The joke thread "Post your jokes here"

[Lazer Yoshi]

So a Zebra goes to heaven, and he's talking to an angel. He says "Hey, am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?"

 

The angel says, "Hm...You'll have to ask God about that one."

 

So the dude goes up to God and asks, "Hey God! Am I white with black stripes, or black with white stripes?"

 

God says, "You are what you are."

 

The zebra goes back to the angel. The angel wonders how it weant. The Zebra said, "He said 'You are what are you are.'"

 

Then the angel said, "Oh. Then you're white with black stripes."

 

"How do you know?"

 

"Because if you were black, he would have said 'You is what you is'."

[:^)]

[spoiler=R18+]

A Prostitute decides to undertake a new marketing technique by applying tattoos to her inner thighs. On one thigh is tattooed the face of Nick Greiner, on the other that of Wal Murray. Any client identifying one or the other receives a 50 per cent discount. If they could identify both, they got a freebie. A succession of customers indentify either Nick or Wal. Then the lady happens to pick up an off-duty policeman. "Nup, I give up," he says. "But the one in the middle looks like Ted Pickering."

 

 

Very Rude, read with caution.

[Twig]

Old joke is still funny to me.

 

[spoiler=Knock Knock]

Who's there?

Interrupting Cow

Interrupti-

MMOOOOO!!

 

[Pikachu]

[spoiler=Lulz]

So an American' date=' Australian and Chinese were heading to the newly-opened fusion restaurant to try out the new food. The waiter at the entrance counter showed them to one of the beautiful window seats. Another waiter gave each of the men a nicely-designed menu. Each of them read the menu and ordered the food they usually ate. The food arrived faster than expected. But the Australian's food did not arrive yet.

 

The American had a large Double Cheeseburger with Fries in front of him. To the other two men's surprise, he chucked the whole plate out of the window. "What are you doing?" Asked the Chinese man. "I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

The Chinese man had a bowl of noodles with pork. Yet again, the Chinese man threw the whole bowl of noodles out of the window. "Why did you do that?" asked the Australian. "I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

The Australian, unexpectedly, grabbed the Chinese man's shirt and launched him out of the window. Everyone in the restaurant was shocked and asked "Why did you chuck him out?".

 

""I'm getting bored of the stuff from my country.", he replied.

 

 

[/quote']

 

So true.

 

Seriously? I don't see many.

[:^)]

How do Australaians get more Asian Tourists?

 

Send one back alive.

[Willieh]

Why do black men cry when they have sex?

The mace burns.

[Lazer Yoshi]

What do yo momma and a fan have in common?

Once they're turned on, they start blowing everything around.

[Pikachu]

As an airplane is about to crash, a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

 

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

 

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[Guest Uchiha Itachi]

yo mama so fat, she was going to Walmart but triped over K-mart and landed in Target

[woodstock]

yo mamma so fat that shadow the hegehog said is that the ark? then you said no that's my mamma. i made up this joke!!

[Lazer Yoshi]

There is a male prostitute walking around.

To a woman, for $50, he'll kiss you. For $100, he'll...you know. And for $200, he'll listen to you.

[RAEGING D0GKING]

As an airplane is about to crash' date=' a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

 

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

 

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[/quote']

I loled

[ArtemisFowl]

As an airplane is about to crash' date=' a female passenger jumps up frantically and announces, "If I'm going to die, I want to die feeling like a woman."

 

She removes all her clothing and asks, "Is there someone on this plane who is man enough to make me feel like a woman?"

 

A man stands up, removes his shirt and says, "Here, iron this!".

[/quote']

I loled

 

lmao

[Lazer Yoshi]

What did Hellen Keller name her dog? BLUHBUHANBSOIFNQWNGWEOT.

[Susie]

I don't get some of these jokes, but watch video on trial and you won't stop laughing.

Why do black men cry when they have sex?

The mace burns.

 

That's just plain racist :(

[daviddean]

The male teacher in a girls' school asked the science class: "Who can tell me what organ of the human body expands to 10 times its usual size when stimulated? Mary, can you tell me?"

 

Mary blushed furiously as she stood up. Then replied, "Sir, how dare you ask such a question? I will complain to my parents, who will complain to the principal."

 

The male teacher was taken aback at first by Mary's reaction. Then, as understanding dawned on him, he called for another pupil, this time a volunteer.

 

Lilly put up her hand. "Yes, Lilly?" asked the teacher.

 

"Sir, the correct answer is the iris of the eye."

 

"Very good. Thanks, Lilly," said the male teacher.

 

He then turned to the 1st girl, who threatened to complain to her parents and principal: "Well, Mary, I have 3 things to tell you:

 

First, you have NOT done your HOMEWORK.

 

Second, you have a DIRTY mind.

 

And thirdly, I fear, one day in future, you are going to be sadly disappointed.(bcoz no other part expand to 10 times of its usual size)"

[CrabHelmet]

It's time for bad puns, all of which are completely intended.

 

1) A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything."

 

2) A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, and says: "A beer please, and one for the road."

 

3) An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

 

4) A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know, I amputated your arms!"

 

5) What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

 

6) Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says, "Dam!"

 

7) Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Not surprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

 

8) A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel, and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office, and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked as they moved off. "Because," the manager replied, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer."

 

9) Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. As you can see, this made him a super-calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

 

10) And finally, there was the person who posted ten different puns on an internet forum, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make at least one person laugh. No pun in ten did.

[woodstock]

i laughed at #6

[Willieh]

Why couldn't Ray Charles or Stevie Wonder read?

 

Because they were black.

[speznats]

Seal walks in to a club.

[六兆年と一夜物語]

So' date=' there's a man crawling through the desert...

[/quote']

 

And he meets a snake called Nate who owns a lever that can destroy the world.

[Pikachu]

So' date=' there's a man crawling through the desert...

[/quote']

 

And he meets a snake called Nate who owns a lever that can destroy the world.

 

And then he said BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!

[六兆年と一夜物語]

So' date=' there's a man crawling through the desert...

[/quote']

 

And he meets a snake called Nate who owns a lever that can destroy the world.

 

And then he said BETTER NATE THAN LEVER!

 

When he told Nate's son who he was about to crush.