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A Poem by DarkDragonX


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I wrote this poem today, and it is about how I am suffering from the flu right now.

 

Your arms are shaking,

Your heart is breaking,

Everything is bringing you down...

 

Your legs are falling,

Beneath the ceiling,

I wonder where I am right now...

 

Your life is going,

Down, down under,

Where am I going now...

 

Your mind unweaving,

Your feet are leaving,

Into the darkest of dark...

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

I need,

Some sunshine in this life,

Something happy, in this light,

Something to hold, hold as my own,

And I need it now to show...

 

That I need,

My friends beside me,

Something other than the pain and greive,

Something to warmth the cold inside,

And I need it now to show...

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

This life is nothing but, pain and sorrowing,

This life is nothing but, coldness closing in,

This life is nothing but, everything I need,

This life is coming fast, coming to my aid...

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

I need you beside me,

To tell me I'm alright,

I need you beside me,

To help me in this fight.... fight....

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

I hope you guys like it.

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You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

 

Oh God, I'm dying from a disease, QQ MOAR.

 

Sounds like crappy lyrics from some crappy emo band.

 

A. I am NOT Emo.

B. This are MY lyrics, not copied from anywhere.

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Guest JoshIcy

You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

 

[/quote']

 

Then have this locked now.

If you cannot take criticism, you do not belong posting a thread.

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I hope you guys like it. I hope you guys are not jerks and criticize it by saying random things.

 

You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

[/quote']

 

Why did you quote these posts?

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I hope you guys like it. I hope you guys are not jerks and criticize it by saying random things.

 

You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

[/quote']

 

Why did you quote these posts?

 

Observe the inherent contradiction. Initially, you care what others think, but when others criticize you, you immediately claim not to care what anyone else thinks. The truth is that you do care, but are claiming not to, or possibly even don't want to, because nobody likes your attempt at writing poetry.

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I hope you guys like it. I hope you guys are not jerks and criticize it by saying random things.

 

You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

[/quote']

 

Why did you quote these posts?

 

Observe the inherent contradiction. Initially, you care what others think, but when others criticize you, you immediately claim not to care what anyone else thinks. The truth is that you do care, but are claiming not to, or possibly even don't want to, because nobody likes your attempt at writing poetry.

 

Ahem. Read the BOLDED statement.

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I hope you guys like it. I hope you guys are not jerks and criticize it by saying random things.

 

You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

[/quote']

 

Why did you quote these posts?

 

Observe the inherent contradiction. Initially, you care what others think, but when others criticize you, you immediately claim not to care what anyone else thinks. The truth is that you do care, but are claiming not to, or possibly even don't want to, because nobody likes your attempt at writing poetry.

 

Ahem. Read the BOLDED statement.

 

That statement was not in your opening post, and as of right now, it is not (although I suspect you're about to go back and edit it in as a pathetic attempt to cover yourself while trying to make me appear to be the foolish one). At any rate, this proves my point - you only say you care what other people think when they like what you write, and prefer to stick your fingers in your ears (or eyes, since this is a forum) when they're being honest about your writing ability.

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I hope you guys like it. I hope you guys are not jerks and criticize it by saying random things.

 

You have no rhythm in this :/

 

What's your point? I wrote this for me' date=' and not for critics who wanna criticize this.

[/quote']

 

Why did you quote these posts?

 

Observe the inherent contradiction. Initially, you care what others think, but when others criticize you, you immediately claim not to care what anyone else thinks. The truth is that you do care, but are claiming not to, or possibly even don't want to, because nobody likes your attempt at writing poetry.

 

Ahem. Read the BOLDED statement.

 

That statement was not in your opening post, and as of right now, it is not (although I suspect you're about to go back and edit it in as a pathetic attempt to cover yourself while trying to make me appear to be the foolish one). At any rate, this proves my point - you only say you care what other people think when they like what you write, and prefer to stick your fingers in your ears (or eyes, since this is a forum) when they're being honest about your writing ability.

 

The bolded statement was intended in the thread. Infer much?

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Guest JoshIcy

@DarkDragonX: You justified my statement.

It was in merit, as you would have to infer what I said.

 

Go ahead, read your poem. And tell me if there is any rhythm in it. Because there isn't.

You cant read this properly at all...

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Guest JoshIcy

I wrote this poem today' date=' and it is about how I am suffering from the flu right now.

 

[i']Your arms are shaking,

Your heart is breaking,

Everything is bringing you down...

 

Your legs are falling,

Beneath the ceiling,

I wonder where I am right now...

 

Your life is going,

Down, down under,

Where am I going now...

 

Your mind unweaving,

Your feet are leaving,

Into the darkest of dark...

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

I need,

Some sunshine in this life,

Something happy, in this light,

Something to hold, hold as my own,

And I need it now to show...

 

That I need,

My friends beside me,

Something other than the pain and greive,

Something to warmth the cold inside,

And I need it now to show...

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

This life is nothing but, pain and sorrowing,

This life is nothing but, coldness closing in,

This life is nothing but, everything I need,

This life is coming fast, coming to my aid...

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

 

I need you beside me,

To tell me I'm alright,

I need you beside me,

To help me in this fight.... fight....

 

Where does the pain go?

Where does the pain go-o-o-o...

[/i]

 

I hope you guys like it.

 

A little dark' date=' but I dont see why ppl are critisizing you for it< I acctualy like it, granted I AM semi-emo, but hey you are a pretty good poet buddy

[/quote']

 

Bolded is the errors and mess-ups. Even on his attempt.

 

Which is a VAST Majority of his "poem".

There is a few more, but I am lazy... So meh.

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Guest JoshIcy

You guys are missing the point of this thread' date=' I wrote this because I am sick right now. Not to entertain you with a catchy tune and non-EMO lyrics.

[/quote']

 

You are missing the point of a thread.

 

Ooh, and your Stanza's are not even. Making it further difficult to read.

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You guys are missing the point of this thread' date=' I wrote this because I am sick right now. Not to entertain you with a catchy tune and non-EMO lyrics.

[/quote']If you're sick, talk about you being sick

If you're posting a poem, we're rating and commenting on your poem.

But if you insist, I shall

How's your flu?

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