Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 :?: ok this is my first fan-fic so dont laugh. [align=center]The rising of the dragons The journey we see a dark figure then suddenly a bright light floods over just before we hear the words "i'm waiting." Jesse suddenly sits up in bead covered in cold sweat. He looks nervously around the room and murmurs to himself "no it can't be not again." He has had this dream before first when his parents died, then when his sister was framed for a murder and sentanced to a life in jail, and most recently when his best friend joe had been killed a murder at a duel tournament. Right after he had the dreams he would have a vision that would tell when and where it would happen but not by who or how. So he decided to go on alone to protect the ones around him, with only his duel monster cards for family.He entered evryone of kaiba's tournoments and this one was no diferent, but all the best duelists around the world are coming and to kick off the tournoment there was going to be a tag seto kaiba and yugi moto against yusei fudo and jaden yuki. Roland shouted oout TIME TO DUEL and the duel started. Seto and Yugi 8000lp vs. Yusei and Jaden 8000lp. Seto: Hahaha this duel is over before it evan began now go lord of d. in atack mode (atk 1200) and now ill play two flute of summoning drgon the summon three blue eyes white dragon in attack mode (3000 atk) I end my turn.yusei: ill set three cards face down and now ill play one face down monster (sonic chick def 900 efect this card cannot be destroyed by a monster with more than 1900 atk) that'l slow you down so i'll end my turn.Yugi: i draw now i play black luster ritual by sending kuriboh and gaia the feirce knight to summon black luster soilder and now ill play two polymerazations to fuse kaiba's blue eyes toghether and the fuse that to my black lustersoldier to summon dragon master champian in atk mode (5000 atk) now ill play sukerpunch and equip it to my dragon now when it destroys one of yours my monsters atk is taken out of your life points now i play card readout i get rid of my hand and for however many cards i got rid of i take that much damage and i got rid of 2 cards now i play mega-morph dragon master is now at 10,000 atk points now atack!Yusei: hahaha not a chance i activate ultimate sacrafice when my life points would have hit zero in one attack both of our life points are dropped down to 1 and the attackind monster is destroyed.Kaiba and yugioh: Noooo how did this happen Jaden now i play ultimate fusion we pay half of our life points .5lp to summon all of my fusion monsters in my extra deck that have hero in its name mariner, wingman, electrum and all my others so now i play hero's sacrafice now all my cards on the feild except mariner so he has infinate atk. now win the duel!kaiba: not so fast desruction ring now we both take 1000 points of damage!All: ITS A TIE!!!!!!!!!Roland: alright folks that was an exciting duel so now we start the tournoment (all the crowd screaming) To be continued.......[/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 can you space it out more? Think this is great, but it's a little hard to read Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.arx Posted December 3, 2008 Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 Kay... A little messed up in the middle but... It's still good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 3, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 3, 2008 ok thx i dont know wat happened ro itok here is the next chapter The rising of the dragons chapter 2 the destiny of jesseWe are in a dark hallway a lightning stroke comes down and you see a window and outside of it is raining but more importantly a dark figure says three words its your destiny. Bam! Jesse falls out of bed and hits his nightstand knocking all his cards on the ground "ughhhhhhh not another dream." He looks at his clock 4:57 oh well he thinks no use going back to bed now. He turns on a light and sees his cards scattered all over the ground so he starts picking them up he counts 46 cards in his deck "what!" i only have 45 cards in my deck, So he looks through his deck to discover that the new card was none other than the legendary..... My apoleies this chapter was meant to be longer but i didn't have alot of time ill continue this chapter later on tonight thanks for understanding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
:ABC: Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 i think it is very good start also try using microsoft word so your words are correct all the time.:D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 chapter 2 (cont'd)jesse's destiny the legendary card was kuriboh "wat the heck this is a waist of time" he said angrily, he flings the card across the room and it lands in a paper shredder and hundreds of card peices shoot out. Just then a bright light fills the room the card peices started forming together to form three new cards the atomic gods!!! What are these cards? suddenly a voice booms from overhead THESE ARE THE ATOMIC GODS RIOKKEKE THE GOD OF PROTONS (ATK 5600, DEF 6500), ZOGJI THE GOD OF NUETRONS (ATK ???, DEF ???), AND PESBI THE GOD OF ELECTRONS ( ATK xxxx, DEF xxxx) wow these will go perfect with my atom deck. NOT ONLY THAT the voice said THESE WILL HELP PUT A STOP TO YOUR DREAMS AND PUT THE SPIRIT TO REST FOREVER!!!! But how..... (sigh) he's gone but i have these awsome new cards for the tounament. Jesse got dresed in his usual jeans, black hoddie and sneakers. He walked to the kaiba maze for the tounament. A giant screen flickered to life in front of the kaiba maze seto's face showed up and he explained the rules of this tounament " only 4 duelists in the maze at a time each person will have a partner one team will start on the east entrance and the other on the west. The object is to play and hide your spell, trap and monster cards in the maze for your opponent to trip while tryind to find the other teams flag. If either you or your teammate's life points hit zero or you run out of cards you automaticly lose. Ok here are your numbers find the person with the same as you go duel finder match one is Jesse 87 a boy right here from our city and his partner is arenz a filipino girl coming here on a duel visa and they will be playing joe O'pat (Jesse: no it can't be hes dead.) with Salene a mexican girl from mexico city now start the match Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 still a little hard to read, also the chaps a bit on the short end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
:ABC: Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 it is kind of fast paced in this chapter, also you should change so that a person would give him the cards,and one at a time as he gains the strengh to use them, but you dont have to edit it if you dont want.:Dis pretty nice chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 ok i know its was short i didn't have much time and how do u know ray yugi that someone still wont Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 just re-read chapter 1. Try to slow down the pace a little, seems almost like you were trying to end the chap as soon as possible. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 ok i will Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 will another chapter go up today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nnoitra Jiruga Posted December 4, 2008 Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 Nice but you need to work on your spelling a little bit 8/10 you did great! ^_^ and also you should make those 3 atomic legends in the cardmaker and post a picture or i could provide it for you but i dont want to mess woth your story :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 4, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 4, 2008 Bang! rolands gun goes off to signal the start the match, jesse and arenz run into the maze jesse: i play atom detonator in atk (0 when this card is destroyed take away half of your opponents life points.) now hide up in the air and i play atomic breakdown this card means that atom detonater can no longer be seen while it is above the maze. Arenz: ok nice i play one card face down ( ancient destructor when this card is actived l lower your opponents life points by half as long as u lower yours by the same amout: Joe okay jesse lets see how u like my new deck since you always beat my old one i play the reavelence now all there face down cards are shown to us. okay lets see here hmph just the ancient destructor o well not a total loss. Salene: i play pupet maker in atk mode (atk 2400 u must offer 1 monster with pupet in its name and all spell efects are negated.) okay now fly up in the air and air battle with atom detonater. Jesse + selene: Air battle Go! jesse: i attack with atom destructor Selene: wat !! oh well take your damage jesse: ha ha ha (smiles a evil grin) now take yours!!!! selene: AHhhhhhhhhhhhh no. lp 4000 jesse: ughhhh. lp 5600 Joe ill hide 4 face down cards here here and here he says whille touching the desired locations on the map. Arenz: hey jesse we made it to the center of the maze jesse: ya we did but now we have to be even more careful as soon as we cross the center line anything can happen. arenz: wat do u think they have in store for us jesse? jesse: if im right then we are in serious trouble. arenz: wat do u mean? jesse: i hope u never have to find out. lets go okay ( as soon as they step over the line joe's trap activavtes) jesse: hmph i activate trap jammer i discard my death card to negate your trap. whoosh the card is blown out of the maze. Jesse and arenz continue through the maze when suddenly they meet selene and joe! Joe: hmph look wat we have here lets duel ill pay 2000 life points for the duel 4000-2000= 2000lp wat will u pay ? Jesse: we'll play 3000-5600=2600 all: duel on!!!! to be continued... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 5, 2008 Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 interesting duel so far. Better than your previous chap. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nnoitra Jiruga Posted December 5, 2008 Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 yeah nice duel,you doing pretty good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jace Beleren Posted December 5, 2008 Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 nicekeep it up Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 everyone thanks for all the supporthere are the atomic god cards supplied by cyrstal skull http://img81.imageshack.us/img81/7244/169818wq5.jpg [/img] http://img146.imageshack.us/img146/5773/169818gr8.jpg [/img] http://img100.imageshack.us/img100/6393/169818aq4.jpg [/img]im writing up the next chapter it will be up today or tomarrow Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nnoitra Jiruga Posted December 5, 2008 Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 yay new chapter yay. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 5, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2008 ok and i was looking on the rules and u have to be 1 month old to give reps so im srry i cant give anymore reps until than and anyone can use my characters from my fanfic just pm me first and ill give u the full rules Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 Yay everyone i just got my first egyption god cards!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted December 6, 2008 Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 which one, and you going to put it into the fic? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jesse andersen Posted December 6, 2008 Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 your fic is getting good right more when you can jesse anderson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nnoitra Jiruga Posted December 6, 2008 Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 ok and i was looking on the rules and u have to be 1 month old to give reps so im srry i cant give anymore reps until than and anyone can use my characters from my fanfic just pm me first and ill give u the full rulesno wonder why it was becoming so easy to give reps but now YCmaker is probably thinking lets stop the rep spamming by having to be a month old to rep then the 2 star and below members are probably thinking omfg what the hell?!yeah anyways your fanfic is becoming nice!Yay everyone i just got my first egyption god cards!!!!!! *cough*lucky*cough* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted December 6, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 6, 2008 thx by the why i have all three god cards ok here is the rising of the dragons chapter 4 jesse: i'll start this duel off, first i'll play quick sac so i can sacrafice monsters on the turn they were summoned now i play triple summon so i can sumon three times in one turn. So come out atom spliter in atk (2100 atk.) then atom blocker in face up defense (def 2850) then atom enlarger in attack ( 1550) now give your attack to atom spliter 2100+1550= 3650 atk. So i sacrafice atom enlarger and five cards from the top of my deck to summon riogkeke the god of protons in atk (5600 atk.) A giant plus sign came shooting out of his duel disk and then a body grew out of the plus sign it had many heads and it had a snake body. Joe: what 5600 atk points!!! Jesse: i end. Selene: i draw, go pupet theif in def (atk 1000 def ? ) pupet feind take riokeke's atk to your def. ?= def 5600 Joe: nice move selene. Selene: go. Arenz: nice try selene but u just screwed yourself. I summon ancient 12 in atk ( atk 1700) now i play future sight so my ancient 12's atk is doubled 1700x2=2400 now i play weapon change on pupet theif 5600 atk def 1000 now i play stat swap on anceint 12 and pupet theif so now swap stats ancient 12=atk 5600 def 1000, pupet theif= atk 900 def 2400 now i activate riokeke's efect i get rid of ancient muscle and weapon change to get rid of all of selene's feild Selene: nooooooooooo!!!!!!!! arenz: attack for the duel Joe and selene: aghhhhhh 2000-5600=0 Roland shouts from the helecopter: okay duelists jesse and arenz won so everyone in the helecopter. Jesse: okay joe how are you alive i saw u die? Joe: HA HA HA who says im alive he says with a wicked laugh and a twisted smile. As he said this a black soul floated from joe's body and his liefless body fell from the helecopter "nooooooo" selene reached out to grab him but she reached out to far and she fell out. Jesse looked down and saw them plumeting to the ground To be continued.....yeah i bought them from ebay Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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