🤜I present my “Goblin Biker Distraction”, the ULTIMATE punching bag🤛

[But First He Lit It On Fire]

Goblin Biker Distraction (EARTH)

Level 1

Illusion/Flip/Tuner/Effect

FLIP: For the rest of the turn, monsters your opponent controls gain ATK equal to their own original DEF, and DEF equal to their own original ATK.
Monsters your opponent controls that can attack must attack this card. Cannot be destroyed by card effects. If this card battles a monster, neither can be destroyed by that battle. Neither player takes battle damage from battles involving this card. Gains ATK/DEF equal to the total ATK/DEF of Monsters it battles (During Damage Calculation.) During the End Phase of a turn this card Battled: Shuffle it into the Deck; You gain LP equal to the total ATK/DEF this card had while it was on the field.

ATK/0 DEF/0

Basically, the idea of this card is that it’s meant to soak up as much punishment that hit up your other monsters as possible, then return that soaked up damage to you as LP. It forces your opponent’s monsters to attack itself if able, while having effects that help ensure it survives the process (along with making sure it can’t destroy your opponent’s attacking monsters or nuke their LP with it’s accumulated ATK/DEF), and lastly, if it DOES battle, it’ll shuffle itself into the Deck and give you the LP it had at the time. It even has a FLIP effect to temporarily increase your opponent’s monster’s ATK/DEF, to maximize the potential LP gains. An opponent’s battle phase should look like that one scene from Jojo with all the kicking:

Edit: My connection futzed out for a second and now there are two of this on the forum… How do I delete this post?

Edited May 23 by But First He Lit It On Fire