[My First Card] Reflective Bulwark

[Vaeloc]

Hi everyone. First card, first post after I was introduced to this website today by a fellow duellist. I want my first card to be simple and easy but I do apologise if a similar card exists. I don't know all the cards yet since I am a returning duellist after many years away and boy has a lot changed. My first card is called Reflective Bulwark.
 

 

 

When an opponent's monster declares an attack: Target that monster; negate the attack, and if you do, inflict damage to your opponent equal to half the target's ATK. Monsters your opponent controls with ATK equal to or less than the target's ATK are destroyed.

 

[Therrion]

Welcome to YCM. Don't mind the a-holes, as there will be some you run into eventually, and try to take criticism well, as reviewers are few and only attempt to help (despite half don't know a lick of what they speak about). Anywho, since this is your first card, I'll go ahead and review it for ya (I haven't been reviewing in a while).

 

Playability

The card, as I see it, is a little lack lustre. The fact it says only half is used to calculate the destroy, the monster that declared the attack will be safe, and to even destroy weak monsters like 1500 or lower, you'd have to reflect a Blue-Eyes attack, which isn't likely. Usually, you'd want to use this on a 2300+ monster, and in most cases, you'd never get any profit out of doing so. As it stands, the card is too weak to see play competitively, and even from a casual standpoint, the card still lacks in comparison to cards like Magical Cylinder and Sakuretsu Armor.

 

Suggestions/Additional Comments

I'll begin with my comments as opposed to suggestions, then follow up with the suggestions.

The OCG (Official Card Grammar, how you word a card based on how Konami words real cards) is terrible, using terms never before seen in Yu-Gi-Oh! that can be worded differently. I'll provide a fix of your card text later on in the post, but for now I'll just give you the advise of checking out the OCG Thread by Zazubat, or when wording a card with the effect in mind, look up a real card that has a similar effect and learn how to word your effect based on that card. Following the OCG fix will be my suggestions as to what the card could have to be better suited for real play:

 

When an opponent's monster declares an attack: Target that monster; negate the attack, and if you do, inflict damage to your opponent equal to half the target's ATK. Monsters your opponent controls with ATK equal to or less than the inflicted amount are destroyed.

(The effect is very original, by the way. I even had some trouble wording it :P)

 

Suggestions

Make the destroy affect all monsters with less ATK than the attacking target. This would make it so it doesn't destroy the attacking monster, but safeguards you from every other monster if you chain this to the strongest monster's attack, maintaining balance (especially considering Mirror Force is at 2). If you need help wording such a thing, just change the "than the inflicted amount" to "less than the target's ATK", as that should fix it.

[Vaeloc]

Thank you for your comments and suggestions. I have made the changes that you have recommended and edited my original post with the updated card.

[Therrion]

Well, "equal to", the part I excluded on purpose, made it so it wasn't a Mirror Force but moreso a half Magical Cylinder that didn't kill what it stopped but pseudo-Mirror Forced. With the addition of "equal to", negating the attack becomes pointless as the attacking monster will die to the last effect regardless (before damage calc). That is why I suggested "less than" and only that.