The Eternal Conflict

[Luna Lovegood]

But then they heard a crashing sound.

“Wha-what?” stammered Alisha.

“Hunters.” Replied The Light Teacher simply.

As if in answer to Alisha’s silent questions' date=' a door came crashing down and a seemingly ordinary dog walked in. The moment it’s tail crossed the threshold it started changing. Becoming bigger, more human like. When it stopped, it was 9 feet tall. It looked more wolfish then anything else. It had huge muscles, and fur covered its entire body. It had a snout, instead of a mouth and nose. It’s eyes were like slits. Then it moved. It’s claws were like steel knives. They sliced through the closet next to them. It was obvious that this beast was powerful. Then, it did something unexpected. It started howling. Like a wolf would at the moon.

“It’s calling it’s master.” Said the Light Teacher.

“Whose that?” asked Sofie.

“Let’s just say, you don’t want to know.”

But then, the room filled with darkness. A pure blackness, impenetrable by any amount of light.

“Did someone call?” a gruff voice said.

The darkness vanished just like it had come. Behind it, a man stood. The man was tall and slender and his eyes dark. His appearance was not usual though; he wore a long black cloak with a hood covering his hair, it went all the way down to the ground but let up just to see his sandals.

“Hello, Dorothy. I see you have some friends. Care to make introductions?” he said.

“Zariath.” said The Light Teacher. A ball of energy zoomed towards the stranger. He flicked it away lazily. It crashed into a wall, causing a charred burn mark.

“I thought better of you.” He said with a yawn.

“Zergo Watho Erbonilta Garther Floerum Zion.”

“Nope.” said the mystery man. With another wave of his hand, he stopped the spell.

“Just the same as last time, eh? What do you go by now?” asked The Light Teacher.

“Haven’t really chosen yes. For now, The Magician.” he said.

[/quote']

 

Discuss the snippet of my novel. PM me for more details

[Neiko]

It's ok, I guess. However I did find some errors. You use "Its" with a ' trying to make it possesive. But "its" only gets a ' when you're trying to say "it is". Otherwise it's just "Its".

 

Let's look at one sentence.

 

“It’s calling it’s master.” Said the Light Teacher.

"It's" is the contraction for either "It is" or "It has"

If we say it how you put it would come out like this:

 

"It is calling it is master." Said the Light Teacher.

 

The first "It's" was fine, the seconded needs to be rid of the '.

 

“Whose that?” asked Sofie.

This is also wrong. This "who" is used when asking something like:

 

"Whose food is that?" or something. In this case we need "Who's" which stands for "Who is".

 

"Who is that?" asked Sofie.

Much better.

 

“Haven’t really chosen yes. For now, The Magician.” he said.

In this one I think you mean't "yet" instead of "yes"?

 

That's just a few though. You may have been aware of these errors. Maybe not. But I thought I'd help you out anyway.

 

 

Overall it's pretty good. Good job.

(Unfortunatley I can't provide much of a review for you, sorry.)

[Luna Lovegood]

It's ok' date=' I guess. However I did find some errors. You use "Its" with a ' trying to make it possesive. But "its" only gets a ' when you're trying to say "it is". Otherwise it's just "Its".

 

Let's look at one sentence.

 

[b']“It’s calling it’s master.” Said the Light Teacher.[/b]

"It's" is the contraction for either "It is" or "It has"

If we say it how you put it would come out like this:

 

"It is calling it is master." Said the Light Teacher.

 

The first "It's" was fine, the seconded needs to be rid of the '.

 

“Whose that?” asked Sofie.

This is also wrong. This "who" is used when asking something like:

 

"Whose food is that?" or something. In this case we need "Who's" which stands for "Who is".

 

"Who is that?" asked Sofie.

Much better.

 

“Haven’t really chosen yes. For now, The Magician.” he said.

In this one I think you mean't "yet" instead of "yes"?

 

That's just a few though. You may have been aware of these errors. Maybe not. But I thought I'd help you out anyway.

 

 

Overall it's pretty good. Good job.

(Unfortunatley I can't provide much of a review for you, sorry.)

 

I havn't reviewed the grammar of this part yet

[Neiko]

You should. You are putting it here to be criticsized, so, you want it to look top quality. To get the best possible reviews of course. Once again, sorry that I cannot provide any more information on the subject.

 

I know this probably wasn't the first posts you were looking for.

[Luna Lovegood]

Na, but I just wrote that bit this week.