RickyKrilovs Posted February 19, 2015 Report Share Posted February 19, 2015 IMPORTANT: The archetype is just about finished in my opinion, maybe needing just one more update (Update 5). Hopefully this weekend i will be planning the lore and writing rough copies, and hope to do and update with the lore, by next weekend. Without spoiling too much, i have a basic idea of what i want, i'm just going to say, think about the DARK "Heartfelt" cards, and their names, they're effects when compared to other "Heartfelt" cards. [spoiler='Update 1'] -Revised card effects. -Added Heartfelt Possessed -Added Heartfelt Protector -Added Heartfelt Rush[/spoiler] [spoiler='Update 2']-Added Heartfelt Wanderer -Added Heartfelt Helper -Added Heartfelt Healer[/spoiler] [spoiler='Update 3']-Added Heartfelt Peacemaker -Added Heartfelt Outcast -Added Heartfelt Cathedral -Added Heartfelt Ruins[/spoiler] [spoiler='Update 4']-Revised card effects -Added Heartfelt Guardian -Added Heartfelt Heartchange[/spoiler] [spoiler='Monsters'] [spoiler='Heartfelt Recruiter'] When this card is Normal Summoned, you can add a "Heartfelt" monster from your Deck to your Hand (You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Recruiter' once per turn).[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Archer'] When this card is Special Summoned by the effect of a "Heartfelt" monster, you can draw 1 card (You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Archer' once per turn).[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Heartwarmer'] When this card is Normal Summoned, you can Special Summon a "Heartfelt" monster from your Graveyard, except 'Heartfelt Heartwarmer'. If this effect resolves, this turn any battle damage inflicted to your opponent is halved instead. (You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Heartwarmer' once per turn).[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Rogue'] When this card is destroyed and sent to the Graveyard by your opponent's card (either by battle or card effect): Add 1 "Heartfelt" Spell or Trap card from your Deck to your Hand. When your opponent declares a direct attack, you can banish this card from your Graveyard to negate the Attack and end the Battle Phase (You can only use this effect of 'Heartfelt Rogue' once per duel).[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Mage'] When this card is Special Summoned, you can discard 1 "Heartfelt" monster, then destroy 1 set card on the field. (You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Mage' once per turn).[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Protector'] "Heartfelt" monsters effects cannot be negated when they are Summoned.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Possessed'] This card cannot be Special Summoned. When this card is Normal Summoned, Draw 1 card and reveal it. If it was a "Heartfelt" monster, you can conduct an extra Normal Summon/Set this turn. You can banish this face-up card: add 1 "Heartfelt" monster from your Graveyard to your hand (except 'Heartfelt Possessed'), but your opponent takes no battle damage for the rest of this turn.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Healer'] You can banish this card from your Graveyard to add 1 'Heartfelt Healer' from your Deck to your hand.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Wanderer'] If you control a face-up "Heartfelt" monster (Except 'Heartfelt Wanderer', this card cannot be destroyed by battle.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Peacemaker'] When this card is discarded to the Graveyard by a "Heartfelt" effect, Special Summon this card.(You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Peacemaker' once per turn).[/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler='Spells'] [spoiler='Heartfelt Homecoming'] All "Heartfelt" monsters you control gain 400 Atk. While this card is face-up on the field, "Heartfelt" monsters you control cannot be targeted by monster effects. When a "Heartfelt" monster is sent to the Graveyard, place 1 Homecoming Counter on this card. You can remove any number of Homecoming Counters from this card: Special Summon from your Graveyard 1 "Heartfelt" monster whose level is equal or less than the amount of counters removed.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Resurection'] Target 1 "Heartfelt" monster in your Graveyard: Special Summon it. The targeted monster's effect(s) are negated, unless 'Heartfelt Homecoming' is face-up on the field. Also, the targeted monster cannot be destroyed by battle this turn. (You can only activate 'Heartfelt Resurrection' once per turn).[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Heartchange'] Field spell cards you control cannot be destroyed. If you control a "Heartfelt" monster and no DARK monsters; target 1 monster you control. That target can attack directly this turn, but any battle damage inflicted to your opponent by the target is halved instead. At the End Phase, send that target to the grave.[/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler='Traps'] [spoiler='Heartfelt Rush'] Send the top 3 cards of your Deck to the Graveyard. If a "Heartfelt" monster was sent to the Graveyard by this effect, you can place that monster on the top of your Deck. If you control a face-up 'Heartfelt Homecoming', you can add that monster to your hand instead.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Cathedral'] You can only activate this card if all monsters you control are DARK "Heartfelt" monsters. Target one of those monsters: this turn, that monster can attack your opponent directly, and if it inflicts battle damage to your opponent, send 1 "Heartfelt" monster from your Deck to your Graveyard.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Ruins'] You can only activate this card if all monsters you control are "Heartfelt" monsters. You must control no DARK monsters to activate this effect. This turn, if you Summon a DARK "Heartfelt" monster, banish it, then destroy 2 set cards on the field. You can only activate 1 'Heartfelt Cathedral' per turn.[/spoiler] [/spoiler] [spoiler='Extra Deck'] [spoiler='Heartfelt Queen'] 3 Level 4 "Heartfelt" monsters When this card is Xyz Summoned, you can activate a 'Heartfelt Homecoming' from your deck. Once per turn, you can detach 1 Xyz Material: Add 1 'Heartfelt' card from your deck to your hand. While this card has Xyz Material, Field card spells you control cannot be destroyed. If this card is destroyed by card effect, you can Special Summon 1 "Heartfelt" monster from your Graveyard (Except 'Heartfelt Queen). [/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Helper'] 2 Level 4 "Heartfelt" Monsters Once per turn:You can detach 1 Xyz material from this card, then add 1 "Heartfelt" monster from your Graveyard to your hand. This card cannot be destroyed by battle if it has Xyz material.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Outcast'] 'Heartfelt Peacemaker' + 1 or more non-tuner monster(s) While 'Heartfelt Homecoming' is on the field, all face-up monsters your opponent controls lose 400 Atk. If 'Heartfelt Cathedral' is face-up on the field, this card can attack twice every battle phase.[/spoiler] [spoiler='Heartfelt Guardian'] 2 level 4 DARK monsters Once per turn, during either player's turn: you can detach 1 Xyz Material from this card, then target 1 monster your opponent controls (Except DARK), and banish it, then your opponent sends the top card of their Deck to the Graveyard. When this card has no Xyz Material, target 1 DARK "Heartfelt" monster you control, and equip this card to it. While equipped with this card, that target gains 1500 Atk. If that target would be destroyed, destroy this card instead.[/spoiler] [/spoiler] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFKassassin Posted February 19, 2015 Report Share Posted February 19, 2015 The idea of the deck is very interesting. Being able to continuously add cards while summoning provides for some major field spam. There are some problems with your OCG though, so I advise reading through your cards again and maybe reading a guide on OCG. Heart warmer is underpowered, I suggest bumping it's effect to halving the battle damage, like a reverse Ancient City - Rainbow Ruins. As it is right now, you are making it like Evilswarm Exciton Knight, without the blow up everything but itself effect. Also, Rouge is quite overpowered. She has the highest attack, an Electromagnetic Turtle effect (but unlimited), and also a powerful search effect. I would definitely suggest nerfing some part of her. For the Homecoming, I feel it should just have "Heartfelt" monsters you control cannot be destroyed by card effects. (Double quotes needed to reference archetypes, and monsters shouldn't be capitalized) since not being able to target every single one of your monsters gives you a very big advantage, not to mention that it still has a powerful effect after that. With Resurrection, what cards' effects' are negated, the spell, or the monster? Also, you said "Also, this card cannot be destroyed by battle this turn.", which implies that the spell cannot be destroyed by battle that turn, so consider revising that card a little bit. Does Queen not have a picture yet, because you are missing a picture for that card. Considering it's cost to bring out, I would say it isn't too much of an overpowered card, but I would keep it's attack in the 2500-2700 range (if it's highest stat was it's attack). Altogether your archetype was very well thought out and I liked to see it. I can't wait for you to finish it and add lore! I'm sorry if this review sounded too harsh, it was just CnC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyKrilovs Posted February 19, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 19, 2015 Thank you for the feedback! I didn't find it harsh at all, but instead very helpful! I am a beginner at creating cards, so i'm not too good at OCG, but when i have time i will read through the post about writing my cards correctly. Queen does have a picture, i just forgot to upload it. I will upgrade Heartwarmers effect as you mentioned, however, my plan for Rogue was that it is limited to 1, so i just put that it can only be used once per duel. Also i agree about the field spell, however that would mean i would have to change Queen's effect (Heartfelt monsters cannot be destroyed by effect) , as it would be pointless since it brings out the field spell, which could do the same thing. All in all, i'm delighted with your feedback and it helped a lot. I will update when i can, whether that be in an hour, or over the weekend, but i'd love it if you could give me some feedback on my new cards when they are uploaded :) Once again, thank you :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyKrilovs Posted February 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 Update 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyKrilovs Posted February 20, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 20, 2015 Update 3 is out! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AFKassassin Posted February 21, 2015 Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 I'm going to review the 3 updates now. 1st off, Protector is fairly well balanced and is a good addition, but there is a minor error. It's effect should just have '"Heartfelt" monsters' effects cannot be negated when they are Summoned.' to state that it is a possessive of multiple monsters. For Possessed it should be worded 'When this card is Normal Summoned: Draw 1 card and reveal it. If it was a "Heartfelt" monster, you can conduct an extra Normal Summon/Set this turn. You can banish this face-up card: add 1 "Heartfelt" monster from your Graveyard to your hand (except 'Heartfelt Possessed'); your opponent takes no battle damage for the rest of this turn.' Wanderer is missing a bracket. Peacemaker should be 'When this card is discarded to the Graveyard by a "Heartfelt" monster's effect: Special Summon this card. (You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Peacemaker' once per turn).' I think. In conclusion, the monsters for the update were well balanced and had very few OCG errors, congrats! I'll CnC your other update cards in an edit of this post. Also, you should upload your deck on DP or get someone else to, because people are starting to take interest in your archetype. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyKrilovs Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 I'll update the OCG when i have some time. Also i think you are the only one interested in this archetype haha. I might upload to duel portal, i'm just more focused on completing the archetype first. I'm going to review the 3 updates now. 1st off, Protector is fairly well balanced and is a good addition, but there is a minor error. It's effect should just have '"Heartfelt" monsters' effects cannot be negated when they are Summoned.' to state that it is a possessive of multiple monsters. For Possessed it should be worded 'When this card is Normal Summoned: Draw 1 card and reveal it. If it was a "Heartfelt" monster, you can conduct an extra Normal Summon/Set this turn. You can banish this face-up card: add 1 "Heartfelt" monster from your Graveyard to your hand (except 'Heartfelt Possessed'); your opponent takes no battle damage for the rest of this turn.' Wanderer is missing a bracket. Peacemaker should be 'When this card is discarded to the Graveyard by a "Heartfelt" monster's effect: Special Summon this card. (You can only use the effect of 'Heartfelt Peacemaker' once per turn).' I think. In conclusion, the monsters for the update were well balanced and had very few OCG errors, congrats! I'll CnC your other update cards in an edit of this post. Also, you should upload your deck on DP or get someone else to, because people are starting to take interest in your archetype. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyKrilovs Posted February 21, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 21, 2015 Update 4 - Potentially final update before lore Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RickyKrilovs Posted February 22, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2015 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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RickyKrilovs Posted February 24, 2015 Author Report Share Posted February 24, 2015 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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