Jump to content

Dark's lulzy poam/song facterii.

Dark

By Dark
in General

Recommended Posts

Dark Newbie

Dark

Posted
Posted

Here, I post lulzy poems/songs I make about YCM and the world in general. Just post requests, but that doesn't mean I will do them. I AM A VERY BUSY PERSON WITH A LIFE, YOU KNOW. I actually laughed while typing that. Just a smidge, of course. <3

---

 

[spoiler=[i]Ode to Crab Hemet[/i]]

 

(Best sound when sang with a 'swingy' tune.)

 

I sit in my bedroom.

lonely and washed.

A gloomy face blooms,

and it's all for naught.

 

Sadness sweeps over,

bringing be down.

Oh why won't the bulldozer,

Come... knock... me... down...?

 

I turn on my laptop,

it buzzes and beeps.

I enter my password,

being careful of creeps.

 

A Microsoft jingle greets me,

so happy and alive.

And then I go 'teehee',

My hentai hidden quite sly... hahaha.

 

My computer loads,

takes ages to do.

But it finally comes,

my background blue.

 

I decide at the moment,

I want to have fun.

What should I do?

Should I make fun of that nun?

 

But Jesus will smite me!

Almighty and great.

I mustn't die so soon.

It's not too late.

 

I open the icon,

blue with an 'e'.

And whilst it's loading.

I quickly take a pee.

 

I am greeted by Google,

so happy and nice.

But Bing tries to kill it.

I'm sure it has lice.

 

I click the yellow star,

favorites unveiled.

I click 'YCM',

to see what entails.

 

Blank card and forum,

all at my hand.

But screw that,

member's list I head.

 

And for 'Crab Helmet' I search,

search thorough and through.

I finally find him.

Wilford would've said 'moo'.

 

And I look at his posts,

eager for a smile.

I know that this happiness,

will last for awhile.

 

 

---

 

[spoiler=[i]The Xazeon March[/i]]

 

(Try to make the words sound a bit more 'blocky' than in normal speech.)

 

A long day at school,

soon takes its toll on me.

Unhappily sag home,

and on the count of three...

 

I turn on the lights,

brightness shines over.

I log on to a forum,

my brain dumbs down for... the...

 

Morons I will meet,

idiocy I will face.

Dumbasses I will encounter.

And noobs who see my grace.

 

But behind all of these shadows,

lies one man, today.

His name remains a mystery...

unveiled by Xazeon in lay.

 

He wears a red suit,

written ink says "NO FLAME".

He dares to enter General.

Weapon at hand, for shame.

 

(Tempo quickens.)

 

The trolls come at him fast.

The spammers hit him hard.

But he stands through all the attack.

And shoots them like fat lard.

 

The flamers throw themselves,

at his protected body.

Nothing happens, all stands still.

He emerges not quite shoddy...

 

And then night falls down,

he has emerged victorious.

I clap, one man alone.

I call him my great bish.

 

He has cleared up this forum,

from idiocy and fail.

He has to do this task again,

tomorrow, the next day, but to no avail.

 

I commend him for his efforts,

he smiles at me with courage.

I tell him what to do,

he nods and sees my wisdom.

 

The next day falls,

and it's not quite different.

Spammers, flamers unite.

Come at him with resistance.

 

He puts my plan into action,

he throws a torch at them.

He flames them to no end.

They have died, still bleeding phglem.

 

He remains the victor,

saving this whole town.

But I have yet to see the day,

where idiots bring him down.

 

 

---

 

[spoiler=[i]The Eurynome Passage[/i]]

 

(DRAMATIC TONE, I SAY!)

 

Dun, dun.

Dun daaa-da dun.

Dun, dun.

Dun da-da-da dun da dun.

 

Dun, dun.

Dun da-da dun dun.

It's quiet in this house.

So lonely, I hear whispers.

 

It's quiet in this house.

So lonely, I need to shiver.

I feel myself retract.

Get anxious and scared.

 

I have no idea what has yet to come.

In this house of due and dead.

Dun dun.

Dun da-daaa dun.

 

DUN DUN.

Daaaa-daaaa, dun.

I look ahead of me.

I see a ghost, white and pale.

 

I ask it of its name.

It replies, grimly, softly.

My name, good sir?

My name is... Eury.

 

He walked up to me,

slapped me across the face.

I retaliated in anger.

But he was not to be seen.

 

He appeared behind me.

In and out of my sight.

I got really anger.

Through a vase out of fright.

 

Or was it out of might?

Or anger with light?

Or disease at night?

My rhymes have such flight.

 

But Eury got annoyed,

so wishy and washy.

He bolted at my, quick.

But I dodged him quite floppily.

 

So he faded into the shadows,

An apparition at night.

But one who would see him,

would be overcome with fright.

 

(Ehh, this is probably my worst poem so far. Sorry, Eury. You're much cooler than what my shitty poem says about your secksy body. <3)

 

 

---

 

[spoiler=[i]Clair's Symphony[/i]]

 

(Have you ever heard a shitty pop song? <3)

 

I walk to schooooool,

head held hiiigh.

And I enter the rooooom.

And tell her goodbye.

 

Anymore, I can't see her,

and the pain that she brings.

And noooo, I can't tell her,

why I'm leave... ing.

 

And I want to tell her whyyyyy,

but I just can't make her cryy.

C'mon...

Now...

 

Girl let me tell you everything you wanna hear,

I'm leaving for another girl don't start running tears.

I don't wanna say goodbyeeeee,

but I'm leaving for good.

 

And girl you make it hard to say bye,

my perfect lulla-by.

 

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

My perfect lulllla-by.

 

Blue jeans and pur-ple hair,

I can see her from a mile awaaaay.

Aaaand, I gotta tell her.

How I really, feel.

 

Aaaand why she gotta make this,

soooooo hard?

Aaaand why she gotta take this,

not gettin' far.

 

I gotta tell her.

How I really feel.

Gotta break it to her.

I'm leaving you for someone else.

 

I'm leaving you for her.

I'm leaving you for Clair.

 

Aaaand don't take this hard,

don't take this to heart.

It's time I gave it up,

and left you for myyy star.

 

And girl you see her,

see her walkin' whatnot.

And girl you hopefully see her,

and why she's good for me.

 

I'm sayin' bluuuuue hair.

And pur-ple jeans.

She's the one forrrr me.

 

And girl why you takin' this.

Makin' this hard.

I gotta tell you,

I left you for that star.

 

Oooooooh, gotta tell you.

Left you for that star.

 

And oooooooooh, gotta tell you.

 

I left you...

 

for that star.

 

(First try at a shitty pop love song, hope you like it Clair. Definitely not trying one of these again seeing how it turned out. <3)

 

 

---

 

[spoiler=[i]Cyber Smash Rap[/i]]

 

(A rap song with minimal cursing. Ugh, this should turn out great.)

 

Two thousand and ten.

Represent.

All my bishes in this house.

All my ladies in my room.

I gotta party up in this place.

Who that, a crasher?

I'mma deal with that jabroni.

I walk up to him and sayyy...

 

Yo, what you doin' in my house.

Got no blouse?

Well you better get out.

 

I'm talking to you,

damn, get outta my house.

I'mma kick you out.

Yeah I'mma kick you out.

 

You,

stealing my beer.

Acting so queer.

Why you wanna roll like that?

Get out with you hat.

 

Ugly piece of crap you gonna die tonight.

Don't mess with my boys,

they gonna freak you up.

Better get out when you have the chance.

Or I'mma do somethin' bout it.

Do some-somethin' bout it.

 

And he sayyys...

 

[talking]

 

Bish, who, you talking to me?

You don't know who you're messin' with.

My name is Cyber,

as in I'll cyber rape your mom.

 

[rapping]

 

Don't mess with me.

My name is Cyber, I'mma liar.

I'mma screw you up.

Take your head out and knot it around my leg.

I'mma kill you, kill you brethern today.

I'm at this party, you do nothin' bout it.

Hey, I'll take my gun and I'll shoot yo' body.

I didn't ask you nothin', so why you talkin' to me?

I'mma eff you up like I did them three.

 

Who you are,

you think you Chuck Lee and Bruce Norris?

Man, I'mma eff you up your door hinge so porous.

I'mma eff you up,

Like Michael Jackson your ass.

Know who yo' messin' wit.

I'mma shove this glass in yo'...

 

So I looked at him shocked.

jabroni smoking at me.

I'mma eff him up.

Like it was 2000 and 3.

 

My boys went after 'im.

He pulled out a gun.

He shot all of us.

Shot 'till we were done.

 

RIP

 

(HAHA THAT WAS FUCKING FAIL! I still love you, Cyber. <3)

 

 

---

 

[spoiler=[i]A Tribute to Christ[/i]]

 

(Supposed to be softly sung with a somber tone.)

 

The clock strikes six,

in the morning, that is.

I check my small calendar.

Sunday 'tis it.

 

After a shower and bath,

getting dressed and whanot.

I heard for the church,

with bread and wine I had bought.

 

I was driving in the car,

and I saw a sad sight.

Some Christian kids dying,

I paid for their flight.

 

To Rome, that is.

Where the mighty Pope lives.

One touch of his hand,

sickness flies away.

 

And I continued driving,

saw another sad sight.

Some Muslim kids dying,

I ignored their small plight.

 

I arrived at the church,

prestigious and large.

A small statue of Jesus,

encompassed the yard.

 

I walked in solemn,

and by holy grace I swear.

I hadn't drunk nor cussed.

Not ever would I dare.

 

No sex before marriage,

no wastage of sperm.

Be sure to be careful,

or else you'll have a life term.

 

In Hell, that is,

where blasphemous Satan lives.

He has infected our minds.

Infected our kids.

 

This rap and hip-hop music,

brings Satanic themes.

I turn off the radio,

but still the music seems.

 

To be cursing our generation.

Destroying our world.

The Mayans were right.

2012 will unfold.

 

I sit down at church,

and wait for the preacher to speak.

I know that every thing out of his mouth,

is pure truth and not Greek.

 

He tells us a story,

about ancestors and olds.

He tells us a story,

of what might unfold.

 

The year was long ago,

but not before 6000 years.

Creation was not far ago,

only in 4000 BC.

 

He told us our fate,

and the mysteries he knew.

He told us how great,

and amazing Jesus flew.

 

But he told us some sad,

some ugly and some bad.

He told us how science said,

the earth revolved around the sun.

 

But how can this be?

God created us, surely.

Sun revolve around us,

that is the truth, fairly.

 

Science has infected,

all we once knew.

They have destroyed our traditions,

both old and the new.

 

And now we see strippers,

gambling and more.

This is against our religion.

Ban it and kill these whores!

 

I refuse to believe,

all these scientific lies.

Evolution and gravity?

Haha, what a gibe!

 

And secular beliefs?

Religion is bad?

What nonsense is this?

This is just a fad.

 

Religion is everywhere,

you cannot escape it.

Everyone is a Christian.

But just wants to deny it.

 

I sit in the church,

listening to him.

The preacher is right.

And always has been.

 

Science is fake.

Gravity is wrong.

Islam is bad.

And don't smoke through a bong.

 

These atheists will be,

the end of us.

2012 is coming,

from these idiots among us.

 

Abortion is good?

It's the killing of babies.

You cannibalistic fools.

I condemn you to get rabies.

 

Jesus will smite thee.

Willow and washed.

Jesus will hunt thou.

Bitter and crushed.

 

I left the church angry,

bitter with mistrust.

I went out to kill,

all the people of rust.

 

Don't agree with my opinion?

Die at my hands!

Don'tcha know it's a sin, yeah.

These fallen comrades.

 

Christianity must be spread.

Spread thorough and through.

And only then,

will happiness ensue.

 

Long live Christianity.

Long live Jesus.

Long live God.

And long live geeses.

 

Amen.

 

 

---

 

[spoiler=[i]Mario's World[/i]]

 

(Play a Mario game, and sing the song. When will I ever make a real poem?)

 

Wake up in the morn',

dizzy and pale.

Get up from my bed,

check if I ail.

 

Walk outside my room,

get a glass of water.

See Luigi, my bro',

his hat on the table.

 

What am I gonna do,

with my life?

What am I gonna do,

to pass the time away?

 

What am I gonna do,

to have some fun?

What am I gonna do?

Need to pass this time away.

 

Walk out the door,

lowly and bored.

See a small Goomba,

step on it some more.

 

I've been charged with,

assault once or twice.

Doesn't matter anymore,

served my time.

 

Walk down the street,

to the local market.

Find a mushroom to buy,

but I don't have a penny.

 

So I walk outside,

walk some more on this lonely street.

Look for a coin box,

that may let me eat (tonight).

 

Bash it with my head,

a couple of times.

Coins fall on the ground,

I really don't mind.

 

Ninji approaches me,

jumping up and down.

Stomp on it again,

he gives the same old frown.

 

Go back to the market,

and I see a sad sight.

Market keeper died,

Koopa shell knocked him into the night.

 

The Koopa bounces,

back and forth.

Approach it carefully,

stomp on it's nose.

 

It stopped acting like,

it was on some drugs.

So I used the Y Button,

to pick it up.

 

Threw it upwards,

by letting go of Y.

But don't forget to hold up,

or else it won't fly.

 

It hit the coin box,

mushroom came out.

Pick it up,

my size grew an amount.

 

Saw a gang of Chompers,

standing by the street.

They didn't look so nice,

not ones I would meet.

 

Walked around them,

this is 3D.

Not like my other games,

they're all in 2D.

 

Got a phone call,

from "Peach <3" (Peach with a heart).

She told me,

it was time for me to start.

 

Same old routine;

find where Bowser may lay.

Get a Lakitu,

hire him for a day.

 

Lakitu's taxi service,

I use it all the time.

No different today,

but I won't spend a time.

 

I get to the castle,

I'm very prepared.

Feather active,

with a Mushroom up there.

 

If I hit Select,

I can bring that Mushroom down.

So if I need it,

won't be a problem now.

 

Get past Dry Bones,

and Thwomps all alike.

Get past fireballs,

jumps gave me some fright.

 

See a Chain Chomp,

some Magi-koopas.

Beat them all,

and I arrive at the door.

 

Big and red,

with an arch in the middle.

I hit up,

and I walk inside.

 

I see Bowser,

with his silly antics.

Hit the switch behind him,

and he falls like a brick.

 

I saved the Princess,

yet another time.

But she still won't do me,

not even for some dimes.

 

So I go home,

feeling tired and sick.

Luigi greets me,

and shows me his ----.

 

I go to bed,

knowing in my heart.

Tomorrow be the same,

I begin from the start.

 

 

---

CURRENT PROJECT(S): Alfredo Sauce

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dark Newbie

Dark

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Really should be "poam factory". All the best poems are poams.

 

I should set one up for all my poams' date=' since somebody locked my thread and didn't tell me why.

[/quote']

 

I concur with both statements. Poam > Poem, and your poems are just pure smex.

 

<3 the newest poem. Superamazingactionintense sequence is superamazingactionintense

 

Bixlow' date=' you is epin.

 

Where's mine?

[/quote']

 

I'LL GET TO IT LATER.

 

Your first poem suggests you use Internet Explorer. D= Please tell me this isn't true.

 

gawsh im dl'ing chrom wen im not lazee stop beyan meeen to me u losr 2-str mamber

 

Me.

 

pwease pwease pwease.

 

Ehh' date=' [s']I'll see[/s] yes.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Dark Newbie

Dark

Posted
  • Author
Posted

My recent poams/sungs have been pretty shitty, so I'mma stop myself from making YCM-related poams and write about things I know and hate: religion and Palin. =D

 

So you won't see Alfredo Sauce or one for Dismal for a week or two, but I'll still update.

 

Cyber's rap is up. It may suck, but Cyber, I love you. HOPE YOU LIKE IT. <3

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...