[Written; 17/17]Desdim Archetype (NFU)

[Sluggaholic]

So, after a couple of days of work and testing, I've come out with the next batch of "New Frontier" cards: the Desdim monsters. The name's a combination of "destruction" and "dimension", as these cards revolve around destroying both your own cards, and your opponent's cards to burn your opponent and make powerful Synchros to help finish them off. These monsters are based on the next character in the story, "Desdim Ashanta", whose lore is explained below...

 

LORE: "Many years ago, there lived a powerful sorceress whose name has been lost to time. She was a grand woman, capable of many, many feats. However, Ashanta is not that woman. Bumbling and careless, she's the powerful sorceress's daughter, left behind to fend for herself in the Destruction Dimension, as their home was called, and to- when she came of age- care for her mother's creations: a race of powerful, sentient turtles. However, her mother was not stupid. The most powerful and ancient of her creations she sealed away with powerful magic, so that only when her daughter had the ability to rival, or even surpass her, could she summon these magnificent beasts.

 

However, leaving her alone with no magical teachings at all was... a horrible idea. The bumbling leader of the Destruction Dimension constantly screwed up her incantations, earning her the nickname "Dim-light", referencing how she'd always managed to catch something on fire with her stupid antics. Growing tired of constantly being looked down upon for her inability to be a good sorceress, though she was a brilliant tactician, Ashanta left on her own, both to search for her mother, and more importantly, to search for what she'd need to finally conquer her terrible magic skills- the legendary Star Turtle. However, in her travels, she happened to wish upon the most unfortunate of "stars", as it came hurtling to the earth! What she found within, however, was even more mysterious than the star's appearance..."

 

- - - - -

 

[spoiler=Nomads of the New Frontier!]

 

Main Deck Monsters x7

 

[spoiler=The Desdim Wanderers]

 

 

"Desdim Ashanta"

Warrior-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 4 Monster

Effect: Once per turn, you can Special Summon one Reptile-type "Desdim" monster from your hand, and if you do: destroy one card you control.

ATK 1700/DEF 1100

 

 

"Desdim Dracurtle"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 5 Monster

Effect: This Special Summoned card cannot be destroyed by card effect. If this card is destroyed by battle: you can destroy one card your opponent controls, then add one "Desdim" monster from your Deck to your hand. If this card is Special Summoned from the Graveyard: you may treat it as a Tuner monster while it's face-up on the field.

ATK 2300/DEF 1000

 

 

"Desdim Raphurtle"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 4 Monster

Effect: When this card is destroyed: you can send one "Desdim" monster from your Deck to the Graveyard; Special Summon this card from the Graveyard. You can only Special Summon one "Desdim Raphurtle" this way once per turn. Once per turn, you can draw one card, then: destroy one monster card you control, besides this card, or another copy of this card.

ATK 1800/DEF 0

 

 

"Desdim Nobleman Turtle"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 4 Monster

Effect: Once per turn, when this card is destroyed: you can add one "Desdim" monster from your Deck to your hand. If this card is in your Graveyard, then once per turn, if you would destroy a card you control by a card effect: you can banish this card from your Graveyard; treat this card as the card that would have been destroyed, and carry on with the effect.

ATK 0/DEF 2000

 

 

"Desdim Transporturtle"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 4 Monster

Effect: When this card is Normal Summoned, destroy it; if you do, Special Summon two Level 4 "Desdim" monsters from your Deck to the field. Their effects are negated, and they are shuffled back into the Deck during the End Phase of the turn this effect was activated. If this card is destroyed by a "Desdim" card effect, (besides its own) you can draw one card. You can only activate one "Desdim Transporturtle" effect per turn and only once that turn.

ATK 200/DEF 200

 

 

"Desdim Eldurtle"

Reptile-type (Tuner) / FIRE Attribute / Level 3 Monster

Effect: When this card is Normal Summoned, you can target one "Desdim" monster in your Graveyard; Special Summon it, then destroy one card you control. If this card is destroyed by a "Desdim" card effect, besides its own: you can Special Summon one Level 4 or lower "Desdim" monster from your Deck to the field, but its effects are negated, and it's banished at the end of the turn.

ATK 300/DEF 1500

 

 

"Desdim Sorcurtle"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 3 Monster

Effect: When this card is Normal Summoned, you can target one "Desdim" monster in your Graveyard; Special Summon it, then destroy one card you control. If this card is Special Summoned, banish it, then immediately Synchro Summon one "Desdim" monster from your Extra Deck by banishing one "Desdim" Tuner and one or more "Desdim" non-Tuners from the Graveyard, besides another copy of this card. The Synchro Monster summoned by this effect cannot declare an attack for the rest of the turn.

ATK 900/DEF 1600

 

 

"Desdim Skurtle"

Reptile-type (Tuner) / FIRE Attribute / Level 2 Monster

Effect: Once per turn, if a "Desdim" monster(s) you control would be destroyed, except by a "Desdim" card effect: you can Special Summon this card from the hand; that card(s) is not destroyed. When this card is destroyed by a "Desdim" card effect: you can add one "Desdim" Tuner, besides "Desdim Skurtle" from your Deck to your hand, then destroy one card you control, besides another copy of this card.

ATK 0/DEF 1800

 

 

 

Spells x4

 

[spoiler=The Bonds Between Species!]

 

 

"Caravan of Tortoises"

Field Spell Card

Effect: While this card is face-up on the field, once per turn, you can Summon one "Desdim Falsortoise" Token (FIRE/Reptile/Level 4/ATK 0/DEF 0) to your side of the field. It cannot be used as Synchro or Xyz Material, or be Tributed. If it's destroyed by card effect, your opponent takes 1000 damage. All "Desdim" monsters gain 300 ATK and DEF, and once per turn, if a card on your side of the field would be destroyed by a "Desdim" card effect, you can destroy one card your opponent controls instead. This effect cannot be used in the same turn that one of "Desdim Carnivorous Tortoise" or "Temple to the Turtles"'s effects resolved.

 

 

"Temple to the Turtles"

Continuous Spell Card

Effect: FIRE Attribute, Reptile-type monsters gain 200 ATK and DEF. Once per turn, during either player's turn, when an opponent's card(s) is destroyed by a "Desdim" card effect: you can place one "Temple Turtle" Counter on this card (max.3). Once per turn, if a card on your side of the field would be destroyed by a "Desdim" card effect, you can remove one counter from this card instead. This effect cannot be used in the same turn that one of "Caravan of Tortoises" or "Desdim Carnivorous Tortoise"'s effects resolved.

 

 

"Comradery Between Species"

Normal Spell Card

Effect: Once per turn, you can target one Warrior-type "Desdim" monster and one Reptile-type "Desdim" monster in your Graveyard; add them to your hand. If you would destroy a "Desdim" monster by card effect, you can banish this card from the Graveyard to have it count as the card destroyed.

 

 

"Shooting Startle"

Normal Spell Card

Effect: Once per turn, you can shuffle up to 3 "Desdim" cards from your Graveyard into the Deck; draw 2 cards, then destroy one monster card you control. You can only activate one "Shooting Startle" per turn.

 

 

 

Traps x1

 

[spoiler=The Barriers Between Species!]

 

 

"Burst Turtle"

Continuous Trap Card

Effect: "Desdim" monsters you control can only be destroyed by your card effects, and by battle. Once per turn, if a "Desdim" card you control is destroyed: you can draw one card. Once per turn, if your opponent would declare an attack: you can banish one "Desdim" monster from your Graveyard with more attack than that attacking monster; destroy that monster, and deal your opponent damage equal to that destroyed monster's original ATK points.

 

 

 

Extra Deck Monsters x4

 

[spoiler=Ashanta's Hidden Allies]

 

 

"Desdim Unstoppable Tortoise"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 6 (Synchro) Monster

Materials: 1 FIRE Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner FIRE monsters

Effect: Once per turn, if this card is destroyed; Special Summon it from the Graveyard. When this card declares an attack, you can destroy one card you control; destroy one card your opponent controls.

ATK 2000/DEF 2000

 

 

"Desdim Titanic Tortoise"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 7 (Synchro) Monster

Materials: 1 FIRE Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner FIRE monsters

Effect: Once per turn, if this card is destroyed; Special Summon it from the Graveyard. Once per turn, you can destroy one "Desdim" monster you control, besides this card; destroy up to two Spell/Trap cards your opponent controls. Up to twice per turn, when a card is destroyed on your side of the field, you can activate this effect: draw one card.

ATK 1700/DEF 2500

 

 

"Desdim Carnivorous Tortoise"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 8 (Synchro) Monster

Materials: 1 "Desdim" Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner FIRE monsters

Effect: This card cannot be destroyed by card effects. Once per turn, if you would destroy a card on your side of the field with a "Desdim" card effect, you can use one card on your opponent's side of the field instead. This effect cannot be used in the same turn in that one of "Caravan of Tortoises" or "Temple to the Turtles"'s effects resolved. Once per turn, you can send one "Desdim" monster from your Deck to the Graveyard; destroy all monsters your opponent controls. You cannot conduct your Battle Phase the turn you activate this effect.

ATK 3000/DEF 2500

 

 

"Desdim Continentortoise"

Reptile-type / FIRE Attribute / Level 9 (Synchro) Monster

Materials: 1 "Desdim" Tuner + 1 or more non-Tuner "Desdim" monsters

Effect: This card cannot be destroyed or banished by card effect. If a monster attacks this card while it is defense mode, and that monster has less ATK than this card's DEF, it's destroyed before damage calculation. During either player's turn, you can destroy one card you control; your opponent cannot attack other monsters besides this card this turn, and must attack this card with all monsters they control, if possible.

ATK 2000/DEF 3500

 

 

 

 

 

- - - - -

 

As per the usual, I'd love for you guys to give me any and all CnC you have for me, since I know you've gotta have something. After all, I'm not perfect, and therefore neither's the archetype, and I want to make this archetype as good as I can. So, please, send me any and all CnC you have!

 

EDIT 4/28/16 - Major archetypal changes made to the "Desdim" monsters, affecting all categories of monsters barring Trap cards.

-Major PSCT added to almost all cards

-Changed up timings of destruction of most cards

-Severe edits made to "Desdim Sorcurtle" and "Desdim Transporturtle"

-"Desdim Skurtle" revamped

-Extremely hard OPT added to "Caravan of Tortoises", "Temple to the Turtles", and "Desdim Carnivorous Tortoise" (no overlapping effects in the same turn)

-Slowed the archetype down greatly

-Made "Shooting Startle" more balanced (more akin to Yang Zing Path); kept the destruction effect, but changed timing

-Removed "Desdim Unstoppable Tortoise"'s final effect

-Made "Desdim Titanic Tortoise" target solely Spell/Trap cards

+Made "Comradery Between Species" less splashable

+Completely changed "Temple to the Turtles"'s point in Deck

[Sluggaholic]

Bump.

[Major's Shadow]

Ello!~

Since this archetype is somewhat larger, I'll have to trim my thoughts on each card to around 2 - 3 sentences, but I'll keep the overall feedback at the end the same. Hopefully you can understand. With that in mind, let's begin!

 

Effect Monsters:

Desdim Ashanta: Well, already noticing some OCG errors (no Colons to show condition). Difficult to get a feel for this deck's applications, unless it utilizes the destruction off the SSing. If it does, then perhaps this could be made as a OPT effect, or unable to Special Summon itself multiple times from hand? It being a Warrior-Type might also be relevant.

Desdin Dracurtle: Heh, Dracurtle... Imagine a vampire bat flying around with a shell on it... hehe... sorry getting off track. Seems to have some multi-utility as a searcher for itself if its destroyed by battle, while also having a non-targeting destruction for your opponent. Seems pretty decent, and has some synergy with Ashanta.

Desdin Raphurtle: I'm not sure you understand how Once per turn works entirely. OPT clauses that are not by name can be triggered only once per turn while it's face-up on the field, not in general. So this guy can theoretically come back an infinite number of times by any destruction, so long as you have a "Desdin" monster to send from the Deck to the Grave. The draw effect as a Level 4 might also be pretty good.

Desdim Nobleman Turtle: Wording is kinda wonky on this one. I think you meant to say that it treats destroying your opponent's card as if it was your own. If so, then this card is absolutely bonkers broken. Having any of your monsters destroy cards your opponent controls as either cost or as part of their effect is nutty. It generates too much advantage for you, and is difficult for your opponent to work around.

Desdim Transporturtle: No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No, No. Having a 200 DEF rekindling target that SS's 2 from the deck w/o restriction just by being Summoned, while also giving additional bonuses for being destroyed (except by its own effect) is stupid. Rescue Rabbit was limited for good reason. This card is essentially that, but on so many drugs it'd take days to spell it all out.

Desdim Eldurtle: Alright, so this seems rather balanced. Its a Tuner in the deck that SS's from grave by popping one of your cards, then, it can gain additional benefits of SSing from the Deck via its destruction. This is good, but everything else around it can be so profoundly broken, that this one would be undermined. Still a solid option for the deck never the less.

Desdim Sorcurtle: Well, that's pretty dumb. You generate a free Synchro Summon from the Deck, by just Special Summoning it (which isn't difficult to achieve, considering the rest of the support). You also need to be more clear on the mechanics of the Synchro Summoning, as it's difficult to assume how it works.

Desdim Skurtle: A free +1 that recycles from Grave or adds from Deck? Yeah, the further I review this archetype, the less and less balanced it tends to become. It's still not made very clear to me the consistency between each monster in the archetype, it just seems like a bunch of broken effects mishmashed into a single archetype.

 

Spells:

Caravan of Tortoises: Doesn't say its treated as a "Desdim" card, so I'm guessing it's not searchable by archetype name. This is a more balanced variation of Nobleman Turtle, as Spell/Trap removal is far more universal and accessible to your opponent. However, the generated burn w/ the ability to clog your opponent's board with unmovable tokens that burn, is still too much IMO.

Temple of the Turtles: So, it's almost exactly the same? I'm confused, why make them exactly the same, only with a slight buff for Reptiles? Technically it is a Continuous Spell, rather than a Field Spell, but the redundancy is unnecessary.

Comradery Between Species: Again on the OPT clause w/ a regular spell card. So we have a Mask Charge for Warrior/Reptile decks, but having it splashable might be too overkill. It's not one of those cards that are immediately broken (Albeit its pretty good in this archetype), but it has the potential to see abuse.

Shooting Startle: Again, another ridiculous card. Its a potential +1 or +2 if you destroy the right Desdim monster, while also being compatible with any Desdim monster! It's a Daigusto or Cards of Conscience in 1 card, which is, again, nuts.

 

Traps:
Burst Turtle: This is a part of the archetype that confuses me. For some effects, they are required to successfully destroy one of your cards in order to resolve, while others use the destruction afterwards. Wouldn't it be counter-productive to prevent destruction on your own board? Besides that, nothing seems broken up-front, but could be a good tool for the archetype.

 

Extra Deck Monsters:

Desdim Unstoppable Tortoise: Its last effect could be incredibly obnoxious, considering the materials it used (if they were Desdim monsters) have floating or stalling effects of their own, effectively making removal near impossible. Unstoppable is probably right on this one. Very powerful with the archetype, considering the synergy w/ Skurtle, but not easy to make. Still, highly abuse-able in the correct situations.

Desdim Titanic Tortoise: So, if you have Nobleman or the field spell up w/ this guy, he becomes a Destroy 3 for your opponent? Seems pretty lame. As the core boss monster of the deck though, the rest of his effects seem relatively fair.

Desdmin Carnivorous Tortoise: I can see this card's utilities. Its not quite the same as Scaright Dragon, as it doesn't inflict burn damage and has further restrictions after its effect resolves. However, the payoff comes from the additional archetype bonuses, and it being a Raigeki-style nuke, rather than a semi-Dark Hole. Seems relatively fair.

Desdim Continentortoise: Pretty nasty final boss you got here. A tank that generates destruction advantage during either player's turn, then serving as a wall forcing removal to prevent all of your opponent's monsters from immediately dying. I think the destruction effect is a tad overkill, but the rest seems fine.

 

Overall: Discussing each individual point as to why this archetype doesn't work is like trying to unscramble a single cord from the plastic chest of other miscellaneous cables you most probably kept in your garage. It'd be tedious, stressful, and probably easier just to grab a new cord, rather than salvage the cable through the forest of unwanted stuff. While it fits with a general idea, none of the cards share enough mechanics, and its not consistent enough to really call a modern day archetype. Not to mention the sloppy OCG, inconsistent power levels of cards and issues w/ card interactions. I could recommend some points to work on, but I'd say take the entire archetype back to the drawing board. Work w/ a single effect, or a single idea, or a single mechanic, and iron it out till you can work an archetype around it. The idea is not to have a bundle of insanely powerful cards share the same name, it's to give those cards an identity, and distinct strengths & weaknesses that make player interaction more interesting. Check on some of the Sub-Forums located in the Advanced Cards Section, there should be places to find a guide on correct OCG.

 

Welp, off to sleep then ~

[Sluggaholic]

Thank you for your tremendous input, YugsterMajor. Hopefully my OCG won't be so horrible in the future, but learning it (in my opinion) is difficult. Still, made the changes I felt best fit the archetype, so hopefully it becomes a little more balanced than it was before. 

[Sluggaholic]

Bump