liverpool rule Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 Squirrels I am a squirrel with a big bushy tailSomeone tried to grab meSo I couldn't help but flailI need to get out of here so let me go free The man wouldn't let goSo I bit him hard soI managed to escape to the woods He went after me oh not very good I was very hungry I had gone very badHere comes MR T with a Snickers barThe man was so scared, he ran away with no gutsMR T said "Snickers get some nuts!" By liverpool rule hope u like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Diviner Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 You need another speech mark and it's alright not great but not bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterOfMagicians Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 ...I should send my girlfriend after you so she can educate you on how to write a poem.1) Your stanzas either need to rhyme or not, you can't alternate between the two at your convenience.2) Its uneven, unbalanced. I can't think of the term, (onomotopia?) but its just yeah, no.3) I don't know if this was an attempt at humor or spam, but its just no.no no no.sorry,0/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liverpool rule Posted April 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 thanks for the comment I will edit the poem Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterOfMagicians Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 correction, onomatopia is not the correct word. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 not bad best freind in the world Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kizzi Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 Meh. The main problem is your rhyming goes: ABABAABBABCC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterOfMagicians Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 Thank you kizzi.lol, I knew what i wanted to say, just couldnt get it out right.bleh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liverpool rule Posted April 25, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 ok I will work on it thank you all of u for your help I will have another go at a new one tommorow thanks liverpool rule Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arekku_Koro Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 ...Not really to good, but acceptable. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted April 25, 2008 Report Share Posted April 25, 2008 cool Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liverpool rule Posted April 26, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2008 yes I need a new idea for one but i dont know what Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kizzi Posted April 26, 2008 Report Share Posted April 26, 2008 yes I need a new idea for one but i dont know whatMars Bars and Chocolate Milkshake.Go. ;) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
liverpool rule Posted April 26, 2008 Author Report Share Posted April 26, 2008 I am on it I will post it up tommorow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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