Yu-Gi-Oh!: Quantum Souls [PG-13]

[Justice Master]

Sorry for about the 45 minute delay. Formatting for release on YCM took a lot longer than I thought. I wasn't able to fix everything in beta reading that was addressed so I am slightly disappointed, but I was able to get it out, it's not something I'm ashamed of, and I'm sure chapter 2 will be a major improvement. Without anymore extra unneeded waiting, I give you Yu-Gi-Oh!: Quantum Souls!


[spoiler='Chapter 1: A New Beginning']New Domino City was truly a beautiful sight, light from the tall, cylindrical skyscrapers illuminating the grounds below, excluding the shadow filled corners known as the alleys. It was late at night, meaning that the city lacked the energy it gained during daylight hours, but it still had a sense of liveliness. Although, there were still the places where the light did not shine. Within these parts, known by the more classy people as the slums, lied the homes of criminals, scum, and other outcasts. And from those few, there was a black haired 20 year old. He wore a torn dark green shirt along with baggy jeans and some ragged, brown boots, untied at the moment. His hair was a mess, being very spiked in some areas. He was best comparable to one who just got out of bed.

A faint sound of footsteps filled the alleyways of the slums. Zenshiro Yudai was almost out of breath, but it didn’t matter. He needed to get away. And though he knew why, he tried not to acknowledge it. He wildly threw down the spare debris that was in his way. Sounds of screeching tires and yells could faintly be heard. He didn’t want to think about what he had done, no one would. However, guilt filled Zenshiro’s mind, and it was like living that moment all over again.

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Zenshiro was soaked with his own sweat. His hands were tied behind the chair in which he was seated while his feet were tied to two of the chair’s legs. Three men in suits had taken him here after bagging him and throwing him into some sort of car. Though his vision was blurry, he could see that these men were wearing ski-masks.

“What were you thinking, kid? Stealing cigars from us of all people?” One of the men gave the one who spoke a gun. He placed it against Zenshiro’s cheek. It was cold as ice, sending shivers down his spine.

“Well? Do you have an explanation?” The man inquired. Zenshiro took a deep breath before he let out a few words.

“Look, I don’t have anywhere to go. I just needed the money that I could get from selling it. I needed the food. I’ll even-.” Zenshiro began coughing heavily, tasting a bit of the blood that came up. For about half a minute he coughed whilst a combination of both spit and blood dropped onto the floor. He once again took a breath and began his last sentence once more.

“I’ll even pay you back for the cigars. I can get the money, I’m sure of it.” The man, from what Zenshiro could see, shook his head.

“No, no,” the masked man responded, “I’m afraid it’s just too late for that.” The figure raised his arm, holding the gun tightly. Zenshiro tugged on his arms. He didn’t want to die.


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“Whoa, whoa, slow down!” a female voice broke Zenshiro out of the trance he had been in while running full speed. The guilt filled man crashed into the source of the noise, along with two others.

“Oh, I’m so sorry about that!” Zenshiro apologized as he got back up; making a small note that he had reached the fork in the road. The woman who demanded he slowed down looked quite frustrated to him. She stood once more. She looked quite odd to sweat-wearing boy. The miss had light blue hair and a sort of a hoodie that appeared to have the logo of a band that hadn’t played for decades. Her finger hover about an inch from his face, pointed directly at his nose.

“Look!” she said with a loud, almost intimidating voice, “you should be glad I don’t break your legs! Seriously, watch where you’re going! You can’t just run in any place you want to and expect people to move for you! And why are you even running in alleyways? There are far better places to-”

“Ahem.”

The rant was halted by another victim of Zenshiro’s reckless dashing, this one being a male.

“Obviously, this man is in a hurry, as are we. We don’t want to waste time, per say. Just let him go on his and we’ll go on ours. You know what Yemon will say if we screw up the mission, correct?” The man appeared to wear clothes of brands that didn’t exist. The man also had dark brown hair, which was notable because a long strand covered his nose and split his face into two symmetrical sides. There was another woman with them, but Zenshiro didn’t get a good look at her. He did have to hurry.

The sweaty man gave a quick, “good-bye,” before running down the right path of the alleyway. The male of the trio glanced at the girl who just gave her rant.

“It was just being in the wrong place at the wrong time! Get off my back Iwao!” the girl demanded.

“First, I thought I already told you stop calling me that,” the man retorted, “and second, we might have caused a major problem. We don’t who we just delayed from his destination. While getting the cards may seem like top priority, it’s just a close second. Now I have to get Yemon involved and you’d better hope we didn’t just change history as we know it.” The man pulled out his phone and quickly called one of the contacts.

“Hello?” the man spoke into the device.

“Katsutoshi? What do you need me for this early in the mission?” asked the voice on the phone.

“Yemon, we might a have a serious problem.”

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Once he had finally reached his “home,” Zenshiro realized how much faster he would have gotten there if he had taken the left way. It didn’t matter now, though, it was just an insignificant detail. He took refuge in the dumpster before allowing himself the comfort of sleep. He awoke in the morning, smelling of perspiration, regret, and unfinished dinner. He opened his trash based base carefully, taking a peek to see if anyone was waiting for him. The coast looked clear so he took a hop and removed himself from the disgusting hiding spot. It was at this moment he had to take a moment to think. He had just been given a second chance by the sometimes cruel forces of fate. However, today was a new day; there was no need to live in the past. He had a future waiting ahead of him, and he was ready to see it. The lucky homeless boy decided that today he would go to New Domino City’s park, a perfect place for a new beginning. Before his departure, he made sure to bring his deck. The park was a popular dueling place and dueling seemed like just the thing to get a serious subject off his mind.

Upon Zenshiro’s arrival, he could see quite a large population of dueling folk. He couldn’t count all of the duels that were taking place, but one seemed to interest him the most, seeing as it was those people from yesterday, those odd people who he had run into. The duelist was the male from last night and the opponent seemed to be some snobbish boy of about 15 years of age. He had obviously missed a majority of the match, but he caught the tail end of it. The sir from last night was unchanged by the events that were transpiring before him. Possibly because he had faced more challenging opponents or maybe he just knew his opponent had already lost. The opponent curled his hand into a fist as he proudly declared his move.

“And with this, I Xyz Summon Quantum Warrior!”

An armored female burst forth through the black hole of the projections, bringing along with her blue hair and a mighty sword. The cocky child continued to explain his move.

“Oh, you’ll just love my warrior’s effect! You see, she gains 200 ATK for each Xyz Material attached to Xyz Monsters on the field! And now she’s about to his you directly for 2400!” Seeing as the man and his opponent were tied in only having 2000 Life Points left, this blow was going to be fatal, yet he did not move. Not even a flinch.

“Go Quantum Warrior! Attack him directly and end this!”

“Not so fast,” responded the wise man, “I’ll activate Battle Fader’s special ability. I can special summon him and end your Battle Phase.” The kid looked disgruntled.

“Fine, go ahead, I end,” he muttered. The soon-to-be victor moved his hand to his deck.

“My move, draw.” He swiftly grabbed the first card from his deck. With two cards now in his hand, he was certain of his victory this turn, partly due to his opponent’s empty field excluding Quantum Warrior.

“I start off by activating Quantum Anomaly. I now shuffle my Quantum Striker from my Banished zone back into my deck. Now, I summon Quantum Seeker and activate her effect.” He once again picked up his deck and placed Quantum Striker back where it started.

“Now, Quantum Striker’s effect activates. I can Special Summon a Quantum monster with 1500 ATK or less from my deck. I choose Quantum Traveler.” Another one of the Quantum monsters leaped upon the field to join Seeker. “Now, I shall build the overlay network by overlaying my Level 4 Quantum Seeker and my Level 4 Quantum Traveler to Xyz Summon the very monster you just did.”

The brown haired man’s two monsters transformed into two shining, peach colored orbs of energy before floating into a large black hole that had opened between the two duelists.

“I Xyz Summon Quantum Warrior!”

“What does it matter? Our monsters have the same ATK.” asked the confident opponent.

“Simple,” replied the odd looking man, “since I Xyz Summoned with Quantum Traveler, I can Banish a monster you control until the End Phase of this turn.”

“Wait, what?!” yelped the young boy, but it was too late, his monster vanished from the field.

“Quantum Warrior, truly end this. Attack him directly!” The swordswoman lifted her weapon and dashed towards the opponent, giving what looked to be a powerful slash.

[b]Opponent's Life Points: 2000 -> 0[/b]

“A deal’s a deal, kid. You lost; you give us that Quantum card of yours.” The teenager looked with shock at the man. “H-how did you get that card, too? I’ve never seen another like it,” questioned the almost fearing boy.

“Just like you did. I found it.”

The man took the card from the now defeated challenger and stepped on over to his companions. He made a smirk, pleased that he had completed his collection. Zenshiro could faintly hear the woman who had avoided his gaze yesterday whisper, “That was dangerous Katsutoshi, using those cards. You could've really messed up the timeline if he meant something."

"It doesn't matter, everything's fine."

"It is, but just don't make those choices. In other news about that kid, Yemon said he wasn’t a bad duelist. It also seems that Rieko here spotted him while watching the duel. He should still be around here somewhere.” It was about then when their little group began looking for Zenshiro, until they spotted him, just standing there awkwardly. They began to walk towards him, but thankfully, he could make out what the third member, and second female, of their party looked like. On her was a large, white T-shirt and baggy pants that could be best described as sweats. Purple, though a rare dye to find, was the color of her hair.

Once again, the four all stood; the three on one side and the redemption-bound boy on the other.

“Let’s walk while we explain ourselves, okay?” suggested the woman who’d yet to speak to Zenshiro.

“Sure, what do you have to explain?” pondered the oblivious 20 year-old.

“Nothing much,” started the woman who chewed him out, “just why we didn’t just leave after seeing you today. You see, we kinda screwed up last night and you kinda got involved.”

“Elaborate,” responded the confused man who wore hair black as the night sky. He didn’t notice that they were heading towards an alley.

“Well, I don’t think you’d understand if I just told you, in fact, I’m almost sure you wouldn’t.” They were now in the alley, but the woman continued her speech.

“So, since we have to bring you along anyway, it’d be better if you saw.” Zenshiro could follow what this girl was trying to say.

“See what?”

“This,” said an unfamiliar, ominous voice from behind him. A floating humanoid creature that held a light greenish glow hovered near the debatable man. And all of a sudden, everything seemed to go faster than anything he had ever seen, as if he was watching time progress. Years were passing like seconds and then everything just halted. And with that shock for the day he came to a halt himself and fainted right there in the former alley. Zenshiro awoke in a house that he could only describe as futuristic. As he looked at everything, it just didn’t feel real. It felt like some sort of dream that was off. It couldn’t be right, could it?

He got up and opened what he assumed was the guest bedroom door. In the supposed living room sat the glowing figure and he trio that had brought him to this point of confusion to begin with.

“Wha-wha-wh-” mumbled the shocked boy.

“What happened?” spoke the figure. The boy nodded slightly.

“I believe it would be simpler to explain the large story so that you can understand where you fall into it, Zenshiro.”

“How do you know my-”

“It started with me. I wasn’t interesting in my mortal life, but it isn’t what happened during the majority of my mortal life. It’s how it ended. One day, I stumbled across a rip in dimensions. To this day, I still am not completely sure what happened to cause the tear, but I know it happened. What that small dimensional cut did was bring me to the dimension you currently see me in. This level of existence allows me to simultaneously be in this dimension and another at once. Therefore, I exist not only in this world, but in a world not bound by the rules you will find here. Of course, when I first fell into this shell I resulted in action comparable to a tourist. I was overlooking every single universe, every dimension I’d ever want to see. That is, until I found it, a place I nicknamed the Quantum Dimension. This plane of existence was truly fascinating, seeing as it was a dimensional connection. The Quantum Dimension is much more than just a dimension; it’s a pathway to any of the countless dimensions in the Multiverse. This made it a common destination in my travels. Though, through that I made my most fatal mistake. I, in love with the Duel Monsters card game like many people throughout time, decided I could create cards of my own to introduce to the game using the dimension as a workbench. I even named them after the dimensional itself. What I didn’t realize is that the Quantum Dimension is far more than just a dimensional gateway; it is a gateway to time in all dimensions as well."

"When I had completed every card, I attempted to move them through to this world, but instead I accessed the very potential of the dimension and flooded them through time. The true problem with these cards is their bond with the Quantum Dimension. They can act like portals and transport the loser into the dimension if played with. That's why they're dangerous.” “And why hasn’t the entire timeline turned to mush because of this?” questioned Zenshiro. The being responded, “Because they didn’t just appear in time. They are slightly out of synch with it. They only appear after they reach where they are headed. And in the short time I was given, I was able to round up people from history and have them join my search to cleanse the timeline. These people have no major contributions to society and don’t have a large impact on history. I codenamed them Insignificants for obvious reasons. Zenshiro, you aren’t supposed to be alive. Last night, if my team of Quantum Searchers didn’t show up, you would’ve taken the left path. You would have died.” The boy didn’t know what to say. He had gone past his due date and didn’t even know it.

"Then, what year is it? How far in the future am I?" Zenshiro asked.

"23XX. We are in something called Absolute Present. Since time is still written, this as far as we can go. From here, there is no future, as it has yet to happen."

“So,” he asked, “what now?”

“Now you stay with us and become a Quantum Searcher. That is, if you pass the test. ”

“Test?”

The dark brown haired man joined in the conversation, “a quick duel between you and Yemon. You’ll use a deck of his choice and he’ll use a watered down version of his deck. If you are to lose, however, you’ll face the fate you were meant to face.”

“You mean…”

“Our lethal injection will be painless,” interrupted Yemon, “but you only have that to worry of if you lose. Now excuse me while I choose a deck for you to use in the duel against me.” The being seemed to implode.

“Oh!” exclaimed the blue haired girl, “we haven’t introduced ourselves! I’m Rieko!” She made a piece sign with her hand, “I’m the oldest!”

“She means that in a relative way,” cut in the male, “she comes from the earliest point of history in comparison to us all. I am Katsutoshi. Nice to meet you, Zenshiro.” That left the other woman. Zenshiro looked in her direction, the girl obviously paying little attention.

“Me? I’m just Ishie. Honestly, I have something better to do right now, so I’ll go do that. ” She got up and walked to what could be assumed to be her room. The other two Quantum Searchers followed her example and gave a small farewell to the testee and went to their rooms. And there Zenshiro sat, alone, wondering about what he was going to have to do to live. All he needed to do was wait for his opponent to choose the deck he’d use. That was all that stood between him and death now. A game.

Yemon and Zenshiro stood at the makeshift dueling arena inside of the house Zenshiro was confined in. It was about time to duel.[/spoiler]

[spoiler='Cards used in this Chapter']

[img]http://yugico.com/customcard/145777.jpg[/img]
[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]2 Level 4 monsters[/size][/font][/color]
[color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]Once per turn, you can Banish 1 Xyz Material from any "Quantum" Xyz monster you control. This monster gains 200 ATK for each Xyz Material attached to each Xyz Monster on the field.[/size][/font][/color][/b]

[img]http://yugico.com/customcard/144082.jpg[/img]
[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]Target 1 Banished "Quantum" card excluding "Quantum Anomaly". Shuffle that target back into the Deck. After activation, Banish this card instead of sending it to the Graveyard.[/size][/font][/color][/b]

[img]http://yugico.com/customcard/144080.jpg[/img]
[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]When this card is Banished by the effect of a "Quantum" monster: you can Special Summon 1 "Quantum" monster with 1500 ATK or less from your Deck.[/size][/font][/color][/b]

[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3][img]http://yugico.com/customcard/143916.jpg[/img][/size][/font][/color][/b]
[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]When this card is Normal Summoned: You can target 1 "Quantum" card in your Deck. Banish that target. An Xyz Monster that was Summoned using this card as Xyz Material gains this effect.[/size][/font][/color][/b]
[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]● When it is Xyz Summoned: You can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card to Target 1 "Quantum" card in your Deck. Banish that target.[/size][/font][/color][/b]

[img]http://yugico.com/customcard/146839.jpg[/img]

[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]An Xyz Monster that was Summoned using this card as Xyz Material gains this effect.[/size][/font][/color][/b]
[b][color=#000000][font=Verdana, Geneva, sans-serif][size=3]● Detach 1 Xyz Material from this card: Banish 1 monster your Opponent controls until the End Phase.[/size][/font][/color][/b][/spoiler]

[Love of Ghibli]

Okay I read it...and yay I said I would read a creative writing piece and I did.


So onto the review:

I suck at grammar so I noticed only like two grammatical errors so I can't really say much about that. As for the plot...I'll be honest I'm not a fan. Time travel past changing future things was only done correctly in the Terminator series (and maybe the Butterfly Effect but I never saw it) and Family Guy. Every other time you get Looper...something that should be good but has so many logical plotholes that the story caves in on itself. In this story for example the premise is that some omnichronological and omniepresent super being (will get into the litany of problems I have with that later) is literally snatching people out of time to help him/it pick up some cards. Even with your so called buffer devices like the meters that determine someone's impact on time (how is that measurable again)or the concept of the absolute present it doesn't make sense as in no mortal can truly be an "Insignificant" because the second they started this time travel journey they would then become significant. I mean the insignificants would have to all be random backwash orphans just as opening qualifications for me to believe they don't have an impact on someone's life and therefore an impact on time.

Second on to the super being. I'm not mad at the fact that he is a super being by pure accident which is hilarious its just that everything after that makes no real "common" sense. First if this is the current Yu-giverse as we know it I'm not sure as to how he could make cards and have them be TCG/OCG legal anyway. Which one of his super powers gave him the right to be Pegasus. How does he even create cards anyway? He exist on another plain of existence where is the massive printing press and cardboard storage room. I guess we'll just chock it up to plot devices. Next he is omnichronological and omnipresent meaning he exist everywhere and at all points in time...how is this a story? It should go: "Ooops I spilled my completely fictional deck into the multiverse. *Looks at all points in time and picks up every card*" He/it should never "need" help unless there is something keeping him/it from doing the obvious. I would rather he/it be an arrogant douchebag who is snatching people out of time just for the lulz. It makes sense if you name people who work for you the "Insignificants."

Finally our protagonist...so its a modern day, card playing Aladdin. I seriously kept saying "street rat" when I read the mafia dream sequence (that was a dream sequence thing right). But yay Yusei would be proud another down on his luck duelist. Some would say cliche but it might as well be trope. My only concern is how are these super homeless people good at card games and have somehow accumulated a deck of cards? I mean serious where do they get the resources? Anywho the only thing I truly had wrong with the whole Zenshiro thing is that his homeless situation lacked...well depth or more exactly the after effects of being homeless. Simply put he should stink to high Hell! He lives in a dumpster I don't see where he bathes and next thing you know he's in a park. Who would approach him, its sounds like stranger danger, the stench should be instantly repelling, and I definitely can't see anyone sitting down to play a card game with him. Also love how no matter how poor or downtrodden you may be you still have the latest dueling tech.

All in all the story was well okay. History altering and time travel is a hard subject to tackle. I just feel there was a lot of sacrifice just so we conform to the world of the yu-giverse where a couple more background sentences here and there could have explained a lot. Though all of this could still be rectified in future chapters if you choose to keep on writing so I look forward to a duel chapter if you keep this going.