Ultimate Ryan Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 what has Ryan got you today? How bout a fanfic? it is based off my only successful RP, Chaos Duels! Here are the main Characters! Name - RyanDeck - ???Appearance - Dark blond hair with light blond highlights. Wears a black dueldisk with a red phoenix drawn onto the sphere with the lifepoint counter and an outline of red along the dueldisk. he wears a red jacket outlined in black. his eyes are a deep blue. he wears black sneakers, with red shoelaces, and a white outlined. His cards are in white cases with red skulls on the back. Bio - Ryan comes from a very poor family, but usually gets his family all they need by dueling for his food and clothes. He is very skillful at the game, and tries his hardest to keep with it by dueling for cards or trading some of his own. He is a very smart kid for his age, and can get himself out of some tight situations. Current Age - 15 Name - Alicia Deck - ???Appearance - Alicia is a beautiful blond headed girl, she wears a pink dueldisk. Her dueldisk has her name on it above the lifepoint counter in light red lettering. She usually wears her hair down. Her attitude is a "I'm gonna get my way or else"Bio - Alicia is Ryan's friend since 2nd grade, they along with Spencer and Stephanie are best friends, Alicia herself is a very skillful duelist, but looks up to Ryan for help. She has some of the best cards, yet almost never uses them! She is truely one of a kind.Current Age - 15 Name - Spencer Deck - ???Appearance - Spencer is a tall, skinny kid with deep brown hair. His dueldisk is a srtiking blue color with a metallic glaze, his cards are covered by bright yellow-orange cases.Bio - One of Ryan's closest friends, he has saved Ryan once when they were kids from drowning. He is considered a dueling novice by other kids.. until Ryan steps in and back him up.Current Age - 15 Name - Stephanie Deck - ???Appearance - Stephanie has dark black hair with 2 light purple strips coming down on each side. Her dueldisk is dark purple and the card zones are a light purple. The lifepoint counter has jewels surrounding it.Bio - A very naive girl, she is very dramatic and uses similes and metaphors to show her feeligs or emotions. She cannot keep much in, she releases everything to her friends Ryan, Alicia, and Spencer. Name - KudinDeck - ???Appearance - His face is covered most of the time, and has shocking red eyes. His dueldisk is a midnight black and has gray card zones. His hair spikes up and is died red.Bio - He is a leader of Ace 1 Section of the Chaos Mages. He uses force to get what he wants. Name - Shun Deck - ???Appearance - His eyes are pitch black, he wears a big black overcoat. His dueldisk is an average dueldisk from back then in domino city.Bio - Shun is the leader of the Chaos Mages, his father was the creator of the Chaos Mages, himself died try to seal away Yugi Motou, he succeded. Name - Aurglimir Deck - ???Appearance - She is a plant like creature, a human that got trapped in an experience, her dueldisk is made of sticks, thorns, and leaves coming from her own body.Bio - She was once a young scientist who was trying to achieve a mutation plant that could help with human medicines. It went wrong when 1 peice of chloroplast dripped into a cut in her hand, and then turned her into a plant-human fusion creature, she is a trainee in Ace 1 Section of the Chaos Mages *I am accepting characters atm* just fill out the form the other charcters used and PM it to me along with a decklist, if I use your charcter you will receive a +rep ^_^ [spoiler=Index]Chapt 1-------Vol 1 - Post #2Vol 2 - Post #12Vol 3 - Post #14 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 Chapter 1 - The Tale of the Mirror of Life Vol. 1---------------------------------------------Ryan and Alicia were opening packs at their local card shop owned by Spencer's parents. "Could I get one more pack of Legendary Airbeast?" Ryan asked. "So where is Spencer?" Alicia asked questioningly. "Oh, he was asleep, he stayed up very late fixing up his deck." His dad said. Ryan sat there adding cards to his deck, "Sacred Phoenix!" Ryan shouted. "Whoah, thats the one you needed!" Alicia answered with.A man dressed in black entered the shop, his face was covered. "Do you have any Enternal Darkness booster packs?" The man asked. Ryan could feel the man glaring at Ryan through his hat. Something didn't seem right, Ryan felt as if he knew this man."Thank you" The man said heartlessly, "I will be leaving now" The man said while leaving twelve dollars on the counter. "Well he is an odd one!" Spencer's father said after the door closed behind the man.`Ryan and Alicia exited the shop in search of Spencer and Stephanie."Steph?" Alicia yelled in a mild tone. They walked up to Spencer's front door, and knock, "Spencer?" Ryan asked. Spencer walked out of the door, "Yes?" "Do you know anyone that wears almost all black, covers his face, and it feels like he can stare strait through you?" Ryan asked frantically. "No, I have not seen anyone by your description, except in a Duel Monsters card." Spencer replied. "A duel monster card?!" Ryan silently screamed, "What card?"Spencer held out the card "Kudin the Dark Mage" [DARK / Level 7 / Spellcaster-Type-Effect / When this card is Advanced Summoned Special Summon 1 Spellcaster-Type monster from your hand, if the Special Summoned monster was a DARK monster draw 1 card. / 2200-2000]"That looks just like him!" Alicia said shockingly. "The pack, ENDN, or Eternal Darkness." Ryan looked amazed.The group of three went inside and googled up Eternal Darkness, and then looked at the list, Kudin is EN058 and the next card in the set is "The Mirror of Life" [spell / Continuous / When your opponent Summons a monster Special Summon 1 Copy Token with the same Attribute, Level, Type, Effect, ATK, and DEF of the monster your opponent Summoned. Whenever you Summon a monster, your opponent Special Summons 1 Copy Token with the same Attribute, Level, Type, Effect, ATK, and DEF of the monster you Summoned.]"Amazing, none have yet to be pulled." Ryan said with amazement. "Wow, it must be very rare!" Alicia said.>>>Volume 1 of The Tale of the Mirror of Life<<<>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Over<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
End Of The Abyss Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 Hm. Nice. Short though. Of course, my Fan Fic chapters are just as short. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 but they are split into volumes, like Chapt 2 will be secret of the mirror of life vol2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 too short try spacing it more, makes it easier to read... otherwise good ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 thanks ruby, I like shorter chapters but longer when you put all the volumes together ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 How many Volumes do you plan to make? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 idk, until the idea of this first chapt is completely out of thoughs, and each chapt takes part later in time, the next 1 will be prolly 5 years later, and so on ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Ruby Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 let me rephrase How many chapters in a Volume? or i mean in this Volume? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silencerleader Posted July 16, 2008 Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 *Not ignored...*Its...readable.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 16, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2008 no Chapt 1 - vol 1 then the next part will beChapt 1 - vol 2 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2008 Chapter 1 - The Tale of the Mirror of Life Vol. 2---------------------------------------------A few day after the odd experience Ryan awoke from a nightmare he had."Wow that was very weird, I saw the guy, and that mirror, and me." Ryan thought to himself, "I have to tell the others!"He ran up to Alicia's front door and rang the doorbell. Alicia's mom answered the door, "Hello Ryan! You here to see Alicia?" She said heartfully. "Yes, we were going to go to the park with Spencer and Stephanie." Ryan replied."ALICIA!" Her mom yelled into the house. "Yes mother? Oh hi Ryan!" Alicia said, but then she looked embarrassed, "Ah! I have to change!" She was in her PJs. Ryan had a Red t-shirt with a black phoenix on the front, and on the back the words Burn Flame! and a pair of black shorts. "So what are yall going to do at the park?" Alicia's mom asked questionably. "We are going to help each other with decks, and duel some probably..." Ryan lied. Alicia came out wearing Jean Shorts and a Red shirt, with her stomach showing, "K, Ryan lets go!" Alicia said as she ran out the door. "Spencer and Steph are waiting in the park," Ryan said before Alicia interrupted. "My mom is thinks we are dating, it is getting annoying!" Alicia said angrily.Ryan stopped as he saw a small dueling card on the ground near a storm drain, "Whaoh! It's that card The Mirror of Life!" Ryan said enthusiastically. "No way!" Alicia screamed, "Lucky!"Ryan started running toward the park yelling "Race ya there Lici!"------------------------"OMG! You found it on the ground?!" Stephanie said crazed up over the whole thing. "Yeah, it was near a storm drain!" Ryan laughed out. "Good thing it didn't rain, lol" Spencer said.Ryan pulled a card out of his deck, and placed the mirror in its place."It is kinda crazy!" Alicia said. "Yeah some people get all the luck." Spencer said sourcastically. "Yeah I get all I want!, my deck was pulled out of the street or was won!" Ryan shouted towards Spencer.-------------------------"The decoy was picked up, boss." A voice said. "Good, the mirror's devilish spirit shall help us conquer!" another, deeper voice said. "What about when we take over this soul?" A feminine voice said scratchily. "The card is passed on through greed, friends will destroy each other for that card, it posses the spirit of greed itself! Kudin, go do some undercover work, report back soon!" The deep voice said. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChronosCrowler Posted July 19, 2008 Report Share Posted July 19, 2008 Nice Ryan very nice indeed a fanfic version of the RP itself! Very nice! ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 19, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2008 Chapter 1 - The Tale of the Mirror of Life Vol. 3---------------------------------------------Kudin walked into the forest in the direction of the kids."Does anyone wanna duel here?" Kudin asked with a small grin on his face. "Sure! I'd love to duel!" Ryan said jumping up and waving his hand. "Okay, you can start if you'd like." Kudin said to Ryan. "I draw! I summon Batteryman Triple A!" Ryan shouted as a small, thin battery monster appeared. [LIGHT / Level 2 / Thunder-Type / While you control another "Batteryman Triple A", by discarding 1 Spell Card from your hand you can release this card and another "Batterman Triple A" to Special Summon up to 3 "Batteryman AA" from your Deck. / 200-500]"Hahaha, a tiny battery?!" Kudin said while giggling, "Continue please." "I lay 1 face down and end my turn." Ryan exclaimed while laying a card face down on his duel disk. "I draw, and summon my Armageddon Knight! I now select my yubel, and send it to my graveyard. Now knight attack his battery!" Kudin yelled. "Tis, you forgot my face down! Explosive Chemical Reaction!" Ryan reacted with.[TRAP / Counter / Release 1 "Batteryman" monster you control to destroy 1 monster your opponent controls, during the End Phase you activated this card both you and your opponent can draw 1 card, each player that draw by this card's effect loses 1000 Life Points.]Both the knight and the battery exploded. "Heh, nice little card there son." Kudin said smiling. "Wait, whats your name, I'm Ryan!" Ryan exclaimed. Kudin thought for a moment, "I am Maxy Gens, now I lay two face downs and end my turn." Kudin said, then he picked a card of the top of his deck, as Ryan did. "Hm, we both drew, we both pay." Kudin whispered while their life point meter struck down.Ryan - 7000Kudin - 7000Ryan drew his card and stared, "The mirror!" He looked at his hand, premature, triple a, guardian of order, and the mirror. "I will activate my premature burial to special summon back my triple a, and I will summon a second triple a! I will now release both batteries to special summon 3 Batteryman AA! I now use my guardian's effect to summon itself! AA number one, attack!" "Sakeretsu Armor" Kudin said as an armor covered one of Ryan's batteries, then it shattered. "Now go AA number two, three and guardian attack!" Ryan shouted. "Dimensional Prison on your guardian!" Kudin yelled. Ryan's guardian rippled up and disappeared. "I end" Ryan proclaimed.Ryan - 7000Kudin - 3000"Draw, I will now play two copies of foolish burial! I can now put doom shaman and destiny hero malicious into my graveyard." Kudin said as he placed two cards into his graveyard, "I activate destiny draw! I now discard destiny hero disk commander to draw two cards!" Kudin stared at his hand, the dark creator and double summon, "I special summon one of my strongest monsters, THE DARK CREATOR!" A giant dark, shadowy figure rose up with lightning shooting out of him, "I remove from play my my fallen knight to special summon my doom shaman, then I gemini summon him! Now with his effect I can special summon yubel! Kudin screamed as a human shaped figure appeared with giant blackish wings, "With one card I twisted this duel! Now go my creator ATTACK!" One of Ryan's batteries got shocked into overload. "Now go my shaman!" Kudin yelled. Ryan's other battery got surrounded in darkness and exploded into pieces. "I end, but I must tribute a monster to my yubel, and I choose shaman! Now they both get destroyed." A fog appeared over the two monsters, when it lifted one monster was still there. "Huh? I thought they both were destroyed!" Ryan screamed. "Yes, but when yubel is destroyed I get Yubel - Terror Incarnate!" Kudin informed Ryan, "Now every other monster dies except my yubel." Ryan's guardian and Kudin's creator both exploded.Ryan - 4300Kudin - 3000"Draw, I lay a monster face down and activate the mirror of life!" Ryan said while a giant mirror while a giant mirror appeared on the bottom of the field, "I end my turn." "I draw, and end." Kudin said sadly. "Draw! I flip summon my Battery - Powered Toy Car! [LIGHT / Level 2 / Thunder-Type / You can release this card to special summon 1 "Batteryman - Triple A" from your Deck or Graveyard. / 200-300]"I now release it to special summon my triple a back!" Ryan yelled as a small battery re appeared onto Ryan's side of the field. "Now I get a token!" Kudin said[Copy Token / LIGHT / Level 2 / Thunder-Type / While you control another "Batteryman Triple A", by discarding 1 Spell Card from your hand you can release this card and another "Batterman Triple A" to Special Summon up to 3 "Batteryman AA" from your Deck. / 200-500]"I now release my battery to advance summon my battery powered hornet!" Ryan said smoothly as a huge blue and yellow robotic hornet took to the field.[LIGHT / Level 6 / Machine-Type / This card can only be Advance Summoned by releasing 1 "Batteryman" monster. Once per turn you can place 1 Sting Counter on a face-up non-Machine-Type monster, destroy any monster with 3 or more Sting Counters on it. / 2000-0]"You don't get the token either, because of the first line in it's effect." Ryan said being smartalickey, "I also now place one sting counter on your yubel, and I attack your token and end."Ryan - 4300Kudin - 1200"I draw, and ATTACK!" Kudin said yelling. "Tsk again, I discard my Battery Powered Electro Shield to activate its effect." Ryan said discarding a card to his graveyard. [LIGHT / Level 1 / Thunder-Type / You can discard this card from your hand whenever your opponent declares an attack against a "Batteryman" or a "Battery Powered" monster you control, negate the attack and end your opponent's Battle Phase. / 0-1000]"Fine you saved yourself this time." Kudin said with grief, "Your move." "Draw, I summon my Battery Powered Time Bomb and I place a second counter on your yubel.[LIGHT / Level 3 / Pyro-Type / During your opponent's next End Phase destroy every monster on the field, and you must discard your entire hand. / 0-0]"I end." Ryan said. "Draw and end." Kudin said laughing, the bomb monster exploded and created a giant smoke ball, and when it left the field was bare. "I have no hand to discard." Ryan said grinning, "Now I draw! I activate monster reborn on your shaman." Ryan said expecting a reply. "You've won." Kudin said grinning. "Attack!" Ryan yelled, "Game!"Ryan - 4300Kudin - 0"Good game." Both duelist said. Ryan felt a surge of grief and anger flow through him, then he fainted.>Over<Hey chronos, haven't seen you in awhile, welcome back I guess ^.^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman Posted July 19, 2008 Report Share Posted July 19, 2008 its very good ryan but if its supposewd to be off the rp where is my character shuro? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChronosCrowler Posted July 20, 2008 Report Share Posted July 20, 2008 Ya! Im Back I just got a little too busy from work! T_T!And oh! nice! Ep 3! Kudin was strong but he got pwned!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 21, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2008 BUMPness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2008 >.< no comments?BUMPness Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChronosCrowler Posted July 22, 2008 Report Share Posted July 22, 2008 Ryan why dont you input the sprites of the characters to fanfic to attract more readers! ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 Well I am trying a new writing style, please tell me if you like this better Chapter 1 - The Tale of the Mirror of Life Vol. 4-----------------------------------------------Ryan awoke in a hospitalRyan - Where... am I...?Alicia - You are in a hospital, it is about midnight.Ryan - Why... did... you stay... this late...?Alicia - I was worried, you sound terrible.Ryan - I... feel... terrible..., what happened?Alicia - You won the duel, and faintedRyan - Thank you... for caring... and staying... with me...Alicia - No problem!Alicia smiled, and kissed Ryan on the cheek, Ryan started to blush.Ryan - Do... you... know... when I... can ;eave...?Alicia - The doc said whenever you get up, or feel ready to leave.Ryan - I am getting... out of here...Alicia - Want some help?Ryan - Sure...Alicia helped Ryan stand up and get out of the hospital bed, they then heard a loud crash in a near room.Ryan - What... was that...?Alicia - Idk, lets go find out!They ran through the hallway and saw a a young women stealing some duel monsters cards from a deck box in the main lobbyAlicia - Hey, those aren't yours!Ryan - Yeah...!??? - My name is Crystal, I am a chaos mage level 2!Alicia - You can't steal! I will duel you for those cards!Crystal - Sure, you can start little girl.Crystal was wearing a tight black shirt, and jeans. She had long dark brown hair, she looked around twenty or thirty.Alicia - Draw! I summon my Aisha, the Legendary Dancer of Roses! [EARTH / Level 3 / Warrior/Avoider / When this card is declared as an attack target you can discard 1 card to change the attack to a direct attack. When this card is destroyed Special Summon 1 Rose Token {Earth / Level 1 / Plant/Avoider / When this card is declared as an attack target you can pay 300 Life Points to change the attack to a direct attack. / 0-0}. / 1200-300]Crystal - Heh, your pretty little dancer won't stand a chance.Alicia - I will lay 1 face-down and end my turnCrystal - I draw, and activate my spell card Chaotic Spellspeed [sPELL / Continuous / Increase the ATK of the weakest face-up "Chaotic" monster for every face-up "Chaotic" monster x300] I now will summon my Chaotic Mistress! [DARK / Level 4 / Fiend / 1300-900] and her attack is increased by three hundred! 1300 ~ 1600. Mistress attack her dancer!Chaotic Mistress VS Aisha, Legendary Dancer of Roses(1600)_____________(1200) Crystal - I end.Alicia[7600] ~ Crystal[8000]Alicia - Draw, summon my Kiesha, Legendary Dancer of Fire! [FIRE / Level 4 / Warrior/Avoider / When this card is declared as an attack target you can discard 1 card to change the attack to a direct attack. You can Release 1 monster you control to place 1 Blitz Counters on every face-up monster except this card. Destroy any monster with 3 Blitz Counters. / 900-1300] I end.Crystal - Whoops, there is my ride, nice dueling, just get better! Take the deck, I will be back!Crystal ran out an jumped into a black van.Alicia - That chick is crazyRyan - Yeah, so who are Chaos Mages?Alicia - IDK, maybe Spencer's parents know, they know like everything about duel monsters!-----Over----->.< I gave a sneak peek to my new avoiders >.< Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TR_Headshot Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 Awesome! I really enjoy it! Can't wait for the next chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 23, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 thanks! I will (hopefully( have the next vol up by friday night Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted July 23, 2008 Report Share Posted July 23, 2008 (Unrelated: Volumes = Seasons. What you're thinking of is Parts.) Charlie Morae's Official Rating First Opinion: The first thing we see is a bunch of character bios. We're here to read the story, not look at the characters. Most of the information we get here should be uncovered part by part as the story progresses, rather than at the start of it. Spelling/Grammar:Even as I skim through the first chapter, I find some errors. Mostly grammar issues. Your spelling is fine. However, during the later chapters, I found something that made it very hard to read. Long blocks of text without any spacing whatsoever. Descriptions:Here's your biggest flaw, by far. We get some interpretations, but we should get some more. We hardly know what the MC's look like, part from the forms at the top. But I don't read that; I focus on the place where the appearances should be, also known as the story. Your environmental descriptions lack too. What does the card shop look like? How is it organized? How do people's homes look? One-Word SummaryMediocre. Final Rating:You have talent, there's no doubt in that. However, you need to fix the grammar and the descriptions, to make it easier to read and bond with your characters. It's better than the worst, but worse than the best. If you want a number, I would give it a 6/10. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChronosCrowler Posted July 24, 2008 Report Share Posted July 24, 2008 Very Nice Chapter! ^_^ Can't wait for the appearance of the most powerful chaos mage! ^_^ BTW I like this style better! ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ultimate Ryan Posted July 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted July 24, 2008 your next, Aurglimir gets to make the tourny madness next ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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