..:Grimmjow:.. Posted January 13, 2009 Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 Yea... so here it is For you a Fire blazes in my heart So strong that theembers alone couldbring a thousand hottubs to a boil So intense that itcauses snowmen everwhere to despair Let the bonfire of my love wrap you in its warmth Only your kiss couldquench the flamesthat so consume me To you I pledge my love, my desire, my life Its gonna be in my love story so please rate it!@! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zorc: The Dark One Posted January 13, 2009 Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 1 problem.you wroteTo you I plede my love, my desire, my lifeit should beTo you I pledge my love, my desire, my life When i was reading this poem i nearly got heart failure.9/10 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..:Grimmjow:.. Posted January 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 O thanks for the error check I wrote it to fast lol. ^__^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OMGAKITTY Posted January 13, 2009 Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 So intense that itcauses snowmeneverwhere to despair 1. It's everywhere2. I think it's a lame stanza...you can do better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
..:Grimmjow:.. Posted January 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted January 13, 2009 lol Yea I guess I can do better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Marisa Kirisame-ze Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 Pretty good poem, just the stanza structure could be changed a bit more, or think of words that ryme more then the ones you have chosen. Be creative, but after all, it is your poem, your life, and it was nice. ^-^ The Crimson One,Miranda-chan Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 quite good, but Fire Haze is right. You might want to make it rhyme a little better Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zeroshot Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 quite good' date=' but Fire Haze is right. You might want to make it rhyme a little better[/quote'] Poems don't have to rhyme -_- However, your writing is poorly done.Some things, like the hot tub, doesn't make sense. You also misspelled a 2nd grade wurd. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raelen Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 S-A-P-P-Y I know it's a love poem, but whole thing through "hot tub" to "snowmen" is pretty stupid.Also, from my point of view, it sound's like you're actually on fire. No one wants to get hugged by a bonfire. (Referring to the "let the bonfire of my love..." part) I'd try again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ragnarok1945 Posted January 14, 2009 Report Share Posted January 14, 2009 quite good' date=' but Fire Haze is right. You might want to make it rhyme a little better[/quote'] Poems don't have to rhyme -_- However, your writing is poorly done.Some things, like the hot tub, doesn't make sense. You also misspelled a 2nd grade wurd. True, but most poems you either rhyme it or not at all, not somewhere in between Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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