Yu-gi-oh Dude Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Back Of The Net!The beautiful game just got ugly… CHAPTER ONE:THE BEGINNING OF THE END Blake Hutso; the (un)lucky 21 year-old protagonist of our story, was lying atop his bed, thinking about the mysterious world of football. The prowess of the players, their spunk and spark they showed playing football, the whistle signalling kick-off. The nail-biting moment of the penalty kick, the sneaky rebound to give the equaliser. Blake sighed. He was a very talented football player, but wasn’t spotted by scouts to join a team. He wanted to experience what it would be like to play professionally… Blake dragged his heavy bones down the stairs. There was a letter on the floor. He didn’t hesitate to pick it up. Blake stared at it over breakfast, wondering what could be inside. The suspense was just too much. He shredded the letter open. A neatly folded, sealed letter fluttered onto the floor. Blake was sweating, what would the letter be? CHAPTER TWO:DISCOVERY OF A LEGEND From the desk of the BOTN League Committee Dear Reader, We have recently found you have expressed an interest in the league and in return we would like to, on behalf of the league, join. There are three teams that need a player. Please circle one of the teams name and send to the address at the bottom of this letter. A) The Underdogs Are Go B) Dark Side Of The Ball C) Heat Of The Goal Please send by 30th September or you may not be accepted. THE BOTN LEAGUE COMMITTEE. BOTN League,178647683685 Victory Road,Sector 101,Delta 102,West Dranghana,543-675-284-429-248 Blake blinked. He couldn’t believe he was in a football league. But what team would he choose. The Underdogs Are Go? Or maybe Dark Side Of The Ball? What about The Heat Of The Goal? Rest assured, Blake would pick the best for sure… Please tell me what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EnkoMaun Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 extremely short chapters. That's it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yu-gi-oh Dude Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Ill try and make em longer but wht do u think about the actual writing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 The chapters are too short, and we don't know what the guy or his house look like. I'm not even sure if he's bald! And THAT is a BIG problem. And also, why would these guys just send him this letter for no reason describing such specifically named SOCCER teams(yeah, I know that all non-American countries call it football, but my patriotism won't let me accept it)? Fix the names of the teams, describe more crap, EXPLAIN more crap and you know all about the length problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yu-gi-oh Dude Posted July 27, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 Anything good about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted July 27, 2009 Report Share Posted July 27, 2009 There's not enough written yet to figure out the good stuff. Really, all that happened was that a 21 year-old unlucky guy wakes up, finds a better and eats breakfast. What's so special about that? It's just... fine right not. Not good, not bad, just fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted July 28, 2009 Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 Not to mention, breaking the wall is not a good thing to do.And the two chapters could be about an eighth of one chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yu-gi-oh Dude Posted July 28, 2009 Author Report Share Posted July 28, 2009 There's not enough written yet to figure out the good stuff. Really' date=' all that happened was that a 21 year-old unlucky guy wakes up, finds a better and eats breakfast. What's so special about that? It's just... fine right not. Not good, not bad, just fine.[/quote'] But it is about to get worse. Very worse... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaisu Posted July 29, 2009 Report Share Posted July 29, 2009 Oh boy... lemme guess,it's gunna be in SCRIPT FORMAT!!!!! *scream* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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