Dark Astral Posted August 8, 2013 Report Share Posted August 8, 2013 I hope I did well, since this is my first card. [spoiler=Effect] "By banishing Monsters from your side of the field whose combined levels are 5 or lower you can Special Summon this card from your hand with a Level equal to that of the combined levels of the banished Monsters. Once a turn, when your opponent would activate a spell or trap card that would banish this card you can discard 1 card from your hand to negate the activation and destroy that card."[/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loyalist Posted August 8, 2013 Report Share Posted August 8, 2013 Remove from play and banish are both the same thing, banish is the newer ocg so I suggest you replace all incidences of "removed from play" with banished. This would also shorten the text. I suggest a fix similar to this: "By banishing Monsters from your side of the field whose combined levels are 5 or lower you can Special Summon this card from your hand with a Level equal to that of the combined levels of the banished Monsters. Once a turn, when your opponent would activate a spell or trap card that would banish this card you can discard 1 card from your hand to negate the activation and destroy that card." I am not the best at OCG here but I think this shortened version helps remove extra text that is not needed and is more up to date. Overall it is a nice concept and is much better than most "first card(s)". Rather that plant support it feels much better with D.D. scout plane or D.D. Survivor. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Astral Posted August 8, 2013 Author Report Share Posted August 8, 2013 Remove from play and banish are both the same thing, banish is the newer ocg so I suggest you replace all incidences of "removed from play" with banished. This would also shorten the text. I suggest a fix similar to this: "By banishing Monsters from your side of the field whose combined levels are 5 or lower you can Special Summon this card from your hand with a Level equal to that of the combined levels of the banished Monsters. Once a turn, when your opponent would activate a spell or trap card that would banish this card you can discard 1 card from your hand to negate the activation and destroy that card." I am not the best at OCG here but I think this shortened version helps remove extra text that is not needed and is more up to date. Overall it is a nice concept and is much better than most "first card(s)". Rather that plant support it feels much better with D.D. scout plane or D.D. Survivor. Thanks, I'm still new to this whole OCG thing. I looked at a thread, and it looks pretty complex, so I don't know if that is right or wrong haha. I will change it to that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loyalist Posted August 8, 2013 Report Share Posted August 8, 2013 Thanks, I'm still new to this whole OCG thing. I at a thread, and it looks pretty complex, so I don't know if that is right or wrong haha. I will change it to that. It's not a big problem, I myself still struggle with it sometimes but for a first attempt it isn't that bad, trust me my OCG used to be worse than that ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.