Master Red Posted January 11, 2010 Report Share Posted January 11, 2010 Notifications: English is not my first language so I want you to be prepared for the fact that there most likely will be incorrect or weird grammar in the fic. I have been using spell check on my writing program so hopefully there won't be any misspelled words. Please point out what/if I'm doing something wrong so I can corect this and learn to become a better writer. :)//Master Red [spoiler=[b]Chapter 1 - A Light Summer Drizzle[/b]][align=justify]Rain let out a small yawn as she opened her eyes, deciding to lie in bed for a while longer, not yet having the energy to actually get up. She listened to the soft drizzle outside, smiling a little. She liked these summer showers, they were refreshing and everything looked so beautiful after the rain. The grass always looked greener and the mixed scent of rain and flowers were one of her favorites. The smell of water had always been one of her favorites, no matter if it was the salty ocean smell or the scent of a summer day after the rain, she loved them all. Her alarm clock suddenly started ringing and she was surprised that she had actually woken up before the alarm forced her to. She turned the alarm off and sat up in her bed, rubbing her big dark blue eyes a little. Suddenly she heard a small pop and she felt something lying at the end of her bed, moving. She opened her eyes to look at whatever might have appeared on her bed, guessing that it would be her younger brother Sean. What was at the end of her bed was not a five year old brat with black shaggy hair, green eyes and freckles, wearing a pair of TMNT pajamas. She looked at what was flapping around at the end of her bed for a while and then let out a loud scream, jumping out of her bed. “Surprise!” a man, somewhere in his late thirties called out, leaning against the door post to Rain’s bedroom and smiling. The man in question was Rain’s father, apparently having a day off from work as he was still home, unshaven and he apparently hadn’t even showered yet as his short, yet thick, black hair was messy. She guessed that he had woken up very recently himself as he was still just wearing a pair of gray pajama pants. Rain looked at her father and then at the, flapping... fish… thing at the end of her bed. “What the hell is that?” she questioned her father, straightening out her cream colored night gown a little, still a bit creeped out by the thing that she guessed was some sort of fish. But why the hell would her father leave a fish in her bed, he should know that it wouldn’t be a surprise she appreciated. “Language…” Her father reminded her, looking at the creature in his daughter’s bed as well. “It’s a Pokémon. A rare one apparently. Bought it from a man in the harbor, a real bargain I tell you, just 500Y!” her father stated happily looking back at his daughter. “I just thought that it would be a nice gift for you, honey” He added and smiled warmly to his daughter, before walking over to the end of the bed, admiring the Pokémon that laid there flapping about. Rain just stood there, her small mouth half open as if she was about to say something, but she couldn’t find the words. This whole morning was so totally weird! “Why are you looking so shocked?” Her father asked, chuckling a little at his daughter’s dumbfounded expression. “You have been nagging me and your mother for two years about setting out on your own Pokémon journey and we think that you are mature enough to do that now” he continued, picking up a completely white ball with a black stripe in the middle, a small white button emerging from the black stripe. He threw the ball at the flapping creature on Rain’s bed, causing it to open up. The Pokémon exploded in a white light and was sucked into the ball. Her father chuckled a little and juggled the ball in his hand as he walked over to his daughter, holding the ball out to her. “Look at it like a late birthday gift from me and your mother” he said as his daughter looked up at him, looking a bit baffled. Rain smiled and nodded, taking the ball from him carefully, like it would break if handled too roughly.“Thanks dad” she mumbled, staring at the ball in her hands. “What kind of Pokémon is this anyways?” She asked, not knowing much about Pokémon at all. This was one of the reasons to why she had wanted to go on the journey in the first place, to learn about these creatures. Her father scratched his head a little, his eyes suddenly widening as he remembered something. “Oh that’s right.. I forgot!” He exclaimed, snapping his fingers a little as he ran out of the room.Rain blinked a little, looking confused as her father ran out the room to then come back a short while afterwards.“Here you go” Her father mused, handing her something that looked a lot like her brother’s hand held game, only it had something that looked like a camera on the top. “What is it?” Rain asked as she took the red game thing and looked at it, not really knowing how a game would help her out.“It’s a Pokédex” her father explained pressing a button on the front, causing it to open up like a book. “It’s kind of like a computerized encyclopedia that contains data of all known Pokémon” he continued, pressing on another button that started it up. “Bring your Pokémon out and then point the Pokédex at it.. like you point the remote at the TV when you want to change the channel” He explained, trying to keep it as simple as possible, knowing that Rain was weak when it came to technology. He knew that she had once had troubles with getting the DVD started and she actually had to ask which way the disk was supposed to be facing when putting it in. Rain nodded a little, throwing the Pokéball on the ground, guessing that would bring her Pokémon out since throwing it at the Pokémon seemed to call it into the ball. The ball opened, a white light escaping it before it closed up again. The light formed to the silhouette of the flapping orange colored fish and then it was there, flapping about on Rain’s bedroom floor. Rain swallowed a little and then pointed the Pokédex at the creature, hoping that it would work. The Pokédex played a small tune and a text appeared on the screen. “NEW DATA ADDED – TOUCH SCREEN TO VIEW” it said, a small light on the top right of the red machine blinking. Rain touched the screen, as the machine had told her to and hoped that it would work. As she touched it, the screen went white and then a picture of her Pokémon appeared with a text beside it. “#129 – MAGIKARP” she read, touching the picture to see if she would receive further information. She yelped a little and almost dropped the machine as it started to speak in a computerized voice. Computer voices seriously freaked her out, and she had not been prepared for this machine to start speaking. “MAGIKARP, a fish POKéMON that can be found in most waters. MAGIKARP is a pathetic excuse for a POKéMON that is only capable of flopping and splashing. This behavior prompted scientists to undertake research into it.” They stood in silence for a while, just staring at the Magikarp flapping about very tragically on the floor, gasping “KARP!” every now and then. Rain looked up at her father, her face not showing any emotion at all. “Not now honey, dad has to sit down for a second” Her father mumbled, staring bluntly at the space in front of him as he sat down on his daughter’s bed. Rain stood there in silence, looking at her dad and feeling sorry for the man. He had spent 500Y on a gift for his daughter, to then find out that what he thought was a rare Pokémon turned out to be as common and useful as dust. She brushed her brown hair out of her eyes and smiled, walking over to the flapping Magikarp and picked it up, sitting next to her father. “it’s okay dad” She said, having some troubles with holding on to the Magikarp as it kept flapping about very franticly in her arms. “I don’t care if people find this Pokémon useless, I kind of like it.. in a sad and pathetic way” she added, giggling a little, being relieved that the Magikarp seemed to be more relaxed after a while, only panting a little instead of flapping. “Really?” her father asked, smiling weakly at his daughter. He knew that she probably just said that to cheer him up, but somehow it was working. Rain nodded and smiled, sending Magikarp back into its Pokéball. “Yeah, but can you please leave my room so I can get dressed?” She asked tilting her head slightly to the side and crossing her arms over her chest. Her father laughed a little and got up from the bed, walking out of Rain’s room and closing the door behind him. Rain sighed a little and looked into the mirror, hanging between the two windows in her room. She brushed her long brown hair a little before she put it up in two thick pony-tails on each side of her head, reaching just below her breasts. She hummed a little as she walked over to her wardrobe, standing in the corner of her room just next to the desk. Her room was quite small, but she still liked it. It felt cozy, and the dark blue wall papers that covered the walls reminded her of a storming ocean at night. She burrowed her toes in the fluffy white carpet that covered her whole bedroom floor, liking how it tickled her feet. When she was younger she used to sit on the floor and pretend that she was sitting on a fluffy white cloud. She laughed a little at the memory and started to go through her clothes, picking some shirts out and looking at them before hanging them back again. She always had a hard time to decide what to wear, no matter the occasion. After a while of taking out and hanging back clothes she decided to go with a plain cream colored tank top, a pair of black leggings and a short draped gray jeans skirt. She pulled on a short cut jeans jacket over the tank top, looked at herself in the mirror and smiled, being pleased with her choice. She quickly made her bed and placed her tan shoulder bag on top of it, deciding that she would pack before going down for breakfast. She packed two changes of clothes, a rain coat, a bunch of socks and underwear, a map, a bathing suit, an extra set of shoes, a pair of gloves and a cap if it would get cold. She tried to come up with anything else she might need, but realized she wouldn’t be able to get much more in her bag if she wanted to be able to close it. She weighed the bag in her arms before she flung it up on her shoulder and walked downstairs to eat some breakfast. She dropped the bag on the floor before walking into the kitchen, finding her brother sitting there munching on some toast. She ruffled the boy’s hair as she walked past him, smiling a little as she heard him grunt and fighting her hand away from him. She poured herself a glass of orange juice and prepared two sandwiches before sitting down by the table next to her brother. They sat in silence for a while, just eating, until her brother finally decided to break it. “You leaving today?” he asked, turning to his sister, putting the toast back into his mouth.Rain smiled a little and looked at her brother and then out the kitchen window, squinting a little as the sun hit her eyes. “Yes” she mumbled, drinking some of her juice. Her brother looked down at the wooden dining table and smacked a little as he swallowed down some toast with milk. “Okay” he said very bluntly, as if her going away for a longer while was something as ordinary as a summer rain.[/align] [spoiler=[b]Chapter 2 – Leaving Home[/b]]“Where do you think you’re going young lady!?” Her father called at Rain as she opened the door, eager to head out on her journey. “On my Pokémon Journey!” Rain stated as she turned to face her father, a slightly confused and annoyed look on her face.“You are not going anywhere before you beg your mother farewell or she’ll have both of our heads” Her father said very sternly, walking over to his daughter and closing the door in front of her. “Can’t I just swing by her job and tell her there?” Rain whined, not wanting to wait any longer now that she had actually gotten the permission to go, “I really want to get going.”. “Well… I guess that would work too” Her father mumbled, scratching his chin a little and looking thoughtful. “Wonderful, then I’ll guess I’ll be going” Rain mused, giving her father a quick hug before opening the door again and heading over to her red bicycle with the small white basket on the front. The rain had stopped now, leaving everything wet and damp. She wiped the seat of her bike clean and placed her shoulder bag in the basket, figuring it would be easier on her shoulders to do so, before she swung her leg over the metal bar between the steer handle and the saddle. “Ah, wait Rain.. I forgot to give you something!” Her father exclaimed, running out from the front door of their small red brick house, holding something in his hand. Rain looked at him and smiled a little, she was going to miss her father’s forgetfulness, a feature that most often annoyed her otherwise. Her father handed her some money and she looked up at him looking confused. “What’s this for?” she asked, holding the money up before him, being surprised that she was getting money from her father for no apparent reason. “I didn’t have time to fix a Trainer Card for you, so you’ll have to swing by the Police Station to get it organized before going to the Pokémon Center in Vermillion” Her father explained, smiling sheepishly at his daughter. “The Trainer Card is kind of like an ID for Trainers, you have to have one so your owned Pokémon are registered” He explained after seeing the questioned look on his daughter’s face. “It’ll only take a short while and you’ll get it almost immediately, the money is to pay for the fee” He assured her and smiled warmly, pulling his robe closer to his body as a gentle breeze blew past them. “Oh… I see, thanks dad” Rain thanked her father, putting the money in her pocket. She looked at her father for a short while and then took off on her bike, waving to him and wondering when she would see him, her mother or Sean again. The agricultural landscape drifted by slowly as she rode her bicycle, cows staring at her and sometimes even running closer to the fence to get a closer look when she rode by. The many small hills made the bike ride tiresome but luckily there were just as many slopes as hills so she did get time to catch her breath every once in a while. The roads were a bit run down and there were lots of pot holes making the ride a bit bumpy. Every now and then she would have to steer away from a larger hole so that she wouldn’t risk breaking her bike or hurting herself by falling off from it. She was glad it was a bit windy as she wouldn’t get as warm and sweaty from the ride from the small town they were living in to the nearby Vermillion City. Even though Turquoise Town was small and on the country side she loved the place. It was so serene and calm, everyone seeming to go around at their own pace. She rode by the local store and saw Mr. Teigara delivering Miltank milk to the store and she waved to him as he saw her. Teigara was a man in his upper forties that was famed around these parts, as he was the only farmer to have Miltanks. The man was a bit on the chubby side and quite short, and even though the hat he was wearing covered it right now, Rain knew that he was going bald. She had heard that Miltank milk was supposed to be even tastier than regular milk but she had never gotten a chance to try as it was so expensive. She guessed that Mr. Teigara was a wealthy man as he made a living from their milk and she knew that he made even bigger deliveries to Vermillion and maybe even other towns as well, where more people wanted and could afford the delicacy. She rode on quietly, stopping on the top of a hill seeing Vermillion City in the distance. She sighed contently as she realized she had soon reached her destination, the Vermillion Pokémon Center where her mother worked as an assistant nurse. She gasped a little as a beautiful butterfly like creature flew by her, admiring its beauty. She quickly got her Pokédex up to see if it was a Pokémon, as she had guessed it was. She had never seen a butterfly that big before and if it wasn’t a Pokémon it would be kind of creepy. The Butterfly stopped near some daisies seeming to feed from them, probably gathering pollen. She opened the Pokédex and pointed it carefully at the Pokémon, hoping that she would be close enough for it to react. The Pokédex played the small tune, letting her know that it had gathered information and the text appeared on the screen telling her to stand by as it organized the information. “BEAUTIFLY has a long mouth like a coiled needle, which is very convenient for collecting pollen from flowers. This POKéMON rides the spring winds as it flits around gathering pollen.” The Pokédex said in its robotic voice, falling silent afterwards and Rain flipped it closed. She had been prepared for the machine to start speaking this time around thus hadn’t jumped or almost dropped the device on the ground. She admired the Pokémon for a while longer and then decided to continue towards Vermillion. She arrived to Vermillion about thirty minutes later, leading her bike through the town. There were some larger buildings but they had never more than ten floor, most of them had about five. She had to walk around in the town for a while before she arrived at the small Pokémon Center located between two large corporate buildings. Well, the Pokémon Centre wasn’t really that small, but it looked like a small ant compared to the two large corporate buildings next to it. She parked her bike outside and locked it, walking through the doors to the Pokémon Center. The entrance was well lit up and felt welcoming, having a light green flour and lavender colored walls with a Pokéball logo behind the front desk where a nurse worked. There were Red chairs and sofas by the walls and some being scattered around the rest of the floor. She guessed that at least fifty people could be seated in there at one time, and then there was a dining area further back where she guessed you could sit if the room was full. There were some people in the waiting room, in different ages, some playing with a Pokémon or sleeping. She carefully made her way to the front desk, having to wait in line as there was an old lady in front of her. The lady must have been in her eighties and she was surprised that a woman of her age was at a Pokémon Center, not having seen a Trainer of such old age. “Maybe she’s just looking for someone or asking directions?” Rain thought, humming a little as she waited, reading some of the sign not feeling comfortable with listening in on what the lady was doing. The lady was done shortly, receiving two Pokéballs and then turning around to leave. She smiled at Rain as she walked past her, bowing her head down a little. Rain returned the gesture and walked up to the desk, thinking the lady was kind of cool for being a Pokémon Trainer at such an old age. “Oh, you must be Violet’s Daughter!” The nurse exclaimed as Rain got up to the desk, smiling warmly at her. The woman was in her twenties, probably just having graduated as a nurse. She was tall and blonde, having a brilliant blue pair of eyes that twinkled a little. She was wearing the standard nurse uniform that she knew her mother was required to wear as well, only her mother’s uniform was green instead of pink as she was only an assistant nurse. Rain was a bit surprised that the woman seemed to recognize her, maybe she had seen pictures of her or maybe it was the fact that Rain was quite similar in the looks of her mother. “Eh.. yes, yes I am” Rain replied, stumbling over her words as she had been a bit thrown off by being recognized like that. “How may I help you then dear?” The Nurse, that apparently was named Gia according to her name tag, asked her and leaned on the desk a little. “Well, I would like to talk to my mother, it’s kind of important.. do you know if she’s busy?” Rain asked, knowing that her mother might not be able to see her right away as she could be assisting during a surgery or something. “Sure, I’ll go fetch her” Gia chirped and winked a little at Rain before going to get her mom for her. Rain decided to sit down on a nearby chair while she was waiting, looking down at the floor with the bag on her lap. Gia came back and returned to the counter, shooting Rain a smile before helping out the next customer. Her mother appeared just moments later, smiling and picking up her pace as she saw her daughter sitting there. “Hi honey!” she called, walking over to her. “Have you been in town shopping?” she asked, sitting down next to her daughter and looking at the large bag in her lap. “No” Rain said and shook her head slightly, looking up at her mother. “I came to say that I will be heading out on my Pokémon Journey today and I came to say good bye” she continued, playing with the shoulder strap to her bag. “You’re leaving already!?” Violet gasped, taking her daughter’s hand. “Yeah, I received my Pokémon and I thought that I should get started as soon as possible” Rain mumbled, smiling sheepishly up at her mother and shrugging a little, as if excusing herself. “oh, well, I understand that..” Violet replied, moving her hands to her lap, looking down at the floor. “So.. what Pokémon had your father gotten for you? I never got to see what he had bought, but he told me that it was very rare” Violet asked, looking curiously at her daughter and smiling, looking a bit exited. Rain smiled and took up the white ball and threw it on the floor, causing it to open up and letting the Magikarp out. The orange colored fish flopped around on the floor, looking a bit panicked. Rain looked at her mother seeing that she was staring at the Magikarp and she suspected that she was holding back a tantrum. “H…He got you.. a..a Ma-Magikarp?” Violet whispered, not taking her eyes off of the large orange fish that was flopping around on the floor in front of them. “Yeah” Rain replied, smiling happily as she picked the Magikarp up holding it in her arms. “I know that it’s kind of pathetic, but I like it and I’m sure that Magikarp is just misunderstood, it just need some love and patience” She said, smiling down at the Magikarp that seemed to relax, looking up at her. Violet looked at her and smiled, nodding a little, she loved how her daughter always looked at things from the bright side of life. The pager on Violet’s uniform started to beep and she looked at it, quickly getting to her feet. “I’m sorry honey but I’m needed in the emergency room” She said walking over to her daughter and hugging her. “Be safe now, and remember to call us every once in a while” She said before running off, leaving her daughter in the waiting room. “Looks like it’s just you and me now Magikarp” She said, looking down at the large fish in her arms. “KARP!” it gasped, looking dumbfoundedly around in the waiting room. [spoiler=[b]Chapter 3 – Two Friends and a Frizzy Hair[/b]]Rain didn’t really want to stay in Vermillion for much longer, as it felt too close to home. But night would be coming in a couple of hours and if she stayed put she could at least get a decent night’s sleep at the Pokémon Center. As her mother had ran off to help out in the emergency room Rain decided to go to the beach, knowing that both she and her Magikarp would be able to enjoy that. The town was bustling with activity, sirens of police cars, ambulances or fire trucks being heard somewhere in the distance. Her father had told her once that you could hear the difference between the three sirens, but she had never heard any difference between them. As she started to think about her father she realized that she was yet to get herself that Trainer ID he had given her money for, but as it was already 16.00 she thought she could get to that in the morning. For now she wanted to go to the beach and just relax for a while. It took a while to find the right way to the beach, but eventually Rain managed to get herself there. As she got to the sandy beach she stepped out of her shoes and curled her toes up in the sand, she had always liked the feeling of having sand against your feet. She picked up her shoes and started to walk down towards the water, making sure to not step on any of the sharp sea shells and rocks that were scattered about in the sand. There weren’t many people on the beach as it was a week day, most people getting home from work by this time and the children being busy with homework or maybe hanging out with friends. She had already changed into her bikini before she had left the Pokémon Center so she just took off her skirt and top and put them into her bag, leaving it on the beach as she walked towards the water with her Pokéball in her hand. The water was a bit cold, but she knew that it would feel warmer when she had gotten used to it so she casually walked forward, ignoring the goose bumps on her legs. As she had gotten a bit further out in the water she called her Pokémon out and smiled as she saw it starting to swim calmly about near her. This was the first time she had seen Magikarp looking so relaxed, not splashing about franticly or looking nervous and terrified. She swam up next to the Magikarp and ran a hand across its back, smiling. “You happy to be back in the water again Magikarp?” she asked, laughing a little as the Magikarp splashed playfully in the water and circling her. “Wow, you got a lot of spunk deciding to train a Magikarp!” a red haired girl exclaimed, swimming up next to Rain and Magikarp, looking at it and smiling a little. Her eyes were the color of a deep ocean and laid in contrast to the gingery wet hair that was plastered against her face. She was panting a little so Rain guessed that she was a swimmer, probably on her way back to the beach after a workout. The yellow bathing suit the girl was wearing was also a sign of her being a swimmer, as it was stream lined and seemed to have some kind of logo on the left side of the chest. Rain blushed a little at the straightforwardness of the girl and nodded a little, petting her Magikarp on its back. “Yeah.. I know they are puny and weak, but I like my Magikarp” she said, looking after it as it swam around the new red haired girl. “I didn’t mean you had spunk because it’s weak, I meant you have spunk because you actually have guts to give this Pokémon a chance” The girl said, brushing her wet hair back so it wouldn’t get in her eyes. “You know, a lot of trainers dismiss this Pokémon because they think it’s weak, but I think that a Trainer that has enough patience to properly train a Magikarp will have great things in store for themselves” she continued, laughing a little as Magikarp splashed a little water on her. “You really think so?” Rain exclaimed happily smiling as Magikarp nudged her a little in the side. “Yeah, totally!” the red haired girl nodded and smiled, looking at Rain and her Magikarp. “I’m Misty by the way” she said, holding out her hand to greet Rain. “I’m Rain, pleased to meat you” Rain mumbled, accepting the handshake. “I should be getting out of the water now, or I’ll catch a cold” she said, smiling apolageticly, starting to walk back towards the beach, Magikarp trailing after her. “Hey, wait up!” Misty called, swimming up to her, causing her wet hair to get back in her face, “I’ll follow you, I was on my way back to the beach earlier anyway”. As they got out of the water Misty ran off to get her stuff, Rain getting her towel up and starting to dry her hair and face. Every now and then a breeze would blow by and she shivered, getting cold quickly as she was damp and just wearing a bikini. Misty soon came running back, having a towel over her shoulders, looking a little like a cape as she ran. She had a bag in her left hand and a pair of flip flops in her right. Apparently she had dried herself up a little before as well, as her hair was now a bit dryer and put up in a pony tail. She threw her bag on the ground and sat down on her towel, scratching her chin a little. Rain could now see that she had a small strap attached to her ankle with a Pokéball strapped on to it. “You’re a trainer as well?” Rain asked, sitting down as well, and pointing at the Pokéball at Misty’s ankle. “mhm” Misty mumbled, nodding and undoing the Pokéball at her ankle. She threw it on the ground and shortly after there was a star shaped Pokémon standing before them, having some kind of jewel in its center. It stood completely still for a while and then fell on its back, lying perfectly still in the sand. “oops, I guess she’s tired” Misty giggled, covering her mouth cutely as she did so. Rain looked at the star shaped Pokémon lying on the ground, her mouth half opened. “It’s so pretty” she gasped, admiring the red jewel in the center that seemed to be growing out of the Pokémon. “Isn’t it? But you should see the evolved Starmie, they are even prettier!” Misty exclaimed, her eyes twinkling a little. “So, for how long have you been a trainer?” Rain asked, hugging her knees to her body, glancing at Misty and then looking back at the Pokémon that laid in the sand, resting. “I don’t know exactly… a couple of years at least… probably around three years now” Misty said, thinking out loud, tapping her chin with her right index finger as she thought about it. “Wow, I’ve only just started” Rain mumbled, blushing a little and realizing just how green she was when it came to this. “Don’t worry about it, we were all beginners once” Misty encouraged her, burying her feet in the sand and looking at them, smiling a little. “Is Magikarp your only Pokémon by the way?” She asked suddenly, looking up at Rain curiously. Rain nodded a little and hugged her legs tighter to her body, looking from Misty’s Pokémon and to Misty herself. “Yeah… “ She mumbled, realizing that it was probably not good to only have a Magikarp. “Wow.. You got even more spunk then I thought! Starting out with a Magikarp will be tough, but if you hang in there I promise you that it will be worth all your troubles” Misty ensured her nodding a little as she said it as if to emphasize on the fact that she was speaking the truth. Rain laughed a little and looked up at the sky. “Yeah… I got spunk all right” she said, still laughing a little. “How do you know so much about Magikarp by the way, you train one yourself?” she then asked, looking back at Misty, realizing that Misty knew even more about Magikarp then she did. “I know a lot about water Pokémon, they are my favorite!” she explained, shrugging a little as if to excuse herself for thinking so. “I wouldn’t have the patience to train a Magikarp, so I have decided to not get one it wouldn’t be good for me or the Pokémon” she said laughing a little knowing that her short fuse would not be good for a Magikarp. A Magikarp needed a Trainer with three buckets filled with patience and a heart filled with love or it would just grow miserable. “Oh okay, I don’t know very much at all when it comes to Pokémon” she admitted shyly, blushing a little and looking at her feet. “It’s okay, you’ll get the hang of it eventually” Misty said encouragingly, patting her back a little and then getting up from the sand. “I should be going now, I have a long way home to Cerulean City and I want to get home before it gets all too late” She said, looking down at Rain who also got up from the ground. “I hope we’ll meet again Rain, maybe we can have a battle then” She said and winked a little at her, sticking her tongue out. “Yeah, I’ll make sure to let you know if I ever come by Cerulean City… but how will I find you if I get there?” Rain asked, realizing she wouldn’t know where to find Misty if she ever came by. “Oh, don’t worry about it, I’m sure you’ll have no troubles at all with finding me” Misty said, starting to walk away and then suddenly stopping and turning around, fishing something out of her bag and holding it out in front of her as she walked back to Rain. “I accidentally caught this when I was out in the water, I was aiming at a Tentacool, but I missed, I want youy to have it” she said, placing a small red and white pokéball in Rain’s hands. “Don’t worry, I already have one and I want to help you out a little on your journey, I know you’ll be a good trainer for it” She said, smiling a little and looking back up at Rain. “I… Thank you” Rain stammered, looking from the small Pokéball in her hands and up at Misty. “what is it?” She asked, holding the Pokéball in both hands and pressing it to her chest. She would have to return this favor to Misty some day. “It’s a Feebas, I know you will make a splendid trainer for it” Misty said, looking up at the sky for a moment, the sun already starting to set and thus realizing she would have to hurry home. “Take good care of her, I’ll see you around okay?” she said, smiling and holding out her hand offering another handshake, a good bye and until we meet again handshake. “Yeah, thanks for everything Misty… You’re a true friend” Rain replied, smiling a little and accepting the handshake, feeling a bit saddened that they would have to part so soon after they ahd gotten to know eachother. Misty nodded a little and then turned around starting to run away from the Beach, waving back at Rain as she did. Her red hair was whipping after her, looking a little bit like the tail of a comet. Rain found it a bit funny that she ran away in her bathing suit and laughed as she saw that Misty realized that as well, shrieking a little and quickly pulling on a skirt and a top, throwing her bag over her shoulder before she picked up her feet again, soon being out of view for Rain. Rain looked down at the Pokéball in her hands and smiled, both her Pokémon had been gifts from people that she cared about and that made them all the more special in her eyes. She walked down to the water where Magikarp was waiting for her, splashing water around himself happily as he saw her approaching. “Let’s have a look at our new friend, shall we Magikarp?” she giggled, throwing the Pokéball in the water, holding her breath as she waited to see what would appear. The ball broke opened and a fishlike creature appeared in the water near the Magikarp. Rain looked from Feebas to Magikarp, realizing that they were quite similar and she decided to check Feebas up with her Pokédex, maybe they were related or something? She wouldn’t say it out loud, but Magikarp was a lot prettier than Feebas, but other than that she thought they were quite similar. Magikarp swam over to the Feebas and examined it curiously, Feebas glancing at it as it swam over, examining Magikarp as well. The two seemed to like eachother though as they soon started to play with eachother, splashing water at eachother and chasing eachother around. Rain smiled and pointed the Pokédex at her Feebas, having some troubles with the aim as it was swimming around. She managed to have the Pokédex scan it properly after a while though, hearing it play the small tune letting her know that it had gathered new data. She looked at the screen and waited for it to start talking, giving her some information about it. “While FEEBAS’s body is in tatters, it has a hardy and tenacious life force that enables it to live anywhere. However, this POKéMON is also slow and dimwitted, making it an easy catch” Rain laughed a little at the last part, but she thought it was adorable how Feebas looked stupidly at everything around it, looking as if it didn’t understand anything. It was like a stupid dog and stupid dogs were so cute! She returned Magikarp and Feebas to their respective Pokéballs and walked back to her bag, pulling her clothes over her slightly damp bikini. Her hair was all frizzy now, but she could sort that out when she got back to the Pokémon Center where there were access to mirrors. She threw her bag over her shoulder and started to walk back towards the city and the Pokémon Center, where she would be staying the night. Looking back over her shoulder and back towards the ocean, she could catch a glimpse of the most beautiful sunset, coloring the sky orange, pink and purple. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Weather Report - Stand Posted January 11, 2010 Report Share Posted January 11, 2010 Before I decide to read it... PLEASE separate the paragraphs. Text blocks are not pleasing to the eye. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted January 12, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 12, 2010 Ah sorry ^^* Forgot to edit that after I pasted it.. I hope it's better now :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted January 17, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 17, 2010 UPDATED WITH CHAPTER 2! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted January 20, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 20, 2010 Imma bump this and hope that I get any kind of response to this. It bugs the crap out of me to not get any kind of feed back as I don't know if I'm doing anything right or wrong -.- Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DARKPLANT RISING Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 umm, can you stop the language? And I didn't think Magicarp was... good as the main character's pokemon. Other then that, you don't have as much errors as I thought, and the concept isn't bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted January 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Stop what language? English? Because I can't remember that I ever sweared, also this is PG13 I think I won't be able to teach any 13+ person a new swear word if I tried ;) The point of giving her Magikarp was.. well, basicalyy I thought it was hilarious :P thanks for replying, at least now I have gotten some kind of feedback to this :) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Ixigo Posted January 21, 2010 Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Well. I don't really like Pokemon or Pokemon stories. I basically stumbled into this becausse I didn't know it was one. But since I was in, I thought, what the heck. Always, when I read "English is not my first language so I want you to be prepared for the fact that there most likely will be incorrect or weird grammar in the fic." or something along these lines, I prepare myself mentally for doom, death and decay to follow. My preparations usually do not go to waste. The fact that this sentence, at least, was properly spelled, capitalized, structured, punctuated etc gave me some distant hope for the future. The emoticon in the end spoiled it. Emoticons have no place in fanfic threads - or any other threads. But since it was just the introduction, I decided to let it slide. Starting to read the actual story, I was confronted by mixed feelings. There is a huge gulf between two different aspects of description you are using. You paint pretty vivid images through your character's eyes, which is no mean feat, and is overall very well done. However, the description of said character is lacking. We had to wait two-thirds into the first chapter to actually learn what this character we've been following since word one looks like. I understand this is a tricky subject, because you write from that person's perspective, and it's difficult to find a realistic way to make a person describe themselves. But it can be done, and if you can't do that, then there's the literary trick of introducing a small piece from some vague, outside perspective first, in order to get down what needs to be done, and then follow up smoothly from your character PoV. At any rate, waiting so long for a description on the main character is bad. The other characters' descriptions were also a bit lacking. We get some important points of the picture / standout characteristics down, but the rest remains obscure. I'm not saying you have to describe them in every little detail, but a few sentences more on Rain's father couldn't hurt. Speaking of which, I don't think we ever find out his name - and I'm saying "I don't think", because I could have easily overlooked it as I did not manage to become interested at all in his character. I understand that the focal point is Rain, but you have to give your other characters some individuality as well. So far they don't stand out as anything more than simple plot devices to kick the story into gear. On the other hand, Rain's character is great. Believable, fresh, humorous. Her dialogue flows well without feeling biased, and her interactions with other characters are decently done as well - with the exception that those other characters are quickly shrugged off as unimportant. Anyway, reading the scene on the first chapter did not give voice to much complaint in my head, as it was quite well-handled. And I didn't see much in the way of spelling / grammar errors that you had forewarned us, which is definitely a good thing. Moving on to the next chapter, there is already substantial improvement from the get-go. Characters seem much more alive. It feels funny that the random milk-man with no dialogue was given almost as much exposition as Rain's father. Rain's mother was also pretty well-done, for her short appearance. My advice remains to stay with your characters a little longer, get to know them better, and then present them to us in more detail. But I'm betting money the old lady is Elite 4 / Gym Leader / Rain's long-lost epic Pokemon champion grandma / etc. I'll be pleasantly surprised if she isn't. On a random note, there's a miscapitalization (that even a word?) of the word nurse in the relative paragraph. If you must use it as a title (hardly necessary), you still shouldn't capitalize it unless the name follows directly afterwards. I could wish you had spent more time with the interaction between Rain and her mother. Though she was far better presented, in the end Violet was as quickly shrugged over as the unnamed dad. Considering we're talking about pretty important characters in Rain's life, they should have been given more exposition. I'm fairly aware that you're trying, like most other fanfic authors, to model this after the standard of Pokemon stories, but things that can be conveniently overlooked in the anime draw much more attention in written format. That, and the Pokemon stories were shallow, one-dimensional and bland. As an author you have the chance to go beyond that, it's a shame to ruin it because of misguided faith in the anime's ways. So overall... I was fairly impressed by this, as it's a fresh touch on the same old story. More appropriately, it's the same old story, done refreshingly well. My central advice would be to skip the cliche elements and keep the good parts, using your own imagination and ideas to fuel your story. So far you've been doing a great job with that, but it can get even better if you lose the direct connections to the canon storyline's flaws. As I said... not a Pokemon fan or anything, so this was mostly general writing advice. You're on the right track, just de-focus from Rain's character occasionally to give some spotlight to the supporting cast as well, and improvement will come smoothly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted January 21, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 21, 2010 Thank you for your comment :D I know it took a really long while before Rain got properly introduced appearance wise and you just get general features of the others, it's a problem of mine to make good descriptions.. I have to get better at that *whips self* I have never intended to have this be anything like the Animés (if I had I would never had let her start off with a Magikarp xD). I haven't introduced her father's name as I have never really come across the point to someone even calling him by anything other than dad. Her mother recieved a name as Gia simply couldn't say "you are your mother's daughter aren't you?".. because that would just be plan out stupid <.< I acctually have been concidering letting the Old Lady make at least one other appearance, but I'm still not sure. As for know I have just concidered her as a small "speed bump" for the story. Most likely you will see her again, what her part of the story will be is yet to be decided though.. and even if I knew, I wouldn't tell you ;) The Miscapitalization (yes I think it's a word.. but I don't know :/) of nurse was most likely a mistake of mine, I tend to sometimes capitalize words even though I don't really need to. I hope that you will follow this and keep giving your critique, and don't worry I will try to break her away from the typical same-old-same-old as soon as possible. And I will try to do that in the next chapter which I have just started to work on :) Again, thank you for your comment and I hope that you will follow this :D Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted January 24, 2010 Author Report Share Posted January 24, 2010 UPDATE! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Master Red Posted April 6, 2010 Author Report Share Posted April 6, 2010 I'm going to bump this now before I get to work on the next chapter... if I get no responses for the last chapter I might discontinue :/ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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