JesusofChaos™ Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 No known species of reindeer can fly. But there are roughly 300,000 species of living organisms yet to be classified. While most of these are insects and germs, this does not rule out flying reindeer - though Santa and my uncle Ralph, in his drinking days, are the only people who've ever seen one. There are two billion children (small people under the age of 18) in the world. But since Santa doesn't (appear to) handle most non-Christian children, that reduces the workload to about 15 per cent of the total (roughly 378 million according to the Population Reference Bureau). At a rate of say, 3.5 children per household, that's 91.8 million homes. One presumes there's at least one good kid in each. Santa has 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the earth, assuming he travels east to west. That's 822.6 visits per second. For each eligible household, Santa has 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, put presents under the tree, eat any snacks, kiss mommy when available, get back up the chimney, hop in the sleigh and move on. Assuming each of these 91.8 million stops are evenly distributed around the earth, we're now talking about 0.78 miles per household - a total trip of 75.5 million miles, not counting stops to let Santa and the reindeer do what most of us must do at least once every 31 hours. This means Santa's sleigh moves at 650 miles per second, or 3,000 times the speed of sound. The fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles a second (a conventional reindeer, by the way, can run 15 miles per hour, tops). Assuming each child gets nothing more that a medium-sized Lego set (two pounds), the sleigh is carrying 321,300 tons, not counting overweight Santa. Conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting flying reindeer could pull 10 times the normal amount, Santa would need 214,200 reindeer. This increases the payload (not counting the sleigh) to 353,430 tons, or four times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth II. 353,000 tons travelling at 650 miles a second creates enormous air resistance, which would heat the reindeer to incandescence in the same fashion as spacecraft or meteors entering the earth's atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer will absorb 14.3 quintillion joules of energy per second. Each. In short, they will burst into flame almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms. The entire team will be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. Santa, meanwhile, will be subjected to centrifugal reaction forces of 17,500.06 gravities. A 250-pound Santa (a wee bit of an underestimate) would be pinned to the back of his sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force. The Internet originator's conclusion to the above: "If Santa ever did deliver presents on Christmas Eve, he's dead now." Note: I did not write this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black_LIGHT Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Wow.I was expecting a mockery of Santa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 At least it's a cool way to die. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dark Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Holy ****. I understood all of that except the last part about them blowin' up. So why do our parents lie to us. Note: I did not have a sufficient enough reply to this thread, it was too epic for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TrickyPooBoy Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Well, there goes my opinion... and yes, I read the whole thing... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuldur Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JoshIcy Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. That's because you don't believe. There I beat you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Skuldur Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. That's because you don't believe. There I beat you. Believing in something that you can't see or feel is not logical thinking. There I beat you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iKiller Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Surprisingly I wrote a song about this on Christmas Eve... I'll make the music video for it then wait for it to hit the Christmas #1's! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CrabHelmet Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. That's because you don't believe. There I beat you. Believing in something that you can't see or feel is not logical thinking. There I beat you. I can see and feel magic. You just can't because you are a mundane mortal human, and the magic doesn't want to be seen by people like you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
iKiller Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. That's because you don't believe. There I beat you. Believing in something that you can't see or feel is not logical thinking. There I beat you. I don't believe that one person can beat another in words such as this. Ha, beat you! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TAG Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 I don't care what anyone else says. The thought of that last paragraph actually happening is rather amusing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dragon Master Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. That's because you don't believe. There I beat you. Believing in something that you can't see or feel is not logical thinking. There I beat you. I don't believe that one person can beat another in words such as this. Ha' date=' beat you![/quote'] You underestimate the power of words Ha! I beat you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LuigiFan#1 Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Magic is bogus. There i beat it. That's cuz ur a Muggle HA! BEAT U WITH A FRYING PAN AND AN ANVIL TO BOOT! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~ P O L A R I S ~ Posted January 28, 2009 Report Share Posted January 28, 2009 I was expecting "he'd be dead because of people who left their fireplaces on" and was disappointed to find this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OMGAKITTY Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Santa is more like the Zerg Hivemind. He actually has thousands upon thousands of little drone Santa's who do his bidding. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luna Lovegood Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Santa is Magic. You are not. Magic people know magic. You do not. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
~ P O L A R I S ~ Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 All Christmas celebrating parents are enslaved little drone Santas. Fixed. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monkey Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Poor Santa, he gets crushed by gravity... Poor Reindeer, they get scorched and burnt into ashes... Oh well, at least my parents still give me the presents thy Santa gives :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
+Jono Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Unbeatable counterargument 2: Santa can freeze/stretch time and he and his reindeer are fireproof, super strong and super fast and the reindeer, sleigh & Santa are not affected by anything bad. In other words: Unbeatable counterargument: he's magic. Santa's magic is so epic, people like Riku cannot understand it. @ Riku: lrn2santa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bloodrun Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Um, the word, DUH comes to mind... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITI3L33 Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 Ouch! That's gonna leave a mark in the morning. But there could be a whole army of fake Santas or other fat guys pretending to be santa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Revan Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 I showed this to 1 7-year old, and explained what everything means. He started bawling! Hilarious! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ITI3L33 Posted January 29, 2009 Report Share Posted January 29, 2009 I showed this to 1 7-year old' date=' and explained what everything means. He started bawling! Hilarious![/quote'] Lol.Tell him to explain this to his class if he is not homeschooled.Watch what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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