.:|Fallen|:. Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 charictersjaceage:10deck:nightmarefave card:soul banisherapperance: ryanage:11deck:dinosaurfave card:future beast-preadatorapperance: jordenage:15deck:hidden heroesfave card:hidden hero-primoapperance: lewisage:9deck:lightfave card:abarex lord of shining lightapperance: Name: Napoleon Grey Age: 13 Deck: Zombies Favourite Card: Red-Eyes Zombie Dragon (Actual Card) Appearance: name:jay xage:20deck:mummyfav card:mummexapperance: chapter 1:the new kidjace jace jace.WHAT.theres a new rich kid in school and he's seaching for that nightbane card lets dual him then.yo rich snob get your butt here and dual me.ok and my names lewis.okill start said lewisfirst ill play light warrior in atk mode and end my turn my turnill play human soul banisher and his effenct lets me draw 1 card so ill play nith the shadow dragon in atk mode and then play nightmre fusion to form drakath the banishing nightmare and end my turn ill play the field spell sandsea that means i can summon abrex lord of shining light now attack drakath the banishing nightmare but his effect kicks in rich boy you take damege equal to your monsters atk jace:4000lewis 1000 my turnill play wolf master in attack and attack your direcly jace:4000lewis:0 that nightbane card is mine and belongs in my deck because mines dark and yours is light now stay out of my way rich snob chapter 2 the zombie now that rich kids out of the way that cards mineno,who are u the names jordan and ill dual u for a start now ill start first ill play hidden hero-abyess 1800/0 and end my turn ill play vampire 1000/1000 then when hes on his own i can summon another nightmare beast so ill play werewolf 0/0 then ill play nightmare fusion to fuse them together to form wolfwing 4000/0 and end my turn good now ill play wingblast so i can summon my ultimate beast hidden hero primo 2900/2000 and attak your life points thanx to his abilaty jace:1100jordan:4000 now ill summon my ultimate beast now ill fuse all 3 exudos fighters in my hand to summon the soul banisher 0/0 then ill play steal so i can take a card from ur hand and summon it on my side of the field and i pick hidden hero returner 0/0 so i can summon exodus fighter and fuse the soul banisher with exodus fighter to form exodus titan 4500/4000 and attak hidden hero-abyess and end my turn jace:1100 jordan:1200 ill play a facedown and end my turn now exodus titan attak hidden hero primo jace:1100jordan:0 jace there is a new red eyes whats it calledred eyes zombie dragonwell this dualist is my next targatbut the only card that can beat it is abarex lord of shining lightbut that rich snob has itwell hes or next visitwell im going to get a drink first then ill come and we need that nightbane card now chapter 3 the return of the dragon were does that rich kid live thenin that dorm with the dragon bannerLEWISwhatcome hereyescan i use your dragon card for a bitwhyi need it to beat a guy that has a new red eyeslet me come with u later that day....AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHmummy its a mummy dual mefine i willwhats ur name mummy boyjay but call me x ryan:4000x:4000 ill starti play ancaint beast-rapter 2000/0 and end my turn i play dark mex 0/0 and his abilaty takes your monsters atk and doubles it.dark mex atk his rapter ryan:2000x:4000 my turn i play gas worm but he wont be staying he goes to the grave so i can summon ab-sabertooth tiger 3000/3000 and i activate his abilaty destroy one monster on the field and bye dark mex and then ill attak u direcly ryan:2000x:1000 i play the spell mummys call so i can summon mummex 0/0 and end my turn i play doomsday so bye mummex and my beast attak him direcly ryan:2000x:0 weres the guy with the red eyesdown theregood now get LOSTok oknow lewis give me the cardoknow lets go and get the puck to be continued next chapter:battle for our soulsif you want to make a charicter fill out the form name:age:deck:decklist:fav card:apperance: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gogeta™ Posted July 30, 2008 Report Share Posted July 30, 2008 Theres a few problems but the story sounds promising. Chapter one is short but keep working on it, 7.6/10 :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Dinosaur Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 I agree, it's very short. Could you also try posting the stats, you know, ATK/DEF of the monsters next to them just to clear a little bit of air? Like this: I summon Darknight Parshath (1900/1400). I mean someting like that, just to make it a little clearer to read. But it does sound promising and looks like it can become great! Keep it up! Hope to see another chapter soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Digital.Simplicity. Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 i think it will be awesome Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Purple Dinosaur Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Character: Name: Napoleon Grey Age: 13 Deck: Zombies Favourite Card: Red-Eyes Zombie Dragon (Actual Card) Appearance: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spire Posted July 31, 2008 Report Share Posted July 31, 2008 Ok, I think you need to know that your title is spelt wrong. It's "Legend" of The Beast. Very, very short. Extend it. Grammer needs alot of work. I'm just trying to help you write a better fanfic. -FE Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twylight Shadow Posted August 2, 2008 Report Share Posted August 2, 2008 pretty cool man Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:|Fallen|:. Posted August 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted August 3, 2008 chater 2 and 3 added Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted August 3, 2008 Report Share Posted August 3, 2008 Let me be honest to you. I don't see the fanfic here. A complete lack of grammar knowledge, no descriptions whatsoever, the spelling outright sucks, and I just can't see anything good about it at all. If anything deserves a 0/10, it's this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted August 3, 2008 Report Share Posted August 3, 2008 Above said it all. I think it is hard to undersyand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zack Blaze Posted August 6, 2008 Report Share Posted August 6, 2008 It doesnt matter how long it is it matters about the Quality. Anyway Great Fan Fic. Loved it so much I read it Twice Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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