Aesirson Posted April 24, 2009 Report Share Posted April 24, 2009 I really loves this fic =D I have to go now but I'll read Chapter 3 tomorrow, and also submit a character if it's okay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted April 25, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 25, 2009 Thanks, Kst80. I'm glad you like it, and feel free to submit a character in the format listed on page one whenever you are able. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted April 30, 2009 Author Report Share Posted April 30, 2009 Hey, everyone. I am totally sorry for neglecting to post chapter four after all this time - I have been pretty busy with school and the approaching final exams, so I haven't had much time to write. I am currently working on chapter four and editing out a few quirks here and there. I will probably post it sometime during the weekend, unless disaster of some sort strikes. Stay tuned, and thanks once again for your continued support of Days of the Black Apple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chizuruotohime Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Great storyline and duels too~~!! Although no Pics of cards introduced BUt they still work as a charm~~!! I'l post my own Fanfic soon about my Fany Hero Deck~~!! Thanks for the great story cyber_ice....Maybe my character will make a guest appearnce there?? Her name is Yumi. I can give you her profile~!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Thanks, Chizu. I'm glad you've enjoyed the story so far - it can only get better, and as soon as I start writing again, I guarantee that. Refer to my PM to you for more details. Thanks for your comments and continued support for Days of the Black Apple, everyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I'm not sure I can handle reading the long awesomeness that must be Chapter Three, but from what I've read of this story, it is awsumniss. (spelled incorrectly I know) But me being me, I have to comment on one or two things. - WE ALREADY KNOW HE HAS DARK SKIN. STOP SOUNDING SO RACIAL. PLEASE. I mean, in the prologue whenever he spoke you said the dark-skinned man spoke! Not the MUSCULAR man, not the BALD man, not the man with an EARRING.- Well, DUH. The female ALWAYS uses FEMALES, like Harpies, Valkyries, ice skaters, LIGHT-attributed cards, female charmers and Amazons. STOP NOT MAKING THEM USE MASCULINE CARDS FOR ONCE. PLEASE.- Neo CHECKER? *faceplam*- Daisuke uses CYBER HEROES? *facepalm* - Lastly, the prologue is basically the story of Genesis, except instead of God it's The Creator. So if I were, say, Muslim or Buddhist or something besides Christian, I would feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable DESPITE being of that religion reading it. And instead of the Devil, you call the evil guys the Dark Ones. DARKNESS IS NOT EVIL. BATS ARE NOT EVIL. THE DEVIL IS NOT NECESSARILY DARKNESS. MOLES LIVE IN DARKNESS, BUT THEY ARE AWESOME. For all I know, light is both good AND evil, seeing as in most people's descriptions of Hell, it's covered in FIRE, which is LIGHT! Fire gives off LIGHT. It's not DARK. GET OVER IT, EVERYONE WHO USES THIS STEREOTYPE. But...it's your story, so handle darkness however you want. *shrug* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I'm not sure I can handle reading the long awesomeness that must be Chapter Three' date=' but from what I've read of this story, it is awsumniss. (spelled incorrectly I know) But me being me, I have to comment on one or two things. - WE ALREADY KNOW HE HAS DARK SKIN. STOP SOUNDING SO RACIAL. PLEASE. I mean, in the prologue whenever he spoke you said the dark-skinned man spoke! Not the MUSCULAR man, not the BALD man, not the man with an EARRING.- Well, DUH. The female ALWAYS uses FEMALES, like Harpies, Valkyries, ice skaters, LIGHT-attributed cards, female charmers and Amazons. STOP NOT MAKING THEM USE MASCULINE CARDS FOR ONCE. PLEASE.- Neo CHECKER? *faceplam*- Daisuke uses CYBER HEROES? *facepalm* - Lastly, the prologue is basically the story of Genesis, except instead of God it's The Creator. So if I were, say, Muslim or Buddhist or something besides Christian, I would feel EXTREMELY uncomfortable. I felt uncomfortable DESPITE being of that religion reading it. And instead of the Devil, you call the evil guys the Dark Ones. [b']DARKNESS IS NOT EVIL. BATS ARE NOT EVIL. THE DEVIL IS NOT NECESSARILY DARKNESS. MOLES LIVE IN DARKNESS, BUT THEY ARE AWESOME.[/b] For all I know, light is both good AND evil, seeing as in most people's descriptions of Hell, it's covered in FIRE, which is LIGHT! Fire gives off LIGHT. It's not DARK. GET OVER IT, EVERYONE WHO USES THIS STEREOTYPE. But...it's your story, so handle darkness however you want. *shrug* Wow... I don't even know how to respond to this... Why did you even bother posting? There's always one of 'em... Always... Le sigh. Firstly, I'm not being racist - the fact that he has dark-skinned has nothing to do with how the character develops or acts within the story. I merely referred to him as 'the dark-skinned man' for convenience's sake, and to more easily differentiate him from the others. Secondly, this is a story written in the true style of a Yugioh Anime, meaning that you will tend to notice some similarities between this story and certain anime archetypes. One of these is the fact that the main female protagonist usually uses Female Cards - I don't plan to change that when it comes to Marren. Her use of female-themed cards against the mostly masculine-themed Decks of the other characters is symbolic of feminine impowerment, which is always important in animes - otherwise, raginging feminists would tear them down. As to Daisuke using Cyber Hero cards, they are actually based off of a 'Time Man' series one of my friends, FlashOfRed, created for an RPG a while ago. I simply borrowed the name 'Hero' to reinforce Daisuke's nature as the main good guy and to lend a touch of Elemental Hero nostalgia. And finally, we come to the dumbest part of your post, and that's saying something - this work is a piece of fiction. Its similarities to the story of Genesis are intentional, but they should not cause any discomfort in readers, unless, of course, those readers are religious fanatics. You will notice Yugioh 5d's reference to the Nazca Lines, right? Those lines have been identified as monuments to their peoples' gods. Does that cause you discomfort? Seriously, what a waste of time... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Sorry for wasting our time with this post. I'm just the weird type of critic whom people sometimes dislike. I just rant too much, and should really change that, since people have complained about that on another forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 I mean, it's nice to see that you identified elements from religion, anime, and sexual stereotypes and commented on them using good grammar... It's just the actual comments that are weird... Sorry if I was a bit harsh. I hope you like the story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chizuruotohime Posted July 12, 2009 Report Share Posted July 12, 2009 WEEEEEE~~!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takashi125 Posted July 13, 2009 Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 It takes a really good fan fiction to keep me interested. And I've found this one very interesting. Keep it up. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 13, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 13, 2009 Ah, you guys are really making me feel guilty about dropping this fanfic off my top things-to-do list! I will definitely get back to work on it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted July 17, 2009 Report Share Posted July 17, 2009 Comparing this to the original version you sent me ages ago, the improvement is obvious. I enjoyed Daisuke's and Marren's interaction in this chapter, though it may have been a little more extravagant than neccessary, and you're going to have to explain to me how Daisuke saw Marren nod if his eyes were closed. You made me wonder if there's something important about Marren's eyes, too. Other than that, I've already shared with you my views when we were initially discussing this, so there's not much else to say. I was worried a bit about this chapter since it was kind of a delicate plot point, but you handled it flawlessly. Excellent work. Well, here's to hoping that, once I come back from my vacation, there'll be more to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Wait... Where did it say that Daisuke's eyes were closed? Haha, I'll have to track that down and edit it out... xP Well, I always like to give significance to eyes, and more specifically, eye color. You'll notice that as the story continues, I will tend to use eye-related phrases, especially during Duels. I'm glad that you enjoyed it, and a little surprised - particularly because I felt it was crappy while I wrote it... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 He closed his eyes and flinched' date=' expecting an outraged shriek. But to his surprise, the girl nodded patiently,[/quote'] No, it wasn't crappy. On the contrary, it was a difficult chapter to write, but you handled it very well. You're doing a great job with characterization and development. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takashi125 Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 I think he might have gotten his first person descriptions mixed with his third person discriptions in that senteced XD Well whatever, this chapter was rather mysterious and amusing(refering to the punch to Daisuke XDD). Nicely done. I always feel that a story/anime must contain a little humor to lighten the suspenceful mood. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted July 18, 2009 Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Anime humor is always good. xD I do like how you made the two find out about each other. It'll be quite... interesting how they interact in the future, given their first impressions. Keep up the good work! ;D (PS: Will my charry ever get to show up? D:) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 18, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 18, 2009 Well, if you put it that way... Eheh, how flattering... Ixigo: Thanks. You actually have no idea how much I've struggled with characterization on the past - not that it costs me to develop characters; rather, I tend to overdevelop them. Daishi: Argh! Fine! I will go back and edit it. And thanks, I agree - hopefully I'll be able to introduce a more comedy-friendly character in the upcoming chapters. Rinne: Yes, thanks. Even the the roots of this story are firmly planted in Anglo-Saxon fantasy, I want it to also be styled after a true Yugioh anime. And of course your character will appear! Patience, child! xD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Takashi125 Posted July 19, 2009 Report Share Posted July 19, 2009 Anglo-Saxon fantasy? That never crossed my mind about this story... but then again I'm short sighted... XP That's why well written stories like this tend to throw me off XDD Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 19, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2009 Well, Anglo-Saxon as in the book that it's influenced by, Wormwood, is British... xD You'll also notice a few other elements as the book progresses, too... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted July 21, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2009 Hello, all. I would like to make a quick announcement - due to my current schedule and prior commitments, the writing of Chapter Five may take a little longer than usual. However, I assure you that there will not be such a huge gap of inactivty as there was before. Stay posted as always, and thanks for your support and patience. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted August 1, 2009 Author Report Share Posted August 1, 2009 Attention, all readers. I have reorganized all four of the chapters into my first and second posts, as well as the Prologue. This is done for your viewing convenience. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted December 5, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 5, 2009 After a long wait, Days of the Black Apple has finally been updated! Please enjoy and share your feel for the new chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Saiba Aisu Posted December 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted December 8, 2009 I'll cover both Chapters Four and Five. Grammar-wise' date=' I have nothing to say. Flawless as usual. Chapter Four felt above all like a continuation to Chapter Three, and not a part of the story in it's own. I know they are two parts of The Book with No Name (doesn't Sans Veritas mean without truth rather than without name?) but it feels like it was more of a conclusion. Predictable ending, with Daisuke finding Marren, but I look forward to the continuation of that particular plot.[/quote'] Hm, well, my writing style is often like that. Generally, when I introduce "Part One"s or "Part Two"s to something, it is because it presents a problem or plot complication that cannot be solved within the space of a single chapter. Usually, the continuation/conclusion to said problem or development will come along in the following chapter. And yes, actually - Sans Veritas means without truth in Latin. However, when I refer to it as the 'Book with No Name', I am referring to the fact that its name was lost long ago by humanity. I think it would be a bit pointless if the book was named, 'The Book With No Name'. =/ Chapter Five' date=' on the other hand, was easily the best chapter so far. I thought Clarissa was going to be the more important of the two, but I guess I was mistaken... She didn't even get a file. Seloth looks promising, but the whole "mute, creepy-looking driver" part felt a bit overdone and clichéd.[/quote'] Well, I'm glad you enjoyed it, but I don't think I did Clarissa or Caroline justice. Clarissa will be a supporting character, eventually, I suppose, and Caroline is, of course, a main character. However, I felt that Seloth deserved a lot more focus during this chapter, as she is the first real 'villain' we have encountered so far. I am currently working on Chapter Six and developing ideas for Chapter Seven, but you can be sure we'll see lots more character expansion, as well as the introduction of several new faces. Thanks for your comment! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bury the year Posted December 8, 2009 Report Share Posted December 8, 2009 I like. :3 You haven't lost your touch, even though you've been away for some time now. I can guess what deck Ms. Nasty will use, though. All the characterization is very well done, but as Umbra pointed out, there are a few cliches buried in there. However, they aren't that visible in comparison with the rest of the writing. Excellent chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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