Smeg Posted March 31, 2009 Report Share Posted March 31, 2009 [align=center]This is my first Fan-Fic, so try not to be too hard, I'll try to update weekly or so. [spoiler=Chapter 1: The First Meeting.]Gray looked down at himself, standing alone in a quite side-street. He heard steps coming closer and closer, he looked up, Pete. Great. The one person he didn’t want to see. “Wassup!? Pumped for a duel!?” Pete screamed at him. Not now. No, I’m too tired to do anything. “Go away,” I replied. “Your not wanted here.”“Scared are we?” He barked back.“Fine…” DUEL! Gray: 8000 / Pete: 8000 “DRAW!” He yells, “I’ll start off by playing ‘Gemini Elf (1900/900)’ in attack position and I set two cards, YOUR TURN!” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 8000 I draw, “Activate heavy storm, wiping your field of Spell and Traps!”“I chain Threatening Roar, meaning that you can’t attack this turn!” That moderately ruins my plan…“I summon ‘Summon Priest (800/1600)’ It’s effect activates putting it in defense position, now activate it’s second effect, by discarding a Spell card, I can Special Summon a level four from my deck to the field! I chose ‘Rescue Cat (300/100)’. Now I activate Rescue Cat’s effect, I can tribute it to Special Summon two Beast-Type monsters from my deck, I chose ‘X-Saber Airbellum (1600/200)’ and ‘The Wicked Worm Beast (1400/700)’! Now, Synchro Summon! Using X-Saber and Wicked Worm Beast, I make ‘Goyo Guardian (2800/2000)’! After all that, I end.” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 8000 “Whassis!? A Monk and a fancy-pants guardian! Think I would be scared? PFFT! I draw! Now I activate foolish burial sending ‘Blue Eyes White Dragon’ from my deck to the Graveyard! Now I activate Monster Reborn, reviving Blue Eyes Wh-““Stop right there! By discarding ‘D.D. Crow’ from my hand, I can remove your Blue Eyes from play!” Good, now he’s stuffed.“GRR! I change Gemini Elf to defense and end!” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 8000 “Draw.” Hmm, a creature swap… “I summon ‘The Wicked Worm Beast (1400/700)’ and activate ‘Creature Swap’! I give you my Worm Beast and you give me your Gemini Elf.”“That’s cheating! Let me see that card!” Pete rudely interrupts.Gray shows him the card, “WHAT!” he yells, “Fine.”“Now I end, and since The Wicked Worm Beast is mine, it’s effect activates and it returns to my hand, now, I end” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 8000 “Draw… I end…”“Wait, you didn’t do anything!?”“Nope, nothing.” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 8000 “Okay.. I draw! I summon ‘Rescue Cat (300/100)’ and activate it’s effect to get another X-Saber and another Wicked Worm Beast, now Synchro Summon! ‘Gaia Knight, Force of the Earth (2600/800)’! I attack directly with Goyo Guardian!”“Now I activate the effect of ‘Gorz the Emissary of Darkness (2700/2500)’ It can Special Summon itself when a monster attacks directly with nothing on my side of the field, and also I get a token with the same attack and defense as the damage inflicted!”Hphmm.“Gaia Knight, attack the token!” “You killed your monster to destroy it!?”“Now I activate ‘Fissure’ destroying your Gorz, now I end.” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 5200 “I draw…. I can’t do anything!? I END!” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 5200 “Draw.” This looks fun. “I activate Summon Priests effect to Special Summon a ‘Rose, Warrior of Revenge (1600/600)’ Now Synchro Summon, sending Summon Priest and a Rose, I Synchro Summon a ‘Red Dragon Archfiend (3000/2000)’ Now I summon a ‘The Wicked Worm Beast (1400/700)’ and attack directly with everything for…” “9100 Attack POINTS, but that means, that means, I lost by a lot!” Gray: 8000 / Pete: 0 “Happy, you wanted to duel, so I told you the meaning of dueling.” Hang on, why is Pete looking at me like that, I only won. All of a sudden Pete sprints at me, on the way taking my deck with him!“Hey! Where do you think your going!?”No reply, I think I just lost my deck, I start chase, but it’s hopeless it’s dark and foggy, I can’t tell where he went. I guess I’ll just have to say good-bye to my deck… [/align] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted March 31, 2009 Report Share Posted March 31, 2009 So, I'm not going to be harsh, like you asked, but I still have some concerns. 1. PETE?! He's an irritating guy. Who is he, what's his backstory, and why does he know he main character? He's loud and a big idiot. 2. So what do they look like? 3. What time is it and is there anything else we could know about the weather? Other than that, there are some grammatical errors and you need more overall description. Besides that...7/10. The redeeming feature was the duel. I enjoyed it and the use of underused cards, so keep it up and someday edit this first chapter so that you can be more proud of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Smeg Posted April 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 1, 2009 So' date=' I'm not going to be harsh, like you asked, but I still have some concerns. 1. PETE?! He's an irritating guy. Who is he, what's his backstory, and why does he know he main character? He's loud and a big idiot. 2. So what do they look like? For this and the above - when I have time i'll do bios and pictures. 3. What time is it and is there anything else we could know about the weather? I'll keep that in mind for next time. Other than that, there are some grammatical errors [b']Please point them out [/b] and you need more overall description. Besides that...7/10. The redeeming feature was the duel. I enjoyed it and the use of underused cards, so keep it up and someday edit this first chapter so that you can be more proud of it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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