bozotehpwns Posted September 26, 2008 Report Share Posted September 26, 2008 So i had posted a snipit of a story i wrote and some people liked it...but it was written as though it was the middle of the book, so i decided to make a "Chapter 1" sort of snipit. Basically if you read the part i posted yesterday then i should clarify this is the Beggining of the story Chapter 1 [spoiler= Vampirical Absess]*Crash* “M'Lord!” “The castle is under siege!” exclaimed the soldier. Another crash sounded out. “M'Lord!” repeated the soldier frantically. “I had heard you the first time” the king said as he stood up. “Gather my guard” the king replied after a long pause. “But M'lord, you can't possibly be thinking of going to fight him!” “And why not!?” the king replied with a glare. “N..No reason m'lord” the soldier stammered. “Good now do as I commanded” the kind ordered. “Aye” the soldier said as he ran off. “Another crash this time accompanied with screams. “Damn you brother” the king whispered to himself. He stood up and walked over to an elegant dinning table, and stared at a sword laying upon it equally as elegant. The sight of it pleased the king so much he smiled a wide smile, letting loose a glimpse of his fangs. “You should have let me bite you” the vampire said, turning to look out the window, at the growing destruction and chaos. The soldier from before rushed in with a handful of elaborately clad guards. “Their here m'lord!” the soldier said. “I see this.” the king replies eying the guards. “No, m'lord...i mean your brother and his army!” This one statement stopped the king just as he was sheathing his sword, after a few moments he began again, sheathing the sword this time much slower. “Right” He said when he had finished. “Then let us be swift!” The king headed for the exit, guards following close behind. “My lo...” came as a gurgle from the other side of the great wooden double doors before him, which had begun to creak as soon as the sound was heard. The guards had just begun to draw their swords when the Vampirical King turned to them speaking softly, “When I am slain...You will fulfill your duty?” “Aye sir, bury the fangs” came the reply of a guard in front. The king content with this answer turned back to the double doors. “ENTER!”he exclaimed and the doors swung open wide. There in the doorway stood a lanky man not much bigger than the king himself. “Dear dear Khale” he spoke, in a low voice with a smile, but his words were laced with sadness, “You should have stayed dead!” the man cried as he charged at the king with a sword that appeared much to large for him. The kings actions were quick and delicate, he flicked his wrist and his sword flashed from its holding place quickly deflecting the brutish downward slash from his opponent. “Still fight like a barbarian, brother” the king remarked slyly. “Still fight like a damned fairy Khale!” the man retorted. With that the king straightened up, put his freed hand behind his back and with one swift motion stabbed his brother in the chest. The stabbed man began bleeding from his mouth with that same smile as before, “You always were the better fighter” he remarked, “But all too kind!” and with that he swung his sword from atop his head straight into his brothers shoulder, coming down in an arc he completely cut his opponent in two. Sparing no hesitation the guard who had spoken out earlier rushed up to his slain king, decapitated his body and ran for a back exit. “Dearest Khale” the killer lamented, “It seems this day I am the victor, but for what price?” With that the man ran out of the doors he entered. The guard stared intently at the tombstone before him trying to decipher it's text. Not wanting to suffer the same fate as his late king, he dropped to his knees and began to dig. Once he felt he had dug far enough he pulled the fangs from the head and dropped them in the hole, quickly filled the hole, mumbled a prayer, and ran off. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SSJ3Goku Posted September 26, 2008 Report Share Posted September 26, 2008 I liked the part you wrote before more but this is still a great chapter. I think you should continue with the book :P Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bozotehpwns Posted September 27, 2008 Author Report Share Posted September 27, 2008 sweet thanks. This is more of a chapter to explain the chapters that will be written later...kinda like when in movies something happens in the beginning and your like WTF that didn't make any sense...then later on events happen and you think to yourself OOOOH that makes sense now:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted September 27, 2008 Report Share Posted September 27, 2008 Spacing could be better. More detail and such Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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