Navras Posted December 11, 2008 Report Share Posted December 11, 2008 ok, under ecomendation, i am starting a thread on little bits an pieces of writing that i come up with. I'll put on new things every now and then and have different links to different threads for different things. (short stories, haikus, ECT.) for now, im just gonna write down a few poems and i'd like some critisism on them. i hope you like. EVERYBODY KNOWS Everybody knows that the days are loadedEverybody rolls with thier fingers crossedEverybody knows the war is overEverybody knows that good guys lostEverybody knows the fight was fixedThe poor stay poor and the rich get richThat's just how it goes, Everybody knowsEverybody knows that the boat is leackingEverybody knows the captain liedEverybody got this broken feelingLike a father, or a dog just diedEverybody ralks to thier pocketsEverybody wants a box of chocolatesAnd a long stem rose, Everybody knows. I AM NOTHINGI am nothingCan't you seeI am nothingNothing to beThe wind blows upon me, but i do no t feelWords try to haunt me, but i am not realWater flows beneath me, but i do not sinkThe say i am a mad man, but i cannot thinkEverything is nothingNothing is anythingSo if anything is everythingThen nothing is everythingWe are all nothingsWe are not realWe do not sinkDo not think, do not feel Let's start off with two. I hope you like. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fog38 Posted December 13, 2008 Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 In the first one you wrote 'day' but I think you meant 'dice'.Your poems are really well written, although both very dark and hopeless. I would suggest writing something out of your rang in order to test yourself. I already know you can write poems well, but try your hand at a short story, or a happy poem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Navras Posted December 13, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 13, 2008 i just wrote those to write, besides, i wrote when i was sad. no, i meant day.I am nothing isn't hopeless, if you rad the last few lines and thought about them hard, it means that just because you seem to have nothing and it seems that you're not important, don't be sad. Everyone is just as important as anyone else. i got a happy one now. Summer WindsWisp by my earsPass by the peersFloat through the dayHover towards nightSmell the flowers and hear the callsHear the water at the water fallFeel the breeze and touch the windRejoice in happinessRejoice at the end Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jovi Siagian Posted December 14, 2008 Report Share Posted December 14, 2008 Umm, this thread is only for fan fic. Fan Fic means story. Poem =/= Story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Umbra Posted December 14, 2008 Report Share Posted December 14, 2008 Poetry is allowed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fog38 Posted December 15, 2008 Report Share Posted December 15, 2008 Any more poems or writings? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Navras Posted December 17, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 i got a few.... I'M ALIVE Livng through darknessBreathing in soundTasteing the windSeeing the groundTo live is to dieTo die means to liveLife is a journey to the graveSo why not try to giveTo change ones self should be demisedI think I'd rather dieSo be true, not blue, and live a lifeTo be proud and say I'm alive Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fog38 Posted December 17, 2008 Report Share Posted December 17, 2008 Very good. I really like your work Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Navras Posted December 24, 2008 Author Report Share Posted December 24, 2008 Thanks well, while i'm still going on about poetry, here's an award winnning one for the people that still look at this thread, A SITTING PLACE Here I sitJust day by dayNever ever movingAlways here to stayA feeling of compressionA tought that i'm not safe I just feel insecurityIn my sitting placeStopped and helped by no oneCompletely out of sightAlways here to stayOn my sitting nights Blindness in braod day lightEven when i'm not blindThe grip on me tightensFor one eternal bindSo here I'll sitUntil the grip gives waySitting on my sitting spotDay and day by day Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanAtlus Posted December 28, 2008 Report Share Posted December 28, 2008 Really Deep...Nice!Plz read my fanfic! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zimiri of the Muse Posted January 4, 2009 Report Share Posted January 4, 2009 i really like all of them Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Navras Posted January 10, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 10, 2009 i gots a new one!!! WE ARE NUMB I see the worldI see the the baitI see a man give it a tasteI see the man get taken awayYes i have this flag of hatredBut they're the one's who made itI hear the Whispers in the darkIn the rain I see the sparkFeel the beating of my heartMy fleeting hope is dose departSo we march to the drums of the damned as we goI watch it burn in the sun 'Cause we are numb. i try to find my really big notebook full of poems to post here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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