how about this?

[bejs]

 

EFFECT: Choose one of your opponent's face-up monster and combine it's Attack and Defence Points and increase your Attack Points with that amount. You can Inflicit Direct Damage to your opponent's Life points if there is 3 or more level 5 or higher monsters in your Graveyard.

 

 

please forgive me on my gramer... do correct me...

[Judαs]

It's quite good, 7/10.

 

The corrected effect:

[justify]Once during your Main Phase, you can choose one of your opponent's face-up monsters. Increase the ATK of this card by the combined ATK and DEF of the selected monster.If there are 3 or more monsters in your graveyard whose Level Stars equal 5 or higer, this card can inflict Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points.[/justify]

 

But it's a bit overpowered so you can alter it a bit:

[spoiler=Altered a bit]

Tormented Girl Attribute: Dark

OOOOO

[Fairy/Effect]

[justify]Once during your Main Phase, you can choose one of your opponent's face-up monsters. Increase the ATK of this card by the ATK of the selected monster.If there are 3 or more monsters in your graveyard whose Level Stars equal 5 or higer, this card can inflict Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points.[/justify]

___________________________________________________________________________________________

ATK/100 DEF/100

 

 

[bejs]

thanks... i apriciate that...

[RickiMinaj]

little off with ocg

maybe improve that

and ive used that picture before

except i found a clearer version

try finding picture which are in proportion to the card makers picture box

it helps alot

[bejs]

ok... thanks... sory about reapiting, didn't know... here are 2 more, help me sort them right...

This card can only be Ritual Summond by sacrificing 2 or more Fire monsters from your hand, who's total Level of stars is 9 or higher, with a Spell Card "Sky Refuge". Once this Monster is Summond, your opponent must remove all of hi's Fire type Monsters from Graveyard, Deck or Hand out of play, then hi can draw 2 cards from Deck, and shufle it.

 

[RickiMinaj]

thats alot better

 

but ocg could still improve =/

[bejs]

what about this Trap..?

[Judαs]

but ocg could still improve =/

Right! Some suggestions for you:

• Use "offer monster as a Tribute" instead of "sacrifice"
  
• Write the attribute names in caps e.g. FIRE and not Fire
  
• Write "his/her" instead of "hi's"
  
• Use "activate" instead of "use".
  

Oh and I noticed I had made some mistakes in correcting Tormented Girl. Corrected:

[spoiler=Tormented Girl]

Tormented Girl Attribute: Dark

OOOOO

[Fairy/Effect]

 

Once during your Main Phase' date=' you can [b']select[/b] one of your opponent's face-up monsters. Increase the ATK of this card by the ATK of the selected monster.If there are 3 or more monsters in your graveyard whose total Level Stars equal 5 or higher, this card can inflict Direct Damage to your opponent's Life Points.

 

Mistakes are in bold.

 

 

 

BTW, Surprise of Death might have to be changed, since your opponent is unlikely to have 10000 more Life Points than you unless his deck is filled with Dian Keto the cure Master, Soul of the Pure, Goblin's Secret Remedy, Enchanted Javelin, Mooyan Curry etc etc.

 

Good luck! :D

[bejs]

ok... will do...

[Exiro]

you cannot increase your own attack points, and infliciting is nothing, you probably mean inflict, but that would still be bad ocg.

 

4,78/10