.:*Cyber~KaiserX*:. Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 My cousin is annoying me so to get him off my back, I'm gonna post his poem. He wants to here how people react to it. He is ok with constructive criticism. Here it is.... [align=center]No Love For The UnwantedBy: The Masked Poet It happened again,But it hurt more than before.Why is that? Maybe because I never find...The one I know who will say yes.Why is it that I'm never enough. I'm one of the nicest people...They will ever meet,But I'm just never enough I thought I found someone...I could relate to...Someone who liked me for who I am. I just get stepped on in the end.Why bother in the first place?I always get the same outcome. Bitter sweetness...And a crushed heart.Should I try again? I show my feelings,But I guess I shouldn't.But, if she doesn't like me for who I am... Is it real love?Or jusy a joke?I'll try again... Maybe it will work this time.Maybe...just maybe...I will find one...very soon That will say...yes[/align] (he is eight by the way and I could have made changes to it, but he likes to keep things the same to keep the feelings in. He might change it later on with feedback.)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spartan919 Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 WOW! This is an awesome poem. I think he did a great job. BTW, you are so sweet for posting his poem here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OMGAKITTY Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 He's eight? Jeeze, depressed little bugger. I suggest reducing the number of ellipses (those "..."), they get kind of annoying. Use some commas. I suck at poetry so I can't tell you about rhythm and all that crap, but the overall tone was really just too emo for my tastes. Sounds like a little teen boy whining about the girl who rejected him. Bleh. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:*Cyber~KaiserX*:. Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 WOW! This is an awesome poem. I think he did a great job. BTW' date=' you are so sweet for posting his poem here.[/quote']Ehh, at times i can be sweet.He's eight? Jeeze' date=' depressed little bugger. I suggest reducing the number of ellipses (those "..."), they get kind of annoying. Use some commas. I suck at poetry so I can't tell you about rhythm and all that crap, but the overall tone was really just too emo for my tastes. Sounds like a little teen boy whining about the girl who rejected him. Bleh.[/quote']lol it is lol, but i'm not gunna laugh at him cuz she did like him first and then she changed so i'm not gunna laugh at him..this time Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dismal Euphony Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Why is he 8 complaining about love and giving up? Tell him to cheer up. No one likes an emo kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:*Cyber~KaiserX*:. Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Oh he is cheered up already. he already has another girlfriend, he just wanted to see if others liked his poem before he tries to get them published. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Willieh Posted July 6, 2009 Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 Wow. When I was eight I don't think I was this emotionally attached to anything. O_o Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.:*Cyber~KaiserX*:. Posted July 6, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 6, 2009 yeah its weird. She liked him, she wanted to hang out wit him alot, so he did and he started to like her. They had alot in common, and when he asked her out she said she didn't like him. Bummer, oh well thats in the past for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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