pumpkin_972005 Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Previously, on Yu Gi Oh TG! It is the year 3000, and technology has taken over the world, engulfing it in the light of TVs, video games, and others. Of course, Kaiba is no longer there, nor are any of the Yu Gi Oh gang, but KC and Idustrial Illusions rest firm in place. 12-year-old David George is just buying some new Yu Gi Oh cards with his friend, Wesley Gregory, age 12. They walk out the store, where two men in black suits are waiting for them. This is very strange, because everyone's shirt is usually covered with a fabric known as, "genas", which generates light like a lightbulb. "Boys, we're afraid we're going to ask you to come with us," said the men in black. "Nope, sorry, I can't.", said David. He looked in another direction, "Yes, mother?" Wesley pulled David's ear towards him, "Dude, do you know who they are?" "No" "They're the NYC group!" "The New York city cardboard grinders?" "No, the NYCCG, National Yu Gi Oh card Confiscation group!" "Ohhhhhh... LET ME AT 'EM, LET ME AT HIM!!!" David ran to the NYC men, but before Wesley could warn him, one of the NYC men took out a paralyser gun and shot both of them! This is one of the bad things about the TG, there are too many noises to hear somebody stealing you!!! The NYC men took them in one of the local teleporters, entered a secret code to a secret location on the location dashboard, and vaporized them there. It was a very strange place, it was dark, rocky, and wet. I know this wouldn't be weird to you, but the boys had never seen a cave in their lives! They had all been demolished. Anyway, sitting in a tall chair was a man with a big beard. He was quite fat. he was dressed like the NYCCG boss that was always shown on the news warnings. "Hello, boys. Have a seat," he said, pointing at two chairs. "Um, sir, they're paralyzed," said one of the men, unparalyzing the boys as they sat down. "Ah, yes. Well, boys, I hear you are the top worst students at duel academy?"David open his mouth in an insulting form to answer, but the man said, "I know you are. Just tell me, what is that on your neck?" On David's neck was the necklace he had always worn, containing a gift he had received from his grandfather, a Blue-Eyes White Dragon. "Oh, just a card my grandfather gave me, I'm sure it's of no value, three were given out from Seto Kaiba when he died to Mokuba, then to his three children, etc." he replied. "Well, let me tell you boys about a little story. One day, in the year 2011, Pegasus found the tablet of a very powerful card, and after doing some research, found out that it was a creature that was in the middle of the triange that the god cards were drawn on, so it must be the fourth god card. Pegasus hid it away in a camber room, where we're in, and created a huge vault to conceal a card that he had created ff that creature. His last will states that only the Blue-Eyes White Dragon that Kaiba first summoned against Yugi, Yugi's Dark Magician, and his Toon Red-Eyes Black Dragon were the only thins that could properly open it without damaging the card, and, my boy, you and I both have one of those cards," he said, showing them his Red-Eyes Toon Dragon. "So, you want my grandpa's card, huh? Well let's duel for it!!!", said David while putting his BEWD in his deck. "A good response, my boy," laughed the man as he activated his duel disk. DUELBoss of NYCCG:4000David:4000 "I'll go first," said the Boss of NYCCG. "I summon Bloody Deathman (ATK: 2000). Then, I activate the spell, "Quick Attack", three times! Unfortunately, my monster's ATK becomes 1200 when it attacks, and when a spell card is activated I can't conduct my battles due to it's effect, so I'll set a card. It's your turn. (David:400) "I Draw!", David shouted. "I summon, "Super Sorcerer: Forace" in ATK mode by discarding three cards. (ATK:2300) Next, I activate "Sorcerer Enchantment: Double Power"! It allows me to summon another sorceror-type monster to the field from my hand, such as "Super Sorcerer: Apprentice" (ATK:1200) now my sorcerers, attack!!!" "Not so fast, I activate the trap card called Bloody Choice; here it is, you can either let me take a card from your deck and lose LP equal to that monster's ATK, ending your turn, OR letting me attack your lifepoints directly with my monster right now! Either way, you lose your BEWD!", said the Boss of NYCCG. David and Wesley gasped. To Be Continued And,now, EPISODE 2!!! "What? That is so not fair!", said David. "Even if you take my Blue-Eyes from my deck you won't lose, but if you attack, I lose!" "HAHAHA! You can't stop me from picking your blue eyes white dragon. You might as well let me take it right now!", said the boss of the NYCCG. "Fine. Take it. (Boss of NYCCG: 1000) I'll just end my turn," said David. "My move. I draw, and then I activate this spell card, "Card of Sanctity", which allows us to draw until we have 6 cards each. And also, oh, I love this part, I activate 2 cost downs, so by discarding 2 cards, I can summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon!", said the boss of NYCCG. "Oh, (hehe) and then I activate the spell card called Fake Toon World!!! So by paying all of my LP until they reach 1, and I can summon a Toon moster that loses its effect about having to have Toon World on the field!!! And then, I activate IT'S effect... by destroying a monster, I can attack your LP directly with a non-tune monster, at no extra charge!!!", the boss laughed. "So, go! Attack his LP! WHITE LIGHTNING!!!" David closed his eyes and blocked his face as the huge dragon roared, opening its mouth, and then, strangely, slowly fading away... "Wha???", he said "WHO TURNED OFF OUR DUEL DISKS!!!???", shouted the boss. "I did, and I did it for a good reason, to teach you men a lesson!!!", a mysterious man said. tO BE CONTINUED Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Uh, unoriginal fail story is unoriginal and fail. That's all I can say. Not only is the plot utterly uninspired, even the details fail. Really. First off, we start with our bland, utterly nondescript (literally; we don't know a damn thing about them), protagonists dueling some goons, when A MYSTERIOUS MAN *gasp!* shows up, trounces them, and leaves. Second, there's no character development. There's no development of any kind, for that matter. The most we know about our surroundings is that people wear glowing clothes. That's it. Read a good book (I recommend Mercedes Lackey, Andre Norton, or, best of all, the combination of the two), then compare and contrast to what you have. Bring your stuff up to speed at the end. Thirdly, even if this is just a showcase for Duels, at least make the cards worthwile. Not a single card you showed up was worth playing in a real Deck. And worse, you showed up too many miracle draws to be true. I've had my share of "miracle draws" in my dueling career, mostly through playing the odds, selectively thinning my Deck, and using a helluva lot of draw power. But honestly, people draw only random cards. The only way (and reason) the Big Apple guy or whoever he was happened to get an opening hand containing two copies of Cost Down, three copies of Quick Attack (WHICH IS BANNED), and one copy of Bloody Choice, plus /happening/ to draw Card of Sanctity and some Toon monster (WHICH YOU NEVER NAMED) next turn, is through stacking (read: cheating). Wow, the more I critique it, the more it seems to fail. That's bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 David gets saved simply because the duel disks deactivated? This is much like Joey, using luck to win or at least prevent losing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Even crappy-ff-reviewer thinks this is bad? Wow. Guess I was right. Just start over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 Don't start over. It's still an enjoyable fic, we just need to see more of it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:|Fallen|:. Posted November 27, 2008 Report Share Posted November 27, 2008 i like it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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