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~: / Yu-Gi-Oh! Song of Domino \:~ Chapter 7 Up! "Wrong again, maggot."

MarbleZone

By MarbleZone
in Creative Writing

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Guest Ixigo

Guest Ixigo

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I concur - created cards are a huge plus for me when I'm reading a fanfic about Yugioh.

 

Concerning the latest addition, it was a good chapter. One problem I spotted was Kodashi's and Nagashi's names that, being similar and at the same time used a lot in rapid succession, became somewhat tiresome. Adding another flavour duel was a very welcome change, and I enjoyed the concept of Counter monsters, but truth be told, most of them are overpowered if you can just throw them out from your deck like that. In my honest opinion, they need vast tweaking to be balanced, either compared to other cards in your story or to real-life cards, but, in the premise of your story, it's more of an annoyance than anything serious.

 

One plot-related problem that made me frown was Kodashi. He's being set up as the stereotypical villain-turn-hero-turn-villain-turn-unimportant-side-character archetype we've seen so many times. Now I'm not saying that you're going for that, but the way the story goes, he seems to be heading that way, so if he ends up differently, it might earn a few blinks.

 

Other than that, well done as always. Expecting the next installment.

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MarbleZone Newbie

MarbleZone

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Thanks for the comment :)

 

This chapter was hard to write. Since english isn't my native tongue it's a bit hard for me to find the words I want at times. And even when I do know the words exist, I usually don't remember them and end up using words that really don't fit, or repeating myself a lot...

 

I didn't notice up until you told me how similar both surnames were, Kodashi and Nagashi - for me the distinction is natural, since I created both characters, but I didn't notice it could be hard for the readers to tell them apart. That said, I'll refer to Nagashi more as Bolt from now on, seeing as he's a friendly character most people end up calling by his first name. Kodashi is an exception, he simply does not call anybody by their first name. :P

 

And speaking of Kodashi, I can guarantee he won't end up as a minor character, if only because I like his deck so much. Nah, kidding. :P

 

Finally, the Counter monsters. They are, simply put, insanely broken. Especially those with easy summoning conditions, such as having the opponent Normal Summon a monster. In real life they'd be immediately banned for more than one reason (not only because they are easy to tech anywhere, but also because they rely solely on punishing an opponent for doing what he's supposed to do), but as you understood, for story purposes, I think they're alright - Bolt doesn't run other monsters besides Counters, so other than swarming, he can't do much with all that free Special Summoning potential. Not only that; since I refrain as much as I can from using real-life cards, easy monster removal is very scarce. Bolt doesn't run Lightning Vortex, Smashing Ground, Mirror Force or any of the other removal cards commonly used in real life decks, which cripples the fast-killing potential of the swarming. Like you said, it's meant to be annoying, an unexpected threat, and that's about it. ;)

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Guest Ixigo

Guest Ixigo

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Thanks for the comment :)

 

This chapter was hard to write. Since english isn't my native tongue it's a bit hard for me to find the words I want at times. And even when I do know the words exist' date=' I usually don't remember them and end up using words that really don't fit, or repeating myself a lot...[/quote']

 

I didn't know that. English not being our first language, we have that in common then. This taken into account, I am able to appreciate your effort and its results more than before. Well done.

 

I didn't notice up until you told me how similar both surnames were' date=' Kodashi and Nagashi - for me the distinction is natural, since I created both characters, but I didn't notice it could be hard for the readers to tell them apart. That said, I'll refer to Nagashi more as Bolt from now on, seeing as he's a friendly character most people end up calling by his first name. Kodashi is an exception, he simply does [i']not[/i] call anybody by their first name. :P

 

It's not much of a noticeable problem, rather than a one-second-pause each time I read one of their names to figure out which one is referenced, which wouldn't be there if they had different ending syllabes. It's sort of annoying if they get repeated so much in a single chapter, but you'd only encounter this problem if they duel against each other or something, so I guess it's not much of a deal.

 

And speaking of Kodashi' date=' I can guarantee he won't end up as a minor character, if only because I like his deck so much. Nah, kidding. :P[/quote']

 

Then, I'd suggest you give us some more insight into his personality, life and behaviour, rather than just his short temper and arrogance, which are both cool-bad-character-turn-gay-sidekick traits. We're already 7 chapters into the story, so lack of character development cannot be overlooked so easily any more.

 

Finally' date=' the Counter monsters. They are, simply put, insanely broken. Especially those with easy summoning conditions, such as having the opponent Normal Summon a monster. In real life they'd be immediately banned for more than one reason (not only because they are easy to tech anywhere, but also because they rely solely on punishing an opponent for doing what he's supposed to do), but as you understood, for story purposes, I think they're alright - Bolt doesn't run other monsters besides Counters, so other than swarming, he can't do much with all that free Special Summoning potential. Not only that; since I refrain as much as I can from using real-life cards, easy monster removal is very scarce. Bolt doesn't run Lightning Vortex, Smashing Ground, Mirror Force or any of the other removal cards commonly used in real life decks, which cripples the fast-killing potential of the swarming. Like you said, it's meant to be annoying, an unexpected threat, and that's about it. ;)

[/quote']

 

Well, even then, I still am a little sceptic. If I were you, I'd change two things - the first being only able to summon Counter monsters from your hand, the second being higher-level ones requiring you to offer up Counter monsters already on your side of the field as a tribute along with the specific requirement. They'd be much more challenging to pull off successfully, and thus more interesting to read especially when used against a hardcore deck like Kodashi's.

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ragnarok1945 Newbie

ragnarok1945

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Thanks! ;)

Most of the cards are months old actually' date=' I decided to write a fanfic some time ago when I realized I could actually use many sets had created as decks for my characters... I figured it'd be more original than using cards that actually exist.

[/quote']

 

Months old? That's nothing new. I've seen fics where most of the cards in a deck are years old

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MarbleZone Newbie

MarbleZone

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And speaking of Kodashi' date=' I can guarantee he won't end up as a minor character, if only because I like his deck so much. Nah, kidding. :P[/quote']

 

Then, I'd suggest you give us some more insight into his personality, life and behaviour, rather than just his short temper and arrogance, which are both cool-bad-character-turn-gay-sidekick traits. We're already 7 chapters into the story, so lack of character development cannot be overlooked so easily any more.

 

Yes, I'm aware Kodashi is one of the least-developed characters thus far, but it's intentional. You won't have to wait much longer though. ;)

 

Finally' date=' the Counter monsters. They are, simply put, insanely broken. Especially those with easy summoning conditions, such as having the opponent Normal Summon a monster. In real life they'd be immediately banned for more than one reason (not only because they are easy to tech anywhere, but also because they rely solely on punishing an opponent for doing what he's supposed to do), but as you understood, for story purposes, I think they're alright - Bolt doesn't run other monsters besides Counters, so other than swarming, he can't do much with all that free Special Summoning potential. Not only that; since I refrain as much as I can from using real-life cards, easy monster removal is very scarce. Bolt doesn't run Lightning Vortex, Smashing Ground, Mirror Force or any of the other removal cards commonly used in real life decks, which cripples the fast-killing potential of the swarming. Like you said, it's meant to be annoying, an unexpected threat, and that's about it. ;)

[/quote']

 

Well, even then, I still am a little sceptic. If I were you, I'd change two things - the first being only able to summon Counter monsters from your hand, the second being higher-level ones requiring you to offer up Counter monsters already on your side of the field as a tribute along with the specific requirement. They'd be much more challenging to pull off successfully, and thus more interesting to read especially when used against a hardcore deck like Kodashi's.

 

Alright, I'll follow your advice and tweak them a bit. The fact Bolt managed to get 5 monsters out in 2 turns (with only one of them being his) is probably a sign that I have to work on that. ;)

 

Again, thanks for the tips and the in-depth comment!

 

Months old? That's nothing new. I've seen fics where most of the cards in a deck are years old

 

I was talking about cards I created myself months ago. I mean, if I wanted to include cards of my own that date back over a year, it'd have to be an insanely broken archetype of Valkyries I posted back in December of 2007... :P

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MarbleZone Newbie

MarbleZone

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My sincerest apologies, I'm working on it at the moment. I was expecting to have a week off after my exams, but college management decided against it and resumed classes immediately after the exam period - now I have one presentation each day of this week, plus a small test on Thursday, so I'm kinda choking at the moment. Still, I'll try to put it up ASAP.

 

Again, apologies for neglecting the fic without a word.

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