Armored Beast

[TJDouglas13]

[URL=http://s1329.photobucket.com/user/TJDouglas13/media/ArmoredBeast_zpsae50fab9.jpg.html][/URL]

 

Lore:

 Once per turn: Banish 1 Machine-Type monster, from your hand or Graveyard; destroy 1 card on the field.

[Zazubat]

It's kinda meh. A minus 2 for Machines when you could be Summoning Machina Fortress instead (same Level, better stats and effect). If it didn't have the OPT, it maybe would have been kind of cool, but even then, it needs some sort of boost. I don't think the nomi is really needed on this guy, Tributing 2 is probably not gonna happen. It isn't a horrible card, design-wise that is, but it needs some more to it. The fact that it is mandatory is also pretty weird, I am pretty sure that isn't your intention?

My OCG fix: Hover your cursor over the dotted lines to read my reasons for the fixes. Make sure to hover over more than 1 part of the dotted lines, as it might put the things I have to say together. I do not repeat if you have made the flaw more than once, instead will it be bold (if any). Anything in italic is simple typos (if any). Anything in red means that it is something that is missing and should be there, as well as dotted lines to explain my reasoning/ask why you may have forgotten (if any). Also, if you have the time, check out my OCG Thread.
 
Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must be Special Summoned ([acronym="It isn" t a huge deal, but to make your cards look as realistic as possible, the first letter after the parentheses is not capitalized ']from[/acronym] your hand) by sending 2 Machine-Type monsters from your hand to [acronym="You want to say " the Graveyard" as it might be your opponnet" s card you have in your hand that you send, which won't go to your Graveyard, but theirs, so saying "the" means you are talking about being able to do it, even if it's your opponent's card.']the[/acronym] Graveyard. Once per turn[acronym="The colon should always be just before the last letter, and the letter afterwards is always capitalized"]: Banish[/acronym] 1 Machine-Type monster[acronym="You have forgotten to add where you banish from, even if you mean from everywhere, you must still say that (Spell Striker was a huge problem to understand since it didn" t say where it Special Summoned itself from before it's text was fixed in Battle Pack 2: War of the Giants)'] you control, from your hand or Graveyard[/acronym][acronym="instead of saying " to" newer cards use a semi-colon instead"]; destroy[/acronym] 1[acronym="You want to have a frontslash instead of the word " or", again it isn" t needed, but it looks more realistic'] Spell/Trap[/acronym] card on the[acronym="field is not capitalized"] field.[/acronym]

[TJDouglas13]

It's kinda meh. A minus 2 for Machines when you could be Summoning Machina Fortress instead (same Level, better stats and effect). If it didn't have the OPT, it maybe would have been kind of cool, but even then, it needs some sort of boost. I don't think the nomi is really needed on this guy, Tributing 2 is probably not gonna happen. It isn't a horrible card, design-wise that is, but it needs some more to it. The fact that it is mandatory is also pretty weird, I am pretty sure that isn't your intention?

My OCG fix: Hover your cursor over the dotted lines to read my reasons for the fixes. Make sure to hover over more than 1 part of the dotted lines, as it might put the things I have to say together. I do not repeat if you have made the flaw more than once, instead will it be bold (if any). Anything in italic is simple typos (if any). Anything in red means that it is something that is missing and should be there, as well as dotted lines to explain my reasoning/ask why you may have forgotten (if any). Also, if you have the time, check out my OCG Thread.
 
Cannot be Normal Summoned/Set. Must be Special Summoned ([acronym="It isn" t a huge deal, but to make your cards look as realistic as possible, the first letter after the parentheses is not capitalized ']from[/acronym] your hand) by sending 2 Machine-Type monsters from your hand to [acronym="You want to say " the Graveyard" as it might be your opponnet" s card you have in your hand that you send, which won't go to your Graveyard, but theirs, so saying "the" means you are talking about being able to do it, even if it's your opponent's card.']the[/acronym] Graveyard. Once per turn[acronym="The colon should always be just before the last letter, and the letter afterwards is always capitalized"]: Banish[/acronym] 1 Machine-Type monster[acronym="You have forgotten to add where you banish from, even if you mean from everywhere, you must still say that (Spell Striker was a huge problem to understand since it didn" t say where it Special Summoned itself from before it's text was fixed in Battle Pack 2: War of the Giants)'] you control, from your hand or Graveyard[/acronym][acronym="instead of saying " to" newer cards use a semi-colon instead"]; destroy[/acronym] 1[acronym="You want to have a frontslash instead of the word " or", again it isn" t needed, but it looks more realistic'] Spell/Trap[/acronym] card on the[acronym="field is not capitalized"] field.[/acronym]

Thanks, as you may know I am quite new to the site and am still getting used to using things like OCG and making it so my cards aren't under or over-powered. I have fixed him and boosted his effect, Atk and Def.