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Digimon: Champions of the Digital World! -Chapter 1 added-


Rucario

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This is basically my first OFFICIAL fanfic. I WOULD *Gulp* appreciate a Weather Report.

 

[spoiler=Characters]

In case you don't know, I already know you might flame me for posting a Character List.

[spoiler=Shao]

Name: Shao Takenori

Age: 11

Likes: Playing Video games and Soccer

Dislikes: Camping

[spoiler=Appearance:]

anime_kid.jpg?t=1248306770

 

Bio: Shao is a stubborn kid who usually stays at home. He likes playing video games. Because of his usual attitude, he usually get's into detention. When he can't play video games, he goes and plays Soccer.

Habit: Playing Video games

Best Friend: Reo

 

[spoiler=Reo]

Name: Reo Hatashi

Age: 11

Likes: Playing Soccer with Shao

Dislikes: Vegetables

[spoiler=Appearance:]

anime-smart-boy.jpg

 

Bio: Reo easily adapts to New Things without difficulty. He is Shao's best friend. Usually when Shao is in detention, Reo will get himself into detention on purpose.

Habit: Says "Come on!" all the time, although he doesn't notice.

Best Friend: Shao

 

[spoiler=Rey]

Name: Rey Kuzuki

Age: 12

Likes: Reading books and playing Soccer

Dislikes: ?

[spoiler=Appearance:]

NarumiAyumu.png

 

Bio: He is R.C's big brother. He protects his little brother; R.C from any harm and if anything happened to him then it would be Rey's responsibility.

Habit: N/A

Best Friend: R.C?

 

[spoiler=Tea]

Name: Tea (Tey - ah) Lanzo

Age: 10

Likes: Flowers

Dislikes: Bugs

[spoiler=Appearance:]

3069247390_636a95380e_o.jpg

 

Bio: Tea has been described as a "girly girl" - spoiled, ditsy, vain, and prissy girl who complains a lot, but is also sensitive, sweet and caring. She often talks of shopping and fashion.

Habit: Usually runs away from bugs?

Best Friend: Ria

 

[spoiler=Ria]

Name: Ria Morou

Age: 11

Likes: Soccer

Dislikes: N/A

[spoiler=Appearance:]

nagisa.png?w=500&h=375

 

Bio: Ria is a very reliable person and tries to take care of the other kids. Ria is a very tomboyish character. She played on the soccer team with Reo.

Habit: N/A

Best Friend: Tea

 

 

[spoiler=R.C]

Name: Rucario "R.C" Kuzuki

Age: 8

Likes: Older Brother

Dislikes: Vegetables

[spoiler=Appearance]

Kazuya_my_little_boy_by_bad_girl09.jpg

 

Bio: R.C is usually kind and cheerful. He is the youngest of the Group and Re's little brother.

Habir: N/A

Best Friend: Big Brother Rey

 

 

 

[spoiler=Chapters]

[spoiler=Chapter 1: The Beginnning]

 

[align=center]Digimon: Champions of the Digital World

Chapter 1: The Beginning[/align]

It was a quiet night, except for Shao who was very fed up with camping. "Urgh, Camping sucks! I really want to go home right now! I don't want to waste my summer!” mumbled Shao, who was lying on a oak tree. Shao was getting very impatient, he wanted to go home. Everyone was enjoying their moment except him.

 

"Come on, Shao! Don't be so pissed off!” said a familiar voice from around the campfire.

 

"Reo, how do you even enjoy this place?!" Shao shouted at him loudly.

 

Reo gave a. "Hey, it's not that bad! Come on or you'll miss the marshmellos!"

 

"Ugh, fine...." Shao grunted.

 

Shao started walked over to the campfire but Tea accidentally ran into him while being chased by a fly. "GET AWAY FROM ME, YOU FILTHY LITTLE CREATURE! WHY DIDN’T I BRING MY BUG SPRAY?! AHHH!!!!!"

 

Shao got up, then clapped his hands which crushed the poor little bug. "There, happy? Now please stop annoying me." Ria looked at Shao angrily. "That's not very nice Shao."

 

“Anyway, Rey, where's R.C?" said Shao.

 

"Oh, he's already sleeping, what a shame…" sighed Rey.

 

When it was morning, something strange happened. It was snowing. "What in the world is going on here?!" said Shao who was confused .

 

"Who cares, Shao! Come on!" said Reo who just came out of the tent. R.C was already playing in the snow with Rey. Ria came out of the Tent and then looked at the sky .

 

"What is that? Some kind of aurora?"

 

" What's what?” said Rey who just started to look at the . "Oh, that! Finally, some excitement!"

 

"I can't believe I just noticed that now...." said Reo who was strangely looking at the Aurora-Thing.

 

R.C looked at the aurora-thing. "Brother, what's that?"

 

Rey looked at the Aurora Thing seriously for a while and then said , "I don't know, R.C. I don't know."

 

Suddenly, six small meteorites fell from the sky. "What just happened?!" said Rey.

Just then, the meteorites rose from the snow and it seemed that they are actually some sort of device. Each of the campers then took device that was floating in front of them.

 

"What are these devices?" said Shao, who was very puzzled.

 

Reo then patted Shao's shoulder and said, "Relax, probably just some handheld console that somehow fell off a plane. "

Shao stared at Reo blankly, then shouted at Reo, "THAT IS BY FAR, THE MOST STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!"

 

Just then, the campers felt uneasy.

 

 

Urgh, what's this feeling?" said Shao, on his knees.

"I-I don't know....I feel uneasy." said Reo, also on his knees.

 

 

R.C lied on the ground face-up. "What's going on, bro?"

 

Rey tried to resist the uneasy feeling . "I don't know...." just then, all the campers fainted.

 

Shao then woke up after a while. "Whew, a dream...For a second there-" Shao just then noticed that he was in a forest. "OK, maybe it’s not a dream."

 

Just then, something close to Shao and said, "HIYA BUDDY!" Shao then turned to see who that was shocked. It was a seahorse-like creature....

 

 

 

 

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This is basically my first OFFICIAL fanfic. I would somehow appreciate a Weather Report.

And a Weather Report you shall have!

Special alternate coloring! Also' date=' I dislike it when character lists come before the actual chapters. Oh well. Your story, your world. Proceed.[/color']

[spoiler=Chapters]

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

 

[align=center]Digimon: Champions of the Digital World

Chapter 1: The Beginning[/align]

A generic name. The beginning! The end! The origin! The store! The cereal! The parakeet! OMINOUS!

It was a quiet Night Are yo German? Because "night" really shouldn't be capitalized, unless it's German, or the name of a weird beastie., except for Shao who was very fed up.Fed up with...? And what does he look like? Where's the comma? I feel catapulted into a strange and brave new world. "Urgh, Camping sucks! Urgh, confusing German capitalization with English capitalization sucks! By the way, why is he talking to himself? I really want to go home right now! I don't want to waste my Summer! Me capitalizing these nouns is weird, and is mostly just a German thing!" mumbled ShaoCOMMA who was lying on a tree.What kind of tree? Oak or palm or birch or what? Shao was getting very impatient. With what? The ice cream truck? Also, I guess Shao looks just like Himura Kenshin/Battosai from Rurouni Kenshin. Woah. Everyone was enjoying their moment except him.

 

Your welcome for correctly separating these paragraphs. "Come on, Shao! Don't be so Laid-back! Come on, Shao! Don't use so many capital Letters! By the way, why is being laid-back suddenly a BAD thing? I LIKE laid-back people. They're not crazy or demented. I THINK you have the wrong term. SHAO IS NOT LAID-BACK, HE'S ANGRY FOR NO GOOD REASON. said a familar one sign you didn't spell-check voice from around the Campfire. Odd capitalization sucks.

 

Your welcome. "Reo, how do you even enjoy this place?!" said a random raccoon. Who said that? It's probably Himura Battosai, but I can't be sure!

 

Your welcome. Who's Reo? I guess he's Yoh from Shaman King. Uh. Reo gave a smilePERIOD NOT COMMA. Or else smiling would be a way of speaking. "Hey, it's not that bad! What isn't? Come on or you'll miss the Campfire!" I thought the campfire was just a fire made by some flint or sticks rubbed together. Not a festival or event that you can actually MISS OUT on. UNNECESSARY PERIOD

 

Your welcome. "Ugh, fine...." Shao said. He didn't grunt, complain, say it sarcastically or anything. HE JUST SAID.

 

Shao started walked STARTED WALKING over to the Campfire which was in the nearby Michigan Metropolitan Area but was then accidentally knocked over by Tea by stepping on her face and tumbling off onto HIS face who was being chased by a bug What kind of bug? Not even a Kuwagaterimon or giant thing like that? Oh, COME ON! No description makes me sad. PERIOD Who's Tea? Ah well, guess she's a sloth bear. Wait. IT'S THE STEREOTYPICAL SCARED GIRL WHOM NOBODY LIKES. LET'S HUNT HER DOWN AND KILL HER!! I mean, seriously. I never liked these characters, at least not when they're in Evil Little Bug Mode. I mean, even Misty from Pokemon is intolerable when she screams "AAH!! A SMALL INSECT! GET IT AWAAAYYYY!" "Get away from me, you filthy little Creature (capitalized for no reason)! Why didn't I bring my Bug Spray (capitalized for no reason)?! AHHH!!!!!"

 

Your welcome. Shao got up then clapped his oddly-capitalized Hands which crushed the poor little bug PERIOD This sentence seriously needs some commas. "There, happy? Now please stop annoying me." And everyone else reading about you. Please slap her. Ria looked at Shao angrily PERIOD Who's Ria? I guess Ria is a small brown kitty. "That's not very nice, Shao." UNNECESSARY COMMA But this girl was running frantically FROM A BUG. It's not like these are prehistoric times and it's out to eat your soul or something. WHY. Even the most frightened and naive person I've ever known would NOT run away from bugs like that. Now, plastic hippos? Those are kind of frightening. Bugs? NO. Saying that the scaredy girl is annoying isn't MEAN, it's THE TRUTH. Stop being such a wuss, Ria.

 

Your welcome."Anyway, Rey, where's R.C?" said Shao.

 

Your welcome. "Oh, he's already sleeping. What a shameCOMMA" said Rey. This is like people saying...

"Hey, Bob. How are you," Bill said.

"I am fine. How are you," Bob said.

"I am fine as well. Say, where is Betty," said Bill.

"Oh, he is in the Michigan Metropolitan Area. What a shame," Bob said.

 

 

When it was morning, wait, what? You just catapulted us into morning. More description earlier would have helped. something strange happened. It was snowing. Since you never specified the season, I guess it's winter. That's normal for Michigan! Don't be crazy. "What in the world is going on here?!" said Shao who was confused I could tell. It's snowing. Can't you tell by the snow falling from the sky? Idiot Shao.

 

Your welcome. "Who cares, Shao! Come on!" said Reo who just came out of the Tent which is apparently a massive hub area if you CAPITALIZED IT. It resembles Pac-Man, by the way. But it's much, much bigger.. R.C who looks just like a miniature giant panda was already playing in the snow with Rey by suffocating him/her somehow with it.. Ria came out of the Tent and then looked at the oddly-capitalized Sky PERIOD

 

Your welcome. "What is that? Some kind of oddly-capitalized Aurora?" The sky was actually a plain green. That's not an aurora. That's just a weird sky. DESCRIBE!

 

Your welcome." NO SPACE IS NECESSARY What's what? QUOTATION MARKS said Rey who just started to look at the oddly-capitalized Sky PERIOD "Oh, that! Finally, some excitement!" Puke-green snowy sky = excitement. ?

 

"I can't believe I just noticed that now...." said Reo who was strangely by that I mean with only one eye since you don't really describe the moment looking at the oddly-capitalized Aurora-Thing.

 

Your welcome. R.C (stands for radio-controlled, by the way) looked at the oddly-capitalized Aurora-Thing PERIOD "Brother, what's that?"

 

Your welcome. Wait, they're brothers? They look nothing alike! I smell T.K. and his older sibling knockoffs... Rey looked at the Aurora Thing seriously for a while and then said COMMA "I don't know, R.C. I don't know." Duh. it's a puke green sky! Isn't it obvious?

 

Suddenly, 6 spell the word out instead of just typing the number itself small meteorites fell from the oddly-capitalized Sky. They looked like cheese. What damage did they leave? Did they run out of money in their budget to show them land, for some reason? I mean, wut? "What just happened?!" said Rey. The obvious. Six meteorites just fell. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!? Wow, these people are the exact opposites of Captain Obvious.

 

Your welcome. Just then, the 6 small oddly-capitalized Meteorites We know there's six, and we know they're small. You've already specified. rise and shift to present-tense for a split second from the oddly-capitalized Snow and it seems that they are in the present-tense instead of past-tense. actually some sort of device. How fast did they figure this out? We're not eased into it. It's like you wanted to get this over with and just stated the outline of a few paragraphs. Shouldn't they be ON FIRE? That's not just something that they do on TV, THEY REALLY ARE THAT HOT when they enter Earth's atmosphere. Each of the campers then took the oddly-capitalized Device that was floating in front of them. Since when was there only one device and when was it floating?

"What are these devices?" said Shao who was puzzled. The "who was" that you keep using here is unnecessary. And, oh, there's more than one. Confusing.

Reo then patted Shao's shoulder and said, "Relax, probably just some oddly-capitalized Mini-Video Game that somehow fell off a plane PERIOD" THESE THINGS CAME FROM FREAKING METEORITES. HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET!?!? And "mini-video game"? You mean "tamagotchi" or "handheld console" or just "video game"? Adding "mini" makes it sound so awkward.

Shao stared at Reo blankly, then shouted at Reo, "THAT IS BY FAR, THE MOST STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!" Don't be talking. "Most stupidest"? besides, that's a gross overstatement. Meteorites just landed in your camp and all you can talk about is stupidity? Shao is NOT LAID-BACK. AT ALL.

 

Just then, the oddly-capitalized Campers felt uneasy. Meteorites fall down and you JUST NOW feel uneasy?

 

Your welcome. Press Enter twice, not once."Urgh, what's this feeling?" said Shao NO "WHO WAS" USE A COMMA on his knees.

"I-I don't know....I feel uneasy PERIOD" said Reo NO WHO WAS! also on his knees.

"Who was?"

"No who was!"

"Who was?"

"No who was!"

"...Who waaaas?"

 

Your welcome. R.C lied on the ground on his face PERIOD. "What's going on, bro?"

 

Your welcome.Rey tried to resist PERIOD Resist what? the temptation to have a beer? "I don't know...." NO PERIOD! Just then, all the oddly-capitalized Campers fainted. Uh? Nonsensical moment? Of random?

 

Shao then woke up after a while. How long is "a while"? Two minutes? Wow, how short. "Whew, a dream...For a second there-" NO COMMA! Shao just then noticed that he was in a forest. "OK, maybe not a dream PERIOD Why is he always talking to himself instead of THINKING? I thought the camp was ALREADY in the forest. And NEVER USE ABBREVIATIONS. OK looks stupid here, frankly."

 

Your welcome. Just then, something close to Shao AND said COMMA "HIYA BUDDY!" That's like something a Hong-Kong Phooey ripoff would cry before kicking somebody in the face. "HIII-YAAH BUDDEEEEE!!" Shao then turned to see who that was expressionlessly. It was an oddly-capitalized Seahorse-like creature....Wanna know what it is? Too bad. Dang, I was hoping for that.

 

Overall, needz moar description, needz moar likable characters, needz moar sense. And once you do those edits, please don't make it too much like the original Digidestined. If you weren't, awsum.

 

I wish you luck. -_0

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I need one more weather report before making chapter 2. And I can endure harsh Weather Reports.....somehow.


This is basically my first OFFICIAL fanfic. I would somehow appreciate a Weather Report.

And a Weather Report you shall have!

Special alternate coloring! Also' date=' I dislike it when character lists come before the actual chapters. Oh well. Your story, your world. Proceed.[/color']

[spoiler=Chapters]

[spoiler=Chapter 1]

 

[align=center]Digimon: Champions of the Digital World

Chapter 1: The Beginning[/align]

A generic name. The beginning! The end! The origin! The store! The cereal! The parakeet! OMINOUS!

It was a quiet Night Are yo German? Because "night" really shouldn't be capitalized, unless it's German, or the name of a weird beastie., except for Shao who was very fed up.Fed up with...? And what does he look like? Where's the comma? I feel catapulted into a strange and brave new world. "Urgh, Camping sucks! Urgh, confusing German capitalization with English capitalization sucks! By the way, why is he talking to himself? I really want to go home right now! I don't want to waste my Summer! Me capitalizing these nouns is weird, and is mostly just a German thing!" mumbled ShaoCOMMA who was lying on a tree.What kind of tree? Oak or palm or birch or what? Shao was getting very impatient. With what? The ice cream truck? Also, I guess Shao looks just like Himura Kenshin/Battosai from Rurouni Kenshin. Woah. Who on Anime World is that?Everyone was enjoying their moment except him.

 

Your welcome for correctly separating these paragraphs. Thanks"Come on, Shao! Don't be so Laid-back! Come on, Shao! Don't use so many capital Letters! By the way, why is being laid-back suddenly a BAD thing? I LIKE laid-back people. They're not crazy or demented. I THINK you have the wrong term. SHAO IS NOT LAID-BACK, HE'S ANGRY FOR NO GOOD REASON. Fixedsaid a familar one sign you didn't spell-checkFixed voice from around the Campfire. Odd capitalization sucks.It's my habit

 

Your welcome. "Reo, how do you even enjoy this place?!" said a random raccoon. Who said that? It's probably Himura Battosai, but I can't be sure! Once more, who is Himura?

 

Your welcome. Who's Reo? I guess he's Yoh from Shaman King. Uh. I don't know how to introduce them and that's why I made the character list Reo gave a smilePERIOD NOT COMMA. Or else smiling would be a way of speaking. "Hey, it's not that bad! What isn't? Camping Come on or you'll miss the Campfire!" I thought the campfire was just a fire made by some flint or sticks rubbed together. Not a festival or event that you can actually MISS OUT on. Fixed UNNECESSARY PERIOD

 

Your welcome. "Ugh, fine...." Shao said. He didn't grunt, complain, say it sarcastically or anything. HE JUST SAID. Fixed

 

Shao started walked STARTED WALKING What? over to the Campfire which was in the nearby Michigan Metropolitan Area Explaining the camp area is difficult for me but was then accidentally knocked over by Tea by stepping on her face and tumbling off onto HIS face Fixed who was being chased by a bug What kind of bug? Not even a Kuwagaterimon or giant thing like that? Oh, COME ON! No description makes me sad. A little HARMLESS bug PERIOD Who's Tea? Ah well, guess she's a sloth bear. Wait. IT'S THE STEREOTYPICAL SCARED GIRL WHOM NOBODY LIKES. LET'S HUNT HER DOWN AND KILL HER!! What? I mean, seriously. I never liked these characters, at least not when they're in Evil Little Bug Mode. I mean, even Misty from Pokemon is intolerable when she screams "AAH!! A SMALL INSECT! GET IT AWAAAYYYY!" "Get away from me, you filthy little Creature (capitalized for no reason)! Why didn't I bring my Bug Spray (capitalized for no reason)?! AHHH!!!!!"

 

Your welcome. Shao got up then clapped his oddly-capitalized Hands which crushed the poor little bug PERIOD This sentence seriously needs some commas. "There, happy? Now please stop annoying me." And everyone else reading about you. Please slap her. Ria looked at Shao angrily PERIOD Who's Ria? I guess Ria is a small brown kitty. "That's not very nice, Shao." UNNECESSARY COMMA But this girl was running frantically FROM A BUG. It's not like these are prehistoric times and it's out to eat your soul or something. WHY. Even the most frightened and naive person I've ever known would NOT run away from bugs like that. Now, plastic hippos? Those are kind of frightening. Bugs? NO. Saying that the scaredy girl is annoying isn't MEAN, it's THE TRUTH. Stop being such a wuss, Ria.

 

Your welcome."Anyway, Rey, where's R.C?" said Shao.

 

Your welcome. "Oh, he's already sleeping. What a shameCOMMA" said Rey. This is like people saying...

"Hey, Bob. How are you," Bill said.

"I am fine. How are you," Bob said.

"I am fine as well. Say, where is Betty," said Bill.

"Oh, he is in the Michigan Metropolitan Area. What a shame," Bob said.

 

 

When it was morning, wait, what? You just catapulted us into morning. More description earlier would have helped. I knew somebody would say that something strange happened. It was snowing. Since you never specified the season, I guess it's winter. That's normal for Michigan! Don't be crazy. Well, it states that it's summer by Shao in the first paragraph "What in the world is going on here?!" said Shao who was confused I could tell. It's snowing. Can't you tell by the snow falling from the sky? Idiot Shao.It meant like why did it snow.

 

Your welcome. "Who cares, Shao! Come on!" said Reo who just came out of the Tent which is apparently a massive hub area if you CAPITALIZED IT. It resembles Pac-Man, by the way. But it's much, much bigger.. R.C who looks just like a miniature giant panda was already playing in the snow with Rey by suffocating him/her somehow with it. Just playing, not suffocating. Ria came out of the Tent and then looked at the oddly-capitalized Sky PERIOD

 

Your welcome. "What is that? Some kind of oddly-capitalized Aurora?" The sky was actually a plain green. That's not an aurora. That's just a weird sky. DESCRIBE! That's sorta difficult to describe.....

 

Your welcome." NO SPACE IS NECESSARY What's what? QUOTATION MARKS said Rey who just started to look at the oddly-capitalized Sky PERIOD "Oh, that! Finally, some excitement!" Puke-green snowy sky = excitement. ? He was completely bored and supernatural stuff make him excited but TOO supernatural stuff is just treated by him like any other

 

"I can't believe I just noticed that now...." said Reo who was strangely by that I mean with only one eye since you don't really describe the moment looking at the oddly-capitalized Aurora-Thing.

 

Your welcome. R.C (stands for radio-controlled, by the way) It doesn't stand for anything. It's short for Rucario looked at the oddly-capitalized Aurora-Thing PERIOD "Brother, what's that?"

 

Your welcome. Wait, they're brothers? They look nothing alike! I smell T.K. and his older sibling knockoffs... Rey looked at the Aurora Thing seriously for a while and then said COMMA "I don't know, R.C. I don't know." Duh. it's a puke green sky! Isn't it obvious?

 

Suddenly, 6 spell the word out instead of just typing the number itself Fixed small meteorites fell from the oddly-capitalized Sky. They looked like cheese. What damage did they leave? Did they run out of money in their budget to show them land, for some reason? I mean, wut? "What just happened?!" said Rey. The obvious. Six meteorites just fell. YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!? Wow, these people are the exact opposites of Captain Obvious.

 

Your welcome. Just then, the 6 small oddly-capitalized Meteorites We know there's six, and we know they're small. You've already specified. rise and shift to present-tense for a split second from the oddly-capitalized Snow and it seems that they are in the present-tense instead of past-tense. Fixed actually some sort of device. How fast did they figure this out? We're not eased into it. It's like you wanted to get this over with and just stated the outline of a few paragraphs. Shouldn't they be ON FIRE? That's not just something that they do on TV, THEY REALLY ARE THAT HOT when they enter Earth's atmosphere. But it didn't even come from space....Each of the campers then took the oddly-capitalized Device that was floating in front of them. Since when was there only one device and when was it floating?

"What are these devices?" said Shao who was puzzled. The "who was" that you keep using here is unnecessary. And, oh, there's more than one. Confusing. I suppose FIXED

Reo then patted Shao's shoulder and said, "Relax, probably just some oddly-capitalized Mini-Video Game that somehow fell off a plane PERIOD" THESE THINGS CAME FROM FREAKING METEORITES. HOW STUPID CAN YOU GET!?!? And "mini-video game"? You mean "tamagotchi" or "handheld console" or just "video game"? Adding "mini" makes it sound so awkward. FIXED

Shao stared at Reo blankly, then shouted at Reo, "THAT IS BY FAR, THE MOST STUPIDEST THING I HAVE EVER HEARD!" Don't be talking. "Most stupidest"? besides, that's a gross overstatement. Meteorites just landed in your camp and all you can talk about is stupidity? Shao is NOT LAID-BACK. AT ALL.

 

Just then, the oddly-capitalized Campers felt uneasy. Meteorites fall down and you JUST NOW feel uneasy? It's because of well.....Being sucked into the Digital World and stuff which shouldn't be specified otherwise it would be a Spoiler

 

Your welcome. Press Enter twice, not once."Urgh, what's this feeling?" said Shao NO "WHO WAS" USE A COMMA Ok, and fixed on his knees.

"I-I don't know....I feel uneasy PERIOD" said Reo NO WHO WAS! also on his knees.

"Who was?"

"No who was!"

"Who was?"

"No who was!"

"...Who waaaas?"

 

Your welcome. R.C lied on the ground on his face PERIOD. "What's going on, bro?"

 

Your welcome.Rey tried to resist PERIOD Resist what? the temptation to have a beer? "I don't know...." NO PERIOD! Just then, all the oddly-capitalized Campers fainted. Uh? Nonsensical moment? Of random?

 

Shao then woke up after a while. How long is "a while"? Two minutes? Wow, how short. Just a while "Whew, a dream...For a second there-" NO COMMA! Shao just then noticed that he was in a forest. "OK, maybe not a dream PERIOD Why is he always talking to himself instead of THINKING? I thought the camp was ALREADY in the forest. And NEVER USE ABBREVIATIONS. OK looks stupid here, frankly."

 

Your welcome. Just then, something close to Shao AND said COMMA "HIYA BUDDY!" That's like something a Hong-Kong Phooey ripoff would cry before kicking somebody in the face. "HIII-YAAH BUDDEEEEE!!" Shao then turned to see who that was expressionlessly. It was an oddly-capitalized Seahorse-like creature....Wanna know what it is? Too bad. Dang, I was hoping for that. I just like dramatic endings and stuff like that

 

Overall, needz moar description, needz moar likable characters, needz moar sense. And once you do those edits, please don't make it too much like the original Digidestined. If you weren't, awsum.

 

I wish you luck. -_0

I have done this before with Weather Report in another Fanfic I made which I abandoned. You guys ARE helpful in pointing out spelling errors and capitalization but you still also for some reason specify the obvious which the readers can already know what's going on.

 

I know I shouldn't make it too much like the Digidestined, I even for some reason swapped roles of some and there are only six if you didn't count so I'm not making it too much like the original. But this is still just some kind of copy with extra scenes, removed scenes, role exchanging, character exchanging, different emotions and purposes, and stuff like that.

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I like the minor relaxed phrases now and then throughout the story, it lacks some strong description like when you said

"Suddenly, six small meteorites fell from the sky"

maybe you could have given some description in that part

i hope you continue this fan fic and don't leave it like your last one

good luck

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