Darkneptune Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 to the readers: Some of the cards featured in this story were released only for the anime, and not for the actual card game. ***************************** Legacy Duelist; Jewels of the past A fan-fiction story By: DarkNeptune It was an early night in Heartland city. The stars blinked silently atop the still bustling city which seemed to never sleep. Cars were running up and down the streets, crowds of people going home from work, everything seemed like any normal day to everyone… well, everyone except young Yuma Tsukumo, a student of Heartland middle school and soon to be ‘world famous duelist’; who was just now walking home from school. As he slowly and quietly walked on the path left of the river, the path he took every day to and from school, he couldn’t hold in the desire to shout any longer and let off a scream! “Aww man, why do I have to get detention? All I did was duel in the cafeteria!” he shouted out to the sky From his necklace, a gold oddly shaped key with a green gem let off a bright glow. Right next to Yuma a light blue skinned ghost with a large hair spike appeared, his name was Astral. Any normal person would have been scared, but Yuma had been living with Astral around his neck for so long, he actually found strange when Astral didn’t appear out of the Emperor’s Key. Not many people could see Astral, as he was a spirit duelist from another world. Yet, even those who could see Astral didn’t notice how much he was like Yuma, as least in their physique, since they were both below average human height, and remarkably slim. “You didn’t get detention for dueling in the cafeteria” Astral replied “you got detention for making a mess in the cafeteria.” “Might I remind you that a duel is between two people? I was the only one in detention! Even if I was to blame they didn’t have to leave me in detention until it was dark.” Yuma said with a grunt “Face it Yuma, it’s not the first time you get detention, and it most certainly won’t be the last. You might as well get used to it.” Astral responded “Yeah that’s easy for you to say, you stay hidden inside the key all the time doing who knows what! Detention would be much more fun if I had someone to talk to… even if it is you.” Yuma added “I don’t think the other humans made detention to be something amusing. Otherwise there would be more students in detention every day.” Astral explained “Oh whatever Astral, let’s just get home!” Yuma shot back, “…know it all” he whispered Yuma continued walking, with Astral floating beside him, trying to find something fun to think about that would make him forget how horrible today’s detention was, much more horrible than other days. As usual the only thing he could see in his mind was himself; standing in a victory circle. A gigantic crowd filling every seat of Heartland Duel Stadium, all cheering his name! In his hand a large golden trophy with a Duel Monsters card on top. A trophy which he knew was too heavy for him to carry singlehanded, but since he was inside his own fantasy he decided not to pay attention to any ‘minor’ details. On two circles lower than his, his two greatest rivals: Ryoga “Shark” Kamishiro, and Kaito Tenjo, neither of which he had as of yet been able to defeat in a real full-on duel. And so he walked, lost inside his fantasy, not even paying the slightest attention as where he was walking. Astral was trying to call out his attention, but this time the fantasy was so powerful Yuma had completely blocked off any and all sounds. He continued walking almost aimlessly, still inside his Duel Championship fantasy until something hit him right in the face. The next thing he knew his face was smacked right into the ground. “Oww! What the heck! What did I hit?” he asked looking around hysterically “I tried to warn you, but you weren’t listening to a word I said!” Astral responded “You should apologize to the young man.” “Huh? What young man?” Yuma said turning around Right there next to him, on the ground, was a young teen boy, about 1 or 2 years older than he was. He was dressed in jeans and light blue shirt with a short dark blue no sleeved jacket. The jacket was decorated with yellow lines. The boy had crystalline blue eyes and spiky navy hair. He seemed to have been knocked silly upon tripping with Yuma, as he was still holding his head in dizziness. “Oh, hey buddy, you okay?” Yuma asked feeling guilty for having tripped the guy “Yeah I’ll be fine, just as soon as my head stops spinning.” The boy replied in a somewhat southern accent “Here” Yuma said offering a hand “let me help you up.” The boy accepted Yuma’s offer and held up his hand, which was surprisingly much bigger than Yuma’s. Yuma pulled strongly, the boy was heavier than he looked, and helped the stranger get up. “Thanks” the stranger said straightening out his jacket “See what happens when you get lost in your fantasies, Yuma?” Astral nagged “Oh be quiet Astral! I helped him up didn’t I?” Yuma yelled, just then realizing the boy just saw him talking to himself, he remained silent for a second, the boy looked up “Oh cool! You’ve got a duel spirit too” he said looking up at Astral’s position “Duel Spirit? Whaaaaaat, you can see Astral?” Yuma burst out “Most of the people you’ve encountered have been able to see me at one point or another. I’m not surprised he can. But I must ask how you are able to see me?” Astral asked the boy “That’s easy; I’ve got a duel spirit partner too!” the boy exclaimed “Speaking of which, where’d she go?” A small, transparent creature appeared from near the boy’s belt and flew up to rest on his shoulder. It was similar to a lemur in its body shape, but had many strange features, one of the most noticeable were its large red eyes. It had four large floppy ears, blue fur, and a round red jewel at the tip if its tail. “Hey girl, you okay?” The boy asked the strange creature “Interesting…” Astral said, staying silent as if deep in thought “Whoa cool! Is that some sort of alien like Astral?” Yuma asked getting closer to the creature on the boy’s shoulder “Alien?” The boy responded somewhat confused “Course not, this here’s a Duel Monster Spirit, Ruby Carbuncle. Say hello, Ruby!” The small creature emitted a strange cry, similar to that of a cat but in a softer, higher pitch that sounded like a melody being played. “That is so cute!” Yuma exclaimed “Oh yeah, I haven’t introduced myself. My name’s Garnett Andersen.” The stated, offering a formal handshake “I’m Yuma Tsukumo, and well, since you can see him, this is Astral.” You said answering his handshake “Hey, you wouldn’t happen to be the Yuma Tsukumo; the runner up to Heartlands Duel Carnival last year?” Garnett asked “Yeah, that’s… runner up?” Yuma stopped for a second “I won that tournament!” Yuma exclaimed “Really? I heard a rumor about a championship duel in which Kaito Tenjo defeated you. I guess it was just a rumor.” Garnett responded “Ohhh… that…” Yuma whispered having a small flashback about the duel Garnett mentioned. “Where are you from anyway?” Yuma asked with his arms crossed “I’m not really from here.” Garnett answered with a smile “I’m from… well a lot of places. I used to live south but then we moved, and then moved again to Neo Domino City, and then recently we moved here.” “Oh, I see… come on let’s walk.” Yuma invited, all this time Astral was fixated on Ruby Carbuncle “Sure, I usually go out for a walk around town at this hour.” Garnett said following Yuma They walked in Yuma’s direction, having some small talk. Mostly about Garnett and where he has been. They talked about Garnett’s uncle, who opened up a small business in town, and whom Garnett was living with. They talked about the town itself, and how to get from one place to another faster. Even Astral who was usually completely silent, seemed interested not only in the small creature on Garnett’s shoulder but also in Garnett himself. Strangely enough Yuma hadn’t mentioned a single thing about his deck, or mentioned dueling in any way. Suddenly Garnett stopped and turned to face Yuma. “Hey Yuma…” He said taking an awkward pause “I know I just met you, and this might sound kinda crazy but… I’m a big fan of yours so… duel me, maybe?” he asked “A duel?” Yuma exclaimed in excitement “I thought you’d never ask! Of course I’ll duel, I’d do anything for a fan!” “Really? Thank you so much!” Garnett shouted “Yes! I’ll finally get to prove my legacy!” he said in a lower tone “Prove your legacy?” Astral asked him “Whoops… did that slip out again? I really gotta learn to keep my mouth shut. Well, I might as well tell you.” Garnett said with a somewhat embarrassed look on his face “I’m a descendant of two famous duelists from the far past. These duelists wanted their legacy to carry on to the future, so they passed on their powers to the next generation.” He explained “No way! So, you’re like, a legendary duelist? That’s so cool!” Yuma exclaimed “Not exactly. Ever since I discovered my history and obtained the powers of those two duelists, along with their decks, I haven’t been able to duel anyone. I know how to duel, but it’s like everyone has been avoiding me ever since… even people I don’t know.” Garnett continued “Oh… I can relate to that.” Yuma said “Well, look no further. I’ll be your first duel in Heartland City and the duel to prove your legacy!” “Actually, one duel won’t help me prove I’m worthy of my legacy. I have to duel lots of people. That’s why I moved to Heartland City, right now, it’s the center of the dueling world, because of all the famous duelists that live here. That’s why I wanted to duel a famous duelist, so I can get some attention!” Garnett explained “Whaaaaa… so I’m just gonna be practice?” Yuma said “Of course not… I just wanted to have a friendly duel with a famous duelist. I’m actually kinda lucky we crashed into each other.” Garnett asked “Well I wouldn’t wanna let a fan down, so I accept your offer. Let’s duel!” Yuma said loudly “Sweet! So… where do we duel?” Garnett asked, knowing Yuma knew better places to duel Yuma ran off to the side, down a long fleet of stairs to a large space on the grass next to the flowing water, where many people dueled during the day. There was no one around except a few people at a distance apparently running for exercise, and an occasional pigeon that flew about randomly. Garnett followed Yuma and ran out some distance after him to make space for the duel. “Alright, I’m ready! Let’s get going!” Yuma shouted from afar Yuma pulled out his duel disk from his backpack and threw it into the air, catching it with his forearm, where it clicked to the secondary piece, then split open and adjusted its own angle. Upon doing this Yuma called his signature ‘Duel Disk, Go!’ line. Meanwhile Garnett flipped his duel disks main piece with his hand and attacked it to the writs holder, where it then clicked outwards, and spread to the right and left. The disk itself was quite odd, unlike the usual duel disk, it was obviously custom made. The monster card zone was transparent and was shaped in an elongated emerald cut, with rainbow colored edges. The spell and trap zone was in several slots under the monster card zone. The field zone was a pop out zone on the left end of the disk. The graveyard and banished area was over the wrist, and was decorated and shaped like a round rainbow jewel. Yuma then pulled out his duel gazer and placed on his ear, activating it. It clicked and expanded backwards, to which Yuma responded with his signature ‘Duel Gazer, let’s roll!’ line. Garnett had his duel gazer in his pocket, which was also different from the usual ones. It was shaped like the lens of a visor, purple in color. The hook piece extended backwards like glasses and rested lightly on his ear. A robotic voice was heard from the duel gazers speakers. AR VISION LINK ESTABLISHED: COMMENCING DUEL “Duel!” Both of them called out in unison Yuma: 4000 Garnett: 4000 Turn 1: Garnett “Ok, visitors first!” Garnett said drawing a card. He looked at the cards in his hand for a second and then chose a monster to summon “Ok, here goes! I summon Crystal Beast Topaz Tiger” He placed the card on his duel disk With a bright glow a large yellow jewel appeared in front of Garnett. After a second it let off a stronger glow from the center and then broke with a blast. From the gem a large white tiger appeared. On his forehead a shiny, metallic horn and on his neck a round yellow crystal the same color of the jewel that appeared when the card was summoned. On his paws were blades similar in shape to the horn. “It feels nice to see some action again.” The tiger commented in a deep, elegant, james-bond-ish tone. Crystal Beast Topaz Tiger ATK/1600 DEF/ “I finally found someone to Duel with. I hope it all goes well.” Garnett responded to the tiger “I wouldn’t be worried if I were you, you are his descendant after all: you’ll do fine.” The tiger added “Thanks Topaz. Turn End!” Garnett declared, ending his turn “Wooooow! That is some cool looking card! This is going to be fun!” Yuma shouted with jumping with excitement “Be careful Yuma, I can sense a strong power coming from both the card and the boy.” Astral said “It’s something I’ve never felt before.” “Oh calm down Astral, this is just a fun duel with a fan. We don’t even have to use the Numbers for this one.” Yuma responded “Very well, but do not say I didn’t warn you.” Astral added “Yeah, yeah; whatever, my turn, draw!” Yuma said drawing a card to being his turn. He placed it in his hand and examined them quickly. Without much thought he simply summoned the strongest monster in his hand “This is gonna be easy! I Summon Gogogo Golem in attack mode!” With a loud grumble the ground began to shake and a large crack formed on the ground in front of Yuma. A large menacing golem appeared from within the earth itself, with its hands above its head Turn 2: Yuma Gogogo Golem ATK/1800 DEF/1500 “Go, Gogogo Golem; attack his Tiger!” Yuma shouted; his golem approached his opponent and pounded his large fist against the white tiger. A breaking sound was heard followed by a large cloud of dust that spread outwards. Garnett 4000 >> 3800 “I set 1 card! Turn End!” Yuma ended his turn quickly without giving the smoke a chance to clear “See Astral, I told you it would be easy.” He commented “Yuma, look!!” Astral pointed out From the dust cloud, countless fragments of bright yellow sparkles gathered together in Garnett’s field and formed a bright yellow crystal shard. Upon seeing Yuma’s puzzled expression, Garnett decided to explain. “This is the power of my deck!” he described “When my monsters are destroyed, they don’t go away to the graveyard. Instead their essence stays with me on the field, as precious crystals.” “NO WAY!! That is so cool! I knew this would be a fun duel! What can they do in that form?” Yuma asked in excitement “Oh you’ll see! My Turn, Draw!” Garnett declared, commencing his next turn. He smiled as he looked at the cards in his hand, formulating a strategy in his head. He closed his eyes for a second and visualized a card. He drew a mental line from the card to another card, and another, then split the line into two separate cards, joined them back into one last card, and opened his eyes with a smile. “I summon Crystal Beast Cobalt Eagle!” Turn 3: Garnett Like before a jewel appeared this one indigo in color. It broke releasing an eagle with a cobalt jewel on his neck and two more on his wings. Crystal Beast Cobalt Eagle ATK/1400 DEF/800 “Whoo-whee! It feels good to be back!” The eagle spoke, with a loud squeaky voice that resembled that of a comedy actor’s. “I heard a rumor that we have a new comrade born from this era. What’s the truth in this?” the eagle asked “It’s true. I already found him. It wasn’t easy though but it’s all good now!” Garnett responded “What the heck is he doing?” Yuma asked Astral “He is talking to his monsters. Perhaps it is an extension of his ability.” Astral observed “How interesting…” “Interesting? Kinda freaky if you ask me.” Yuma commented “Now” Garnett continued his turn “I play the Spell Card Crystal Promise! If there’s a Crystal in my Spell Zone, I can Special Summon the beast within. Return, Topaz Tiger!” Garnett shouted activating his spell card. The yellow jewel in Garnett’s spell zone broke just like when it was summoned the first time, releasing his Topaz Tiger. “If you liked these monsters Yuma, you’re gonna love this! Level 4 Cobalt Eagle and Topaz Tiger, Overlay! With these two Crystals I create the overlay network!” Topaz Tiger started glowing yellow and Cobalt Eagle started glowing indigo. They turned into large energy streams and flew upwards circling each other. A large swirling space portal appeared in the center of the duel field and both monsters flew in. A colorful explosion took place, clearing out quickly with a blast. A large, circular, rainbow jewel appeared. It then let off an intense glow and broke, unleashing the beast inside. “Shine, Crystal Beast Quartz Wolf!” Garnett finished the summoning. The beast that broke out was a majestic black and white wolf. Unlike the monsters before him, the jewels were part of his body, and were rainbow colored, running through his front paws and part of his back. His Overlay Units, unlike other Xyz monsters, were rainbow colored and orbited around him at a slower pace than other Overlay Units Crystal Beast Quartz Wolf ATK/2000 DEF/1500 “Wooow, amazing!” Yuma exclaimed in amazement, his jaw dropping “Hello new friend!” the wolf greeted Garnett in a semi-deep young adult voice, with somewhat of a smooth vibe to it “Hey buddy. What do you say we show them what we can do?” Garnett added “By all means!” Quartz answered “Alright, check this! I activate the Equip Spell Crystal Release! With it my wolf gains 800 Attack Points! Next, I activate Quartz Wolf’s ability. By removing 1 Overlay Unit I can Special Summon a Crystal Beast from my hand or deck.” Garnett said sending 1 of his monsters overlay units to the graveyard. One of the rainbow colored orbs flew into Quartz Wolf’s mouth where he trapped it inside, releasing rainbow sparks. “Go, Quartz Howling!” Garnett shouted lifting his hand The wolf let off a loud howl making a blue crystal appear next to him.“I summon Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus!” Garnett shouted. The blue crystal exploded like the others, revealing a large white winged stallion with a sapphire horn. Quartz Wolf ATK 2000>>2800 Crystal Beast Sapphire Pegasus ATK 1800 “Nice to meet you, partner.” Quartz wolf said, saluting Pegasus formally “Likewise comrade” Pegasus responded, in a light shaky voice almost like an actual neigh “Now check this: when Sapphire Pegasus is summoned, his ability activates, letting me place 1 Crystal from the deck in the Spell Zone!” Garnett explained as a green crystal shard appeared on the spell card zone “Now let’s battle! Go, Quartz Wolf, attack Gogogo Golem; Quartz Claw!” Garnett declared combat “I activate a trap card” Yuma shouted in response to Garnett’s attack “Damage Diet! It cuts all damage I take this turn in half!” Quartz Wolf leaped towards Gogogo Golem paws first. The attack created an explosion, defeating the golem. Yuma 4000 >> 3500 “That was nice,” Garnett commented “but this is still going to hurt! Sapphire Pegasus, direct attack! Sapphire Tornado!” The stallion pointed his sapphire horn forward at Yuma. It started glowing releasing a slim, fast moving, blue tornado that knocked Yuma off his feet and into the ground. “Turn end.” Garnett declared ending his turn Yuma 3500 >> 2600 Turn 4: Yuma “Alright! This is getting good!” Yuma shouted getting off his feet “Let’s go, My turn, Draw!” Yuma he said placing the top card of his deck in his hand, and taking a better look at all of them “I summon Goblindbergh! With Goblindbergh’s ability I can special summon a level 4 or lower monster from my hand, and then switch him to defense mode. So, here’s Gogogo Ghost. Now check this, when Gogogo Ghost is Special Summoned I can Special Summon Gogogo Golem from my graveyard in defense mode, and then switch Gogogo Ghost to defense mode!” Goblindbergh ATK/1400 DEF/0 Gogogo Ghost ATK/1900 DEF/0 “Now, Level 4 Goblindbergh and Gogogo Ghost, Overlay! With these two monsters I create the Overlay Network! Xyz Summon!” Yuma shouted as he overlaid his two monsters. Both monsters became energy streams, one yellow; the other purple. They flew up high circling each other, as a portal appeared in the center of the field. Both of the streams flew in, letting off an explosion like the one before. “Come on out! Gagaga Cowboy!” Yuma shouted as his cowboy appeared with a warriors pose. Gagaga Cowboy ATK/1500 DEF/2400 “Yuma” Astral spoke up “you should take down the monsters that let him bring more cards into the field, like” he was cut off by Yuma “Yeah, yeah, yeah I know what do to! Gagaga Cowboy attacks Sapphire Pegasus!” Astral simply sighed after being cut off by Yuma. The cowboy drew his guns and leaped towards the stallion. “I activate Gagaga Cowboys ability! By removing an overlay unit during a battle, he gains 1000 attack points and the monster he battles loses 500 attack points!” After the impact, Sapphire Pegasus was turned into a crystal and flew to Garnett’s spell zone. Gagaga Cowboy ATK/1500 >> 2500 Sapphire Pegasus ATK/1800 >> 1300 “I set 1 card. Turn End!” Yuma ended his turn. Gagaga Cowboys attack points reverted to their original “Oh yeah! Who’s the best?” He said jumping in celebration almost as if he had already won the duel. Garnett 3800 >> 2600 Turn 5: Garnett “Yuma” Astral interrupted Yuma’s dance “I was going to tell you to take down his wolf. He would have taken less damage, but you would have been rid of a powerful effect, not allowing him to special summon another of his monsters so easily.” “Oh yeah… I-it’s all part of the plan!” Yuma said trying to shut Astral up “This duel is pretty fun, Yuma. I’m glad I get to duel you. But don’t think I’m gonna hold back!” Garnett said “Gimme everything you’ve got!” Yuma responded “I plan to. My turn, Draw!” Garnett began his turn, placing the card in his hand. His heart racing with excitement and utmost joy, as he was finally dueling after having received his new powers and new deck “I activate Quartz Wolf’s ability one more time. By removing 1 overlay unit, I can Special Summon a Crystal Beast! I summon Amethyst Cat!” Like before, the orb was crushed by Quartz Wolf’s jaws and, upon howling, a purple crystal appeared on the field. When it broke, a pink cat with an amethyst necklace appeared, baring her fangs and claws at Yuma as if hungry. Crystal Beast Amethyst Cat ATK/1200 DEF/400 “Purrrrfect… I haven’t had a meal in a cat’s age!” she growled in somewhat of a savage amazon woman kinda of tone, sweet but fierce at the same time “Easy girl, this is just a friendly duel! You can’t eat him; well at least not yet.” Garnett replied to the cat “Anyway, here’s a spell card, I activate Crystal Blessing. This card let’s me return up to 2 of my monsters in the Graveyard back to my spell zone as Crystals.” Adding to the crystals remaining in his spell zone, 2 more crystals appeared. His spell card zone now had yellow, indigo, blue and green crystals. He continued. “Next here’s another spell; Rare Value. This one is more of a win-win. First, you have to choose a crystal in my spell zone to send to the graveyard. Go on, choose one.” Garnett explained “Well” Yuma though out loud, examining the crystals, deep in thought; which was a rare sight to see. “He hasn’t used that green one, so he’s probably saving it for later. I choose the green one!” Yuma said “Alright, then now Emerald Turtle goes to the graveyard and I get to draw 2 cards.” Garnett made a short pause as he added the cards to his hand, examined them, and chose his next move. “I play the spell card Crystal Beacon! If I have 2 or more Crystals in my spell zone, I get to Summon 1 Crystal Beast from my hand or deck. So I’m gonna Summon Crystal Beast Ruby Carbuncle!” A red crystal appeared on the field. It broke revealing the small blue creature Yuma and Astral saw before on Garnett’s shoulder. “When Ruby is Special Summoned, I get to activate her ability! Go, Ruby Rampage!” Ruby raised her tail, releasing two streams of light that hit the blue and yellow crystals. “This let’s Ruby bring up her partners from the spell zone, so come on up, Sapphire Pegasus and Topaz Tiger! But wait there’s more! You remember the Emerald Turtle you sent to the graveyard, right? Well now since Pegasus was Summoned, I can bring it back from the graveyard as a Crystal!” Garnett declared, finishing his combo Crystal Beast Ruby Carbuncle ATK/300 DEF/300 “Huuuuuuuh? So you were planning that all along?” Yuma said somewhat in disbelief “No fair!” “It’s called strategy! But now, we battle! First, by cutting Amethyst Cat’s attack power in half, she can take a bite right out of you!” Amethyst Cat gave an incredible leap over Yuma’s monsters and dropped right on top of him, throwing him on the ground, where she then proceeded to scratch his face. “Quartz Wolf attacks Gagaga Cowboy!” Garnett continued his assault “I activate the trap Half-Unbreak!” Yuma reacted, activating his trap. “Until the end of the turn Gagaga Cowboy can’t be destroyed by battle and any damage is cut in half!” The cowboy was sent backwards from the attack but the trap protected him inside a strange energy field. “You might have saved yourself,” Garnett commented “but this is still going to hurt! Go, Sapphire Pegasus! Go Topaz Tiger! When Tiger attacks a monster, he gains 400 attack points!” Garnett called. Sapphire Pegasus let off a Sapphire Tornado against Gagaga Cowboy, followed by a pouncing claw attack from Topaz Tiger. The cowboy was smacked all around by the consecutive attacks, but was protected from destruction thanks to the trap and Yuma only took half the damage he normally would have. Garnett set I card. “Turn End!” Yuma 2600 >> 950 Turn 6: Yuma “Alright, it’s time for me to turn this around! This duel is just about over!” Yuma said confidently without having even drawn a card yet. “My turn, Draw!”He took a quick look at his hand and knew just what to do. “I summon Gagaga Caesar! Next, since there’s a Gagaga monster on the field I can Special Summon Gagaga Clerk from my hand. Now, Gagaga Caesar’s ability activates. By banishing Goblindbergh from my graveyard, I can make all Gagaga monsters on my field level 4! So now, Level 4 Gagaga Caesar and Gagaga Clerk, Overlay! With these 2 monsters I create the overlay network. Xyz summon!” Gagaga Caesar Lv3 > Lv4 ATK/1800 DEF/600 Gagaga Clerk Lv2 > Lv4 ATK/400 DEF/800 Both monsters became yellow energy streams and, like before flew up revolving around each other, then flew into the portal that appeared in the center of the field. Yuma finished the summoning call, summoning one of his most powerful, non-Number monsters. “Let’s go, Heroic Champion Excalibur! Now for the battle; Gagaga Cowboy attacks Amethyst Cat!” Yuma declared the battle and like before, Gagaga Cowboy readied his guns and took a leap towards his target; Yuma activated its ability, removing the last of Gagaga Cowboys Overlay Units, to increase his attack power by 1000, and decreasing Amethyst Cat’s power by 500. Heroic Champion Excalibur ATK/2000 DEF/2000 “I activate a quick spell!” Garnett reacted “Go, Crystal Flash! With this, I can place 1 Crystal Beast from my hand in my Spell Card Zone as a Crystal, and as a result Amethyst Cat doesn’t take any damage and can’t be destroyed by battle for the rest of the turn! Just when Cowboys attack was going to land, an orange crystal shard appeared in Garnett’s spell zone, creating a powerful flash of light that knocked Gagaga Cowboy back to Yuma’s field. He saved his cat from damage, and destruction, but Yuma’s turn was far from over. “We’re not done yet!” Yuma exclaimed “This will finish you off for sure! Heroic Champion Excalibur, attack Topaz Tiger!” Excalibur raised his blade up high readying his attack. Yuma activated its ability, by removing 2 Overlay units, its attack power doubled to 4000 until the opponents next end phase. ”Go Excalibur, finish him!” Yuma shouted Excalibur’s sword grew in size, letting off a bright glow. There was no escaping it, the attack was imminent. The large sword crashed down against Topaz Tiger. The crash caused a great amount of dust and a shockwave strong enough to knock Garnett away and make him roll on the ground. “YEAH! We won!” Yuma shouted, starting a victory dance “I would not be so certain of that, Yuma” Astral replied Garnett was getting up from the ground after the fall with a smile on his face. “That was pretty awesome, Yuma! You sure know how to make a fun duel… but… I’m still not done” “Whhaaaaat? How is he still dueling? I did the math! It should have been exactly 0 Life Points!” Yuma asked Astral “Excalibur had 4000 attack points and Topaz Tiger had 1600. The difference is 2400 points. Garnett had 2600 life points remaining, which means he still has 200 Life Points left.” Astral explained Garnett 2600 >> 200 “Aaaaawwww Maaaaaaaann; I chose the wrong month to fall asleep in math.” Yuma said with a loud carrying sigh “Turn end…” Yuma finished, knowing his chances were up. There was not a spell or trap card in his hand, only monsters, and none of them had any turn saving effects. It was then that he realized, maybe if he had listened to Astral before he would have been able to take out those last 200 life points. Turn 7: Garnett “Alrighty then, you played a good duel Yuma, but it’s my turn to win this! Draw!” He added the card to his hand, but didn’t even look at it, knowing that he had already obtained victory. He called the final attack “Quartz Wolf attacks Gagaga Cowboy!” The wolf leaped towards the cowboy, paws first, and upon impact an explosion was let off. The shock wave sent Yuma skidding backwards, the duel was over. Yuma 350 >> 0 Garnett: WIN The AR Link was closed and everything went back to its normal view. Garnett picked up his cards from his disk and shuffled them back into the deck, whispering “Thanks Guys! You’re the best!” He then walked over to Yuma, who had picked up his cards and was now clearing off the dust from his white button shirt, red tie and navy pants, the basic school uniform. “Yuma, thank you so much for letting me duel you!” Garnett commented in gratitude “No problem, I’d do anything for a fan; especially one as skilled as you.” Yuma answered “Now we just have to get you some fame so you can duel more!” “Wow you’d really do that for me?” Garnett asked “Of course, what are friends for?” Yuma replied, he saw Garnett’s somewhat confused face and added “That’s right Garnett, were friends now. So that means I have all the right to brag about you to everyone I know.” “But I haven’t even started school yet.” Garnett replied “There’s time for that later, for now just focus on dueling.” Yuma replied with a smile “Yuma, isn’t there a duel tournament soon? Why doesn’t he enter?” Astral reminded “Hey yeah! The city wide tournament is coming up. They say the prize is a super rare and powerful card. Card collectors and duelists are gathering up to try to win that card. I know, tomorrow well go together and sign up, what do you say?” Yuma explained “Of course! What do you think Ruby?” Garnett asked, Ruby appeared on his shoulder and shook her head up and down Garnett had won his first duel in Heartland City, and against none other than the famous Yuma Tsukumo. All that was left was to finally get enrolled in school, and join that tournament, and then the full power of his legacy was soon to follow. He didn’t really recall how he ended up crashing against Yuma, but he was glad he did. As he looked up at the sky his heart filled with hope at what was soon to come to his future. Meanwhile the stars blinked silently atop the still bustling city which seemed to never sleep. Chapter End Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premier Alexander Romanov Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 You really need to work on this.I don't want to read a script. I want to read a story.And what you have is a script, with terrible formatting and so many individual lines!Go search some article on how to properly format a written work. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 ive written stories before, always in the same manner and nobody ever complains. i had some trouble when i copied it to the site. what exactly do you propose i do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premier Alexander Romanov Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 I already told you what to do.Go back and fix it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 Saying go back and fix it is of absolutely no help in any way shape or form. During a dialog each individual line means that someone else is speaking. If you had bothered to read the piece you would have noticed that it is describing a Duel. In the anime, duels are spoken not just acted, therefore, each individual line describes a new action and new line of speech. a script is divided by a persons name and then the action. and even if i did end up writing a script, it is still telling a story and it is still describing a duel, which was my point from the start. you don't have to like it nor read it, but its the way i wrote this piece and writing it any other way would change the main idea of what i tried to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Premier Alexander Romanov Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 But there's no reason to do that all the time.It makes the entire story seem disjointed and not have any cohesion.Plus, I can't tell who's talking, regardless of your efforts to distinguish them.Again, look around YCM or on the Internet and see how you're supposed to do it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 17, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 how do you not distinguish it when the name is right next to what they say and do? never mind i wont post any more stories here actually scratch that, i will continue to post, you just dont have to read it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 In the anime And that right there, fellow, is your problem. You're not writing an anime, you're writing a story. A story has descriptions, a story has structure, a story has paragraphing. We know nothing about where the story takes place, and we barely have idea who's talking. Like TheFinalFan says, there's no cohesion in the story. It's not really a story, just a list of fragmented lines that could be said by anyone, anywhere. You haven't made them yours. Just because you say in the writing who's talking, that doesn't mean it's distinguishable. Your characters still need to be memorable. You have to make them distinct, make them act like people. Right now, they are awfully generic, bland and uninteresting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Just Crouton Posted February 17, 2013 Report Share Posted February 17, 2013 *Tries to read story* No idea what the heck is going on. If you're going to write a script, here's a place to start. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 see THIS is much better, if theres something wrong specify how to fix it dont just say its wrong and finish there constructive criticism tells you HOW to fix it, not just to fix it. im not against being corrected, i just dont like when people say something is wrong and dont explain why. for the record, i have written many stories before, this is just the first time i write something like this, so obviously its not going to be downright perfect as it is. just one question. how does everyone else normally write a duel? the idea was to make a short story written duel-to-duel, as in, each chapter is a duel, and when connected the main characters story is seen piece by piece Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~Tico~ Posted February 18, 2013 Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/topic/275056-yu-gi-oh-24/ For an example of good duel writing, try reading YGO 24. (Link is above, obviously). It was written by one of the best writers this forum has, so you should be able to get a good idea of what we generally come to expect from YGO fics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 OK! see, this is constructive criticism. i just read part of the story in the link. so basically the idea i had about making short chapters that were only duel isn't a good idea? if so i can accept that if this was the case, then that means i should write this like i would any other story, which is similar to the link i just read. one more question, is the way i wrote the monster appearances acceptable? As in, the persons speech, a pause to the next line describing the monster (name and ATK/DEF) and then continue the speech in the next line. OR, should i just include the monster stats in ( ) or { } or [ ] or anything else similar? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 took down the piece for editing, i will re-write in the same manner i usually write and post it again when its done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Darkneptune Posted February 18, 2013 Author Report Share Posted February 18, 2013 remade the story and it is not back up. it is still the first time i write a duel so please forgive any weirdness. I tried to make it sort of combines, with dialog script and paragraph descriptions, similar to some books i have read. did this help? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.