy smirked to Death’s disdain.
“I fear you may not. It does not matter anyways. Tomorrow we begin the final steps to your training and then you will be promoted. Congratulations, you just got a Get Out of Jail Free Card.”

“That was my plan the whole time. Even you should have known that was partly my motivation. I am not spending an eternity down there.”

“Even if you feel you deserve it?” Death looked at the boy as they stopped walking. The boy was silent for awhile and then walked on. Death stood there looking at the boy as he walked on.

“Crap I think I pissed him off.” Death said as he followed the boy.

Every person who has become Death has committed a crime that has put him in hell. Many people had fought to become Death so as to stray from the suffering of hell; they however, underestimated what it took to become it. Many people failed miserably and others faltered within their own weak hearts on the concept of being Death. Sometimes prejudices about Death scared many into refusing the idea.

It is very rare that a boy of such a young age had become Death. This was the youngest age so far in records of past Death’s, as the Death before him became Death at the age of forty three. The Death before him had been elected to the position at the age of thirty and the one before her was fifty five when he was elected. The concept of a seventeen year old becoming death came as quite a shock to the Council Members.[/spoiler]
[spoiler=Chapter 2]


The boy woke up from his bed after Death had shaken him up.

“Come now boy!” Death hurriedly grabbed the boy in a haste and pulled him up. “Get dressed and ready, your final training session begins today.”

Almost immediately afterwards, the boy had grabbed his training gear which consisted of a Buddhist monk’s garb. He had been allowed to choose his own array of training clothes and he found the garb useful in regards to flexibility. As the boy stretched in the training grounds, a loan moan from the wind could be heard for miles. The training grounds were a giant conglomeration of graveyards. Trees loomed over many gravestones, dried and devoid of all life. The sky was black with storm clouds creating thunderstorms everywhere.

Death immediately came to the boy when he was done. He heaved his scythe and held it like a walking stick as he prepared to speak. The scythe was wooden and had ancient markings along the staff, while the blade loomed over the staff like the dead trees.

“Did you know that at least fifty people die each day?” Death asked as if he was giving the boy a pop quiz.

“Yes, you told me and the other contestants during the tournament to decide who would become Death.” The boy gave a small frown feeling irritated by Death’s dubious question.

“If this is the case, do you know how you will be able to get all 50 people at the same time?” He waited for an answer from the boy that would not come and so he continued. “I am going to teach you how to get all fifty people. As Death, you will be able to harness many powers and one of them is creating ‘Death Ghosts’ to do our bidding. With these ghosts, you can have them take care of all the collections.”

The boy looked puzzled and then asked Death “What does Death do then if Death Ghosts do all the work?”

“Death Ghosts cannot fight, and sometimes powerful enemies resist the call for payment. That is why you must defeat them and claim their souls.”

As soon as he finished talking, Death raised his arms to the sky and suddenly 3 Death Ghosts appeared. They were small, white figments forming the shape of an animal, a different animal for each one. Death then called for the boy to step forward.

“In order to summon Death Ghost’s, you must look down among yourself and acknowledge your death. By acknowledge, I mean to embrace it. Embrace the concept of nothingness, as your mind goes blank and your mind shuts down. Your eyes lose the ability to see and you drift in and out of consciousness and then, nothing. Embrace this boy.”

The boy sat there and thought to himself. He closed his eyes and pictured his death. He saw an angry mob come forward with meager weapons that could be collected from a garage sale. The boy could see himself being thoroughly beaten by the mob as he was hit with baseball bats, bars, and other blunt objects. As the pain coarsed through his body he eventually began to fade away from consciousness, he then lost sight, and suddenly there was nothing.

The boy woke up from the painful memory as he ceased his screaming, not knowing he had been screaming the whole time. He looked around as he saw his arms were held up to the sky, and over a hundred Death Ghosts stood around the graveyard. The boy then looked at his hands in amazement. Shocked at what he could do but also impressed.

Death let out a sigh as he used his power to make the Death Ghosts disappear. He then lifted the boy up and spoke to him.

“This is the end of me. I must now pass on the torch to you.” Death’s scythe suddenly lit up and began to shrink until it had become the size of a keychain. Death handed the boy the small Scythe and it then grew twice its own size to become the weapon it previously was. “Now you possess the power of Death, as I now retire.”

Suddenly Death changed. Fire engulfed Death as he screamed in unimaginable pain and agony. The fire lasted mere minutes until Death got up and stared at the boy. Death no longer had a skeletal body and cloak; he was a male well within his thirties who had dark skin and peasants clothes of ancient origins.

“Death… wh-what happened?” The boy looked at Death with a puzzling face but Death smiled and held his hand in front of the boy to halt his speaking.

“Do not call me that Death, for I no longer retain that title and therefore do not retain that name. You are Death now.” The man then patted Death on the back and spoke in a much more positive tone. “Your original name does not exist as long as you hold this title. Your name is now “Death” and will be until your retirement.”

Death then looked at himself and noticed he was not skeletal like the man had been. He then became curious and asked the man in eagerness. “Why am I not all boney like you were?”

The man laughed and spoke as if he had been told a joke. “Death chooses his form. You have chosen to stay as you were and that is how you shall be. However you seemed to have edited your attire a bit.” The man looked at the new clothes that Death was wearing.

Death wore a hooded jacket that extended to his heels. He wore black jeans and black shoes. The rims of the shoes were covered by the ends of his pants. His jacket came together around his cheat and was held by a zipper that went down to the waistline as the rest of the hooded cloak remained separated. Death was impressed by the attire he hadn’t noticed he was wearing up until that point.

The man then began to walk away. He spoke in a soft expression as if he had been lifted from a giant burden. “Have a wonderful eternity.” The man then stood in front of Death with a smile.

“Wait!” The boy shouted as he inched closer to the man. He stared at the eyes of the man, eyes full of vigor and wisdom. “What is your real name?”

The man smiled at Death and said “My name is Akmoun Toutakhamut.”

“I have no idea how to pronounce that correctly.” Death gave a funny look as the man laughed extremely.

“Don’t worry about it. You will never have to pronounce it again anyways. Goodbye boy.” As soon as he said those final words, Akmoun became enveloped in light. Wings sprouted from his back and his eyes began to glow a bright blue. Akmoun raised his hands and looked upwards towards the sky with a look of happiness and ecstasy. His body began to dissipate s a bright white ray fell upon him. His fleshless body slowly ascended to the sky as the ray opened up a hole in the dark sky. The whole opened up a blue sky, as angels watched Akmoun’s ascension with smiles upon their faces.

Akmoun reached the top of the sky and was greeted by the angels; soon after he was greeted by the king of heaven himself.

“Welcome Akmoun, you have served us for five thousand years. You are now absolved of your sins and are welcome here for all eternity. Welcome my friend to Paradiso.

“Thank you.” Akmoun smiled and walked with the angels as the hole closed up behind him.

Death stared at the sky for awhile, so many things had happened in a span of minutes and it was hard to contemplate it just yet. As he looked at himself, the gravity of who he had become began to fall upon him. The boy walked to the way out of the training grounds in silence.[/spoiler]

[?someone?]

Well, I don't know what to think about this. First of all, the title art is awesome, and looks like a heavy metal cover, so extra points for that. Secondly, the writing has this grand, heavy feel to it. Like the Ultimate Warrior or one of those movie trailer guys should narrate it. I like it. Thirdly, and this is the thing I'm not sure about: Death sounds more like an exasperated dad than a harbinger of doom. I laughed at his sekeletal facepalm, but his "Oh crap, I think I pissed him off" seemed like a bit much. Dude, you're [b]Death.[/b] You should be riding along the highway on a motorbike, or fighting Richter Belmont, not worrying about some pubescent poop's feelings.

Oh well. That's just an opinion, and while I think the comedy is better when more subtle (the other jokes are better), I don't really mind. The only objective problems I noticed were that "Death" is said roughly five bajillion times in the prologue's second paragraph, and you could tone down the repetition, i.e. "Thine has picked the expressionless to do his job! See this boy! [u]For he hast not an expression upon his face[/u]!" Other than that and needing some commas in places such as "I hast seen it(,) graceful council.”, It's well done.

Good going.

[Darth Revan of the Sith]

[quote name='?someone?' timestamp='1354068407' post='6079737']
Well, I don't know what to think about this. First of all, the title art is awesome, and looks like a heavy metal cover, so extra points for that. Secondly, the writing has this grand, heavy feel to it. Like the Ultimate Warrior or one of those movie trailer guys should narrate it. I like it. Thirdly, and this is the thing I'm not sure about: Death sounds more like an exasperated dad than a harbinger of doom. I laughed at his sekeletal facepalm, but his "Oh crap, I think I pissed him off" seemed like a bit much. Dude, you're [b]Death.[/b] You should be riding along the highway on a motorbike, or fighting Richter Belmont, not worrying about some pubescent poop's feelings.

Oh well. That's just an opinion, and while I think the comedy is better when more subtle (the other jokes are better), I don't really mind. The only objective problems I noticed were that "Death" is said roughly five bajillion times in the prologue's second paragraph, and you could tone down the repetition, i.e. "Thine has picked the expressionless to do his job! See this boy! [u]For he hast not an expression upon his face[/u]!" Other than that and needing some commas in places such as "I hast seen it(,) graceful council.”, It's well done.

Good going.
[/quote]
Although I can't edit that one sentence. I will make those grammatical fixes.

And I will be quite honest with you, I DID view Death as a father-figure in my mind when I thought out the character. Unlike previous deaths this Death lived at the highpoint of humanity, he saw the rise of empires and knows the human conscience a lot more than most. He is in the last years of his life and the last thing he needs to do is create a bad successor when already he has shocked the council.

And practically the WHOLE book revolves around death so you will hear it often.

AND THANK YOU!