Yugioh D-13 (Chapter 4 is Up!)

[Ayasato-chan]

 

"Geez, this thing is awful enough to pick on our house door, but in the dark? Impossible!" He winced in pain from a jab to the ribs. To his right came a voice from that of a girl. She sounded impatient and a little nervous, especially in her cramped surrondings.

 

"Less complaining, more picking!" She shook her head as she held herself still, holding her breath with avid jumpyness. "Oh... why did I listen to you?! If we just stayed home, as mom TOLD US too, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

 

"Please calm down Jaz. I'll be done soon. Just be careful not to move to much... we're not sure if THEY might hear us." She gulped as a single drop of sweat dropped from her head. Whatever he was insinuating seemed to intesify the atmosphere as the two of them became quiet. With an errie click-clock, the rusted lock opened and the boy let out a sigh of relief.

 

"Whew. Now that that's done... we should go, now." She nodded feverently, eager to get back to the sanctity of her home. Together, the two pushed the doors open, letting blasts of sunlight escape from the outside, penetrating their vision. Putting their arms over them, they stood still for a second, for thier eyes had grown accostumed to the former darkness, so the sudden intense light had blinded them.

 

"Ah! My eyes!" Jasmine had sensitive eyes to begin with, so it was more of a threat to her in this case. Holding his hand out, the boy had grabbed her and started to run as soon as he had a good look at their surrondings. Gritting his teeth, he ushered her along, completely engrossed in getting him and her to safety. She could fell his heart pace quicken and his muscles tense up, inspiring a wave of concern and fear to brew. She finally asked after they ran a good couple of minutes,

 

"We're in THAT part of town aren't we Rei...?" He didn't answer right away, for fear of scaring her even more. But he couldn't leave her without an answer, since it didn't matter. She would regain her sight soon anyway.

 

"Yes. We're in the D-Sector... and that means Enforcers will be on our tails if we don't get to safety and fast." Jasmine looked down and felt her spirit escape her. This wasn't going to be simple. The D-Sector was located in the deeper part of Vera Deus, the town in which they lived. It was home to the city's Disciplinary Enforcers, a taskforce of apathetic machines designed to uphld the law. And the most sacred of the laws was that civilians weren't allowed anywhere near the D-Sector... or risk of death. Something which was made into a public spectacle evertime they caught someone. To make them an example to the rest of the citizens.

 

The duo continued to run faster and faster, as quick as their legs could take them. And yet, the entire time they did, a humming sound continued to infect the soundwaves around them. Finally, once the reached the borderline, the humming subsided, but was replaced with a single ping. Jasmine could see her surrondings now, and she could tell they were almost free to go... only a few more blocks.

 

"Hey... I think we're going to make it!" She cried out hopefully. Rei wasn't so sure. They pretty much ran through the entirety of the the D-Sector... not once seeing hide nor hair of an Enforcer. Something was up. He could feel it.

 

"Just stay by me until we hit the C-Sector, kay?" She nodded as they continued on their way. A cracking sound from under them however stopped their movements as they turned around in every direction, looking for the source. "Damn. And we were so close too... Get down!" He pulled Jasmine close to him and jumped out of the way, just moments before the ground broke open in a thunderous display. Out from under them arose a machine of great size. It's hands were that of power drills with hefty heavy duty spikes protruding from them. The chest region of it was very minimal, as it was as thin a human skeleton, only housing a psuedo-heart that acted as it's powersource. The legs were connected to it's tail, which were revolving in opposite directions with every flick of it's motion. It's head was that of a blank slate, since it had no features other than a single solitary humanoid eye. The eye was souless, crimson dyed in hue and moved rapidly to assess every situation.

 

Getting up, Rei looked from it and then back to Jasmine, alarmed that she was knocked out. "Jaz... JAZ! Wake up! Now!" She wasn't getting up anytime soon. Especially since the shock had caused her to fall into a small coma. He still shook her continually, freightened beyond belief.

 

Damn. Damn. Damn. DAMN! We're gonna be killed if I don't do something! He knew that he had no chance of outrunning it. But he had a clear shot to C-Sector from his position. He only needed 10 seconds... Just 10 seconds...

 

As if reading his mind, the robot snapped it's neck up to view the surronding area and, in an instant, he reached a mechanical claw towards the two, not caring that the force he was using was deadly. Rei reacted by rolling out of the way, with Jasmine in tow on his back. He didn't think at all and ran towards their sanctuary, acting only on strict impulse.

 

"Just alittle more... just one more step!" He jumped, crossing the border, and thinking they were safe... until their robotic friend, with monstrous strength, ripped Jasmine from his back, reeling her in and holding her by the head.

 

"JAZ!" He couldn't think, he was in a blind fury, a drive to get her back. Turning and dashing at full speeds, he clenched his fist and drove a straigth punch into the machine's face. A faint glow circled his fist as the machine was knocked over, it's arm unlatching from his sister. Clasping her in his arms, he then turned again and ran at top speeds towards their destination. Only this time, a figure stepped in their way. Stopping short, sweat dripped off Rei as he recognized the face as one of the D-Commanders, one of the users of the highly coveted Duel Spirit. From the number of stars on his navy-decorated jacket, he assumed he was high on the food chain. However, compared to Rei, this one couldn't be more than a few years older than him. His hair was silver and flowing, the wind being his medium. Surronding him was a purplish aura, which Rei could only assume was the Duel Energy.

 

"This guy... is dangerous..." The figure smiled and began to walk forward. He began to talk nonchantly, as if it were a casual meeting,

 

"My my, a couple of kids manage to wander into the D-Sector, survive until this point, AND to top it off, managed to take down an Enforcer... you guys sure aren't the normal sort are you?" He flicked his hair and continued, "But still, a crime is a crime. I should introduce the person who is going to execute you." He bowed a bit and spoke in a more fashioned voice, "My name is Bokuhei, Sanada Bokuhei. D-5 of the D-Commanders." Rei took a step back when he heard the rank.

 

"D-5?! That's... the Commander in charge of my Sector." Bokuhei smirked and let out a laugh.

 

"Exactly. Which is why I came here personally. I saw that there were two unregistered signals in this Sector."

 

Signals? That explains why we didn't see anything until just now... he made it so that we would reach the end... and then fail miserably. But still that didn't explain why. "So then... why did you decide to come here then? What was the point?" Boukei just shrugged. Then he pointed to the sky.

 

"You know... curiosity gets the better of us. It's human nature's catalyst for a great disaster or miracle, depending if the goddess of destiny is on your side. Of course, this is also referring to the everyday lives of all the insignificant people in this city. You,me, we all take risks everyday. It just so happens you lose this game my dear boy." Rei clentched his fists hard.

 

"Rule D-Double X." Bokuhei straightened up and narrowed his eyes as he said in a questioning tone,

 

"Come again? For a second I thought you said..." But he repeated it in gusto before he could finish,

 

"Rule D-Double X. It states that whenever a civilian is caught in D-Sector, they have a right to duel for their freedom." Bokuhei thought to himself for a moment, registering what he had said. Then after a few moments, he burst out laughing,

 

"You? Duel me? That's insanely hilarious!" But Rei was determined, as a flash of gold had sparked around him. Bokuhei was too caught up to notice it however. Instead, he took out a compact Duel Disk and placed it around his arm. Rei took out his own Duel Disk, it was compact in that it fit snugly into his pocket and unfolded when needed. It's design was sleek and the hue was that of black and silver, with blue arrows indicating where the cards should be placed. The two faced each other, and with a unanimous call of,

 

"DUEL!"

 

The Life Point Counters on each disk lit up and read 4000 as they drew their first cards. Bokuhei situated the cards in his hand and tossed his hair. He said briskly,

 

"As the challenger, you can have the first move, Boy." It was irritating to hear him talk about a guy only a few years younger than him this way. But he smirked and nodded.

 

"My pleasure. I draw!" He drew the first card, immediately thanking some unknown entity that he was blessed with a good hand. That's better... at least my luck hasn't completely dried up... He continued confidently, "I Special Summon 'Deathbound Tracker' by removing a Machine-Type monster from my deck!" After showing Bokuhei that the monster removed from play was 'Deathbound Guardna', A giant mech had appeared from the floor, resembling a sand-streaker. It was missle-armed, and was eager to attack. Grinning, Rei then put two cards face-down. "End Turn."

 

Bokuhei held back a snort. "So your a 'Deathbound' user? Quite ironic for the hero don't you think?" Responding, Rei spoke light-heartedly,

 

"Not at all. If you want to beat your enemy, I think you should become your enemy." Bokuhei shrugged once again.

 

"Heh. Fair enough. I draw." The look on his face when he saw his hand was of pure confidence. "I think I shoud warn you... this was the worst mistake of your miserable life!" He began to laugh hysterically.

 

"Let the games begin!"

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

[spoiler=Data Log 2 > Fear Thy Destiny! Your Freedom is in My Hands!]

 

Bokuhei's sudden exclaimation made him worry alittle, but Rei was still confident about his victory. Regardless, he braced himself for the oncoming assault. And he was right. Trailing a hand through his own cards, Bokuhei grinned and stated,

 

"You, know... the goddess that protects destiny... she is always with me. I am even more blessed than the other 'Chosen' ones... " He smiled into the sky for a moment. "Yes... she is a marvelous being." His head came down slowly as his expression changed from that of delight to that of disgust. "But some people are hampering her wish by trying to defy destiny. People like you." He pointed to Rei as he continued, "There is no chance of changing one's fate. It is written once you are born and can never be 'edited' so to speak." Rei waved his hand out in an anatomical extension as he shouted,

 

"Like hell!" Bokuhei was taken aback. Rei continued,

 

"Where do you get off?! Telling me that destiny is inescapable. You sound like a religious fanatic, trying to crush any other ideals except your own. People like YOU are what I can't stand!" Bokuhei gritted his teeth and smirked. He continued calmly,

 

"Very well... if you won't listen, I'll have to teach you the path of my blessed goddess." At his words, he placed a monster on the field. "I summon 'Angel of Sanctity' (1400/1000)!" An angel, dressed in a wavy short-skirt and yellow scarf, with a motif of that of a school girl, appeared on the field. Her wings were made from energy and the holster for it hovered just before her back. However, Bokuhei was far from done.

 

"On top of that, I activate 'Spell Patron'!" The spell flipped up once he played it. Out of it appeared a young girl in an oversized robe and cloak with pink hair in ponytails as well as glasses that framed her face. She also wore a witch's hat that was a few sizes too large. "While 'Spell Patron' is face up on my field, Spell cards cannot be destroyed. But there's more! Once per turn, by paying 500 Life Points, I can Special Summon 1 Level 4 or lower monster from my hand! I choose to Special Summon 'Little Witch of Fortune-Telling' (200/300)!"

 

Just in front of him, a small girl appeared. She had an assortment of ribbons around her, with silver to lavender hair flowing in the wind. At the end of her locks were two chain like additions (4000 - 500 = 3500) Bokuhei continued,

 

"I will show you the path of fate, even if I have to kill you in order for you to understand." Rei snorted and replied,

 

"Please. You're going to kill me and Jaz if I lose anyway, so just do my the favor and can it with that 'fate' lecture!" Bokuhei sighed and explained,

 

"You poor fool. I am merely showing you that fate choses select individuals to triumph over everyone else. It'd be a shame to die in ignorance to that complete fact, wouldn't you agree?" Rei shook his head.

 

"Whatever. Just take your turn." He nodded and continued,

 

"As I was saying, when my 'Little Witch' is Special Summoned, you lose Life Points according to how many cards I have in my hand times 200. And at the moment, I count 3, so you lose 600 Life Points!" As he finished his sentence, Rei's counter dropped (4000 - 600 = 3400). Rei looked at his counter then back to the field and tried to formulate a plan of attack.

 

Heh.... this guy is... good. I'm going to have to finish this quick-]/i] But his thought was interrupted by his opponent yet again.

 

"To finish my turn, I activate 'Predestined Encounter' and 'Swords of Revaling Light'! Out of the first card appeared a young woman dressed in a blue robe and black cloak. On the other side of the field, Rei's field was invaded by several blinding bright blades, locking in place around him and his monster. Rei was a bit surprised and glanced from sword to sword.

 

"Tsch... your just buying time." For what though, I don't think I wanna know. Bokuhei just grinned.

 

"As I said, you will be judged. At least when I call upon the goddess to aid me." His eyes flashed with ecstasy. Rei repiled,

 

"As if! Draw!" Rei took one look at his hand and shuffled through his cards, thinking of a way to try and finish the duel before whatever Bokuhei was planning could be done. Although, there wasn't much chance of that with his current cards. So, he went a different route.

 

"I Special Summon 'Deathbound Striker' (1550/1600) by removing another Machine-Type monster in my Deck from play!" A mechanical bronze warrior, which was slightly bulky and covered in bronze, stood up from the white light. Rei pointed at Bokuhei,

 

"I'll shatter that destiny of yours right now! Since 'Striker' was Special Summoned by his own effect, he can attack each face-up monster you control!" The bronze fighter launched itself into the air and started to attack which Bokuhei stuttered,

 

"B-but how? my 'Swords' should hold you for three turns!" Rei smiled and answered,

 

"Remember when I Special Summoned 'Trooper' in my first turn? I removed 'Deathbound Guardna' from my hand. And as long as it's removed from play, my 'Deathbound' monsters are safe from Spell Cards." Bokuhei growled as his monsters were destroyed (3500 - 150 = 3350).

 

"I activate the effect of my 'Little Witch'! When she's destroyed, I can Special Summon another one from my hand or deck!" Another witch had appeared, in defense mode. "Not only that, but I activate 'Angel of Sanctity's effect, paying 500 Life Points to bring her back to the field!"

 

At his words, the angel jumped out of the Graveyard and settled itself into defense mode as well. "Furthermore, I activate the effect of 'Predestined Encounter'! Now I can Special Summon my other 'Little Witch' back to the field by paying 500 Life Points!" Just like the angel, the little one had jumped out of the Graveyard, but nearly tripped and blushed (3350 - 1000 = 2350). Bokuhei continued, "And since my 'Witch's were Special Summoned, their effects activate!" (3400 - 400 = 3000). Rei ended his Battle Phase and replied,

 

"Fine. Your move." Bokuhei smirked.

 

"You know, your pretty good for an insolent infidel. I think you deserve to see more of my devotion to the goddess... Draw!" This time he smiled for real. It was a warm smile, and not one of a crazed fanatic. He looked at Rei calmly and then said, "Your in luck... the goddess has shined her light on me. And you'll finally understand why she is the ultimate being... I activate the Field Spell, 'Chains of Destiny'!" The entire field was warped as they were transported to a very dark dimension. They became surronded by liquified chains and other oddly abstract objects.

 

"And what does this card do Mr. Fanatic?" Bokuhei was still smiling warmly, but he did answer,

 

"Why, it's the herald of your destiny. You are chained to the destiny called 'Death'! And in three turns, you'll find out why." Rei swallowed a bit and thought to himself,

 

I have no idea what these chains can do, so I have two options... hope that my next draw will be the one card I need, or find a way to destroy his Spell Cards... easier said than done. Bokuhei continued,

 

"I'll give up another 500 Life Points to Special Summon 'Bird of Innocence'!" A small brown and white bird flapped itself onto the field and pecked it's wing a few times before Bokuhei went on (2350 - 500 = 1850). "When this card is Special Summoned, I draw 2 cards. If one of them is a monster card, I must discard it and you lose Life Points equal to that card's attack." Rei watched in a sweat as Bokuhei drew his cards. He grinned, almost creepily.

 

"I drew 'Gemini Angel', which has 1500 ATK. So you lose 1500 Life Points!" He placed the card into his Graveyard as the bird on the field flapped it's small wings, creating a powerful wind. Rei stepped back as his counter plummeted (3000 - 1500 = 1500). Rei commented with a half grin half worried look,

 

"Hmph. Your dangerous alright. But... this duel isn't over. Destiny doesn't need to be changed! And this goddess of yours shouldn't have complete control of your life either!" Bokuhei was confused.

 

"And how can I live if I FORSAKE her? She is the reason we all have a destiny, a reason for living!" Rei just shook his head and gave him a solid look in his eyes, which made him back step as he said,

 

"Make your own." Bokuhei was taken aback by this and didn't have an answer for it.

 

"W-whatever. I place one card face down and end my turn for now!" Rei then noticed that traces of purple had began to flare around his opponent.

 

Duel Spirit... He's serious about beating me now. He looked at his opponent and then began to speak again,

 

"Yes. If you make your own destiny, then you are the one in control of it, it doesn't need to change or be changed by an omnipotent being! Having your life dictated to you isn't living at all!" Bokuhei clentched his fists as he replied,

 

"Fine! Tsukino Rei, this will be a battle of our convictions! Only the just shall be allowed victory!" Rei just shook his head.

 

"You just don't get it. Draw!" Rei drew his card slowly while thinking, Please, be the one I need! For Jaz! He peaked at the card and smiled. He was confident the game would come to a close soon now.

 

"I Summon 'Deathbound Synchron' (300/1450)!" On his field appeared an old red mech, probably used for excavations of sorts. Rei continued, "From my hand I activate 'Synchro Boost' to bring 'Synchron' to Level 4!" Bokuhei muttered grudgingly,

 

"Synchro Summon....." Rei smiled.

 

"Right! I now tune my 'Deathbound Synchron' and my 'Deathbound Trooper'!" The two monsters flew into the air and collided. Bokuhei stared in amazement as Rei started to glow a glorious gold, which flared up from his body.

 

"It... can't be. This boy can use.... Duel Spirit?!" Rei continued by chanting,

 

"Arise from the depths of the ruined cities, become my messanger of victory... Synchro Summon! 'Deathbound Dragon'!" A screech had bellowed from his duel disk as the golden aura around Rei had poured into the light of the collision. Out of the light flew a great dark dragon, which, although partly machine, was majestic. Rei stared at Bokuhei with supreme confidence now.

 

"Your game is over. I activate my face-down Trap card, 'Final Attack Orders'. Now your wall of monsters must go into attack mode!" Bokuhei was alarmed as each of his monster stood up from their respective cards and entered attack mode.

 

"Dammit! I won't be beaten that easily!" But Rei smirked.

 

"I'm sorry, but I win. 'Striker', 'Dragon' attack his monsters!" The two monsters lunged forward. His dragon breathed a stream of silver flames against the 'Angel' while 'Striker' prepared to cut the witches and bird down. Bokuhei acted quickly,

 

"I activate MY face down card, 'Negate Attack'!" A dimensional wall had appeared over his monsters as the attacks hit. Rei wasn't fazed, but Bokuhei was the one smiling.

 

"You think that you've won?... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" He laughed manically. "You arrogant fool. I already told you that my destiny is too win!" Rei's aura had quieted, but was still present around him.

 

"I end my turn." Was all he said. Bokuhei then swallowed hard, knowing that he would lose if he didn't draw what he needed right now. So, he drew his card and had the look of absolute happiness.

 

"I've done it! I've drawn the card of your destruction!" He began laughing again as Rei was starting to lose his calm, wondering exactly what his opponent was up to...

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

[spoiler=Card of the Day] http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/yugioh/images/4/40/SynchroBoost5DS2-EN-C-1E.png' alt='SynchroBoost5DS2-EN-C-1E.png'>

 

 

This card is extremely useful when using Synchros in your Deck, considering some Tuners are hard to work with unless you get them to an even or odd Level (For example, it's much easier to Synchro Summon Junk Warrior with Junk Synchron because it's an odd level tuner. Star Dust Dragon is easier to summon with even level Tuners. This card is just great overall and will probably be showing up in Rei's duels quite a bit.

 

 

[spoiler=Data Log 3 > Decisive Climax! Deathbound Dragon vs. Goddess of Fate!]

 

 

"Are you ready for your Divine Punishment?" It was Bokuhei who spoke. He was still ignited from Rei's little display as he smirked and then went on, "My goddess won't forsake me. I now activate 'Graceful Charity'!" With that, an angel with long auburn hair hovered over him and showered his deck with light. "Thanks to this, I can draw three cards. And thanks to 'Angel of Sanctity', I don't need to discard two cards from my hand."

 

 

Rei noted this, but still observed what he was up to. "So now, I'll activate a card from my hand, 'Spell Power Grasp'!" A light started to shine above them. The chains embraced the light, imprisoning it. "Thanks to this card, I can place a Spell Counter on 1 card on the field. I chose my 'Chains of Destiny', giving it a total of 2 Spell Counters." But Bokuhei then took another card from his hand. "As a secondary effect, it allows me to add another 'Spell Power Grasp' to my hand, although I can't use it this turn. But it doesn't matter as of right now, for I now Summon 'Apprentice Magician' in attack mode!"

 

 

A magician, who weirdly resembled a punk rocker, appeared on the field. "Once again, when this card is Summoned, I can place a Spell Counter anywhere on the field. And I choose 'Chains of Destiny'!" The magical apprentice shot another ball of light into the air, as the chains ensnared it. The entire dimension started to glow a vibrant blue as the chains began to tremble.

 

 

"W-what the?" Rei was surprised, he couldn't know what was awaiting him. Bokuhei grinned and answered Rei's inquring look.

 

 

"The conditions have been met. I now activate my final card, 'Sapphire Tribute Storm'!" A violent tornado, circling around the field had appeared, in a swirling blue and black wind. "In order to use this card, I must tribute 3 monsters. I choose both of my 'Little Witch's and 'Bird of Innocence'!" The three monsters were pulled into the storm as it grew bigger. "After the sacrifices are made, then I can destroy all of the Level 6 or lower monsters, regardless of monster effects... such as your 'Guardna'!" Rei then snapped his attention to his 'Striker' as it was pulled into the vortex along with Bokuhei's two other monsters. "Also, thanks to this card, I must destroy a Spell card on my field... I choose my 'Chains of Destiny'!" The entire dimension returned to normal as the chains were eaten by the storm in the center. With it's hunger satisfied, the tornado subsided.

 

 

"What was the point of that move just now?" Rei was hesitant to ask, but he was curious about what his opponent's strategy. Bokuhei just shook his head.

 

 

"I already told you, you will recieve judgement from my goddess." He slipped a card from his deck and held it up, glorifing it as if it were gold. "I activate the effect of 'Chains of Destiny'. When it's destroyed with three Spell counters on it, I can Special Summon my savior... the 'Goddess of Fate' (2450/2600)!" A blinding purple aura raged from his body as he placed the card on the field. Rei threw his arm over his eyes as a light shone from the heavens above.

 

 

"This light.... too much...." Rei tried to open his eyes a tiny bit and caught a glimpse at a figure descending from the light. It was a young woman, who wore a gothic assortment of robes and undergarments, atop of a tight obsidian coat. Her hair was a hybrid of blue and silver, which blew amongst the wind that was howling around her. Elongated fur-like black wings etche dout from her back, hardly moving as she came down. At her side was a wide sword with a "W" shaped handle. Bokuhei bowed slightly.

 

 

"My goddess... you have come to aid me personally." Rei wasn't sure, but it looked like the goddess smiled for a second. But he concentrated soon on the duel.

 

 

"So, this is your 'Goddess' huh? She doesn't look that tough." Bokuhei hissed back at him with a sadistic tone,

 

 

"Shut up! She is the ultimate being, and I will prove it! I activate her ability!" At once, the young goddess drew her sword and aimed it at Rei. Bokuhei continued feverently, "When 'Goddess of Fate' is Special Summoned, you lose 500 Life Points for each spell card on the field... And as of now there are two, since my 'Swords' deactivated last turn. SO TAKE 1000 POINTS OF DAMAGE!" The goddess jumped high into the air, performed a unique dive, and gave a mighty heave with her sword, creating a giant slash across Rei's duel disk.

 

 

"Aggghhhh!" He yelped in pain as his counter dropped (1500 - 1000 = 500). Bokuhei began to laugh insanely at his expense.

 

 

"HAHAHA! Now you see?! My 'Goddess' is mightier than you will ever know!" He continued with more confidence, "And now I'll activate my 'Predestined Encounter' one more time! By giving up 500 of my Life Points, I'll Special Summon 'Bird of Innocence' back to the field!" The little bird had flown out of his Graveyard as his counter dropped (1850 - 500 = 1350).

 

 

"Of course, you remember my birdie's effect correct? I can draw two cards. If either one is a monster card, I discard it and you lose what's left of your Life Points!" Rei was alarmed, that much was certain.

 

 

Damn. If he draws something with more than 400 attack points, I'm dead! Please, let me survive this turn! Luckily, his prayers were answered. Bokuhei showed a look of disgust as he drew his cards.

 

 

"Your lucky. I'll play 'Mystical Space Typhoon' to destroy your 'Final Attack Orders'..." The plasma torndao came over the card on Rei's field and shattered it to bits. "And then I'll play one card face-down and switch 'Bird of Innocence' to defense mode." The actions occured as the bird nested on it's card. But Bokuhei continued,

 

 

"And another thing, when a monster is Special Summoned, my 'Goddess' can inflict half the ATK of the summoned monster as damage to your Life Points! So you lose another 100 to inch you closer to death!" The sword slashed across the air, sending a shockwave aganist the field. Rei stumbled from the impact as he saw his counter drop further (500 - 100 = 400). With that, Bokuhei's turn was finished.

 

 

"Tsch. Your awfully confident about yourself, even though your monster's weaker than mine." Bokuhei was unfazed, instead he didn't respond at all. He was just focusing on the beauty of his goddess. Rei continued,

 

 

"Whatever. I swear I'll win. Draw!" But he didn't look at the card yet, nor did he pick it up. Instead, he focused on a single thought. I can win this right now. I just need the right card... He looked at his deck mercifully. You haven't let me down just yet, don't start now! He drew his card slowly and glanced at it. His face broke into a relieved smile and then he went on,

 

 

"Well Commander, I'll end the duel this turn." Bokuhei expressed a disbelieving scowl as he said,

 

 

"Really now, you can't fight your destiny! She will be the instrument of your defeat!" But Rei shook his head.

 

 

"Your a good duelist, I'll give you that, but you shouldn't get so dead set on this black and white view of the world. There are alot of grey areas." Bokuhei didn;t think to respond to that, so he just waited for Rei to make his move.

 

 

"Okay, as I was saying, I activate my Dragon's effect. He gains 300 ATK points for each Machine-Type monster I discard from my hand, and right now I'm discarding 3 due to his first effect, raising his ATK by 900!" The dragon roared as the cards slid into the Graveyard slot (2550 + 900 = 3450). Bokuhei wasn't worried apparently, as he just stared at the dragon, unchanging. Rei knew that he must have set a trap, but he HAD to go on the offensive. So he pointed at her as he said,

 

 

"Now, 'Deathbound Dragon'! Attack his 'Goddess of Fate'!" The dragon took to the skies with a screech. Overhead, he gathered energy, focusing it in his internal organs, until it reached a bursting point. He blasted a stream of intense silver flames against the goddess, but Bokuhei sprang on the chance, much to Rei's dismay.

 

 

"Sorry boy, but she won't be disappearing anytime soon, I activate the Trap Card, 'Resisting Fate'! This will increase my goddess's ATK by 1000!" The card opened and featured a raven haired angel parrying a sword attack. At once, the goddess's sword changed to the one feature on the picture, which was a straight narrow sword with a line and two prongs on ach side for the hilt. In the center of the sword was a ruby (2450 + 1000 = 3450). The goddess blocked the flames and also flew into the air to match the dragon. Bokuhei exclaimed,

 

 

"I TOLD YOU! She will not be destroyed, for you cannot fight destiny!" Rei grinned. He pointed towards the two in the air.

 

 

"So? That just makes them even! Attack the goddess my 'Dragon'!" The dragon fired another round on the goddess as she plunged the sword into him. Both of them were destroyed in a brilliant flash.

 

 

"NOOOOOOOOOO! My goddess! You will pay! For next-" But Rei cut him off. He just sighed.

 

 

"There isn't a 'next turn' for you." He pointed to his last face-down. "I activate 'Deathbound Invasion'! Now I can Special Summon 1 monster on the field equal to the level of one of your monsters. And since 'Bird of Innocence' is a Level 3, I can Special Summon my 'Deathbound Scavenger' (650/600)!" Once he said that, a dull mechanical creature had appeared. It's paint was chipping in places and the body looked like it was pieced together. Bokuhei then took solace in the fact that he was safe.

 

 

"H-heh. My 'Bird' is in defense mode! You can't finish my Life Points in this turn alone!" But Rei smirked.

 

 

"Of course I can. I now activate 'Deathbound Rampage' and a personal favorite of mine, 'Fairy Meteor Crush'! Now my 'Scavenger's ATK rises by 1000 and he gains the ability to use piercing damage!" (650 + 1000 = 1650) Bokuhei backed away, falling backwards.

 

 

"No... No.... No.... NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NO!NOOOOOOOOOOOO! I can't be defeated like this, by a mere common brat!" Rei decided it was time. He raised his hand and pointed to Bokuhei.

 

 

"This is where it ends. 'Scavenger', Crushing Claw Attack!" The monster glowed with power and sprang into action. It rushed forward, driving his claw straight into the small little bird. It shattered as Bokuhei's counter dropped to 0 (1350 - 1350 = 0). He dropped to his knees as he watched his loss, as if he didn't really see it happen. Rei was relieved he won, and thus he deactivated his duel disk as he heard the stiffling moans behind him. When he turned, he saw that his sister had woken up.

 

 

"Jaz! You're all right!" He rushed to her side as she nodded. Her hand was still on her head, signaling she had a slight headache. But she responded softly,

 

 

"Yes. Just alittle surprised and roughed up from all the action..." She looked over his shoulder, at the broken spirited commander. She was going to say something, but didn't finish. Instead, Rei spoke to him,

 

 

"Now you see Commander... You can make your own destiny. If you remeber anything from our duel, remember that." With that, the two siblings crossed the border into the C-Sector, leaving Bokuhei alone. He fell onto all fours, his resolve shattered. He muttered to himself,

 

 

"Damn you Tsukino Rei... damn you.... you made me lose sight of my goddess... now she has forsaken me... I will crush you..." He snapped his head into the air and screamed out,

 

 

"I SWEAR IT!"

 

 

[spoiler=Card of the Day]

 

 

 

Ah, a very useful card when your really want to do some damage with a heavy attacker. Especially when your opponent has very low DEF monsters... this card is an absolute nightmare. ^-^

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Data Log 4 > Bokuhei's Report! The Commanders Convene!]

 

The wind howled as night had reigned over the city of Vera Deus. The entire town was under lockdown, and the citizens didn't know why. Of course, some harbored a guess that it had something to do with a rebel group, while others just brushed it off as another way to control their actions... afterall, the dictator's will was the 'will' of the entire city. As thus, he has taken it upon himself to right the wrongs of the world, to destroy individuality and replace it with conformity. Of course, with this particular person's resources, taking over the government was a snap, through extortion and blackmail. Afterwards, he gathered a force of 12 people. These gifted individuals were ones who were able to harness Duel Spirit, a highly volitile energy source that is infinte. Such power would only be an asset to control. And so the D-Commanders were born.

 

 

The Commander of Sector C was Sanada Bokuhei, ranked as D-5. He was the newest member of the D-Commanders, even though his rank says otherwise. It was Bokuhei who stood infront of a long table. In front of him were thirteen seats. 12 golden ones, which were encrusted with an assortment of diamonds, and one exquisite platinum one, which had any and ever crystal known to man on it. There were 11 figures in these chairs, whose faces were obscured from view by the dim lighting. He started to sweat as the figure in the larger chair began to clear his throat.

 

 

"... Sanada. Our system picked up a disturbance in the D-Sector earlier today. And your Duel Spirit was in the middle of it. Not only that, but our tracking system picked up that you lost against a civilian! This is a grave thing to do... you should know this." Of course he knew this. It didn't make it any easier. The figure on the far right, numbered as D-3 laughed alittle. The grander figure snapped his head.

 

 

"Is there something you wish to share Washisa?" Bokuhei noted the other figure as his fellow Commander, one who was in the D-Commanders much longer than he. He flipped his cap up and spoke lightly,

 

 

"Give the guy a break King. He's the newbie of the group afterall... And besides, the guy he lost to had a LOAD of Duel Spirit. Felt it all the way in Sector V." The one known as King widened his eyes. He then looked back to Bokuhei.

 

 

"........Is this true Bokuhei? Have you found a D-User?" Bokuhei shifted his position alittle and answered hesitantly,

 

 

"Y-yes my lord. At first glance, he seems like another piece of garbage, but he houses tremendous Duel Spirit. I witnessed it first hand." King brushed his chin for a moment. Clearly, he was interested. He then spoke, as if in deep thought.

 

 

"So, then the last one has arrived then." Another one from across the room, this time from D-8, asked in an inquiring tone,

 

 

"What are you talking about King? I thought you said we were the only ones who could use Duel Spirit. Now your saying that there's more?" King nodded and slightly tilted his head down. He then said,

 

 

"There is just one more Zokya. The rumored D-13. I have been seeking all of you, as you know. But somehow he has always escaped my radar. Although, I doubt he even realizes he can use it, since he hasn't made any moves against us." Zokya just remained indignant and folded his arms. Washisa took the opportunity to then say,

 

 

"Well, if this guy is the last member of the group, why doesn't why one of us 'veterans' drop by? Guy sounds like a thrill to duel if he can beat Bokuhei here." But King shook his head.

 

 

"No. This one is a bit different. He probably won't come to us willingly." So Zokya smiled and replied almost happily,

 

 

"So then... the usual um, 'convincing'? That's right up my alley." King then laughed abit and answered his colleauge in age,

 

 

"Ah enthusiasm. That's rare from you. All right Zokya, since your so... insistent, I'll give you the first move." Zokya tilted his head slightly in respect while grinning sadistically.

 

 

"Oh thank you. I'll make sure they have.... a 'blast', as well." King then turned his attention back to Bokuhei. Scared slightly, he swallowed hard. King then smiled sincerely.

 

 

"Do not be alarmed Bokuhei. Though you may have lost... you have found me a very just cause to dispense with your punishment. You are cleared of charges and will be granted a second chance... but this is a very rare privilege, don't think you can get away with it once more." Bokuhei bowed and responded quickly,

 

 

"Yes my lord. I understand." His superior then clapped his hands.

 

 

"Very well. Meeting Adjourned." The twelve of them shuffled from their chairs as Bokuhei started to leave as well. No one spoke to each other, as it was a custom not to speak in the room after King had closed a meeting. It was a sort of unspoken rule amongst them.

 

 

Once outside, Bokuhei began to walk by himself. He couldn't believe that he was so close to being 'erased' as King so eloquently told him one time. It was both grave misfortune and good fate that he lost the duel to Rei earlier, since he was relieved of punishment, but the lost still angered him, as his mind was still stuck on the want to hunt him down and finish him off.

 

 

"Destroying my goddess and her blessing... that fool will get what's coming to him eventually. Soon... very soon." He didn't want to go against the orders of the King, but his judgement was clouded at the moment. He headed off to be alone, down to the S-Sector. Once there, he knew he wouldn't be disturbed, it was the most suburban place in the city, and thus was quiet...

 

 

***

 

 

On the other side of the city, in the C-Sector, the citizens were nestled comfortably in their own homes. Of them, the Tsukino siblings were home as well, after narrowly avoiding death this afternoon. Of course, they'd never admit it in front of their mother. Instead, they told her they simply... 'went out'. You know, every teenager's vauge answer when they didn't want to talk about it. Of course, being the trusting woman she is, Tsukino Jessica just accepted it at face value, much to her kids happiness. Regardless, soon afterwards, the lights went out as their mother called,

 

 

"Rei, Jasmine, it's curfew!" The two called back, nearly simultaneously as it echoed,

 

 

"Gotcha mom!" The two were in their respective rooms during this time, which was usually what they did. Neither of them had an urge to go out now, especially after the day's events. Rei hopped onto his bed as he stared up at the ceiling. Getting sort of tired, he began to shut his eyes.

 

 

"...Maybe I can get some nice... sleep..." Within a few seconds, he was out. On the side of the table facing his bed, a single vibration shook the surface. Upon closer inspection, Rei's phone was there. He didn't bother turning on the ring since he usually had it for emergencies, not to talk to people. The machine beeped as a disheveled voice came onto the phone,

 

 

"REI! REI! WAKE UP DAMMIT!, THERE'S A B-" The timer cut him off. Rei, still sleeping, had no way of knowing what he was going to say...

 

 

***

 

 

Outside of the buillding was a young man. He was slightly older than Rei, and his hair was firery red. He frantically called Rei again, trying to leave this message:

 

 

"REI, THERE'S A BOMB IN THE HOUSE!" A figure behind him laughed. Whirling himself around, the young man saw his accompanyer. He was eerie. So much so that he looked like something from the afterlife. He had a wide smile, showing his sharp teeth.

 

 

"Oh relax. They won't die. It will just scare your little friend... too bad you saw too much. I'll have to dispense with you..." The speaker was Zokya of the D-Commanders. The one opposite him threw his arm into the air,

 

 

"Your sick!" Zokya chuckled as he responded,

 

 

"Tell me something I don't know kid." The young man gritted his teeth as he said,

 

 

"Fujimoto Daisuke!" The older one was a bit confused until the younger of the two clarified.

 

 

"My name is Fujimoto Daisuke! I swear that you won't have a chance to hurt Rei and Jaz!" Zokya was serious as he dropped his humorous air. A red flare had burned around him, shocking Daisuke to fall back.

 

 

"...Are you saying that you'd risk your life to save them? That's a sign of sheer stupidity." Daisuke was about to respond, but Zokya continued roughly, "I am telling the truth. The strong will live and the weak will die. Rei is strong enough to garner the attention of our ruler, therefore he will live..." Daisuke then raised his own voice as he asked,

 

 

"Well what about Jaz? And their mother?" Zokya began to laugh insanely. It took him a few minutes to calm himself down, and Daisuke had a good measure of what his answer would be. Covering his face with his gloved hand, Zokya finally regained his composure. Slowly dropping it, he then answered Daisuke.

 

 

"They're expendable." Daisuke lost his own cool as he shoved on his duel disk and replied harshly,

 

 

"TRY SAYING THAT AGAIN!" Zokya just shook his head. He pressed a button on his arm, which activated a device that expanded into a blood red duel disk. It was more rounded and smooth than the usual models, but the system was still easy enough to distinguish.

 

 

"Shall we dance then? If you win... I'll deactivate the bomb. If you lose..." He grinned. "Then I will personally end your life with the help of my dear friend 'Martha'." As he said the name, he held up a dagger which was sheathed. Daisuke was too enraged to be frightened, but he was surprised.

 

 

"Dude... you named a knife? It's official, you belong in the loony bin." His opponent chuckled once more. He spoke in his usual fashion,

 

 

"Tried it once. Got out on good behavior." Humor aside, the two squared off. Wind wisped around them as they both called out in unison,

 

 

"DUEL!"

 

 

The counters went up to 4000 as the duelists drew the cards from their decks...

 

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

 

[spoiler=Card of the Day]

 

Okay, the duel didn't start just yet, but here's a sort of spoiler to one of the cards that will be a HUGE staple in the coming chapter:

 

 

 

 

This card is useful for getting monsters into your Graveyard to set up alot of combos. Personally, I use it as well. In fact, it's very useful for summoning certain monsters that need cards in your Graveyard...

 

 

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Custom Card Link]

 

The Deathbound Rising Series = http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-187344.html (Made by Me)

 

The Divine Destiny Series = http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-90230.html (Made by Me)

 

The Starry Night Series = http://forum.yugiohcardmaker.net/thread-115547.html (Made by legendhiro)

 

 

[spoiler=Character Profiles]

 

Note: A character's profile will be posted/modified as the story moves on.

 

[spoiler=Tsukino Rei]Name: Tsukino Rei

 

Age: 16

 

Gender: Male

 

Appearance:

 

Background: To be revealed in the Story *Scout's honor*

 

Personality: The defining traits of his that will never disappear are his determination and kindness. Even before being chosen by the Dragon, he always had a knack and enjoyed helping people, dreading the feeling of being useless. In school, Rei was respected for being an overall nice guy but also loathed for being different. His ambitions for the future include eventually going to the legendary Duel Academy and becoming a pro, having a natural ability to understand dueling and it's strategies. All and all, Rei is the kind of friend you want to have, that's able to see the good in you that maybe you never noticed yourself.

 

Deck: Deathbound Rising

 

Favorite Card: Deathbound Dragon

 

 

 

[spoiler=Tsukino Jasmine]

 

Name: Tsukino Jasmine

 

Age: 15

 

Gender: Female

 

Appearance:

 

Background: To be revealed in the Story *Scout's honor*

 

Personality: Jasmine is a fun bubbly girl who likes to have a good time. She has a big heart and lots of love to give to those who ask for it. She likes making people feel special and if they are down on themselves she likes to make them smile and try to make them feel better. She likes helping people and that's why she helps with the homeless shelter every weekened.

 

Deck: Priestess of the Winds

 

Favorite Card: Kaze Miko - Chibi Sakura

 

 

 

[spoiler=Sanada Bokuhei]

 

Name: Sanada Bokuhei

 

Age: 20

 

Gender: Male

 

Appearance:

 

Background: To be revealed in the Story *Scout's honor*

 

Personality: Bokuhei is, for want of a better word, a very dependent person. He needs someone to guide him because of his innate personality defects. Thus, he always grabs onto one thing, in this case his 'goddess', and makes his life revolve around it. Once he attaches to something or someone, he can become fiercely loyal and vicious, almost acting as a religious fanatic.

 

Deck: Divine Destiny

 

Favorite Card: Goddess of Fate

 

 

[spoiler=Fujimoto Daisuke]

 

Name: Fujimoto Daisuke

 

Age: 16

 

Gender: Male

 

Appearance:

 

 

Background: Rei's best friend since childhood. He's one of the most overprotective guys ever seen on this planet as he usually looks out for both Rei and his sister Jaz.

 

Personality: Daisuke is your typical everyday guy that loves to have a good time out and about with his friends. He has a very kind heart and is one of the most loving guys you can meet. He is what some would call a southern gentlmen. He holds doors open for women, he will pull their seat out for them to sit it, and even open car door for them as well. His father has brought him up with very well manners.

 

Deck: Starry Night

 

Favorite Card: Orion, Protector of the Stars

 

 

 

 

[spoiler=Zokya]

 

Name: Zokya

 

Age: 27

 

Gender: Male

 

Appearance:

 

 

Background: To be revealed WAY in the Story *Scout's honor*

 

Personality: As cunning and dangerous as Zokya, aka D-8, may be, there is one thing that separates him from his teammates: his mouth. Not letting one talk go by without making one or many sarcastic remarks. He’ll constantly poke fun at a situation, even one that might not obviously show evidence to be made fun of. However, don’t let the joking demeanor of Wade fool you; as a master of the dark arts, he is not to be trifled with.

 

Deck: Dark Banishment

 

Favorite Card: Dark Armed Dragon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Up Next: In the Raging Night! A Battle Under The Stars!

[Ayasato-chan]

Application for characters! ^-^

 

Name:
Age: 
Gender:
Appearance:
Background: 
Personality:

[legendhiro]

looks really good so far. i'll be keeping up with it.

 

also, can i use your deathbounds in my fic? i promise you'll enjoy it.

 

it will not be until pretty far in though...

[Ayasato-chan]

@ hiro: Of course you can! (Your the one who inspired me to do this afterall.) ^-^

 

Also - Next part up! (I'm going to clean up the first post alittle.)

[Ayasato-chan]

Update: I have added Character profiles to the first post! (Jasmine, Bokuhei and Rei. More will be added as they appear.)

[Ayasato-chan]

Update: Chapter 3 has been added to the first post! Next chapter will be posted hopefully tomorrow or Thursday. *Crosses fingers*

[Ayasato-chan]

Update: Chapter 4 has been added to the first post. (It may seem like events are happening fast, but there's a reason for it... which will be explained after this duel.)

 

Also: 2 Character profiles have been added! (Daisuke & Zokya)

[Dr. Percival Cox]

Name: Kaen Tieshu(Yes he is used again)

Age:15

Gender: Male

[spoiler=Appearence]

 

Background: Little is known about this duelist other than he has always been a dueling prodigy. His deck is a Jurak deck made known from his constant street duels.

Personality: Smart duelist and a quick thinker.He is always quick to help is friends and never backs down from a duel.

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well, I was requested, and so I came to review this thing the only way I can: WEATHER REPORT!!

 

[spoiler=Data Log 1 > Escape From the D-Sector!]Data Log 1 > Escape From the D-Sector!

 

"Shoot."

 

A voice whispered. It was hard to tell from where however' date=' as the entire enclosure had been engulfed in darkness. No sunlight could reach the inside of this mysterious complex, so it was difficult to even began to determine what time of day it was or where they were. And 'they' refer to the two young stagglers who were in the middle of a very complicated escape maneuver. The one who spoke, who had the voice of a boy, clenched his teeth and worked on the task at hand. Namely, he was trying to pick the lock.

"Geez, this thing is awful enough to pick on our house door, but in the dark? Impossible!" He winced in pain from a jab to the ribs. To his right came a voice from that of a girl. She sounded impatient and a little nervous, especially in her cramped surrondings.

 

You use some suspense and stuff, which is good, hiding the surroundings from us makes us want to know more! I just don't understand if they're in a broom closet or something, or what 'stagglers' are. It's a but annoying how you used 'the one had the voice of a boy'. So, it's a person with a boy's voice, but isn't QUITE a boy? And the girly one... ISN'T A GIRL?! It's just nitpicking, but that's all that really stands out.

 

"Less complaining, more picking!" She shook her head as she held herself still, holding her breath with avid jumpyness. "Oh... why did I listen to you?! If we just stayed home, as mom TOLD US too, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

 

Oh boy! High school kids! As usual! *Looks at Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic* It's okay now, you can use kids... (NOTE: Not real criticism! Just saying that almost all writers use kids as main characters!)

 

"Please calm down Jaz. I'll be done soon. Just be careful not to move to much... we're not sure if THEY might hear us." She gulped as a single drop of sweat dropped from her head. Whatever he was insinuating seemed to intesify the atmosphere as the two of them became quiet. With an errie click-clock, the rusted lock opened and the boy let out a sigh of relief.

 

Jaz... Jaz... great, now I have to imagine this girl-ish person as Jazz from Danny Phantom! WHY was I thinking about it recently? I've annoyed myself. I hope you describe them soon, those kids. Also you misspelled a couple more words in here, so you should use spell-check or something, but there's nothing major.

 

"Whew. Now that that's done... we should go, now." She nodded feverently, eager to get back to the sanctity of her home. Together, the two pushed the doors open, letting blasts of sunlight escape from the outside, penetrating their vision. Putting their arms over them, they stood still for a second, for thier eyes had grown accostumed to the former darkness, so the sudden intense light had blinded them.

 

They were in a cramped space... which was also a major entrance to te\he outside? Suspicious...

 

"Ah! My eyes!" Jasmine had sensitive eyes to begin with, so it was more of a threat to her in this case. Holding his hand out, the boy had grabbed her and started to run as soon as he had a good look at their surrondings. Gritting his teeth, he ushered her along, completely engrossed in getting him and her to safety. She could fell his heart pace quicken and his muscles tense up, inspiring a wave of concern and fear to brew. She finally asked after they ran a good couple of minutes,

 

You know, I just started wondering: what's around them? A park? Road? Any people? Or is it just white blankness?

 

"We're in THAT part of town aren't we Rei...?" He didn't answer right away, for fear of scaring her even more. But he couldn't leave her without an answer, since it didn't matter. She would regain her sight soon anyway.

 

Yes, they're in the Nothing Sector, also known as Sector-X... and great, now because of my feeble imaginative imagination, I have to imagine the boy as the first Rei I can think of, the one from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Jazz Fenton and Rei Whateverherlastnameis are running through a blank whiteness in order to escape robot captors. I'm scary. Though what's up with the three-letter names? And why do they sound so different? Just wondering.

 

"Yes. We're in the D-Sector... and that means Enforcers will be on our tails if we don't get to safety and fast." Jasmine looked down and felt her spirit escape her. This wasn't going to be simple. The D-Sector was located in the deeper part of Vera Deus, the town in which they lived. It was home to the city's Disciplinary Enforcers, a taskforce of apathetic machines designed to uphld the law. And the most sacred of the laws was that civilians weren't allowed anywhere near the D-Sector... or risk of death. Something which was made into a public spectacle evertime they caught someone. To make them an example to the rest of the citizens.

 

Why? What did they do-- oh, you explained it later in the paragraph, sorry. These reviews are first impressions. But you messed up on some more spellings again, and I'd still like to know if there was any actual STUFF around them.

 

The duo continued to run faster and faster, as quick as their legs could take them. And yet, the entire time they did, a humming sound continued to infect the soundwaves around them. Finally, once the reached the borderline, the humming subsided, but was replaced with a single ping. Jasmine could see her surrondings now, and she could tell they were almost free to go... only a few more blocks.

 

Blocks... of what? Cool, futuristic buildings? Or maybe broken, falling-in buildings covered in dust and graffiti? Or trees? What's up with this ca-RAYZEH city?

 

"Hey... I think we're going to make it!" She cried out hopefully. Rei wasn't so sure. They pretty much ran through the entirety of the the D-Sector... not once seeing hide nor hair of an Enforcer. Something was up. He could feel it.

 

Maybe Gendo was behind it... okay, I won't make anymore NGE references, nor Danny Phantom stuff, but they DO have a valid point here.

 

"Just stay by me until we hit the C-Sector, kay?" She nodded as they continued on their way. A cracking sound from under them however stopped their movements as they turned around in every direction, looking for the source. "Damn. And we were so close too... Get down!" He pulled Jasmine close to him and jumped out of the way, just moments before the ground broke open in a thunderous display. Out from under them arose a machine of great size. It's hands were that of power drills with hefty heavy duty spikes protruding from them. The chest region of it was very minimal, as it was as thin a human skeleton, only housing a psuedo-heart that acted as it's powersource. The legs were connected to it's tail, which were revolving in opposite directions with every flick of it's motion. It's head was that of a blank slate, since it had no features other than a single solitary humanoid eye. The eye was souless, crimson dyed in hue and moved rapidly to assess every situation.

 

WAAAAAGH, WHY DOES IT WANT TO KILL THEM BY DESTROYING THE CITY, AHH?!?! Wouldn't they be more compact, sneaky robots to catch snooper people by surprise? And why is their core so easy to see/smash/find and crush? And what's up with the OVERALL design? Were the scientists trying to make the creepiest robots they could, screwing all sense of function? It looks cool, but what for?!

 

Getting up, Rei looked from it and then back to Jasmine, alarmed that she was knocked out. "Jaz... JAZ! Wake up! Now!" She wasn't getting up anytime soon. Especially since the shock had caused her to fall into a small coma. He still shook her continually, freightened beyond belief.

 

Wow, what a wimp. I mean, I've seen some real wimps in my time, but going comatose from seeing a cool creepy robot that would kill you? Okay, maybe I see the point now, but I hope that she isn't relegated to the permanent damsel in distress job that almost all females are always given. She'd better do some cool stuff in the future, dammit!!

 

Damn. Damn. Damn. DAMN! We're gonna be killed if I don't do something! He knew that he had no chance of outrunning it. But he had a clear shot to C-Sector from his position. He only needed 10 seconds... Just 10 seconds...

 

Wow. What took the thing so long that the kid only needed like ten more steps to escape to the legal part of town? It seems TOO coincidential. Or IS it...

 

As if reading his mind, the robot snapped it's neck up to view the surronding area and, in an instant, he reached a mechanical claw towards the two, not caring that the force he was using was deadly. Rei reacted by rolling out of the way, with Jasmine in tow on his back. He didn't think at all and ran towards their sanctuary, acting only on strict impulse.

 

You called the robot 'he'. Why? Is it... MADE FROM HUMAN BRAINS AND SOULS?! Or was it just a mistake?

 

"Just alittle more... just one more step!" He jumped, crossing the border, and thinking they were safe... until their robotic friend, with monstrous strength, ripped Jasmine from his back, reeling her in and holding her by the head.

 

You know, this boy seems royally screwed. He's fighting a robot that doesn't care how far away he gets from the designated area, and it COULD kill him in an instant. Good thing he's the main character, or else that incredibly slow-to-act monstrosity would be bathing in his blood by now.

 

"JAZ!" He couldn't think, he was in a blind fury, a drive to get her back. Turning and dashing at full speeds, he clenched his fist and drove a straigth punch into the machine's face. A faint glow circled his fist as the machine was knocked over, it's arm unlatching from his sister. Clasping her in his arms, he then turned again and ran at top speeds towards their destination. Only this time, a figure stepped in their way. Stopping short, sweat dripped off Rei as he recognized the face as one of the D-Commanders, one of the users of the highly coveted Duel Spirit. From the number of stars on his navy-decorated jacket, he assumed he was high on the food chain. However, compared to Rei, this one couldn't be more than a few years older than him. His hair was silver and flowing, the wind being his medium. Surronding him was a purplish aura, which Rei could only assume was the Duel Energy.

 

Okay, so he has super-strength and is either a mutant, experiment or just damn lucky. But how does that help while playing Yu-Gi-Oh? I don't see how that connects together in any way. Sure, they're using Duel Energy (?), but this story seems like it would be a lot better without card games, just guys channeling otherworldly energies. I just don't get the point!

 

"This guy... is dangerous..." The figure smiled and began to walk forward. He began to talk nonchantly, as if it were a casual meeting,

 

"My my, a couple of kids manage to wander into the D-Sector, survive until this point, AND to top it off, managed to take down an Enforcer... you guys sure aren't the normal sort are you?" He flicked his hair and continued, "But still, a crime is a crime. I should introduce the person who is going to execute you." He bowed a bit and spoke in a more fashioned voice, "My name is Bokuhei, Sanada Bokuhei. D-5 of the D-Commanders." Rei took a step back when he heard the rank.

 

Oh crap, don't tell me he's...

 

"D-5?! That's... the Commander in charge of my Sector." Bokuhei smirked and let out a laugh.

 

"Exactly. Which is why I came here personally. I saw that there were two unregistered signals in this Sector."

 

Signals? That explains why we didn't see anything until just now... he made it so that we would reach the end... and then fail miserably. But still that didn't explain why. "So then... why did you decide to come here then? What was the point?" Boukei just shrugged. Then he pointed to the sky.

 

Ha! I thought so! Good thing for making it make sense, person, or else I'd be somewhat upset!

 

"You know... curiosity gets the better of us. It's human nature's catalyst for a great disaster or miracle, depending if the goddess of destiny is on your side. Of course, this is also referring to the everyday lives of all the insignificant people in this city. You,me, we all take risks everyday. It just so happens you lose this game my dear boy." Rei clentched his fists hard.

 

I believe it's 'clenched'. Yur spelin sucks and detrats from the store. I'm kidding, but the frequent errors are somewhat distracting. I can't pay attention to the most serious scenes because I keep finding hilarious words that don't exist!

 

"Rule D-Double X." Bokuhei straightened up and narrowed his eyes as he said in a questioning tone,

 

"Come again? For a second I thought you said..." But he repeated it in gusto before he could finish,

 

"Rule D-Double X. It states that whenever a civilian is caught in D-Sector, they have a right to duel for their freedom." Bokuhei thought to himself for a moment, registering what he had said. Then after a few moments, he burst out laughing,

 

...He's a policeman who uses the power of Duel Monsters in order to capture civilians through serious-business dueling! Their world never made sense, so I was hoping you'd make it more normal... by the way, whatever happened to Jaz? From what I remember (maybe i overlooked it?) the robot fell over after grabbing her. That was all I got. Did she 'splode or something?

 

"You? Duel me? That's insanely hilarious!" But Rei was determined, as a flash of gold had sparked around him. Bokuhei was too caught up to notice it however. Instead, he took out a compact Duel Disk and placed it around his arm. Rei took out his own Duel Disk, it was compact in that it fit snugly into his pocket and unfolded when needed. It's design was sleek and the hue was that of black and silver, with blue arrows indicating where the cards should be placed. The two faced each other, and with a unanimous call of,

 

Actually it IS hilarious! You have to duel for your freedom... though because you did wrong he should still arrest you, but even a murderer can get away with a good deck. In fact, why don't all enforcers just have first turn kill decks? THEN it would make more sense... no, actually it wouldn't... carry on.

 

"DUEL!"

 

The Life Point Counters on each disk lit up and read 4000 as they drew their first cards. Bokuhei situated the cards in his hand and tossed his hair. He said briskly,

 

"As the challenger, you can have the first move, Boy." It was irritating to hear him talk about a guy only a few years younger than him this way. But he smirked and nodded.

 

"My pleasure. I draw!" He drew the first card, immediately thanking some unknown entity that he was blessed with a good hand. That's better... at least my luck hasn't completely dried up... He continued confidently, "I Special Summon 'Deathbound Tracker' by removing a Machine-Type monster from my deck!" After showing Bokuhei that the monster removed from play was 'Deathbound Guardna', A giant mech had appeared from the floor, resembling a sand-streaker. It was missle-armed, and was eager to attack. Grinning, Rei then put two cards face-down. "End Turn."

 

I like the ideas you used, as I looked at the set, and it's so massive that they could beat out the overly-huge E-Hero archetype! So I like the cards, but it's dizzying to have to look at them all at once on your cool link.

 

Bokuhei held back a snort. "So your a 'Deathbound' user? Quite ironic for the hero don't you think?" Responding, Rei spoke light-heartedly,

 

Heh, genre-savvy.

 

"Not at all. If you want to beat your enemy, I think you should become your enemy." Bokuhei shrugged once again.

 

"Heh. Fair enough. I draw." The look on his face when he saw his hand was of pure confidence. "I think I shoud warn you... this was the worst mistake of your miserable life!" He began to laugh hysterically.

 

"Let the games begin!"

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

So a boy and girl break out of a compound, with nobody inside or around it apparently, as the two non-descript kids dash for their lives in order to get out of an illegal area of the city, making me even more confused as to how they got there, and then a robot attacks them, making the wimp-girl fall out, and then the boy punches the 'bot out, and a spirit-detective-policeman appears and they HAVE A CARD GAME. Though the story could be better, it would be a LOT more so if you took out the card references. It sounded pretty realistic for a crappy future until you brought out the cards. If you could make the duels more serious-feeling and cool rather than odd inconveniences, I'd mistake this for an okay book of some sort. So, that's my critique.

[Ayasato-chan]

Well' date=' I was requested, and so I came to review this thing the only way I can: WEATHER REPORT!!

 

[spoiler=Data Log 1 > Escape From the D-Sector!]Data Log 1 > Escape From the D-Sector!

 

"Shoot."

 

A voice whispered. It was hard to tell from where however, as the entire enclosure had been engulfed in darkness. No sunlight could reach the inside of this mysterious complex, so it was difficult to even began to determine what time of day it was or where they were. And 'they' refer to the two young stagglers who were in the middle of a very complicated escape maneuver. The one who spoke, who had the voice of a boy, clenched his teeth and worked on the task at hand. Namely, he was trying to pick the lock.

"Geez, this thing is awful enough to pick on our house door, but in the dark? Impossible!" He winced in pain from a jab to the ribs. To his right came a voice from that of a girl. She sounded impatient and a little nervous, especially in her cramped surrondings.

 

You use some suspense and stuff, which is good, hiding the surroundings from us makes us want to know more! I just don't understand if they're in a broom closet or something, or what 'stagglers' are. It's a but annoying how you used 'the one had the voice of a boy'. So, it's a person with a boy's voice, but isn't QUITE a boy? And the girly one... ISN'T A GIRL?! It's just nitpicking, but that's all that really stands out.

 

"Less complaining, more picking!" She shook her head as she held herself still, holding her breath with avid jumpyness. "Oh... why did I listen to you?! If we just stayed home, as mom TOLD US too, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

 

Oh boy! High school kids! As usual! *Looks at Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic* It's okay now, you can use kids... (NOTE: Not real criticism! Just saying that almost all writers use kids as main characters!)

 

"Please calm down Jaz. I'll be done soon. Just be careful not to move to much... we're not sure if THEY might hear us." She gulped as a single drop of sweat dropped from her head. Whatever he was insinuating seemed to intesify the atmosphere as the two of them became quiet. With an errie click-clock, the rusted lock opened and the boy let out a sigh of relief.

 

Jaz... Jaz... great, now I have to imagine this girl-ish person as Jazz from Danny Phantom! WHY was I thinking about it recently? I've annoyed myself. I hope you describe them soon, those kids. Also you misspelled a couple more words in here, so you should use spell-check or something, but there's nothing major.

 

"Whew. Now that that's done... we should go, now." She nodded feverently, eager to get back to the sanctity of her home. Together, the two pushed the doors open, letting blasts of sunlight escape from the outside, penetrating their vision. Putting their arms over them, they stood still for a second, for thier eyes had grown accostumed to the former darkness, so the sudden intense light had blinded them.

 

They were in a cramped space... which was also a major entrance to te\he outside? Suspicious...

 

"Ah! My eyes!" Jasmine had sensitive eyes to begin with, so it was more of a threat to her in this case. Holding his hand out, the boy had grabbed her and started to run as soon as he had a good look at their surrondings. Gritting his teeth, he ushered her along, completely engrossed in getting him and her to safety. She could fell his heart pace quicken and his muscles tense up, inspiring a wave of concern and fear to brew. She finally asked after they ran a good couple of minutes,

 

You know, I just started wondering: what's around them? A park? Road? Any people? Or is it just white blankness?

 

"We're in THAT part of town aren't we Rei...?" He didn't answer right away, for fear of scaring her even more. But he couldn't leave her without an answer, since it didn't matter. She would regain her sight soon anyway.

 

Yes, they're in the Nothing Sector, also known as Sector-X... and great, now because of my feeble imaginative imagination, I have to imagine the boy as the first Rei I can think of, the one from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Jazz Fenton and Rei Whateverherlastnameis are running through a blank whiteness in order to escape robot captors. I'm scary. Though what's up with the three-letter names? And why do they sound so different? Just wondering.

 

"Yes. We're in the D-Sector... and that means Enforcers will be on our tails if we don't get to safety and fast." Jasmine looked down and felt her spirit escape her. This wasn't going to be simple. The D-Sector was located in the deeper part of Vera Deus, the town in which they lived. It was home to the city's Disciplinary Enforcers, a taskforce of apathetic machines designed to uphld the law. And the most sacred of the laws was that civilians weren't allowed anywhere near the D-Sector... or risk of death. Something which was made into a public spectacle evertime they caught someone. To make them an example to the rest of the citizens.

 

Why? What did they do-- oh, you explained it later in the paragraph, sorry. These reviews are first impressions. But you messed up on some more spellings again, and I'd still like to know if there was any actual STUFF around them.

 

The duo continued to run faster and faster, as quick as their legs could take them. And yet, the entire time they did, a humming sound continued to infect the soundwaves around them. Finally, once the reached the borderline, the humming subsided, but was replaced with a single ping. Jasmine could see her surrondings now, and she could tell they were almost free to go... only a few more blocks.

 

Blocks... of what? Cool, futuristic buildings? Or maybe broken, falling-in buildings covered in dust and graffiti? Or trees? What's up with this ca-RAYZEH city?

 

"Hey... I think we're going to make it!" She cried out hopefully. Rei wasn't so sure. They pretty much ran through the entirety of the the D-Sector... not once seeing hide nor hair of an Enforcer. Something was up. He could feel it.

 

Maybe Gendo was behind it... okay, I won't make anymore NGE references, nor Danny Phantom stuff, but they DO have a valid point here.

 

"Just stay by me until we hit the C-Sector, kay?" She nodded as they continued on their way. A cracking sound from under them however stopped their movements as they turned around in every direction, looking for the source. "Damn. And we were so close too... Get down!" He pulled Jasmine close to him and jumped out of the way, just moments before the ground broke open in a thunderous display. Out from under them arose a machine of great size. It's hands were that of power drills with hefty heavy duty spikes protruding from them. The chest region of it was very minimal, as it was as thin a human skeleton, only housing a psuedo-heart that acted as it's powersource. The legs were connected to it's tail, which were revolving in opposite directions with every flick of it's motion. It's head was that of a blank slate, since it had no features other than a single solitary humanoid eye. The eye was souless, crimson dyed in hue and moved rapidly to assess every situation.

 

WAAAAAGH, WHY DOES IT WANT TO KILL THEM BY DESTROYING THE CITY, AHH?!?! Wouldn't they be more compact, sneaky robots to catch snooper people by surprise? And why is their core so easy to see/smash/find and crush? And what's up with the OVERALL design? Were the scientists trying to make the creepiest robots they could, screwing all sense of function? It looks cool, but what for?!

 

Getting up, Rei looked from it and then back to Jasmine, alarmed that she was knocked out. "Jaz... JAZ! Wake up! Now!" She wasn't getting up anytime soon. Especially since the shock had caused her to fall into a small coma. He still shook her continually, freightened beyond belief.

 

Wow, what a wimp. I mean, I've seen some real wimps in my time, but going comatose from seeing a cool creepy robot that would kill you? Okay, maybe I see the point now, but I hope that she isn't relegated to the permanent damsel in distress job that almost all females are always given. She'd better do some cool stuff in the future, dammit!!

 

Damn. Damn. Damn. DAMN! We're gonna be killed if I don't do something! He knew that he had no chance of outrunning it. But he had a clear shot to C-Sector from his position. He only needed 10 seconds... Just 10 seconds...

 

Wow. What took the thing so long that the kid only needed like ten more steps to escape to the legal part of town? It seems TOO coincidential. Or IS it...

 

As if reading his mind, the robot snapped it's neck up to view the surronding area and, in an instant, he reached a mechanical claw towards the two, not caring that the force he was using was deadly. Rei reacted by rolling out of the way, with Jasmine in tow on his back. He didn't think at all and ran towards their sanctuary, acting only on strict impulse.

 

You called the robot 'he'. Why? Is it... MADE FROM HUMAN BRAINS AND SOULS?! Or was it just a mistake?

 

"Just alittle more... just one more step!" He jumped, crossing the border, and thinking they were safe... until their robotic friend, with monstrous strength, ripped Jasmine from his back, reeling her in and holding her by the head.

 

You know, this boy seems royally screwed. He's fighting a robot that doesn't care how far away he gets from the designated area, and it COULD kill him in an instant. Good thing he's the main character, or else that incredibly slow-to-act monstrosity would be bathing in his blood by now.

 

"JAZ!" He couldn't think, he was in a blind fury, a drive to get her back. Turning and dashing at full speeds, he clenched his fist and drove a straigth punch into the machine's face. A faint glow circled his fist as the machine was knocked over, it's arm unlatching from his sister. Clasping her in his arms, he then turned again and ran at top speeds towards their destination. Only this time, a figure stepped in their way. Stopping short, sweat dripped off Rei as he recognized the face as one of the D-Commanders, one of the users of the highly coveted Duel Spirit. From the number of stars on his navy-decorated jacket, he assumed he was high on the food chain. However, compared to Rei, this one couldn't be more than a few years older than him. His hair was silver and flowing, the wind being his medium. Surronding him was a purplish aura, which Rei could only assume was the Duel Energy.

 

Okay, so he has super-strength and is either a mutant, experiment or just damn lucky. But how does that help while playing Yu-Gi-Oh? I don't see how that connects together in any way. Sure, they're using Duel Energy (?), but this story seems like it would be a lot better without card games, just guys channeling otherworldly energies. I just don't get the point!

 

"This guy... is dangerous..." The figure smiled and began to walk forward. He began to talk nonchantly, as if it were a casual meeting,

 

"My my, a couple of kids manage to wander into the D-Sector, survive until this point, AND to top it off, managed to take down an Enforcer... you guys sure aren't the normal sort are you?" He flicked his hair and continued, "But still, a crime is a crime. I should introduce the person who is going to execute you." He bowed a bit and spoke in a more fashioned voice, "My name is Bokuhei, Sanada Bokuhei. D-5 of the D-Commanders." Rei took a step back when he heard the rank.

 

Oh crap, don't tell me he's...

 

"D-5?! That's... the Commander in charge of my Sector." Bokuhei smirked and let out a laugh.

 

"Exactly. Which is why I came here personally. I saw that there were two unregistered signals in this Sector."

 

Signals? That explains why we didn't see anything until just now... he made it so that we would reach the end... and then fail miserably. But still that didn't explain why. "So then... why did you decide to come here then? What was the point?" Boukei just shrugged. Then he pointed to the sky.

 

Ha! I thought so! Good thing for making it make sense, person, or else I'd be somewhat upset!

 

"You know... curiosity gets the better of us. It's human nature's catalyst for a great disaster or miracle, depending if the goddess of destiny is on your side. Of course, this is also referring to the everyday lives of all the insignificant people in this city. You,me, we all take risks everyday. It just so happens you lose this game my dear boy." Rei clentched his fists hard.

 

I believe it's 'clenched'. Yur spelin sucks and detrats from the store. I'm kidding, but the frequent errors are somewhat distracting. I can't pay attention to the most serious scenes because I keep finding hilarious words that don't exist!

 

"Rule D-Double X." Bokuhei straightened up and narrowed his eyes as he said in a questioning tone,

 

"Come again? For a second I thought you said..." But he repeated it in gusto before he could finish,

 

"Rule D-Double X. It states that whenever a civilian is caught in D-Sector, they have a right to duel for their freedom." Bokuhei thought to himself for a moment, registering what he had said. Then after a few moments, he burst out laughing,

 

...He's a policeman who uses the power of Duel Monsters in order to capture civilians through serious-business dueling! Their world never made sense, so I was hoping you'd make it more normal... by the way, whatever happened to Jaz? From what I remember (maybe i overlooked it?) the robot fell over after grabbing her. That was all I got. Did she 'splode or something?

 

"You? Duel me? That's insanely hilarious!" But Rei was determined, as a flash of gold had sparked around him. Bokuhei was too caught up to notice it however. Instead, he took out a compact Duel Disk and placed it around his arm. Rei took out his own Duel Disk, it was compact in that it fit snugly into his pocket and unfolded when needed. It's design was sleek and the hue was that of black and silver, with blue arrows indicating where the cards should be placed. The two faced each other, and with a unanimous call of,

 

Actually it IS hilarious! You have to duel for your freedom... though because you did wrong he should still arrest you, but even a murderer can get away with a good deck. In fact, why don't all enforcers just have first turn kill decks? THEN it would make more sense... no, actually it wouldn't... carry on.

 

"DUEL!"

 

The Life Point Counters on each disk lit up and read 4000 as they drew their first cards. Bokuhei situated the cards in his hand and tossed his hair. He said briskly,

 

"As the challenger, you can have the first move, Boy." It was irritating to hear him talk about a guy only a few years younger than him this way. But he smirked and nodded.

 

"My pleasure. I draw!" He drew the first card, immediately thanking some unknown entity that he was blessed with a good hand. That's better... at least my luck hasn't completely dried up... He continued confidently, "I Special Summon 'Deathbound Tracker' by removing a Machine-Type monster from my deck!" After showing Bokuhei that the monster removed from play was 'Deathbound Guardna', A giant mech had appeared from the floor, resembling a sand-streaker. It was missle-armed, and was eager to attack. Grinning, Rei then put two cards face-down. "End Turn."

 

I like the ideas you used, as I looked at the set, and it's so massive that they could beat out the overly-huge E-Hero archetype! So I like the cards, but it's dizzying to have to look at them all at once on your cool link.

 

Bokuhei held back a snort. "So your a 'Deathbound' user? Quite ironic for the hero don't you think?" Responding, Rei spoke light-heartedly,

 

Heh, genre-savvy.

 

"Not at all. If you want to beat your enemy, I think you should become your enemy." Bokuhei shrugged once again.

 

"Heh. Fair enough. I draw." The look on his face when he saw his hand was of pure confidence. "I think I shoud warn you... this was the worst mistake of your miserable life!" He began to laugh hysterically.

 

"Let the games begin!"

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

So a boy and girl break out of a compound, with nobody inside or around it apparently, as the two non-descript kids dash for their lives in order to get out of an illegal area of the city, making me even more confused as to how they got there, and then a robot attacks them, making the wimp-girl fall out, and then the boy punches the 'bot out, and a spirit-detective-policeman appears and they HAVE A CARD GAME. Though the story could be better, it would be a LOT more so if you took out the card references. It sounded pretty realistic for a crappy future until you brought out the cards. If you could make the duels more serious-feeling and cool rather than odd inconveniences, I'd mistake this for an okay book of some sort. So, that's my critique.

 

I realized the chapters have been a bit of a rushed description as of now. That would be because everything (including why the kids were there in the first place) would be explained in the coming chapters.

 

As well: This is a Yugioh fic. The duels are what makes it exciting (Although I realize this isn't much of an excuse for a Children's Card Game in the middle of the thing.)

 

Still, I appreciate the harsh bashing. It makes me want to improve my work even more! So be ready! I may call on your assistance when more chapters have come out!

 

^-^

[♠Decietful King♠]

Name:Kaze, Kuro

Age:16

Gender:M

Appearance:

 

Background:Good Friend of Jasmine not fond of her older brother. Is a well known street duelist and is known to have shown signs of a green duel spirit.

Personality:Very brash, quick to jump to conclusion and doesn't know Rei and Jasmin are related mistaking them for a couple. Is smart and reliable. He protects his friends and is a great duelist.

Deck:Dragunity Deck

Favorite Card:Dragunity Knight - Trident

[Weather Report - Stand]

Well' date=' I was requested, and so I came to review this thing the only way I can: WEATHER REPORT!!

 

[spoiler=Data Log 1 > Escape From the D-Sector!]Data Log 1 > Escape From the D-Sector!

 

"Shoot."

 

A voice whispered. It was hard to tell from where however, as the entire enclosure had been engulfed in darkness. No sunlight could reach the inside of this mysterious complex, so it was difficult to even began to determine what time of day it was or where they were. And 'they' refer to the two young stagglers who were in the middle of a very complicated escape maneuver. The one who spoke, who had the voice of a boy, clenched his teeth and worked on the task at hand. Namely, he was trying to pick the lock.

"Geez, this thing is awful enough to pick on our house door, but in the dark? Impossible!" He winced in pain from a jab to the ribs. To his right came a voice from that of a girl. She sounded impatient and a little nervous, especially in her cramped surrondings.

 

You use some suspense and stuff, which is good, hiding the surroundings from us makes us want to know more! I just don't understand if they're in a broom closet or something, or what 'stagglers' are. It's a but annoying how you used 'the one had the voice of a boy'. So, it's a person with a boy's voice, but isn't QUITE a boy? And the girly one... ISN'T A GIRL?! It's just nitpicking, but that's all that really stands out.

 

"Less complaining, more picking!" She shook her head as she held herself still, holding her breath with avid jumpyness. "Oh... why did I listen to you?! If we just stayed home, as mom TOLD US too, we wouldn't be in this mess!"

 

Oh boy! High school kids! As usual! *Looks at Yu-Gi-Oh! GX! The Fan Fic* It's okay now, you can use kids... (NOTE: Not real criticism! Just saying that almost all writers use kids as main characters!)

 

"Please calm down Jaz. I'll be done soon. Just be careful not to move to much... we're not sure if THEY might hear us." She gulped as a single drop of sweat dropped from her head. Whatever he was insinuating seemed to intesify the atmosphere as the two of them became quiet. With an errie click-clock, the rusted lock opened and the boy let out a sigh of relief.

 

Jaz... Jaz... great, now I have to imagine this girl-ish person as Jazz from Danny Phantom! WHY was I thinking about it recently? I've annoyed myself. I hope you describe them soon, those kids. Also you misspelled a couple more words in here, so you should use spell-check or something, but there's nothing major.

 

"Whew. Now that that's done... we should go, now." She nodded feverently, eager to get back to the sanctity of her home. Together, the two pushed the doors open, letting blasts of sunlight escape from the outside, penetrating their vision. Putting their arms over them, they stood still for a second, for thier eyes had grown accostumed to the former darkness, so the sudden intense light had blinded them.

 

They were in a cramped space... which was also a major entrance to te\he outside? Suspicious...

 

"Ah! My eyes!" Jasmine had sensitive eyes to begin with, so it was more of a threat to her in this case. Holding his hand out, the boy had grabbed her and started to run as soon as he had a good look at their surrondings. Gritting his teeth, he ushered her along, completely engrossed in getting him and her to safety. She could fell his heart pace quicken and his muscles tense up, inspiring a wave of concern and fear to brew. She finally asked after they ran a good couple of minutes,

 

You know, I just started wondering: what's around them? A park? Road? Any people? Or is it just white blankness?

 

"We're in THAT part of town aren't we Rei...?" He didn't answer right away, for fear of scaring her even more. But he couldn't leave her without an answer, since it didn't matter. She would regain her sight soon anyway.

 

Yes, they're in the Nothing Sector, also known as Sector-X... and great, now because of my feeble imaginative imagination, I have to imagine the boy as the first Rei I can think of, the one from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Jazz Fenton and Rei Whateverherlastnameis are running through a blank whiteness in order to escape robot captors. I'm scary. Though what's up with the three-letter names? And why do they sound so different? Just wondering.

 

"Yes. We're in the D-Sector... and that means Enforcers will be on our tails if we don't get to safety and fast." Jasmine looked down and felt her spirit escape her. This wasn't going to be simple. The D-Sector was located in the deeper part of Vera Deus, the town in which they lived. It was home to the city's Disciplinary Enforcers, a taskforce of apathetic machines designed to uphld the law. And the most sacred of the laws was that civilians weren't allowed anywhere near the D-Sector... or risk of death. Something which was made into a public spectacle evertime they caught someone. To make them an example to the rest of the citizens.

 

Why? What did they do-- oh, you explained it later in the paragraph, sorry. These reviews are first impressions. But you messed up on some more spellings again, and I'd still like to know if there was any actual STUFF around them.

 

The duo continued to run faster and faster, as quick as their legs could take them. And yet, the entire time they did, a humming sound continued to infect the soundwaves around them. Finally, once the reached the borderline, the humming subsided, but was replaced with a single ping. Jasmine could see her surrondings now, and she could tell they were almost free to go... only a few more blocks.

 

Blocks... of what? Cool, futuristic buildings? Or maybe broken, falling-in buildings covered in dust and graffiti? Or trees? What's up with this ca-RAYZEH city?

 

"Hey... I think we're going to make it!" She cried out hopefully. Rei wasn't so sure. They pretty much ran through the entirety of the the D-Sector... not once seeing hide nor hair of an Enforcer. Something was up. He could feel it.

 

Maybe Gendo was behind it... okay, I won't make anymore NGE references, nor Danny Phantom stuff, but they DO have a valid point here.

 

"Just stay by me until we hit the C-Sector, kay?" She nodded as they continued on their way. A cracking sound from under them however stopped their movements as they turned around in every direction, looking for the source. "Damn. And we were so close too... Get down!" He pulled Jasmine close to him and jumped out of the way, just moments before the ground broke open in a thunderous display. Out from under them arose a machine of great size. It's hands were that of power drills with hefty heavy duty spikes protruding from them. The chest region of it was very minimal, as it was as thin a human skeleton, only housing a psuedo-heart that acted as it's powersource. The legs were connected to it's tail, which were revolving in opposite directions with every flick of it's motion. It's head was that of a blank slate, since it had no features other than a single solitary humanoid eye. The eye was souless, crimson dyed in hue and moved rapidly to assess every situation.

 

WAAAAAGH, WHY DOES IT WANT TO KILL THEM BY DESTROYING THE CITY, AHH?!?! Wouldn't they be more compact, sneaky robots to catch snooper people by surprise? And why is their core so easy to see/smash/find and crush? And what's up with the OVERALL design? Were the scientists trying to make the creepiest robots they could, screwing all sense of function? It looks cool, but what for?!

 

Getting up, Rei looked from it and then back to Jasmine, alarmed that she was knocked out. "Jaz... JAZ! Wake up! Now!" She wasn't getting up anytime soon. Especially since the shock had caused her to fall into a small coma. He still shook her continually, freightened beyond belief.

 

Wow, what a wimp. I mean, I've seen some real wimps in my time, but going comatose from seeing a cool creepy robot that would kill you? Okay, maybe I see the point now, but I hope that she isn't relegated to the permanent damsel in distress job that almost all females are always given. She'd better do some cool stuff in the future, dammit!!

 

Damn. Damn. Damn. DAMN! We're gonna be killed if I don't do something! He knew that he had no chance of outrunning it. But he had a clear shot to C-Sector from his position. He only needed 10 seconds... Just 10 seconds...

 

Wow. What took the thing so long that the kid only needed like ten more steps to escape to the legal part of town? It seems TOO coincidential. Or IS it...

 

As if reading his mind, the robot snapped it's neck up to view the surronding area and, in an instant, he reached a mechanical claw towards the two, not caring that the force he was using was deadly. Rei reacted by rolling out of the way, with Jasmine in tow on his back. He didn't think at all and ran towards their sanctuary, acting only on strict impulse.

 

You called the robot 'he'. Why? Is it... MADE FROM HUMAN BRAINS AND SOULS?! Or was it just a mistake?

 

"Just alittle more... just one more step!" He jumped, crossing the border, and thinking they were safe... until their robotic friend, with monstrous strength, ripped Jasmine from his back, reeling her in and holding her by the head.

 

You know, this boy seems royally screwed. He's fighting a robot that doesn't care how far away he gets from the designated area, and it COULD kill him in an instant. Good thing he's the main character, or else that incredibly slow-to-act monstrosity would be bathing in his blood by now.

 

"JAZ!" He couldn't think, he was in a blind fury, a drive to get her back. Turning and dashing at full speeds, he clenched his fist and drove a straigth punch into the machine's face. A faint glow circled his fist as the machine was knocked over, it's arm unlatching from his sister. Clasping her in his arms, he then turned again and ran at top speeds towards their destination. Only this time, a figure stepped in their way. Stopping short, sweat dripped off Rei as he recognized the face as one of the D-Commanders, one of the users of the highly coveted Duel Spirit. From the number of stars on his navy-decorated jacket, he assumed he was high on the food chain. However, compared to Rei, this one couldn't be more than a few years older than him. His hair was silver and flowing, the wind being his medium. Surronding him was a purplish aura, which Rei could only assume was the Duel Energy.

 

Okay, so he has super-strength and is either a mutant, experiment or just damn lucky. But how does that help while playing Yu-Gi-Oh? I don't see how that connects together in any way. Sure, they're using Duel Energy (?), but this story seems like it would be a lot better without card games, just guys channeling otherworldly energies. I just don't get the point!

 

"This guy... is dangerous..." The figure smiled and began to walk forward. He began to talk nonchantly, as if it were a casual meeting,

 

"My my, a couple of kids manage to wander into the D-Sector, survive until this point, AND to top it off, managed to take down an Enforcer... you guys sure aren't the normal sort are you?" He flicked his hair and continued, "But still, a crime is a crime. I should introduce the person who is going to execute you." He bowed a bit and spoke in a more fashioned voice, "My name is Bokuhei, Sanada Bokuhei. D-5 of the D-Commanders." Rei took a step back when he heard the rank.

 

Oh crap, don't tell me he's...

 

"D-5?! That's... the Commander in charge of my Sector." Bokuhei smirked and let out a laugh.

 

"Exactly. Which is why I came here personally. I saw that there were two unregistered signals in this Sector."

 

Signals? That explains why we didn't see anything until just now... he made it so that we would reach the end... and then fail miserably. But still that didn't explain why. "So then... why did you decide to come here then? What was the point?" Boukei just shrugged. Then he pointed to the sky.

 

Ha! I thought so! Good thing for making it make sense, person, or else I'd be somewhat upset!

 

"You know... curiosity gets the better of us. It's human nature's catalyst for a great disaster or miracle, depending if the goddess of destiny is on your side. Of course, this is also referring to the everyday lives of all the insignificant people in this city. You,me, we all take risks everyday. It just so happens you lose this game my dear boy." Rei clentched his fists hard.

 

I believe it's 'clenched'. Yur spelin sucks and detrats from the store. I'm kidding, but the frequent errors are somewhat distracting. I can't pay attention to the most serious scenes because I keep finding hilarious words that don't exist!

 

"Rule D-Double X." Bokuhei straightened up and narrowed his eyes as he said in a questioning tone,

 

"Come again? For a second I thought you said..." But he repeated it in gusto before he could finish,

 

"Rule D-Double X. It states that whenever a civilian is caught in D-Sector, they have a right to duel for their freedom." Bokuhei thought to himself for a moment, registering what he had said. Then after a few moments, he burst out laughing,

 

...He's a policeman who uses the power of Duel Monsters in order to capture civilians through serious-business dueling! Their world never made sense, so I was hoping you'd make it more normal... by the way, whatever happened to Jaz? From what I remember (maybe i overlooked it?) the robot fell over after grabbing her. That was all I got. Did she 'splode or something?

 

"You? Duel me? That's insanely hilarious!" But Rei was determined, as a flash of gold had sparked around him. Bokuhei was too caught up to notice it however. Instead, he took out a compact Duel Disk and placed it around his arm. Rei took out his own Duel Disk, it was compact in that it fit snugly into his pocket and unfolded when needed. It's design was sleek and the hue was that of black and silver, with blue arrows indicating where the cards should be placed. The two faced each other, and with a unanimous call of,

 

Actually it IS hilarious! You have to duel for your freedom... though because you did wrong he should still arrest you, but even a murderer can get away with a good deck. In fact, why don't all enforcers just have first turn kill decks? THEN it would make more sense... no, actually it wouldn't... carry on.

 

"DUEL!"

 

The Life Point Counters on each disk lit up and read 4000 as they drew their first cards. Bokuhei situated the cards in his hand and tossed his hair. He said briskly,

 

"As the challenger, you can have the first move, Boy." It was irritating to hear him talk about a guy only a few years younger than him this way. But he smirked and nodded.

 

"My pleasure. I draw!" He drew the first card, immediately thanking some unknown entity that he was blessed with a good hand. That's better... at least my luck hasn't completely dried up... He continued confidently, "I Special Summon 'Deathbound Tracker' by removing a Machine-Type monster from my deck!" After showing Bokuhei that the monster removed from play was 'Deathbound Guardna', A giant mech had appeared from the floor, resembling a sand-streaker. It was missle-armed, and was eager to attack. Grinning, Rei then put two cards face-down. "End Turn."

 

I like the ideas you used, as I looked at the set, and it's so massive that they could beat out the overly-huge E-Hero archetype! So I like the cards, but it's dizzying to have to look at them all at once on your cool link.

 

Bokuhei held back a snort. "So your a 'Deathbound' user? Quite ironic for the hero don't you think?" Responding, Rei spoke light-heartedly,

 

Heh, genre-savvy.

 

"Not at all. If you want to beat your enemy, I think you should become your enemy." Bokuhei shrugged once again.

 

"Heh. Fair enough. I draw." The look on his face when he saw his hand was of pure confidence. "I think I shoud warn you... this was the worst mistake of your miserable life!" He began to laugh hysterically.

 

"Let the games begin!"

 

TO BE CONTINUED...

 

 

So a boy and girl break out of a compound, with nobody inside or around it apparently, as the two non-descript kids dash for their lives in order to get out of an illegal area of the city, making me even more confused as to how they got there, and then a robot attacks them, making the wimp-girl fall out, and then the boy punches the 'bot out, and a spirit-detective-policeman appears and they HAVE A CARD GAME. Though the story could be better, it would be a LOT more so if you took out the card references. It sounded pretty realistic for a crappy future until you brought out the cards. If you could make the duels more serious-feeling and cool rather than odd inconveniences, I'd mistake this for an okay book of some sort. So, that's my critique.

 

I realized the chapters have been a bit of a rushed description as of now. That would be because everything (including why the kids were there in the first place) would be explained in the coming chapters.

 

As well: This is a Yugioh fic. The duels are what makes it exciting (Although I realize this isn't much of an excuse for a Children's Card Game in the middle of the thing.)

 

Still, I appreciate the harsh bashing. It makes me want to improve my work even more! So be ready! I may call on your assistance when more chapters have come out!

 

^-^

 

Yay! I'm very cruel for a 14 year-old who writes fan fiction parodies! It's good to know that my intense 'skills' are helpful so much these days.

[Ayasato-chan]

Both are accepted. However, I need an appearence from you Raver and I would prefer you to change the image Biter-kun (I'm going to use that *slightly edited by me* picture for another of the characters.)

[Dr. Percival Cox]

Both are accepted. However' date=' I need an appearence from you Raver and I would prefer you to change the image Biter-kun (I'm going to use that *slightly edited by me* picture for another of the characters.)

[/quote']

 

Pic added

[♠Decietful King♠]

actually can i change the deck for my character

[Ayasato-chan]

You could if you wish.

[♠Decietful King♠]

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