Metal_Reese Posted February 27, 2009 Report Share Posted February 27, 2009 Well, I figured it's been a while since I posted on here. I bet I'm like an old man here. Nonetheless, I do have something new. I have just recently completed the prologue for my fan-fiction. Please be sure to give an advanced critique of what you think of it. So without further interruption, here it is. Prologue: Shadow and Flame Deep in the confines of space, with stars and unknown planets alike, a great energy distorts the area around itself, as if struggling to break free. But from what? This gravitational field that surrounded it, keeping it enclosed within that strange spherical environment. How was it trapped in the first place? These and all answers will be answered in this story. The energy itself is in a constant rotation, to keep itself in orbit so it would never travel off to anywhere ever again. But why, you ask? You see, awhile ago, somewhere far off, this energy, made of shadow and flame, had been produced years ago during the days of the Cobalt City Tournament. Old cult worshipers of the dark arts came together to conduct a ritual to bring forth what they thought would be the answer to all of their prayers, but instead were all sacrificed to create this dark, fiery entity. This thing, it's hunger would not be satisfied yet. It wanted more. It took control of the only surviving cult member, who had not been participating at the time, and it began searching through books of old, and discovered something of great importance to it. Dark arts which would be mentioned in the battles to come. A man noticed this great dark power and went to face it, as odd as it may sound, in a card game. The man made a deal with the powerful dark entity. He said that if he were to win, that the dark aura-like energy would banish itself to the farthest part of the galaxy and trap itself, never to bring harm to anyone ever again, and if the dark entity won, it would gain his body as a vessel in which to feed its hunger for a suitable host. The dark entity agreed to the terms, but also added to it the objective of surviving the Shadow Realm, a dark, mystical arena used by man a long time ago to conduct battles against one another. But since this power was too dangerous to be left in the hands of mortals, it was locked away to never be seen or used ever again. But a thousand years after it had been locked up, a boy, although not knowing what he had done, unlocked the mystical power once more by reconstructing the pieces of a broken puzzle, thus gaining the ability to become a dark being which was capable of surviving the very boundaries of the Shadow Realm, and become the greatest duelist of all time. But that was a long time ago. But point being, this energy had wielded that very same power, and could grant it to all who desired the power, and to wrought chaos across the universe, and the man wouldn't allow this to go unhindered. Although it may have seemed to be nothing, the battle took a toll on their bodies and their souls during the duel. Eventually, the man won, but the evil did not keep it's promise. It attempted to take the man's life, but the mystical powers of the Shadow Realm intervened and sealed the dark energy into a sphere form and sent it off into the deepest part of the universe. This great evil now sits here, confined within the same sphere that the Shadow Realm's magic had created all those years ago. But it was about this time that it would be let free from it's own prison, not by it, but by space itself. At around this time, it happened to be near a star which had been alive for quite a while now, but was about to die. The star exploded into a supernova state, and the aftershock of the explosion was enough to break the seal on this great evil. When it had realized what had happened, it immediately made a dash for Earth in hopes of getting it's revenge. As it passed through the planet's atmosphere, it makes a crash-dive towards an abandoned mansion about 20 miles away from Cobalt City, hoping to recuperate it's energy from before. There was an excavation area around the crash site at the time and two of the construction workers were on duty that night. Upon hearing the sound, they went to investigate it. One of them approaches the crater. It appears to be safe to them. The energy was able to sense there presence just a few feet away. Although they were not the one he was looking for, he knew he still needed a host to keep alive any longer. With the last of his energy, he formed a claw made out of shadow and fire, and hurls it out from the crater and grabs one of the construction workers, pulling him in. It instantly feels it's energy regaining, but slowly. It needed more power. The other worker becomes scared and begins to dial 911 on his cell phone. It would not have guests, no sir, not while in this condition. A fireball, just the size of a normal man's fist, forms just above the crater and shoots the man's cell phone right out of his hand, burning it in the process. Then the hand of shadow and fire shot back out and grabbed the other construction worker. As he is pulled in, he screams for help. No one would come. Now gaining enough energy, it spoke. “These two will be my hosts, for now.” The two men arose from within the darkness as if nothing had happened, and they went back to work on the construction area like nothing ever happened. Within the darkness of the night, you could see two red eyes peak out from the shadows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Star Posted March 1, 2009 Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 It seems good so far, but I did notice one thing. You tend to use the word "but/But" a lot. I would have liked a duel, but I didn't put a duel in my Prologue either, so who am I to complain? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted March 1, 2009 Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 Split the paragraphs up; that'll make it easier to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Metal_Reese Posted March 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 I didn't think anyone would actually post in this. Actually, I only reserve paragraph splitting for when a certain time has passed, which will make it much easier for me to write up stories and not have to explain travels and such. Edit: On another note, must decrease size of signature. :( Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted March 1, 2009 Report Share Posted March 1, 2009 I didn't think anyone would actually post in this. Actually' date=' I only reserve paragraph splitting for when a certain time has passed, which will make it much easier for me to write up stories and not have to explain travels and such. Edit: On another note, must decrease size of signature. :([/quote'] I know what you mean, but it's a lot harder for us to read if it's in big chunks of text. Splitting it makes it easier. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.