YCM Fanfic Reviews (by Rinne and crimson2432)

[bury the year]

It has come to my attention that the quality of this site’s fanfiction is... well, to be honest, it’s crapping out. The number of fanfic authors I’ve seen on this site that I can legitimately warrant as passing of the criteria that I shall lay out below can be counted on one hand. Yeah, you heard me right. For the most part, our writing sucks. However, nobody really wants to accept that for the most part, instead choosing to hide behind comments like “lols this roxxx :D!!!!1eleven!”

 

However, that doesn’t mean that you can’t improve it. I am here to offer you guys fanfiction reviews. Simply post a link to your fic to thread that your fic is located in, and I will review it and give you both praise and constructive criticism. You will then be given a number from 1 to 10, based on the average of the combined scores given in the categories below, and the top 5 fics will go in the “Fanfic Hall of Fame”.

 

So, what am I judging on?

[spoiler=Length]Simple. I’ll choose a random chapter, copy-paste it into Word, and measure how many pages it takes up. This will then be compared against my standard, which, from what I’ve seen on fanfiction.net, is around 6 pages. Therefore, breaking the 7-page barrier gets you an automatic 10.

 

[spoiler=Characters]Ever hear of something called a Mary Sue? If you haven’t, check here and here (for the male version). I have a site that lists many potential traits of MSs, and I’ll check your characters against them and give ideas for improvement.

 

[spoiler=Originality]What makes your plot different than anything else in the fanfic? Do you set it somewhere unique, instead of the same old DA fic? Are the villains doing something original for once, instead of mindless “take over world, ???, PROFIT!”. This will be given a personal-opinion score from me.

 

[spoiler=Spelling/Grammar]If you show knowledge of being able to use a spellchecker, you get a 10. Otherwise, I will be ruthless. You have been warned. I will choose a random chapter; each error will dock you a point.

 

[spoiler=”Hookability”]This is a bit vague, honestly, but it’s how much success you’ve gotten so far, combined with how interesting the story itself is. I can’t really explain other than that.

 

 

---

[spoiler=Review Directory]

3-01-09 - finalflash30 - The Time Legion! - 4.32

3-03-09 - Star - Yu-Gi-Oh: Land of Nightmares - 7.48

 

 

 

---

Fanfic Hall of Fame

1) Star - Yu-Gi-Oh: Land of Nightmares - 7.48

2) finalflash30 - The Time Legion! - 4.32

3)

4)

5)

 

---

Wait List

1) Jovi

2) Faint Brushfire

3) legendhiro

4) finalflash30

5) thuondarel

6) ⌡Ğǿkậ ńǿ Řŷµµ⌠

7) Aelsthla-Mental

 

---

So, submit your fics for a review. Remember, I'm not here to insult your work, I just want to improve the quality of writers on this site!

 

NOTE: When you request a review, please note if you'd like Rinne or crimson2432.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Here´s my best Fan Fic so far: The Time Legion!

 

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-95648.html

 

It is a third one in a triquel of something I like to call "The Legion Series", starting with the Heroic Legion, then The Neo-Legion, and finally The Time Legion!

 

I haven´t finished it yet, but I would gladly hear your review!

[bury the year]

[spoiler=finalflash30 - The Time Legion!]Link to Fic: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-95648-page-1.html

 

Chapters Reviewed: Prologue-28

 

Length: The chapter I randomly chose, number 18, was 2.2 pages long. 2.2/6 is approximately 3.7. It seems like you're just going with the action and trying to rush things along, instead of actually delving into the character's thoughts. Add more description of the scenery and character's emotions; that always helps. Take for example the first section, with the breakfast. Maybe you could show just why Alexandra like porridge so much, or how it makes her feel. (I know this might sound mushy and all, but, still.) Then, you'll leave the reader feeling satisfied, and kept on the edges of their seats until the next installment.

 

Characters: Chuck, who seems to be the main character, has some major design flaws immediately evident. First, if you're making an original character, or OC, you should definitely stay away from making them the offspring/relative/sibling of a canon character, particularly if it's the lead. This can be forgiven if you can distance their personalities enough, but I don't see that with Chuck. Honestly, the way you created him, he seems like a bit of an overconfident jerk, but all the ladies want him, and he can easily front a seemingly-popular metal band, despite being 15. You need to tone down a few of these factors if you want to make him more believable. Even though you add a few flaws, they're throw-aways, and don't really make him more human. (Or hedgehog.) Also, the other characters seem to be around to only support Chuck, particularly Hitome. Please fix that, and give them more time in the limelight. Finally, if you are going to use canon characters (the Nobodies), keep them in character. It just took me reading a couple of lines to tell that they were massively OOC. 4.7.

 

Originality: Hmm... You're writing a crossover fic between not two, but three universes. (Sonic, KH, and Pokemon, for our other readers.) Although I haven't read the first two parts, it seems like you've already solidified the connections between the universes. However, there doesn't really seem to be any conflict between them, especially since the different types of inhabitants just wouldn't mesh. I don't know why, but you need to flesh this out a bit more before I can find it believable. 6.3.

 

Spelling/Grammar: The chapter I chose, chapter 2, had at least 10 errors halfway through. Guess what that means? 0.

 

"Hookability": You have a unique concept going on, and I'm sure that if you improve the quality of your writing, you can make this into a very successful fic. A good deal of people already like it, which means you have hit the right notes. However, due to the complaints that some other members have raised (chapter-name theft), I have to give you a 6.9.

 

Total: 10*(3.7+4.7+6.3+6.9)/(50))= 4.32

 

Final Notes: I recommend you put a PG-16 tag in your title, due to some of the... stuff that Chuck and Hitome are getting up to in chapter 2. It's for your best interest.

 

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Thanks for the review! Yea, I know my grammar and such aren´t so good, but I always try as hard as I can to make the chapters long enough. It´s just that I have a more different Timeline that you(I´m from Sweden), which means that I don´t have much time writing, since I also play a lot of RP.

 

About the descriptions: I know that I am not so good with the description, but I try my best to describe at least a bit of the surroundings and peoples interactions.

 

Emotion stuff: I am an emotional writer, but some emotions(in my case: anger, love and sorrow) are a bit easier for me to describe than others.

 

Anyways, thanks for the review!:D

[bury the year]

Thanks for the review! Yea' date=' I know my grammar and such aren´t so good, but I always try as hard as I can to make the chapters long enough. It´s just that I have a more different Timeline that you(I´m from Sweden), which means that I don´t have much time writing, since I also play a lot of RP.

 

About the descriptions: I know that I am not so good with the description, but I try my best to descripe at least a bit of the surroundings.

 

Emotion stuff: I am an emotional writer, but some emotions(in my case: anger, love and sorrow) are a bit easier for me to describe than others.

 

Anyways, thanks for the review!:D

[/quote']

 

You're absolutely welcome! You can always resubmit your fic to me when you've put more work into it to measure against what you've done in the past.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Nah, I just wanted to hear what you think. But I can submit another of my fan fics if you want? I made it about three days ago.

[bury the year]

Nah' date=' I just wanted to hear what you think. But I can submit another of my fan fics if you want? I made it about three days ago.

[/quote']

 

Sure, but I won't get it done as fast.

[Guest Star]

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-91256.html

 

Well, I have two active Fan-Fics, one of which won me the King of Fan-Fic Award for February 2009, but I figured I'd have you review the other one instead. It doesn't really have much attention yet because there are only four episodes, but I'm working on improving it and the likes.

 

Just one thing, though. Please don't suggest getting rid of the Breaking the Fourth Wall/Comedy thing because I'm just going to say no.

[bury the year]

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-91256.html

 

Well' date=' I have two active Fan-Fics, one of which won me the King of Fan-Fic Award for February 2009, but I figured I'd have you review the other one instead. It doesn't really have much attention yet because there are only four episodes, but I'm working on improving it and the likes.

 

Just one thing, though. Please don't suggest getting rid of the Breaking the Fourth Wall/Comedy thing because I'm just going to say no.

[/quote']

 

Shall do. finalflash30, I'll get the second one reviewed after Star's.

[.:Abarai Renji:.]

Sweet. Here´s the URL: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-103752.html

 

And before you read it, yes I know that the chapters are a bit short and stuff, but I figured that the short(not too short) chapters would hook the readers, and they would be really interested to see what happens next.

[Jovi Siagian]

Link in my signature. Rate that.

[Brushfire]

I'd kick ass if you reviewed one of mine.

 

I go for a 10 page of A4 minimum, and lengthly chapters can go up to 25 pages.

[legendhiro]

i've been following this, and you really know what you talking about. check out my fic, Yu-Gi-Oh! DF and let me know. there is a lot to it though and since each "book" that i have completed so far has its own primary plot that ties into the underlying plot it may make it hard to judge as a whole. also try to stay clear of the special, since much of it was done because a friend requested it and because it has no impact on the rest of the plot.

 

thanks in advance, and not that it will be a problem, but don't go easy on me. i don't expect anything too positive from the review anyway.

[bury the year]

I'd kick ass if you reviewed one of mine.

 

I go for a 10 page of A4 minimum' date=' and lengthly chapters can go up to 25 pages.

[/quote']

 

i've been following this' date=' and you really know what you talking about. check out my fic, Yu-Gi-Oh! DF and let me know. there is a lot to it though and since each "book" that i have completed so far has its own primary plot that ties into the underlying plot it may make it hard to judge as a whole. also try to stay clear of the special, since much of it was done because a friend requested it and because it has no impact on the rest of the plot.

 

thanks in advance, and not that it will be a problem, but don't go easy on me. i don't expect anything too positive from the review anyway.

 

Shall review both of yours after Jovi's. finalflash30, I need to push yours back so I can get to others who haven't had a chance. To everyone else, I'm currently filled up. When I have done more, I'll open up spots on the list.

 

EDIT:

 

In this thread, my word is final, so don’t argue with my reviews.

 

[spoiler=Star – Yu-Gi-Oh: Land of Nightmares]Link to Fic: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-91256.html

 

Chapters Reviewed: Prologue-4

 

Length: The chapter I randomly selected, Chapter 3, is approximately 5 and one-third pages in length. (5+(1/3))/6 is approximately 8.9, with point adjustment. I don’t really have any complaints in this section; I would point out the inclusion of songs as hyperlinks in the location bar, but since a reader can just ignore those, I will, too. You use description in a nice manner, not overwhelming a reader, but not making it too sparse. That’s a hard thing to master, as I’ve learned the hard way.

 

Characters: This is the first time I’ll be stating this, and I will state it many times to come. If you are making a name in a foreign language, especially Japanese, make sure to do two things; keep the two names in the same nationality, and give them a name with a meaning. Unfortunately, Taylor broke both of these rules. The closest thing I could find to the meaning of Kashiro is 日代 or 日城, which means “sun generation” or “sun castle”, and that’s a stretch, at best. About the character himself, Taylor, at least to my perspective, seems like a bit of a super-winner-super-speshul. If you’re going to make a character with such an ability of foresight, at least make him a bit more believable, or a bit more modest. He just seems like a little kid to me, who is concerned about winning only. Although I like the Iron Chain monsters, I am honestly not rooting for him, until you can make him less 2D. Flesh him out a bit, and give him some doubts and concerns. Though I can see angst on the horizon, work it in delicately. Until then, he’s bland, to be frank. Sorry, but 5.2.

 

Originality: Well, first time I’ve seen multiple universes applied to a Yu-Gi-Oh fic with any semblance of success. Since it’s pretty early in the development of your story, I can’t guarantee that this will be a good choice in the end, but from how you’ve worked it in so far, I’m having a bit of a nagging concern. I know you haven’t given much depth into it yet, but I’m confused on how it’s working out so far. I’m giving you leeway because it’s so early in the fic, but for now, I give your plot an 8.5.

 

Spelling/Grammar: 3 spelling and grammar errors in Chapter 4, by my judging, so you receive a 7.

 

“Hookability”: I honestly would continue reading this. It has the works of a great fic, but the characters and the storyline itself need a bit of smoothing out before I’d be hooked. It’s an interesting concept, and others have realized that; if Crab likes it, there must be some redeeming qualities. I give you a 7.8, which I’m sure would grow higher over time.

 

Total: (10*(8.9+5.2+8.5+7+7.8))/50= 7.48

 

Final Notes: Can I submit a character? Sorry, but I’d like to get in on the ground floor.

 

[Guest Star]

I'd kick ass if you reviewed one of mine.

 

I go for a 10 page of A4 minimum' date=' and lengthly chapters can go up to 25 pages.

[/quote']

 

i've been following this' date=' and you really know what you talking about. check out my fic, Yu-Gi-Oh! DF and let me know. there is a lot to it though and since each "book" that i have completed so far has its own primary plot that ties into the underlying plot it may make it hard to judge as a whole. also try to stay clear of the special, since much of it was done because a friend requested it and because it has no impact on the rest of the plot.

 

thanks in advance, and not that it will be a problem, but don't go easy on me. i don't expect anything too positive from the review anyway.

 

Shall review both of yours after Jovi's. finalflash30, I need to push yours back so I can get to others who haven't had a chance. To everyone else, I'm currently filled up. When I have done more, I'll open up spots on the list.

 

EDIT:

 

In this thread, my word is final, so don’t argue with my reviews.

 

[spoiler=Star – Yu-Gi-Oh: Land of Nightmares]Link to Fic: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-91256.html

 

Chapters Reviewed: Prologue-4

 

Length: The chapter I randomly selected, Chapter 3, is approximately 5 and one-third pages in length. (5+(1/3))/6 is approximately 8.9, with point adjustment. I don’t really have any complaints in this section; I would point out the inclusion of songs as hyperlinks in the location bar, but since a reader can just ignore those, I will, too. You use description in a nice manner, not overwhelming a reader, but not making it too sparse. That’s a hard thing to master, as I’ve learned the hard way.

 

Characters: This is the first time I’ll be stating this, and I will state it many times to come. If you are making a name in a foreign language, especially Japanese, make sure to do two things; keep the two names in the same nationality, and give them a name with a meaning. Unfortunately, Taylor broke both of these rules. The closest thing I could find to the meaning of Kashiro is 日代 or 日城, which means “sun generation” or “sun castle”, and that’s a stretch, at best. About the character himself, Taylor, at least to my perspective, seems like a bit of a super-winner-super-speshul. If you’re going to make a character with such an ability of foresight, at least make him a bit more believable, or a bit more modest. He just seems like a little kid to me, who is concerned about winning only. Although I like the Iron Chain monsters, I am honestly not rooting for him, until you can make him less 2D. Flesh him out a bit, and give him some doubts and concerns. Though I can see angst on the horizon, work it in delicately. Until then, he’s bland, to be frank. Sorry, but 5.2.

 

Originality: Well, first time I’ve seen multiple universes applied to a Yu-Gi-Oh fic with any semblance of success. Since it’s pretty early in the development of your story, I can’t guarantee that this will be a good choice in the end, but from how you’ve worked it in so far, I’m having a bit of a nagging concern. I know you haven’t given much depth into it yet, but I’m confused on how it’s working out so far. I’m giving you leeway because it’s so early in the fic, but for now, I give your plot an 8.5.

 

Spelling/Grammar: 3 spelling and grammar errors in Chapter 4, by my judging, so you receive a 7.

 

“Hookability”: I honestly would continue reading this. It has the works of a great fic, but the characters and the storyline itself need a bit of smoothing out before I’d be hooked. It’s an interesting concept, and others have realized that; if Crab likes it, there must be some redeeming qualities. I give you a 7.8, which I’m sure would grow higher over time.

 

Total: (10*(8.9+5.2+8.5+7+7.8))/50= 7.48

 

Final Notes: Can I submit a character? Sorry, but I’d like to get in on the ground floor.

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to review it. I really appreciate it.

 

As for the characters, names have never been my strong point. I'm attempting to build Taylor as a Shikamaru-esque character; relying on brains more than anything else. But like you said, it is early in the Fan-Fic, so I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to go with that.

 

I type really fast, so sometimes I don't realize that I make a Spelling/Grammatical error.

 

The Music thing has actually gone over well from what I've noticed.

 

Sure, you can submit a character.

 

Thanks again for reviewing.

[bury the year]

I'd kick ass if you reviewed one of mine.

 

I go for a 10 page of A4 minimum' date=' and lengthly chapters can go up to 25 pages.

[/quote']

 

i've been following this' date=' and you really know what you talking about. check out my fic, Yu-Gi-Oh! DF and let me know. there is a lot to it though and since each "book" that i have completed so far has its own primary plot that ties into the underlying plot it may make it hard to judge as a whole. also try to stay clear of the special, since much of it was done because a friend requested it and because it has no impact on the rest of the plot.

 

thanks in advance, and not that it will be a problem, but don't go easy on me. i don't expect anything too positive from the review anyway.

 

Shall review both of yours after Jovi's. finalflash30, I need to push yours back so I can get to others who haven't had a chance. To everyone else, I'm currently filled up. When I have done more, I'll open up spots on the list.

 

EDIT:

 

In this thread, my word is final, so don’t argue with my reviews.

 

[spoiler=Star – Yu-Gi-Oh: Land of Nightmares]Link to Fic: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-91256.html

 

Chapters Reviewed: Prologue-4

 

Length: The chapter I randomly selected, Chapter 3, is approximately 5 and one-third pages in length. (5+(1/3))/6 is approximately 8.9, with point adjustment. I don’t really have any complaints in this section; I would point out the inclusion of songs as hyperlinks in the location bar, but since a reader can just ignore those, I will, too. You use description in a nice manner, not overwhelming a reader, but not making it too sparse. That’s a hard thing to master, as I’ve learned the hard way.

 

Characters: This is the first time I’ll be stating this, and I will state it many times to come. If you are making a name in a foreign language, especially Japanese, make sure to do two things; keep the two names in the same nationality, and give them a name with a meaning. Unfortunately, Taylor broke both of these rules. The closest thing I could find to the meaning of Kashiro is 日代 or 日城, which means “sun generation” or “sun castle”, and that’s a stretch, at best. About the character himself, Taylor, at least to my perspective, seems like a bit of a super-winner-super-speshul. If you’re going to make a character with such an ability of foresight, at least make him a bit more believable, or a bit more modest. He just seems like a little kid to me, who is concerned about winning only. Although I like the Iron Chain monsters, I am honestly not rooting for him, until you can make him less 2D. Flesh him out a bit, and give him some doubts and concerns. Though I can see angst on the horizon, work it in delicately. Until then, he’s bland, to be frank. Sorry, but 5.2.

 

Originality: Well, first time I’ve seen multiple universes applied to a Yu-Gi-Oh fic with any semblance of success. Since it’s pretty early in the development of your story, I can’t guarantee that this will be a good choice in the end, but from how you’ve worked it in so far, I’m having a bit of a nagging concern. I know you haven’t given much depth into it yet, but I’m confused on how it’s working out so far. I’m giving you leeway because it’s so early in the fic, but for now, I give your plot an 8.5.

 

Spelling/Grammar: 3 spelling and grammar errors in Chapter 4, by my judging, so you receive a 7.

 

“Hookability”: I honestly would continue reading this. It has the works of a great fic, but the characters and the storyline itself need a bit of smoothing out before I’d be hooked. It’s an interesting concept, and others have realized that; if Crab likes it, there must be some redeeming qualities. I give you a 7.8, which I’m sure would grow higher over time.

 

Total: (10*(8.9+5.2+8.5+7+7.8))/50= 7.48

 

Final Notes: Can I submit a character? Sorry, but I’d like to get in on the ground floor.

 

 

Thanks for taking the time to review it. I really appreciate it.

 

As for the characters, names have never been my strong point. I'm attempting to build Taylor as a Shikamaru-esque character; relying on brains more than anything else. But like you said, it is early in the Fan-Fic, so I'm not exactly sure where I'm going to go with that.

 

I type really fast, so sometimes I don't realize that I make a Spelling/Grammatical error.

 

The Music thing has actually gone over well from what I've noticed.

 

Sure, you can submit a character.

 

Thanks again for reviewing.

 

If you'd like future help with name accuracy, I'm always here. That goes for anyone else, too.

[Christian Exodia]

And, what about Star's WWE Fanfic? I think at the least it deserves a 9.

[bury the year]

And' date=' what about Star's WWE Fanfic? I think at the least it deserves a 9.

[/quote']

 

Then go say so on his thread, not mine. GTFO.

[Christian Exodia]

I just came here to apologize, & I hate to being said to GTFO.

[Taichi Masaki]

Does my Fanfic fall into any of that category?

It's not the best thing ever, but I get good reviews from it...

 

http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-97034.html

[-Lightray Daedalus-]

I'll be happy if you can take a look at mine so I can improve it and...maybe have more readers XD

 

here: http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-93596-page-1.html

 

Thanks!

[bury the year]

Added to wait list.

[-Lightray Daedalus-]

Thanks...

[Taichi Masaki]

Added to wait list.

 

Thanks

[End Of The Abyss]

Would you please review my Fan Fiction, Pokemon - Just Another Kidd?