Yu-Gi-Oh!: Future Visions (Ch.16) (PG-16)

[ragnarok1945]

if you did, I haven't read it, haven't had the time to

[RyanAtlus]

Since it will take me a while to get the following chapters done, I've decided to post some previews.

 

Chapter 14-Battling the Beasts

Ann realizes she only has one turn to win from Diales, unless she finds a way to destroy her Dragons quickly. Saitu faces off with Van Peltzing, a hunter with a Deck that seems to counter Saitu's strategy.

 

Chapter 15-King's Pride: Re-match (part 1)

Meanwhile, in Japan: former King Jack Atlus challenges Yusei Fudo to win his title back. The first-class Turbo Duels begins, and is broadcasted all over the world. Yusei manages to Synchro Summon Stardust Dragon on the first turn. Jack knows there is still a way to turn the tables, and decides he should start playing more serious...

 

Chapter 16-King's Pride: __________! (part 2)

Just as Jack is starting to get the upper hand, Yusei manages to come back with a move nobody expected.

[ragnarok1945]

a little on the small end, but it's nevertheless a start.

 

How long before we can expect chap 14?

[RyanAtlus]

a little on the small end' date=' but it's nevertheless a start.

 

How long before we can expect chap 14?

[/quote']

 

That might take a while.

London Expo is starting to get close; only less than two months left to buy: everything I need for my costume (excluding gloves and hat), some white jeans, a wig. Then I'll need to start working on my leather boots, which aren't really leather, but rubber boots sprayed gray...After my costume's perfect, I'll have to start working on my choreography, which I want to base on Michael Jackson's moves.

 

I believe I haven't posted any pictures of my Joey cosplay yet. I'll post them in the "official cosplay thread".

[ragnarok1945]

in that case you should keep bumping this to keep it alive.

 

At the very least, can we expect chap 14 before summer arrives?

[RyanAtlus]

in that case you should keep bumping this to keep it alive.

 

At the very least' date=' can we expect chap 14 before summer arrives?

[/quote']

 

I'll try to finish 2 chapters before the Easter Holidays end.

I want to keep 14 relatively simple, even though there are 2 different Duels going on at the same time. That way, I can make the Duel between Yusei and Jack, to which I'm looking forward to write, something Special.

All the Speed Spells that will be used in this fanfiction will be sorted under "Custom Cards", because there aren't any official releases of them, but most of them will have the same effect as in WC09. The only exception that comes to mind right now will be Speed Spell-Angel Baton.

[ragnarok1945]

it's better than nothing at all, I will wait for the 2 chap updates then

[RyanAtlus]

Chapter 14 is currently being betaread.

I'm going to start chapter 15 as soon as possible. You all know I'm a Jack fanboy, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy for him. Yusei is still a better Duelist, after all...

---

Chapter 14 is up for betarreading.

I'll start writing chapter 15 as soon as possible. Yuo all know I'm a Jack fanboy, but that doesn't mean I'm going to make it easy for him. Yusei's still a better Duelist after all...

Also, the title for chapter 16 has been decided.

[ragnarok1945]

good, so how much longer before those chapters are put up here?

[RyanAtlus]

Actually, chapter 14 is up.

 

Also, I'm still trying to make all JACK's awesome plays into one Duel. He'll be pretty awesome.

[RyanAtlus]

I added a paragraph on Turbo Duels in my first post. Should anything still be missing, please report it to me.

[ragnarok1945]

it makes me wonder if the bad luck will continue for Jack later on

 

probably won't matter in a 2nd defeat, but still

[RyanAtlus]

I'm going to ignore al logic and perform a necrobump.

 

*It's not very effective*

[RyanAtlus]

Chapter 15 is sent for betareading.

[CrabHelmet]

The world of Fan Fiction is a wide and varied realm. You have your adventure fanfics that flesh out an amazing and colourful world. You have your character study fanfics that explore the protagonist in ways the original author never imagined. You have your tender romantic shipping fanfics that depict a warm and fuzzy relationship between two characters that make an excellent pairing. And you have your comedy fanfics that can make the reader laugh out loud.

 

Unfortunately, that's not all you have. You also have your fanfics that grasp the English language so badly that you begin to wonder what language they are actually written in. You have your fanfics in which a new Mary Sue appears and destroys the entire actual cast. You have your fanfics in which characters' actual personalities and histories are completely mangled to the point where they may as well be someone totally different with a similar name. You have your fanfics with totally nonsensical relationships, where the author suddenly reveals that McCoy and Snape are secretly lovers. You have your fanfics where so little follows logically that it can barely be called a story; where flat and bland characters perform mundane activities that nobody cares about; where the canon story is rehashed so directly that one wonders what the fan actually contributed; and where mediocrity is so omnipresent that one cannot find the interest to continue reading.

 

If you are a fan of quality fanfics but you are a foe of mediocre-to-bad fanfics, then you've come to the wrong place - because today is a day for Foe Fiction.

 

Apparently, this is the sequel to some other fanfic I didn't read, but I am assured that this will not be a problem.

 

Let's start the prologue.

 

In a world that resembled ours in many ways, there was an island isolated from the rest of the parallel universe. On this particular island, called Insopia, there had been a long crisis just a few years ago.

 

And since that time, the following protocol has been observed: Every one hundred and eight minutes, the numbers must be entered into the computer and the button must be pushed.

 

More seriously, this completely unspecified crisis couldn't have been that long if you can pinpoint its time to the year without naming separate start and end dates.

 

And wherever there is a corpse, there are vultures trying to get their part of it.

The vulture that had been slowly circling over Insopia was named Ludwig Tönisteiner.

 

I was going to say that I was going to picture this guy as Charles Widmore, but then I saw his name and stopped dead in my tracks. After all, LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! is just about the most awesome name of any character ever.

 

He had promised work and a better economy; he alone had a plan, only he could help the poor and needy.

 

In this parallel universe, economic genius is directly proportional to name awesomeness.

 

But in order to do this, he would need all the political power.

 

This is the part where I need to stop making silly name jokes and seriously call shenanigans on the story, because I honestly don't believe this. I can't imagine any sort of economic plan this guy could propose that is extremely brilliant and would obviously save the island but that could only work if the government were to yield to him and appoint him dictator-for-life with unlimited power.

 

Even some sort of centrally-planned socialist economy wouldn't require a single person to be granted full authority over everything. Yes, I know that's basically what actually happened over in the U.S.S.R., but my memory of Russian history doesn't include any point where Stalin said, "Hey, guys, I have a smart economic plan, please make me a dictator".

 

Even in theory, it fundamentally doesn't work. If LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! told everyone what his plan was, then why would he and he alone need to be granted power over everyone? And if he kept his plan secret, then why would anyone trust him?

 

Despite how exceptionally strange the circumstances surrounding the ascension of LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! to power must have been, our author has sadly chosen the less-than-satisfying method of hand-waving them away.

 

As you read it right now, you might think that no one would be so stupid to give him that power.

 

The reason we weren't told any specifics was, of course, that Larry Cotter couldn't think of anything believable for the specifics. Despite this, he's now going to try to defend the vague events he failed to actually construct.

 

It wouldn’t be the first time, however, that a charismatic man could formulate his ideas so well that everyone put their confidence in him.

 

This is a reference to either Obama or Hitler. I'm not quite sure which.

 

Either way, the analogy falls rather flat. Remember that time when Obama dissolved the legislative and judicial branches of government and appointed himself Emperor-President of the United Provinces of Obamica on the grounds that that was the only way he would be able to end the recession? I certainly don't. (Fox News probably does, though.) And while Hitler's rise was aided by the depression, his power grab probably didn't consist of "I need to fix the economy! Please let me invade Poland!", mainly because the people he would be speaking to spoke German, not English.

 

But enough about Hitler, because we have [DELETED DUE TO GODWIN'S LAW]

 

Ludwig seized control of the country. He managed to re-establish the order in less than a month, and everyone applauded him in everything he did.

 

And so this island that has not been described in a universe that has not been described recovered from its crisis that was not described that caused damage that was not described by appointing LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! through some process that was not described so that his economic plan that was not described could restore everything to some unspecified order almost instantly in a way that was not described. Eventually, I'm hoping that this story will reach some actual content.

 

But a certain day,

 

This day was so certain that we couldn't even specify that.

 

No, I don't expect the day to be specified. I don't want the day to be specified. But come on, give us something concrete to grab onto here. And don't say things like "a certain day" when that day is uncertain and doesn't matter anyhow.

 

he decided that only the strong-willed could have everything that they wanted.

 

LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! is clearly just like a vulture, in the sense that he... came to the island with the best of intentions and restored it to good health with the best of intentions, not randomly turning evil until later. Either that metaphor wasn't thought out at all or LarryCotter doesn't quite understand how vultures work.

 

Also, LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! is already the undisputed and universally-loved emperor of his own island. He already has everything there is to get. It makes no sense for him to go mad with greed because there's nothing left for him to have greed for; he already has everything there is to have. So, basically, the villain's motivation makes no bloody sense.

 

There was no good nor evil; only might and those who are too feeble to use it.

 

I believe this sentence would read better if you were to replace "might" with "power' and "feeble" with "weak". What's the idea here? Your name is a play on Harry Potter and therefore your story needs to randomly plagiarize Harry Potter?

 

He believed that a card game we all know in today’s world as Duel Monsters could seperate strong and weak people from each other.

 

Actually, I'm fairly certain it's known in today's world as Yu-Gi-Oh!, but is known in the fictional universe as Duel Monsters. Or is this being written in the canon Yu-Gi-Oh! universe but set in a universe parallel to the canon Yu-Gi-Oh! universe and being posted in our universe? If that's the case, there must be an unnecessary step in there somewhere.

 

More seriously, let me get this straight: LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! has decided that the world runs on power, so he's randomly using a card game to determine how strong people are... just for the sake of classifying people and being evil? I mean, LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! is obviously evil, since he even oppresses that ö in his name by refusing to capitalize it, but this is still a really lousy motivation for some really random evil actions.

 

He had special elites keeping an eye on all the game stores. Whenever a weak player was spotted, he or she was sent to an isolated village nearby. Almost nobody could get in nor out of those villages, until they could prove themselves to be worthy Duelists.

 

Is LUDWIG TöNISTEINER! supposed to be one of those insane evolution-based villains who wants to weed the weak card gamers out of the gene pool under the assumption that Duel Monsters skill is an inheritable trait?

 

Now that you're actually giving us information, I actually wish you weren't giving it to us anymore. At least when you weren't telling us anything I couldn't see as easily how little sense the stuff you weren't telling us made.

 

Not everyone who was obligated to go and live in those little private villages came along voluntarily.

 

You don't say. I thought everyone would be overjoyed at the opportunity to be trapped in a random village.

 

The Snatchers, as the special elite was called, often used violence to cut rotten pieces of the apple.

 

I could complain about the agreement error here that betrays a lack of PROOFREADING, but the real problem is more glaring: "cut rotten pieces of the apple"? This story started at "You're saying something but it's not much", progressed to "You're saying something but it doesn't make sense", and has finally arrived at "You're saying something, but I can't even read it". Is this some sort of common expression that I've magically never heard all my life? I'm trying to just treat it as a metaphor, but unless it's a ridiculously overcomplicated way of saying something as simple as "They used violence and knives", I still can't figure out what this is supposed to mean.

 

Two people who had objected against the Snatchers had disappeared never to be seen again,

 

I'm going to interrupt here because I just can't get over that apple comment and want to see if this sheds any light on it. Does it mean they kill people who resist too much? But that's more like throwing away rotten apples than cutting rotten pieces from a single apple. Does the apple represent the whole world, and the rotten pieces the people who resist? But if that's the case, isn't the whole point of this village system to cut bad duelists off the world-apple?

 

and their daughter, Ann, was thereby forced to survive in Dunaco all by herself.

 

Or maybe each family unit is an apple and the rotten pieces are the people who resist the most?

 

I could write an entire paper on what on earth that phrase was supposed to mean.

 

She hadn’t heard anything from her parents ever since she had arrived there..

 

And here I was thinking that the people who "disappeared never to be seen again" were coming to visit her every Tuesday. Thank you, LarryCotter, for providing that extremely necessary clarification.

 

She herself thought her story had ended there; that she would be trapped in this village untill

 

MISSON

 

her death. But she didn’t know her future was about to change...

 

Unless this story involves time-travel or something similar and its time-travel rules permit timeline alterations, the future isn't actually chang- screw this, I'm done.

 

This story started with some stupidity in which you refused to tell us anything about the events you were allegedly describing (sort of like the classic problem of telling instead of showing except refusing to even tell too) in order to mask the fact that they made no sense, evolved into having a character randomly turn evil and commit nonsensical evil actions in order to shoehorn in your Harry Potter quote, and finally finished by failing basic conventions of logic, proofreading, and not being redundant. It can only be saved by taking some pruning shears and cutting the rotten pieces of the apple.

 

Nothing about the plot made any bloody sense whatsoever, and when you don't have anything except plot - and you fought as hard as you could to avoid having even that - the plot had bloody well better be awesome. But it sucked.

[RyanAtlus]

It seemed as if I only got half a Dark Magician out of 4.

Oh well. I better start thinking about writing about something else, because right now my ego is Just as dead as this story.

[Mysty]

No, you should continue writing this.

Sure, the intro, after being heavily analyzed, is crappy. That doesn't mean the story is crappy. Just continue writing this Jack and Yusei duel and you'll revive yourself. When I write a part I like, I get back into the writing mode. I'm sure it will work for you as well.

[RyanAtlus]

No' date=' you should continue writing this.

Sure, the intro, after being heavily analyzed, is crappy. That doesn't mean the story is crappy. Just continue writing this Jack and Yusei duel and you'll revive yourself. When I write a part I like, I get back into the writing mode. I'm sure it will work for you as well.

[/quote']

 

I'm currently abandoning this fic. I might write several more short stories in the future, but it might take a while before I feel like continueing this one.

[RyanAtlus]

Chapter 16 is up, after almost 2 months.

I'm hoping to get some readers soon, so that I won't lose my hope again...

[RyanAtlus]

Chapter 17 is being betaread.

Also, I fixed a major mistake in Saitu's Duel against Jeff Roosevelt concerning Inferno Reckless Summon.