.Requiem Posted February 22, 2009 Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 Okay then, you should be a little more descriptive with the gundam. Like what it looks like. That would make your righting a lot better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted February 22, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 22, 2009 Yeah i really should do that. Well I am working on part two, though its pretty hard since I have intense writer's block right now. @o0destro0o: I put him in AEU because he has a Gundam Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted February 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 Well I was doing this when I had writer's block. So it may be not as good as i think it will be. [spoiler= Chapter 6:The Evicted Part 2: The Message] Sumeragi, Feldt, Haris, and the others waited at the briefing room for Lockon. They suddenly have a message from him. Sumeragi: An urgent message from Lockon? Wonder what this is about. Sumeragi opened the message and heard sounds of things exploding and some shots fired. Lockon: This is Lockon Stratos. I am with Saiya and I am requesting backup. We are against a Gundam from 100 years ago. I’m sending you the picture. The picture showed Angel Gundam with the GN wings activated. Sumeragi’s heart skipped a beat. Sumeragi: Oh my god. That Gundam is so familiar. Setsuna: How does it look familiar? Allelujah: It looks like Wing Zero but the color scheme is different. Its all white. Haris: Not only that it looks stronger. Sumeragi: I won’t let another one of Celestial Being die. Tieria, Allelujah, and Setsuna, get into your Gundams and head towards Lockon’s position. Another alert sounded and Sumeragi turned on the screen and saw Black Viper Gundam attacking an AEU base. It had two snake mouths for hands and had a cobra neck for a head and was colored completely black. Sumeragi: Damn it! This is really annoying! Haris and Nena, I want you to intercept Viper Gundam. Before another alarm sounds again, Marie, Saji, Lasse, Feldt, I want you to go after Gundam Shinobi. As everyone left to the hangars, Sumeragi took a bottle of sake from the desk and took a sip out of the bottle. Sumeragi: This job is really giving me a headache. Allelujah, Tieria, and Setsuna flew towards Lockon’s position. When they got there, they noticed that Gundam Ion’s cockpit was empty. Allelujah: Something isn’t right. Where are Lockon and Saiya? Tieria: Wait? Haro is still in there. Setsuna: Keep your eyes peeled guys. This may be an ambush. They kept looking around. After a few minutes they found something on their radar. The radar showed a small passenger ship. They activated the GN cloaking. As the ship got closer, a Gundam was behind it, cloaking itself from their radar. As the ship passed, they turned off their cloaking. Tieria: Well looks like that was a little too pre-cautious Allelujah: Yeah, but still we have to find Lockon and Saiya. Setsuna: something isn’t right here… Before they knew it, all of their Gundam’s weapons and arms were slashed off. The mystery Gundam turned off its cloaking and revealed it to be Gundam Shinobi. The Gundam was colored black with each arm colored red and had two Buster Swords on its back. The boy inside there sent a transmission to the Meisters. Boy: Well, well, well. And to think that these Gundams are able to beat their successors. Setsuna: You’re just a kid. How are you able to use a Celestial Being’s Gundam as if you learned your whole life? Tieria: And what is your name? Boy: I have no name. But if you must call me something, it will be Adam. Adam used Shinobi Gundam’s Trans Am. The GN particles became a cloak around it and the color turned from black to red. Adam: LET’S DO THIS! In the Innovators’ base, Ribbons and Shen threw Lockon and Saiya into separate cells. The girl that piloted Angel Gundam walked up to Ribbons. Girl: So what’s going to happen to those two. Ribbons: All will be known in due time Izumi. Shen, prepare a private room for Lockon Stratos and me. Shen: Yes Master Ribbons. As Shen left, Izumi looked at Saiya through the cell. Izumi: What about her, Ribbons? What are you going to do about Saiya? Ribbons: I say we “reprogram” her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man0waR Posted February 25, 2009 Report Share Posted February 25, 2009 I'll make Gundams for the characters if ya want ^_^ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted February 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 sure most of the mobile suits in the fan fic are either new or repaired version of old models. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Getting better, but you need to describe a lot better with some of the gundams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted February 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Well I was under an intense amount of writer's block. It was a bit of a pain to try to make Ribbons more sadistic and arrogant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 That is easy, just make him very selfish and want to destroy everything. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted February 26, 2009 Author Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 That is true, but I thought I should keep him ina "Calm" state for now since he has captives. I'm trying to make The Evicted parts as good as I can. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted February 26, 2009 Report Share Posted February 26, 2009 Well take his calm and ruthless and heartless self from the anime and put it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man0waR Posted February 27, 2009 Report Share Posted February 27, 2009 go to Gundam Docking zone and use the pic of the red Freedom I did as my Gundam ^_^ plz Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted February 27, 2009 Report Share Posted February 27, 2009 It got locked. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Man0waR Posted February 27, 2009 Report Share Posted February 27, 2009 yes I know. Its called "Go into the locked thread, find the pic I'm talking about (Bottom of 2nd to last page) and upload to tinypic" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 This thing actually took longer than I expected. Well either way, here's chapter 7. [spoiler= Chapter 7: The Evicted part 3: Snake Shinobi] As Adam activated Shinobi’s Trans Am, he charged at the Meisters holding both of his Buster Swords. They quickly reacted and moved out of the way. Allelujah: Talk about cutting it close. Tieria: Too close. We are under a battle we can’t win. We lost our Gundam’s arms and legs. Setsuna: That won’t stop us from fighting. Tieria shot a GN beam at Shinobi but the GN cloak blocked the attack for him. Tieria: Damn it. This won’t help. We need a miracle to stop him. Jodie: You got your wish, Tieria. The cavalry is here. Knight Gundam, Kyrios Gale, and Gundam Throne Drei arrived. Haris: Looks like we came here just in time. Adam: Doesn’t matter. You will still die by my power. At the Innovators base, Saiya started to cry in her cell. Saiya: Why am I supposed to be locked up in this cell. I don’t even deserve to even be in Celestial Being. ???: What are you saying? I never knew this side of you. Saiya looked up at the ceiling and noticed Feldt in the vents. Saiya: Mom? How did you get here? Feldt: That’s not important. We have to go now. Feldt held out her hand and Saiya grabbed on to it. She was pulled into the vents, and followed Feldt outside. Saiya: what about Dad? Feldt: …he wanted me to only take you and leave him behind. Saiya: Oh...I see They both ran out of the base, making sure no one will see them. At the battle site, Shinobi fired eight GN beams at the cavalry, but Knight Gundam’s Buster Shield blocked them all. Another blast was fired and hit Knight Gundam in the back. The blast came from Viper Gundam. Adam smirked and turned off the Trans Am Adam: So Ayame, shall we show them what a real Gundam can do? Ayame: Very well, they will be too surprised. Viper Gundam and Gundam Shinobi collided with each other, causing a huge explosion. When the explosion cleared, a new Gundam appeared. It looked like Gundam Shinobi but the arm had snake mouths with the hands coming out of the mouths. Viper Gundam’s head became a shield. Adam and Izumi: Viper Shinobi, the snake charmer! Setsuna: What the hell? Tieria: Is that the GN bond Veda told me? Nena: Either way we can still beat them. Jodie: All Gundams attack. All of the available Gundams charged at Viper Shinobi, but their arms and weapons were cut off. Adam: Like shooting monkeys in a barrel. Izumi: Nothing will stop us. All of a sudden, a barrage of beams and missiles were fired at Viper Shinobi, causing a huge explosion. As the smoke cleared, the Viper Shinobi was on the ground with the arms, legs, and weapons were destroyed and scattered along the battlefield. In the air, there were two Gundams; one of them carrying a missile launcher and a shield two times the size of the Gundam while the other Gundams had four missile and laser cannons for arms. Both of the Gundams were colored red and burgundy. Setsuna: Who are you? What faction are you in? Meister #1: This is Johann and Michael Trinity of Celestial Being awaiting orders. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted March 5, 2009 Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 Good chapter but forgot to fix spoiler Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 ok i fixed it. I tried putting a new feature with the Gundams. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted March 5, 2009 Report Share Posted March 5, 2009 Well okay then, interesting though Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 This chapter may be the worst one out of all my chapters so far. but anyway here's Chaper 8. [spoiler= Chapter 8: Mission: Rescue Lockon] Nena: Johann? Michael? You’re alive? How? Johann: Well I managed to escape with the Turbulenz Pack. Michael: And the shot Ali fired missed my heart by inches. Setsuna: Can we stick to what’s at hand please? They all looked at place where Snake Shinobi fell, but it was gone. Allelujah: Damn it! We let ourselves get pre-occupied and they left. Tieria: Well at least we know what we are dealing with. Return to base everyone. Everyone returned to base. As they got back, Sumeragi came into the hangar. Sumeragi: What happened? And who are those two Meisters? Johann: Oh come on Miss Sumeragi. Don’t tell me you forgot about us already. Sumeragi: Why should I even remember you. Both you and Michael caused many lives to be killed and started the UN Forces. Michael: Nena helped too though. Sumeragi: Well, she was able to repay us for that trouble. What are those Gundams by the way? They look familiar. Michael: Oh Mine is Phoenix Gundam and Johann’s is Physalis. Setsuna: So you repainted them to as your old Thrones? Michael: Exactly. We had to rebuild it and make able to use a GN Drive. It took 10 years but it was worth it. Sumeragi: Well we have another problem. Feldt and Saiya have just informed me that the Innovators captured Lockon. Haris: What?! Why don’t we go there now? Sumeragi: That’s the thing. The only people that are going are Nena, Haris, and Jodie. It will take 7 days to infiltrate the Innovator base. If the week is over and you didn’t manage to get Lockon out, he will be listed as KIA. Haris: Why would it take that long? I mean there aren’t that many Innovator bases. Are there? Sumeragi: There isn’t that many. But there could be a lot of traps. If you want to hurry you can start now. Haris and Jodie walked towards the hangar together as they saw Allelujah, Marie, and Setsuna by their Gundams. Jodie: Uhhh Mom, Dad. What are you doing here? Allelujah: Well your going on a very dangerous mission. We came here to tell you that you are not just the youngest Meisters in Celestial Being, but so far the best ones. Marie gave Jodie a kiss on the forehead. Both Haris and Jodie got into their Gundams and flew off with Throne Drei following them. Setsuna: What’s going to happen now? Jodie could run into her twin sister, Karen. Allelujah: Let’s hope she doesn’t. We don’t want them to meet just yet. In an AEU base, two people walked in, one a boy who was the tallest one out of the two and a girl. They both wore the AEU uniforms and stood in front of the commander Patrick Colosaur’s desk. Girl: You wanted to see us, sir? Patrick: Yes. There seems to be some unusual action for Celestial Being. Boy: Does it mean we have to follow them and possibly attack? Patrick: Yes. You can launch this hour. You’re dismissed They both saluted Patrick and left the office Patrick: Those damn terrorists of Celestial Being will pay for killing my beloved Colonel. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 bump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted March 12, 2009 Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 It is all dialogue, nothing actually happened........... Try reformatting the whole thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 well thats basically what the chapter is. Its explaining the mission so far the oncoming chapters will make up for this one. I'm trying to set some goals here as well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted March 12, 2009 Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 Well here is something you should try, well explain like the little actions they do, face emotion or something. Also does it really take that long to explain a mission? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 I had writers block. And I always wonder why I can't explain things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.Requiem Posted March 12, 2009 Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 Do you need some help? It isn't really hard, try to think what it would look like as they are on the ship listening. Take there personalities and use that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
galesonic Posted March 12, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 12, 2009 yeah i probably do need help with that. I'm not used to using a character's personality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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