The Two Stooges: A Rex and Weevil Adventure!

[Super Muskrat]

AUTHOR’S NOTE: This is the opening chapter to a line of silly Yu-gi-oh stories that will hopefully give you a good laugh. Also, this story is fictional. No, Gray Davis did not kill Arnold Schwarzenegger and no, Arnold Schwarzenegger never came back from the future to terminate Gray Davis (at least not literally). Everything Mr. Schwarzenegger says about the up and coming events in the Yu-gi-oh world, however, are completely true. But don’t worry. Relax. All that is for another (and hopefully much better) fan-fic.

 

And now on with the show! Enjoy!

 

 

The Two Stooges Episode One: The Terminator Menace

 

 

A rustle was heard.

 

It woke up Gray Davis the governor of California. He rose up to identify the sound but after a while none was heard so he retreated once again back to sleep. He didn’t have to worry anyway. He was the governor of California for goodness sake! No matter what happened he always had security around him and he would always be safe no matter what evil befell him from Sacramento or else where. He went back to bed, closed his eyes, and fell asleep.

 

Another rustle was heard.

 

It woke Governor Gray Davis yet again. He stayed up and as it did fear began to flood him.

 

“Oh, God no!” He barely whispered. “Oh, God no! What have I done?” Memories flooded back to him. He remembered al those years ago when he was still a young partisan flirting with the idea of becoming President he had met a young man. The young man was very muscular, short and stout. His name was Arnold Schwarzenegger and he later became Gray Davis’s worst nightmare.

 

He remembered that before anything could happen to him that would get him hurt either physically, emotionally, psychologically, or politically he had sent the men that later became his body guards to do away with Schwarzenegger. He was there to see it all, the murder, everything. It was horrifying. Horrifying because in the end he knew that Schwarzenegger would get the last laugh. Just before he died, Schwarzenegger had said the sentence that would haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

“I’ll be back.” He said just before Gray Davis pulled the trigger on Arnold Schwarzenegger’s forehead.

 

Ever since that night Schwarzenegger’s last words haunted him. He would return to kill Gray Davis just Quetzaquatl returned as Hernando Cortez to conquer the Aztecs and Gray Davis feared that that day might be today. Tonight. On this hour. Gray Davis estimated that the chance of the return of Arnold Schwarzenegger tonight was a million to one.

 

But that can’t be! He thought over and over again since that faithful night. I watched him die! But time and destiny were to disagree with Governor Davis tonight. As far as he was concerned Gray Davis was as good as dead.

 

A scream echoed through the windows. Gray Davis opened them to look outside. All he saw was the limp body of the last of his guards as it flopped on the ground like a stuffed animal.

 

Then, there was a crash through the roof of Davis’s master bedroom. Gray Davis dared not to look but found it irresistible to do so. What he found shocked him to his core. The man he faced was tall, and muscle-bound. He only wore army pants, combat boots, and a bandana. He wore around his bare chest a chain of bullets that were to be loaded to a frightening machine gun of multiple terror’s.

 

“Arnold Schwarzenegger!” Davis gasped.

 

“That’s right!” the muscle-bound man answered. “This is Aunold! have come back from the future as an android to terminate you, Gray Davis! Today is judgment day!” He then pulled out a Kaibacorp duel disk and strapped it on his arm, deck already set in the deck reader. “It’s time to duel and it’s time die, Gray Davis!”

 

“Wait!” Davis asked. “I never saw you duel in any of your movies!”

 

“That may be true,” Schwarzenegger replied. “But as we are speaking when we should be dueling all our words are being dictated letter by little letter by some teenager.”

 

“And who would that be?” Davis inquired.

 

“I don’t know.” Schwarzenegger responded. “All I know is that he is some guy who goes around Yu-gi-oh forums as some Super Muskrat Man guy! I think it is because of him why I am here in the first place in this stupid fan-fic!”

 

“So that’s it.” Davis concluded with a new air of confidence as he miraculously pulled out a duel disk, strapped it on his arm and activated it. “Let’s duel!”

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger: 4000

 

Gray Davis: 4000

 

“As you wish.” Schwarzenegger said as he drew his first card starting the duel. “I will now set two face-down cards and end my turn.”

 

“That’s it!” Davis replied as he drew his first card. “This’ll be easy! I summon Jetroid in attack mode!” A comical jet materialized with 1200 attack points. “Now attack him directly!” The jet rocketed toward the muscle-bound duelist.

 

“Not so fast!” Schwarzenegger retorted. “I play my trap card: Steel Muscle!”

 

Jetroids attack bounced off Schwarzenegger’s chest as if it was tougher than steel. Jetroid then bounced back towards Gray Davis, nailing him hard in the stomach before it resettled itself.

 

“What happened?” Davis gasped as he struggled from the blow.

 

“Simple, idiot!” Schwarzenegger explained. “When this card is activated your attack is stopped in your tracks because of my rock hard, big, boofy, beautiful muscles,” He paused his sentence to kiss one of his biceps. “And it gets deflected inflicting damage multiplied by 200 points from your crappy airplanes star level and I get to summon one four star monster with more than 2000 attack points from my hand!”

 

“Oh no!” Davis said.

 

“Oh yes!” Retorted Schwarzenegger retorted. “Now I summon Indomitable Fighter Lei Lei!” A huge, muscle-bound, brutish beast materialized on Schwarzenegger’s side of the field bearing an uncanny though not completely identical resemblance to its owner.

 

Gray Davis moaned as his life points dropped.

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger: 4000

 

Gray Davis: 3200

 

“Now it’s my turn.” Schwarzenegger said as he drew his next card. “I now will sacrifice Indomitable Fighter Lei Lei to summon this!” He yelled. “Ultimate Terminator Fighter Lei Lei emerge!” Indomitable Fighter Lei Lei disappeared to be replaced by a larger, more monstrous, and deadlier creature. This was Ultimate Terminator Fighter Lei Lei and it had 2600 attack points. “Now my terminator attack that stupid airplane thing with Mega Fist Smash!” The repulsively over muscular creature rammed itself toward Davis’s “stupid” airplane.

 

“Not so fast!” Davis commanded. “I use Jetroids special ability which let’s me…”

 

“No special abilities for nobody!” Schwarzenegger yelled. “I activate Skill Drain! It stops stupid abilities like your Taliban jets stupid play-your-trap-card-from-your-hand ability and my fighter from going into defense mode after battle.”

 

As Schwarzenegger lost 1000 life points Jetroid collided with the fist of Ultimate Terminator Lei Lei and shattered from the impact.

 

“And finally,” Schwarzenegger concluded. “I play Auto Terminator Machine Gun! This card is activated after my Battle Phase and you lose 1000 life points.” The machine gun fired at Davis lowering his life points even further.

 

“I end my turn.” Schwarzenegger declared. Gray Davis was left with little life points and even less field presence.

 

Arnold Schwarzenegger: 3000

 

Gray Davis: 800

 

“This is no fair!” Davis whined.

 

“Don’t blame me!” Came Schwarzenegger’s unsympathetic response. “Blame that idiot Super Muskrat Man who made this stupid story in the first place!”

 

“Whoever that Super Muskrat Guy is I hate him!”

 

“You should because he has big, big plans all planned out for the Yu-gi-oh world.”

 

“Really?” Davis inquired.

 

“Absolutely!” Schwarzenegger replied earnestly. “He plans to write more crappy sequels to this fan-fic, introduce more celebrities who have no place in this Forum and of coarse last but certainly not least The Legend of the White Dragon.”

 

“The Legend of the White Dragon? What’s that?”

 

“Basically, it’s this crackpot, pineapple in a pizza idea by this crazy scientist guy called Dr. Nero who said that if Priest Seto can reincarnate as a scoundrel and a staunch Republican zealot then why can’t his girlfriend which is basically telling all of us that that is a very bad thing.”

 

Davis was trembling at this point. The duel was no longer his main concern. “H-How bad?” He stammered.

 

“Pretty bad.” Schwarzenegger replied. “If I were to make a comparison if Kisara was Mew than her modern incarnate is Mewtwo.”

 

“Oh, my God!” Screamed Gray Davis. His brain and thought process were going into panic mode. “Is there anything worse that you can tell me?”

 

“Yes.” Schwarzenegger said indefinitely. “Her modern incarnate has the same birth sign as Ludwig van Beethoven!”

 

Gray Davis was stunned. “Oh, my God! OMG! OMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMGOMG!”

 

“Once again,” Came Schwarzenegger’s indefinite response. “Don’t blame me. Blame Super Muskrat Man for coming up with all these ideas.”

 

“Th- Th- This is terrible!” Davis panicked. “The whole Yu-gi-oh world as everybody knows it will be destroyed! I can’t live to see this!”

 

There was only one option: The window. Governor Gray Davis leaped with all his soul.

 

There was the crash of shattered glass and a thud on the floor all the way below. Schwarzenegger calmly walked out toward the balcony to see a bloody Governor Gray Davis.

 

Schwarzenegger pulled out a bazooka. “If you thought you could run away by killing yourself you’re an idiot!” He pointed the bazooka toward the governor. “It’s time I terminate you and clean up Sacramento! It’s judgment day, Gray Davis!”

 

He pulled the trigger. Sweet flames blossomed and enveloped Schwarzenegger. Just before he left he lingered to smell the sweet scent of Ex-Governor Gray Davis’s mangled remains.

 

“I told you I’ll be back” He muttered before walking into the darkness.

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

[Super Muskrat]

AUTHOR’S NOTE: Thank you for you’re reviews on the first chapter. As I promised the next chapter arrived shortly. I hope you like it as much as the first one. Also, it is to be noted that when Arnold Schwarzenegger makes his broadcast on TV it is inspired and closely resembles the flash ‘Vote Arnie?’ made by JibJab on http://www.albinoblacksheep.com/flash/arnie.php. This is done to avoid accusations of plagiarism in the forums. Enjoy!

 

Chapter 2

 

A few years later…

 

“Finally we are gonna get them for all the bad things they did to us!”

 

This was said by a small, repulsive kid in a beetle haircut. He wore large circular glasses. The only other noticeable qualities this insect had was his sick sounding laugh and a black beetle that emblazoned his green shirt. His name was Weevil Underwood.

 

“Yeah! We’re gonna make them pay and make them pay good!”

 

That was said by a creepy teenager with multicolored hair (brown, and white to be exact). He had a strange cap on his head but everything else about that dinosaur was pretty ‘ordinary’ if you could call it that. His name was Rex Raptor.

 

They were both hiding in the bushes safe from the gaze of any wandering eyes. Weevil had a pair of binoculars on and he was staring through the window of a nearby house. Actually, it was also a game shop; The Kame (Turtle) Game Shop to be exact. In that store was everything that Weevil and Rex despised. They were once great duelists but they lost everything at the hands of Yugi Moto and Joey Wheeler both who happened to be situated at the Kame Game Shop right at this hour. Their mission: raid the game shop through its sky window and steal all their cards. That way Weevil and Rex could finally get their revenge on all who had wronged them.

 

“All right.” Rex said as he tightened the rope he had thrown that would lead them both to the sky window where they would break through like the X-Men in cartoons. “Let’s do this!”

 

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“Damn flies!” said Solomon “Grandpa” Moto as he swatted one against thin air.

 

“Yugi!” He called out his grandson. “Get that damn fly swatter I asked you to get for the fifteenth f*cking time! I know you are a world champion at duel monsters but could you still be a little bit your useful to your old grandpa and help him out during a time of need?”

 

“No can do, Grandpa.” Replied an all too familiar and perky voice that Solomon Moto recognized as his grandson; Yugi Moto. “Joey and I have to prepare for our next tournament and besides, can’t you just take a bath if you want to get rid of those flies. Sheesh!”

 

“I told you according to the Old Veterans Magazine I’m old to take baths!” Retorted Grandpa across the hall. “And besides, ‘Joey and I’, since when did you (who scored on the bottom one fourth of the National SAT’s I might add) start speaking proper English?”

 

“I told you, Grandpa!” Yugi yelled across the two rooms. “It’s not what I want it’s what the executives of Kids WB want! I have to set a good example for all the little kids who watch Yu-gi-oh every Saturday morning which is what you are not doing right now!”

 

Grandpa looked extremely miffed at that moment. “I don’t have to set a good example right now because the camera isn’t rolling on me right now! Now be a good grandson like you are on TV and get me a f*cking flyswatter!”

 

Yugi sighed. He wanted to leave his grandfather and Kids WB forever. Before he became king of games he was just a happy kid in junior high who didn’t have to worry about a thing. He got good grades to impress his mother and it was an easy thing to do back then because back then he wasn’t being followed by paparazzi every five minutes. Nowadays, he didn’t have anymore time for anything outside of the studio. Now I know how it feels like to be Ash Ketchum. He thought glumly. But at least he got to hog all the food with Brock whenever he wasn’t chasing girls. As fore me, the only people who get to eat anything in large quantities in the entire series are Joey and Bakura.

 

“Don’t worry about a thing, Yuge.” An all to familiar voice said to him. The owner of the voice put his hand by Yugi’s shoulder. Yugi looked up at the all too goofy and lovable friend he knew during all the time he was on set.

 

“Joey!” He exclaimed.

 

“Dat’s right!” Joey announced to his friend. “Da one and only!”

 

Yugi always felt good when Joey said that. It made him somehow feel that he was in junior high again.

 

“Don’t forget me either.”

 

Yugi saw next to Joey another teenager who looked like he could have been a star in either ‘Grease’ or ‘Bye Bye Birdie’.

 

“Honda!” Yugi exclaimed recognizing his second friend. “Thank you so much for coming over!”

 

“No problem.” Honda said. “I always got your back.”

 

A rather silly adolescent girl that everyone recognized as Tea ran over to them in her Burger World waitress outfit.

 

“And we will always be friends no matter what happens!” She put her hand over the rest of them.

 

Joey, Honda, and Yugi lurched away.

 

“Not again!” Joey shouted.

 

“Yeah!” Honda yelled in agreement. “We were just fine in our moment of male intimacy without you! You just ruined everything!”

 

Tea was on the verge of tears. She looked desperately at Yugi for emotional support.

 

“I’m sorry Tea.” Yugi said glumly. “But even I’m getting tired of your friendship speech.”

 

Tea burst into tears. “This is insane! All I want is to connect to people! You’ll never understand!”

 

“Yeah, we do.” Joey said. “If only you could be less annoying while doing it.”

 

Tea’s eyes continued to flood tears like the monsoon rainfall. “So what if I’m annoying!” She screamed at everyone. “My dad drank all the time when I was a little kid and he never connected to anybody! That is why I preach about friendship so much to connect to people so the world can be a better place!”

 

“That’s remarkable, Tea.” Honda sarcastically remarked as he sat down on the couch facing the TV. He paused to take a sip of Corona Light, his favorite beer, before continuing. “I’ve never seen you open up like this.”

 

“You’re horrible!” Tea screamed. “You’re worse than… than…” She could not muster the words because if she did so it would be catastrophic to the suspense of this story. Or any other story for that matter.

 

“Tony Cliffton?” Joey suggested, not being the sharpest knife in the drawer.

 

“Exactly!” Tea yelled. “Hiroto Honda, you are worse than Tony Cliffton! I’m through with life and I wanna die!” She pulled a gun out of her purse.

 

“Oh, my God!” Joey screamed as he ran for his life to hide behind the couch.

 

Tea stalked up the stairs in an irresolute manner. She closed the bathroom door.

 

There was a loud bang followed by a thud on the floor.

 

“Good riddance.” Honda said. “Finally, we can have peace and quiet in the house.”

 

“I told you kids to keep quite when I’m reading!” Grandpa yelled at maximum volume as he swatted a few more flies with his hands. “And Yugi, for the last time get a goddamn flyswatter!”

 

“On the other hand, not quite.” Honda continued. “The old man that no one gives a crap about is next.”

 

Joey tentatively poked his head out from behind the couch. “It’s over, right?” He asked Honda while slightly shivering.

 

“Yeah.” Honda remarked as he turned on the TV. “Now it’s time to celebrate! The Simpsons are on in ten minutes!”

 

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“Finally!” Rex cried in an exasperate tone. “It took you that long to climb up a rope? Seriously, I thought you were truly like a bug in that way.”

 

Weevil looked at him. “The only thing that I truly have in common with a bug,” He said. “Is the fact that most people consider me to be completely useless.”

 

Rex shook his head. “That unfortunately is true.”

 

There was a moment of silence. It filled the air with a strange aura and it made both Weevil and Rex feel slightly uneasy.

 

“Well…” Rex mumbled nervously. “Here we go. Let’s not forget our lines.”

 

Weevil nodded. They braced themselves for their great raid on the Kame Game Shop.

 

3…

 

2…

 

1…

 

KALEBUNGA!

 

They screamed as they crashed through the sky window of the Kame Game Shop. As soon as they recovered from their fall Rex pulled out from his pocket a realistic water gun.

 

“Get down on the ground!” He commanded.

 

Joey screamed and once again hid behind the couch. Honda on the other hand glanced calmly at the Two Stooges. “Is that the best you can do?” He asked. “I saw Disney movies that were scarier than that.”

 

Weevil and Rex were dumbfounded. “Really?” Weevil had found it almost impossible to ask.

 

“Yeah.” Honda answered in that same tone of voice for what appeared to be the thousandth time. “Why don’t you go scare that Justin Timberlake guy in Duel Academy; Chazz Princeton. You’ll get more cards.”

 

“Cards?” Weevil asked pretending to have no idea what Honda was talking about.

 

“Yeah.” Honda responded yet again. “Or more money, whatever you want. You’ll especially get more money if you rob Chazz Princeton.”

 

“Too bad!” Rex snapped in anger forgetting that the gun he was holding in his hand was a real one and not a mere water gun. “You’re going down!”

 

Rex pulled the trigger.

 

“No!” Weevil screamed.

 

A concentrated blast of high-powered water squirted from Rex’s gun. It hit Honda right between the eyes.

 

“Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrgh!” Honda screamed dropping his Corona Lite to spill all over the couch as he tumbled down onto the floor. Rex stared at his water gun in disbelief. It had actually worked.

 

Joey erupted to his feet. “You’re going down!” He yelled as he ran and hit Rex in the face and kicked Weevil in the “family jewels”. Not content with even that he rammed his head into the wall (accidentally of course) and beat Weevil and Rex up some more. He was in a very good mood by now and he towered over the two people he had beaten into submission. He lifted his foot to stomp on them for one final time and that would have been the end of Weevil and Rex if Honda hadn’t saved them.

 

“Please, cut it out!” Honda yelled as he sat up in the couch rubbing the last bits of water from his eyes. “Can’t you see I’m trying to watch TV, damnit!”

 

“But,” Joey stammered. “I thought you were mortally wounded.”

 

“Mortally wounded?” Honda snorted. “For crying out loud all I had was some water in my eyes. Now please just shut up you perverted, hyperactive little monkey! The Simpsons are going to be on any minute now and I want peace and quiet in this house!”

 

Joey kept mum but was raging at Honda in his head. Quiet in this house? You’re talking like a Balkan man, like you own this place! He thought. Why don’t you come here so I can knock you out! Then, there will be peace and quiet in this house!

 

“The Simpsons…” The TV chimed just before going totally blank with a loud hissing. It was soon replaced with the image of a news reporter. “This is William La Jeunesse covering a special report on Fox Network’s fair and balanced news.”

 

Honda was dumbfounded. “What the hell!”

 

“On this report we will be sharing a horror story. Just yesterday news has covered the untimely death of the governor of California, Gray Davis, and…” Before he could finish bullets riddled his body and the new anchor man took his seat flexing his muscles first before making his report.

 

“Hello, my fellow world citizens.” He began while modern music played in the background. “This is the ultimate recall in all of politics and I have come back from the future to terminate Gray Davis and clean up Sacramento. I’ll use my experience in politics to trim the budget deficit like I trim my rock hard body everyday.” He paused to flex his muscles once again. “I plenty of experience in law enforcement and I will use my experience as a kindergarten cop to clean up the education system. I have a plan to deal with special interests and I will take out all expense from the health care system. That’s right my fellow world citizens I plan to become the President of the United States of America!” The announcement ended and the TV switched back to Simpsons in which only the credits were left to be seen.

 

“Who in America is going to vote for him after he just killed a Fox Network Anchorman?” Asked Honda.

 

“You’ll be surprised.” Yugi said. “In America the person who gets the most votes is the person who puts up the most flash.”

 

“Really?” Weevil inquired.

 

“No.” Yugi responded. “Not really, but it would be funny if it were true. Either way, Schwarzenegger is going to become president and terminate us all in a matter of weeks. A matter of days to be exact and I still can’t find a reason to stop him.”

 

“Maybe we don’t have to stop him.” Weevil suggested. “Maybe if he becomes president he will only terminate the bad people. Maybe he will terminate that guy who writes Hack Invasion so Yu-gi-oh will be the number one manga in all of America.”

 

“To tell you the truth,” Joey commented as he relinquished his gaze over Weevil and Rex. “As a Yu-gi-oh character myself I would like to that happen.”

 

“True. True” Yugi responded in an unfocused manner. “I guess it’s all up to destiny now…”

 

“Yeah.” Joey weakly agreed. “I guess without Atem to help us we really are just a bunch of lazy misfit teenagers.”

 

He turned toward Weevil and Rex. “Hey!” He yelled at them as they tried to exit through the front door. “Where do you think you’re going?”

 

He ran to capture the Two Stooges but Weevil had an idea: He rolled Honda’s empty glass bottle of Corona Light that he took with him as he and Rex made their getaway just in case someone chased after them which Joey did. The bottle came under the pressure of Joey’s foot as he unawaringly stepped on it. Joey lost his balance and crashed against one of the walls of the Kame Game Shop. Joey Wheeler blacked out as the bottle of Corona Light lazily swerved around the entrance hall.

 

Yugi sighed. “Some things just never change.” He said to himself as he put on his sneakers and went to the nearby grocery store to get a flyswatter.

 

TO BE CONTINUED…

[Super Muskrat]

Guys! We just made our grand entry!

 

Yeah! Seriously! Post a reply or something or the Boogeyman will eat you tonight or something!

[Super Muskrat]

Bump.

[.:|Fallen|:.]

dont triple post

[Guest Supreme Gamesmaster]

dont triple post

 

See' date=' you think that's responsible, but it's really n00bish. Check the dates; if they're one day apart, they're legal "bumps."

 

@SMuskrat, you'll have to excuse me, but I despise mindless comedy, and crackfics even more, so this is exactly the sort of story I loathe. It's written well, though.

 

A few grammatical errors:

 

He turned toward Weevil and Rex. “Hey!” He yelled at them as they tried to exit through the front door. “Where do you think you’re going?” [b']should be[/b] He turned toward Weevil and Rex. “Hey!” he yelled at them as they tried to exit through the front door. “Where do you think you’re going?”

 

Yugi sighed. “Some things just never change.” He said to himself as he put on his sneakers and went to the nearby grocery store to get a flyswatter. should be Yugi sighed. “Some things just never change,” he said to himself as he put on his sneakers and went to the nearby grocery store to get a flyswatter.