starly Posted July 7, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 noobie Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 noobieNO U In all seriousness, I can offer this consolation. Your story is bad enough that I have been prompted to post a Pokémon-based story originally intended for a graphic novel format in fanfiction form here, in a sort of "Now This is How You PKMN Fic" event. I was going to offer advice, but your most recent post has deterred me from thinking you capable of any sort of competent post. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 Thanks, SG! You're my hero! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted July 7, 2009 Report Share Posted July 7, 2009 You're welcome. Actually, I just want to remind myself I'm not as n00bish as this guy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 This story seems to be the work of a stupid fanboy of the stupid anime. Using the characters ruins the point of an original story. And the grammar...EW. Thst'll be my catchphrase for this review. [spoiler=introduction]One morning in twinleaf town dawn' date=' liam and josh were sleeping.Crappy capitalization? EW! Capitalize names of EVERYTHING. And exactly where are they sleeping? On a couch? In a bed? In the same bed(yeah, that's a little too far)? DESCRIBE CRAP, GOSH!Josh was dawns little brother who was nine and Liam is dawns older brother he is 14....EW. No punctuation at all. This sentence details everything we DON'T need to know. And giving people brothers and sisters doesn't help anything, just makes people look further down upon the author.Liam and dawn went to sandgem town and got piplup and chimchar and turtwig was taken by ash!He rushed with his poke gear and went to rowan.R-rushing?! EW. So they teleported from rtheir beds, without waking up, into Sandgem, and then they got the stereotypical starters, and then ASH KETCHUM STOLE THEM. That's what you wrote, I made nothing up over here.the pokemon werent there until a special pokemon came in a wing pokeball.starly came out and didnt go back in its pokeball. it layed on josh and he got his pokedex and 5 pokeballs his dream came true but what dangers will he face?HOLY CRAPPOLY. A WING POKEBALL? STARLY SAT ON A KID AND DROPPED A POKEDEX AND FIVE POKEBALLS?where will he go? who will he meet? we'll find out in chapter one search for dialga,palkia and the red gyarados see ya!to be continued...Dude, I'm too scared to review the first chapter. This sucks too much for me to handle. EWEWEWEWEWEWEWEWEW!!!!! Ew. This story was utterly horrific. We meet nobody correctly, we just kinda look at them. And what do they look like, anyways? I'm training to be a REAL author, so I need to know what plots have potential or not. And this thing is a piece of crap. Pooped by a zombie. A zombie horse. That just ate a taco monster. Filled with MORE POOP!! Ew, I'm sorry, but try to do something else. At least LISTEN to the advice people gave you and REWRITE THIS. noobieNO U In all seriousness' date=' I can offer this consolation. Your story is bad enough that I have been prompted to post a Pokémon-based story originally intended for a graphic novel format in fanfiction form here, in a sort of "Now This is How You PKMN Fic" event. I was going to offer advice, but your most recent post has deterred me from thinking you capable of any sort of competent post.[/quote']can you just post what to right Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 Weather Report has been telling you this entire time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 what for you to help Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Supreme Gamesmaster Posted July 8, 2009 Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 NO!! YOU ALREADY GOT A TON OF ADVICE. NOW IMPLEMENT IT. MAKE THIS AS MUCH LIKE A REAL NOVEL AS POSSIBLE. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted July 8, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 8, 2009 LOCK PLEASE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 FINALLY... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 please mod just lock because people are being horrid Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 Peope arn't being horrid, people are just trying to help you improve. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
starly Posted July 9, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 but weather report is Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kendo Fish Posted July 9, 2009 Report Share Posted July 9, 2009 No, Weather Report's just giving advice the way he gives EVERYBODY advice. Just look at some of his other reviews. He wasn't being any harsher than he was to those other writers, as far as I know. But if you SERIOUSLY want to lock this, go ahead, but I'm warning you, it will go on your permanent record if you don't take his advice to heart. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted July 10, 2009 Report Share Posted July 10, 2009 Uh-huh.And we don't mean 'permanent record' on this site, but in general... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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